Manic
by Savannah-Vee
Summary: Edward moves to Forks after his mom is unfit to look after him anymore. He is content in Forks and thinks his mom is fine too, but is she? Was his moving to Forks for the best? Does Bella Swan make it all worth it? Angst. Romance. AH. AU. OOC. E&BPOV.
1. Chapter 1: New Start

**Chapter 1 **

**New Start**

**EPOV**

I stared at the ceiling of my new room, lying on my back with my arms under my head. The sky outside my window had begun to lighten indicating that it would soon be time to get up. I had not looked at the clock on my bedside table since 2:36am and I hadn't slept since then either. I had gone to bed around 10pm, actually tired from the move and the unpacking, yet I had woken up only a few hours later and was unable to get back to sleep.

Though there were many contributing factors to my lack of sleep, the number one factor that had flashed to my mind as soon as I had opened my eyes was my mom. Unanswered questions filled my head, was she ok at this very moment? What was she doing? Who was she with? Was she angry at me? Was she happy? Was she hungry? I sighed and rolled over on my stomach resting my chin on my hands. I felt dampness on my pillow. Shit, I had cried at some point and I didn't even realise. I felt angry at myself, why the hell was I crying? I was seventeen years old not five, and besides, it wasn't like I was never allowed to see my mom again. I could go visit her anytime I wanted.

I pushed back thoughts of my mom and concentrated instead on my new home. I wasn't a stranger here, in fact, I had stayed over in this house many times, the only difference was that this room had been a guest room and I used to sleep in a camp bed in Jasper's room. I had fun when I slept over here. Jazz and I used to play video games, eat tons of junk and play pranks on Rose. Uncle Carlisle and aunt Esme were always great; they treated me more like a son than a nephew and I always felt welcome and comfortable here.

But of course, I wasn't their son and this wasn't my home.

My thoughts drifted back to my home, my old room, my mom. Shit. I wiped the tears roughly and punched the pillow.

I finally looked at the alarm clock, 6:18am. The alarm would be going off in twelve minutes. I would be starting my new school soon.

Great.

I'd had to move and leave all my friends behind in Seattle and start a new school in the middle of the semester.

Perfect.

And this was the tiny town of Forks, I bet everybody knew everybody in that miniature high school so there was no way I could just try to blend in and be ignored, everyone would notice that I was new. Not to mention the fact that Jazz and Rose were pretty popular, everyone would want to get a glimpse of their cousin. My alarm buzzed and I jumped and slammed my fist down on it. I slowly climbed out of bed and into my bathroom.

I showered quickly and didn't bother combing my wet hair, just raked my fingers through it a few times. I sprayed a tiny amount of my dad's cologne on my body. The bottle was huge but it was very concentrated so I only needed a small amount of it. It was very expensive too; my mom had told me when she had given it to me for my fifteenth birthday. My dad had been a pilot and he had gotten it from Dubai. I wore it every day since I got it yet it wasn't even a quarter of the way down. It was silly because I didn't even know the guy, I mean he died before I was born, but it made me feel kind of close to my dad. I stared in my wardrobe, wondering what to wear. What the fuck was I? A girl? Why the hell was I thinking about what to wear? I didn't usually care this much. Ignoring the butterflies that fluttered in my stomach, I picked out some dark jeans, a blue t shirt and a black zip up hoody. I put on my favourite heavy, black leather boots.

I went downstairs to the kitchen and was assaulted by the smell of eggs and bacon.

"Morning darling!" Esme called, "I've made you some breakfast."

She smiled at me and held out a plate of the offending eggs and bacon and I nearly gagged.

"Err, no thanks aunt Esme, I'm not really hungry this morning."

"But Edward honey, it's your first day; you're going to need energy." She said, staring at me with worried eyes, "are you ok hun? You look really tired."

"Yeah, I didn't really sleep much last night."

She placed the plate of eggs and bacon down on the table in front of me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry Edward; your mom will be fine." She leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

I smiled a small smile at her and held my breath. I don't know what was wrong with me; normally I would be wolfing down the eggs and bacon as fast as Jasper was. But my stomach still had butterflies though I tried to ignore it and although Esme was a great cook and the eggs and bacon would have no doubt tasted great, I felt sick. I needed fresh air.

"I'll eat it." Jasper took the plate and emptied the contents onto his own plate and started devouring it as fast as he had eaten his own.

Rosalie sauntered into the kitchen, her nose wrinkled in disgust.

"Ugh, mom did you really have to cook that this morning?" she held her nose and grabbed her coat.

"I'm out of here; I'm not waiting for you Jazz. You can ride with Edward." She picked up her keys from the counter and walked out the front door.

A few moments later we heard the purr of her BMW and she was gone.

"Not even a 'hello mom'" Esme muttered, shaking her head.

"You finished yet Jazz?" I asked impatiently, I really needed the fresh air and to get this first day of school out of the way.

"Yeah, let's go." He said and pulled on his jacket.

The drive to school was silent, as was normal when you were with Jasper, but he normally said at least a few words. I guess he sensed my nervousness. I didn't mind though, as I really didn't feel like talking. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering furiously now as we neared the school. I found a parking space and parked. I sat in the car for a moment staring at the old grey building. It didn't look like a school at all. Jasper finally spoke,

"You coming in man?"

'Yeah,'

I slowly opened my door and stepped out onto the wet ground. I looked around the parking lot, and I could already feel eyes on me. Fuck.

I was surprised to see quite a few flash cars in the lot; in a town like Forks you wouldn't really expect it. There was a small, bright yellow Porsche; it looked pretty new and definitely belonged to a girl, the interior was white leather and white furry handcuffs hung from the rear view mirror. There was a huge black jeep stood parked in the middle of the parking lot, its tyres were massive with big shiny silver and black rims. And of course, there was Rosalie's red BMW M3 Convertible. There were also a few others that were less expensive but nice looking cars, like my Volvo. My silver Volvo S60R was my pride and joy. My mom had gotten it for me for my sixteenth birthday. It was still pretty new and I kept it looking good, it was always clean and shiny, the interior always fresh. I had customised it with new rims and had installed an expensive sound system in the boot. There were also a few really old and battered looking cars in the lot as well, and that included a big red truck, I wondered who the truck belonged to. One of the teachers' maybe. On that thought I took a deep breath and followed Jasper into Forks High for the start of my first day.


	2. Chapter 2: Excitement

**Chapter 2 **

**Excitement **

**BPOV**

I groaned as my alarm clock buzzed loudly in my ear, fumbling around my bedside table until I found the button to switch it off. I hit it so hard it fell to the floor. I rolled out of my bed and also fell to the floor, my back landing heavily, right on the clock. I groaned even louder rubbing my back fiercely and slowly rose to my feet and staggered to the bathroom. As soon as the spray of hot water hit me I woke up. I stood under the stream for what seemed like hours, after I had lathered up my hair and body with my scrumptious vanilla and strawberry scented products, until the temperature of the water started cooling. I stepped out of the shower feeling refreshed and energized. This was the usual chain of events on my weekday mornings. I was definitely _not_ a morning person.

Dad had already left for work, as usual, so I was alone in the house. I towel-dried my hair, not wanting to blow dry it this morning and left it hanging loose down my back to dry naturally. As this was Forks I wasn't expecting it to dry quickly, I was probably going to end up walking around school with damp hair for most of the day. I opened up my closet and grimaced at my selection of clothes. I did this every morning, and, like every other morning I promised myself that I would get some new clothes soon. I picked out a long sleeve blue top, over faded loose fitting blue jeans and put on my white sneakers.

Then I moved to my vanity mirror and grimaced once again. I was so plain looking it was depressing. I quickly brushed mascara on my lashes and put some lip-gloss over my lips. I didn't really like wearing make-up, but with a best friend like Alice I had to make some kind of effort. It was even more depressing having her as a best friend. I mean, I loved her like a sister and was glad she was my best friend but she was a constant reminder of everything I wasn't. She was pretty, popular, outgoing, energetic, stylish and just overall fun to be around. Plus she had a hot boyfriend who was on the basketball team. I was just plain, shy, quiet, definitely not stylish and definitely not popular. And no hot boyfriend either but that was my own fault as I had turned down a lot of dates, so I couldn't really complain. I often wondered why Alice was friends with me and whenever I asked her why she would just roll her eyes and say,

'Bella you are way too hard on yourself.'

I looked over myself in the mirror one last time, snatched my coat and hurried down the stairs. I grabbed an apple and went out into the grey, drizzling town of Forks.

Four years of living here and I still wasn't used to the weather. I still wasn't used to the _town._ I still felt new.

In fact, I was actually still considered new as most of the residents in Forks had been born here. I was the newest member of the town and although the excitement from when I had first moved here had long since died down, I was still treated differently. It wasn't differently in a negative way, they just treated me like I was special – hence all the date offers – and that made me uncomfortable. I hated having attention drawn to me. I wished there would be someone else new in town that could draw the attention away from me, but who would willingly want to move to Forks?

I was only here because my mother thought her new husband was more important than me. Phil said he hated kids so my mom had sent me to live with my dad when I was thirteen. I wasn't unhappy. In fact, I actually liked Forks, minus the weather. Plus, it was the first place I felt accepted. I loved my dad, Chief of Police, Charlie Swan and living with him had been great, no problems so far. But it still hurt to know that your own mother would willingly get rid of you just to please her new husband. I still spoke to 'Renee', as I called her now, but the conversations were tense and strained. I had visited her a few times over the years too but the visits were equally strained.

I parked my old, red Chevrolet truck in my usual parking spot in the lot, next to Alice's Porsche – another reason to add to my depression that came with having Alice for a best friend – and went to my first class, French. Alice and I had this class together and I could tell from the way she grinned widely at me at bounced in her seat that she had something to tell me.

"Oh my God Bella you'd never guess what!"

She didn't bother giving me a chance to guess.

"There's a _new _new guy! You're old news baby!"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Alice you're _this_ excited because of a new student?"

"Oh, but it's not just any new student Bella! This new guy is Jasper's cousin! Remember the one I was telling you about? The guy that visited one weekend I stayed at Jasper's. The _hot _one!"

I vaguely remembered her telling me about Jasper's 'hot' cousin.

"Alice you have a boyfriend, remember?" I scolded, "And not only that, but the 'hot' guy you're drooling over happens to be your boyfriend's cousin."

"I know that." Alice said rolling her eyes, "obviously I'm not going to try to seduce him or some shit. I'm just going to....enjoy the view." She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I sighed. "Mary-Alice Brandon, I'm sure Jasper isn't going to be too happy with you enjoying viewing his cousin. Why did he move here anyway?"

"Well..." Alice moved closer to me and whispered, "Ok, I don't want to start any gossip and Jazz will kill me if I did anyway so keep this to yourself."

I rolled my eyes. Like I had any problem keeping things quiet. It was Alice who was the blabbermouth.

"Of course I will Al, you know that."

"Ok, well Jasper told me that this guy's mom has some kind of mental problems or some shit and something big happened to her and he had to be taken away from her because she couldn't take care of him anymore. Jasper's too good a cousin though, he won't tell me what that something that happened was and he won't tell me anymore than that. So basically Edward – that's his name by the way – is going to be living with them from now on."

"Wow..." I began, but then Mr Rosa told us to keep quiet and we couldn't talk anymore after that.

As Alice and I walked to our second lessons, I began to see that she wasn't the only one excited about the new guy. Everyone around me seemed to be whispering about him. It reminded me very much of _my_ first day. A lot of the whispers coming from the females seemed to be centred on how 'hot' he was. Alice and I split up to go to our next classes.

"See you at lunch!" She called over her shoulder.

My next class was biology, which I kind of enjoyed actually. I strolled casually over to my desk by the window and froze when I noticed it was occupied. The guy sitting there was looking out of the window so I could only see the back of his head.

I scraped my chair noisily, but he didn't turn, and sat down. I nervously began taking out all my stuff I needed for class, leaning forward to hide myself in my long, damp hair. I heard the guy start taking out his things too, but I didn't dare look up. What the hell was wrong with me? It was just a guy. I sat next to guys in some of my other classes and it didn't bother me. But I knew exactly why this guy was bothering me. It was The New Guy. The guy Alice and the rest of the school had been talking about all morning, the guy that had no doubt been stared at all morning, because he was still being stared at right now. The New Guy, Jasper and Rosalie Cullen's cousin, Edward.

I felt bad for the guy because I knew exactly how uncomfortable it was to have people constantly staring at you and whispering about you. I mean, people were craning round from the front of the class just to look back at him. It was ridiculous.

I still didn't look at him. Partly because I was shy, and my face was probably scarlet by now, and partly because I didn't want to be like every other person in school gawking at him. I could see Tanya Denali and Jessica Stanley from the desk adjacent to ours eyeing him up hungrily.

"Mmmm he is absolutely delicious!" Jessica whispered.

A pointless whisper it was if I could hear it because he definitely could too. I grimaced.

Poor guy, they were looking at him like he was something to eat.

"I know." Tanya said in an equally loud whisper.

She turned towards him and smiled a sexy smile and wiggled her fingers at him. I couldn't see his reaction to this because I was still hiding in my hair, but I heard him move. This caused some air around him to stir and I was hit with a gorgeous scent.

It was sweet, yet musky, with spiced undertones. I had never smelt cologne or whatever it was, so aromatic and so, dare I say, _scrumptious. _Great, now I was thinking of the guy as something to eat. I was curious though, as to what all the fuss over this guy was about, and his scent made me even more curious. I slowly leaned back a little, enough so that my hair was not fully covering my face anymore, and glanced at him from the corner of my eye.

He was not hot.

He was....._breathtaking_. I literally gasped a little. He seemed tall, even while seated he was taller than me. He had a strange, beautiful shade of tousled bronze hair, which looked to be a little damp. His skin was pale and creamy and absolutely flawless, his head was leaned to the side slightly and I could see a strong, perfectly defined jaw line, his lips were full and red. He was wearing a blue t shirt and I could see the muscles defined in his pale arms. I couldn't stop staring.

What a damn hypocrite I was.

His thick eyebrows, slightly darker than his hair, were faced downwards and his forehead was slightly creased in a frown. Still I sat staring. Suddenly he turned and looked at me, right in my eyes and I blushed hard, leaning forward and hiding my face once again. But in the second that he had looked at me, I had noticed his eyes. His eyes were perhaps the most beautiful and striking of his already stunning features. They were a bright hazel, an almost golden brown, yet in their depths you could see flecks of green.

For the first time in my life I was in agreement with Jessica Stanley.


	3. Chapter 3: Stares

**Chapter 3**

**Stares**

**EPOV**

What the hell was up with the people in this town? Hadn't they ever seen people who weren't from Forks before? I mean I had expected _some _staring of course, but this was fucking ridiculous. And man the girls in this school were either seriously sex starved or were just always this.... _hungry_. You'd think they'd never laid eyes on a male before, the way they were acting. My first class was Algebra. Rosalie was in my class along with two other girls, her friends I assumed, seeing as they sat with her. One of them was tiny, really short, she looked like she would probably only reach my chest. She was cute I suppose, with bright blue eyes and a mass of curly brown hair. The other was tallish, slim but with curves in the right places, she had wavy, strawberry blond hair down her back and deep green eyes. She was pretty hot.

They were both staring at me as I walked into the class and found a seat. Unfortunately, the only available seat was one right in front of them. I could feel their gazes boring into my back.

"Ugh for crying out loud would you two stop drooling all over the fucking desk" I heard Rosalie mumble.

"Rose!" I heard a horrified whisper, "why the hell did you say that for?"

"Coz you two are pissing me the fuck off." Rosalie said.

"Oh c'mon Rosalie if he wasn't your cousin you know damn well you'd be doing the same thing, how can we help it? He's gorgeous!" another girl whispered and couldn't tell which girl it was.

"Ok. Stop. Right. There." I heard Rosalie reply. "Number one, even if he wasn't my cousin, I would still have Emmett and therefore I would not be acting like a man-starved forty something year old, like you two and the rest of the girls in this school. Number two, I would never act like that anyway. And number three, I would appreciate you not letting me know how 'gorgeous' my cousin is, that's just gross."

I grinned. I could always count on Rose to put people in their place.

The teacher came in then, a balding middle aged guy, and the class had to quieten down for the lesson.

Walking to my second class, I saw Jasper in the hall.

"How's it going dude?" he asked.

"Great." I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes and ignoring the stares that passed me in the hall.

He snickered, "That bad huh?" He started walking away to his next class.

"Later man." He called over his shoulder. "See you at lunch."

My second lesson was Biology. I saw a desk by the window that wasn't occupied so I sat there. Then, to my horror, Rosalie's two airhead friends sauntered in.

I groaned.

Were they going to be in all my classes? They looked at each other and grinned when they saw me and sat in the desk next to mine. I turned my head to look out the window, with a scowl. A moment later, I heard the chair scraping next to me and heard someone sit down. I didn't even bother looking to see who it was, but I was pretty sure it was a girl as I caught a whiff of a strawberry and vanilla scent coming off them as they sat down.

She smelt good.

I turned to look at her but her long, brown hair was acting like a curtain between us, hiding her face.

Rosalie's two friends who I now knew, thanks to the register, to be Jessica Stanley and Tanya Denali started whispering about me again, though they shouldn't have bothered whispering. I'm sure that if they had been shouting, it would have no doubt been quieter than their 'whispering'. Tanya flashed me a flirtatious smile and waved her fingers. I would have smiled back if it wasn't for the fact that I was getting really pissed off. I frowned in disgust instead and shifted my position in my seat so they wouldn't be in my line of sight.

The girl next to me was called Isabella Swan. I glanced at her several times, curious to see her face but her hair was always covering it. It was really long and wavy, a chestnut brown, with reddish tints where the light hit it. It was starting to bug me. Why was she hiding her face?

I didn't _bite_.

I wanted to do something to get her to turn her head so I could see her. I mean, her hair was pretty an all, but I was sick of looking at it. I gave up and focused my attention on the board at the front of the class, ignoring the shitheads glancing back to look at me when, from the corner of my eye, I noticed Isabella Swan leaning back a little. The movement caused her hair to fall back and finally reveal a portion of her face. I desperately wanted to turn and look at her, curiosity burning inside of me. She sat perfectly still and from what I could see from my peripheral vision she was also focused intently on the notes on the board. I took my opportunity and glanced at her.

I was taken aback when I saw that she wasn't actually focused on the board at all. She was peeking at me from the side of her eye and when I looked at her, my eyes locked with hers for a second, until she turned crimson and leaned forward so her face was once again obscured by her long hair. I was also stunned by Isabella herself. I had been curious to see her face simply because it was hidden from me. I hadn't expected her to particularly be interesting.

But she was.

She was fair skinned, but had a faint rosy glow on her cheeks like she had just been blushing. Her face was a soft heart shape, her lengthy hair framing it. She had full, pouting lips, shiny and pink from the lip-gloss she wore and a long, slender neck. She was average height I suppose, but she was petite and slender, graceful looking – like a dancer. But it was her eyes that startled me the most. They were big, doe-like, and a deep brown, framed by long, dark lashes. This Isabella chick wasn't cute like Jessica Stanley. She wasn't even hot like Tanya Denali. She was actually kind of...pretty? No, pretty wasn't the right word either.

Isabella Swan was _beautiful_.


	4. Chapter 4: Lunch

**Chapter 4**

**Lunch**

**BPOV**

I met Alice in the queue in the cafeteria for lunch. She was with Jasper and his friend, a guy named Tyler Crowley who was also on the basketball team. Jasper grinned at me and Alice grabbed my arm.

"Edward's sitting with us at lunch." She whispered excitedly – out of earshot of Jasper who was listening to Tyler Crowley going on about some basketball game.

I raised an eyebrow at her and shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly, "And?" I asked.

"And I can finally get to talk to him!"

I shook my head at her and started selecting my lunch from the counter. Although I was acting indifferent, I was actually kind of excited that Edward would be sitting at our table and also a little nervous. My stomach started fluttering and I slightly lost my appetite.

We went to sit down at our usual table to find Jessica Stanley and Tanya Denali sitting there. They were in a few of my classes and although they didn't speak to me, they sometimes spoke to Alice and Jasper and had invited us to a few of their parties. They had never sat with us before though, and it was easy to guess why they suddenly wanted to today. I rolled my eyes at such blatant desperation.

"Hey Tanya, hey Jess," Alice said, her eyebrows slightly raised, "what are you two doing here?"

"Oh, we just wanted to make Rosalie and Jasper's cousin feel a little more welcome." Tanya replied cheerfully.

"Oh, ok." Alice said uncertainly.

We sat down and started eating; making awkward conversation that none of us was really paying attention to, constantly darting our eyes to the cafeteria doors to see if a certain guy was coming through them. Jasper and Tyler were still talking basketball, completely oblivious to us and our strained conversation.

**EPOV**

I took my time getting to the cafeteria. I had already put off going in there long enough by sitting in my car for a bit, listening to a CD and my stomach was growling now; reminding me I hadn't had any breakfast. The cafeteria would be the worst place, I knew. Nearly everyone in the whole school would be there and they would be able to stare at me all they wanted.

I groaned.

I walked through the halls slowly, taking my time to reach the green doors to the cafeteria. On my way there though, I nearly wanted to jump some huge guy who I thought – at first glance – was attacking Rose. On closer inspection I noticed that he was actually making out with her, his lips attacking her hungrily against the lockers. They didn't even notice me walking past, as they were so engrossed in their make out session. I grimaced. That was definitely a sight I regretted seeing. I reached the cafeteria door and took a deep breath before I pushed it open and walked inside.

It was worse than I expected. The whole cafeteria actually went silent for a second, like in a damn movie. I could feel the stares all around me now and there was nowhere to look; no way to ignore them. To my horror, I felt me face heat up and I knew I was probably going red.

Shit.

I hated blushing; it made me feel like a fucking girl. I quickly picked something of the counter, paid for it and started searching through the rows of eyes to look for Jasper's table.

I finally saw him and hurried over, relieved, and sat down across from him.

He was grinning at me, "Dude, why are you all red?"

I glared at him. "I don't know," I mumbled.

I looked down at my food and started eating when I heard someone clear their throat. I looked up to see a small girl, with short, black, spiky hair, wide grey eyes and a pixie – like face with a small button nose, glaring at Jasper. I recognised her as Jazz's girlfriend; she had been at their house one weekend I had stayed over.

"Jasper you're being very rude you know," she said, "I'm sure Edward would like to be introduced to the people he's sitting with."

Her words caused me to look around the table and I stifled a groan. Sitting at the end of the table was none other than Tanya Denali and Jessica Stanley.

These girls were desperation personified.

"Oh yeah," Jasper mumbled, "Ed, this is Tyler," he pointed to the only other guy sitting at the table, who nodded at me. I nodded back at him.

"This is Alice," he pointed to his girlfriend, and she smiled at me sweetly.

"I think we've met before right?" she asked me.

"Yeah, we have." I said, smiling back at her.

"That's Jessica and Tanya," Jazz pointed at them and Tanya flashed me that flirty smile again, while Jessica waved, "hey Edward." She said dreamily.

"And that's Bella." He pointed to a girl who was sitting next to Alice.

I hadn't taken notice of her because I had been too busy being annoyed at seeing Jessica and Tanya here, but it was Isabella Swan; or 'Bella' as Jazz had called her, the girl from my biology class. She had been looking down at her food, her hair covering her face again and when Jasper said her name she looked up at me quickly – bright red – and smiled shyly. Then she looked down again and starting picking at her food.

Rosalie strutted over to our table, eyebrows raised; the huge guy she had been making out with behind her, grinning contentedly with her lip-gloss still smeared on his lips.

"Jess? Tan? Why are you at this table?" her blue eyes scanned the table and she rolled her eyes when she saw me.

"Oh, I should have guessed." She said sitting down, the guy sitting next to her.

"Hey, Alice. Hey, Bella." She said to Alice and Isa – _Bella. _"Jazz. Tyler. Edward. Oh Yeah, Edward, this is Emmett." She pointed to the big guy, her boyfriend, I guessed and he grinned widely at me.

"Sup' man." He said and I grinned back at him.

It was hard not to, the guy was bulky, built like a serious weightlifter and he was also tall. At first glance he even looked intimidating, but yet he had dark curly hair and a wide, cheerful grin and, as he grinned broadly at me, I could see _dimples _in his cheeks.

Come on, how could anyone with dimples be seen as intimidating?

Everyone at the table started making pleasant conversation and I was glad that I was finally not the centre of attention anymore. Bella was still hiding in her hair but she laughed at the right places in the conversation and occasionally lifted her head up to look at Alice – or to glance at me.

"So, Edward, how are you liking your first day at Fork's High?" Alice asked me.

All the heads at the table – except Bella's – turned to look at me. I grimaced internally.

Thanks a lot Alice.

"It's ok I guess." I said with a shrug, "a lot smaller than my other school though, I mean everyone knows everyone here and in my old school I swear I saw someone I'd never seen before every day."

Tanya laughed at this, a little too enthusiastically, even though it wasn't supposed to be funny. I caught Rosalie glaring at her for a quick second before she shook her head minutely and continued eating.

"Do you miss your old school Edward?" Tanya asked, gazing intently in my eyes.

"Well, it's not really the school I miss," I answered, "just my friends."

"Awww," Tanya said, "don't worry, you'll make tons more friends here." She winked at me and smiled.

"How comes you had to move here anyway dude?" Emmett asked. And I saw Rosalie dig her elbow into his side. "Ow! What the fuck Rose!" he cried leaning over in pain.

"God, you're so slow sometimes Emmett." Rose mumbled.

"Well...I err...." I began, but Rosalie interrupted,

"You don't have to tell them Edward." She said.

The table was in an awkward silence as nobody knew what to say. Emmett still rubbed his side.

Tanya broke the silence, "Is there anyone you especially miss back in Seattle Edward?" she asked.

This was a not so subtle way of finding out if I had a girlfriend back home. I rolled my eyes internally. She was looking at me with her sharp green eyes. Jessica was looking at me expectantly, obviously eager to hear my answer. And I even thought I saw Bella peek up at me for a second.

"Only my mom." I said, fighting hard to not let my thoughts drift back to her.

That was a good enough answer for Tanya and she nodded slowly, a smirk playing on her lips.

There were a few more questions for me and I answered each one cheerfully enough but I was getting tired of them. Jazz seemed to sense this – he was good at that – and changed the subject.

"My mom and dad are going away for a 'romantic weekend' this Friday and they won't be back till Monday. How about we have a little get-together at our house? Just the people at this table though, and maybe a few others but I don't want it to turn into a party, my parents would freak if they found out."

Everyone agreed to it and said they would be there on Friday. The bell went and we all got up from the table to head to our next class.


	5. Chapter 5: First Week

**Chapter 5**

**First Week**

**BPOV**

The stares and excitement around Edward had died down minutely by Wednesday but it was still bothering him. I could tell by the frown he wore in biology, whenever I peeked at him. He didn't speak to me in biology like I thought he might, just nodded at me when I sat down and smiled briefly. I was relieved that he didn't try to make conversation with me as I was sure that I would have been blushing throughout and just end up making a fool of myself. Yet, I was also disappointed. When I had heard his deep, smooth voice at lunch on Monday and yesterday, I had almost started hyperventilating.

Tanya Denali came and leaned over the desk in front of Edward, blatantly flaunting her cleavage.

"Hey Edward," she whispered, "I'm having a little trouble understanding this cell division stuff. Do you get it?"

From my peripheral vision, I could see Edward struggling to keep his eyes on anything but her breasts.

"Um..." he swallowed, "yeah, I pretty much understand it." He said.

"Really?" Tanya responded, running her fingers, slowly, through her hair, "well...why don't you help me out a little. You know, come to my place; tutor me a bit...." she trailed off, intently staring into his eyes.

He hesitated, leaning back in his chair, further away from her eyes and breasts.

"Tanya, I don't think I'd be the best person to tutor you." He said, "I mean, I just started this school, I've got to catch up with a bunch of stuff myself."

"Oh," Tanya sounded disappointed. "Yeah I guess you're right. I'll see if I can find someone else then." She smiled at him before straightening up and sauntering back to her desk, her denim skirt barely covering her ass.

I heard Edward sigh and he shook his head. The frown returned shortly after.

I really don't know why, but there was a tiny part of me that was pleased that he had turned her down.

Our lunch table was filled with the same group as yesterday and Monday, with an additional person, a guy who was also in the school football team with Emmett, Mike Newton.

I inwardly grimaced.

Mike Newton was one of the guys I had turned down when he asked me out. Fortunately, after I had turned all the other guys down, they hadn't bothered asking me again. Mike on the other hand, was persistent.

"Hey Bella!" he called out as he saw me walking towards the table, "I saved you a seat."

He pulled out the chair next to him. I frantically looked around the table for another seat to find, to my dismay, all of them occupied.

Perfect.

I took the seat next to Mike, smiling an obviously forced smile and muttering, "Thanks."

Alice snickered quietly, I shot her a glare.

Mike didn't seem to notice my hostility and smiled at me warmly, "No problem."

Everyone was engaged in conversation at the table, including Edward, he and Emmett were having an animated conversation about a football game. Emmett was using his water bottle and a grape to re-enact the winning touchdown. Edward was laughing at this, a deep melodic laugh that made my pulse speed up minutely. I smiled.

Mike turned to me.

My smile faded.

"So Bella, are you doing anything this Friday?" I was running out of excuses when I suddenly remembered,

"Um...yeah actually, Jasper and Rosalie are having a little get together at their house that night. I'm going with Alice."

"Oh yeah!" Mike exclaimed rolling his eyes, I can't believe I forgot about that. I'm going too. We can probably just hang out together there or something right?"

I wanted to scream.

"Sure Mike." I mumbled instead.

He continued trying to make conversation with me, leaning close and almost whispering in my ear.

I was impatient for lunch to end.

**EPOV**

My first week felt very long. Though thankfully, by Friday the whispering and staring had almost stopped. I guess I was becoming old news. I had gotten into a routine, made a bunch of friends and joined the track team. Who would have thought a tiny High School like Forks High had a football, basketball _and _track team. At lunch I sat at the same crowded lunch table as I did on the first day. There was Jazz and Rose, Alice, Emmett, Tyler, Tanya and Jessica, Bella, and from Wednesday some guy from the football team started sitting with us, Mike Newton, I found out his name was. He was also kind of big, nowhere near as big as Emmett but beefier than Jazz, Tyler and I. He had a round babyish face, blond spiky hair and bright blue eyes. He looked at me warily and nodded curtly when Emmett introduced me to him. I returned the gesture.

Something told me that me that this guy and I weren't going to get along.

He was all over Bella, sitting close to her, whispering stuff in her ear, completely oblivious to the fact that she looked like she was dying to get away from him.

I shook my head.

I had noticed that the girls in Forks High were surprisingly bold when it came to guys. I had received over a dozen winks and a lot of flirty smiles, and phone numbers slipped into my locker.

I ignored each wink and threw away each number.

Girls had started approaching me too, asking how I was liking Forks, trying to make idle conversation while staring at my mouth as I spoke and pushing out their cleavage.

This was increasingly annoying and I found that I had a permanent scowl as I walked the halls and sat in lessons. Even that didn't deter them.

The boldest of all these girls, it appeared, was Tanya.

On Wednesday I sat in biology after nodding and smiling at Bella when she came in – she never spoke to me – and Tanya waltzed over to my desk leaning forward in front of me.

She was wearing a tiny denim skirt with a tight pink top that showed a great deal of her large, firm boobs. The way she was leaned over also allowed me to view the lacy, pink, see-through bra she wore underneath.

I fought to keep my eyes away from her chest because although she was acting like a desperate slut, she was undeniably hot and had great boobs that were causing things to happen to certain parts my body that shouldn't be happening in class.

She was whispering something about wanting me to tutor her and I hesitated, because I knew that tutoring was obviously just a cover up to get me to her house and with boobs like that I was sure I wouldn't mind doing whatever it was that she had in mind. But then I saw Bella Swan move slightly from the corner of my eye and for some reason, I decided to turn down Tanya's offer. She walked back to her desk slowly and I couldn't help but watch her ass.

Emmett was in my gym class. He was actually a really cool guy. We partnered up for games and with his strength and my speed, we almost always won.

It was him who convinced me to try out for the track team.

"Dude, c'mon you would totally make the team. I've never seen anyone run so fucking fast." He'd said after our team won at baseball.

Emmett was pretty popular and got along with everyone but the other guys seemed to eye me warily – the same way Mike Newton had – and generally didn't really speak to me much. It was fine though as I didn't really want to talk to the assholes anyway. We hung out, watching a football game when he came over to see Rose on Tuesday after school.

Rose was not pleased about this, her face in a scowl as she rolled her eyes at us every time we yelled at the TV.

I grinned at her teasingly and she threw her magazine at my head mumbling something about football games being the death of relationships.

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**Author's Note: **

**Hey, thanks for reading. Hope you are enjoying it so far. I would greatly appreciate reviews so I can see how my story is being received. Thanks! **

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	6. Chapter 6: Friday

**Chapter 6**

**Friday **

**EPOV**

Who was Jazz trying to kid when he said he didn't want our little 'get together' on Friday to turn into a party?

As I walked around the school all I could hear was talk about the 'party' at the Cullen house. Girls were smiling coyly at me as I passed them in the halls whispering a suggestive,

"See you tonight Edward."

How all these people found out about the 'get together' was beyond me.

Jazz was panicking at lunch at the amount of people who had confirmed they were coming.

"Shit man, I didn't want this. Mom just redecorated the place and if she comes back and finds anything messed up or broken we're screwed."

I noticed Jessica Stanley bite her lip nervously and suddenly had a pretty good idea how the whole school had found out.

"Who's 'we'?" Rosalie asked, her eyebrows raised, "It wasn't _my_ idea to do this. I think you'll find that _you'll _be the only one screwed if mom and dad find out about this."

Jasper grimaced.

I felt guilty. After all, he had only arranged the gathering to take the heat off me on my first day, when he saw that all the questions had started bugging me.

"Don't worry about it man." I reassured him, "I'll help you clean up afterwards. Aunt Esme and uncle Carlisle won't notice anything."

Jazz nodded at me slowly – but he didn't look convinced.

After school Emmett drove behind my Volvo to our house. He had turned out to be the owner of the massive jeep I had seen in the parking lot on my first day. I wasn't surprised; I couldn't imagine him squeezing his burly body into a smaller car.

I drove fast – faster than Emmett – so Jazz and I got to the house a few minutes before him.

We were going to Port Angeles, to get a few snacks and drinks for what was now the party we were having tonight. We took Emmett's car because it had the most space to fit everything in.

When we got to Port Angeles I immediately regretted going there. Memories of my mom and I coming here on weekends when I was a kid, flooded my head. I could see her laughing as we sat by the waterfront. I could see the wind tugging at her blond locks as she watched the boats. I could see her wiping ice-cream from my face and laughing at how it had somehow gotten on my nose. She laughed a lot back then.

My eyes had started stinging and there was no way I was going to let Emmett and Jazz see me cry.

I fought back the wave of emotion and tried to concentrate on the shopping.

We had been in Port Angeles for about a half hour. We had already gotten the snacks and drinks we needed. Emmett had also been able to buy some alcohol, his intimidating size caused the store clerk to not even bother questioning him about I.D. Jasper had not been pleased with the amount of alcohol he had gotten.

His eyes widened as Emmett strolled out of the store clutching bags of beer, brandy, whisky, vodka – you name it.

"What the fuck?" he questioned looking at Emmett incredulously.

Emmett grinned. "Relax man; I used my dad's credit card to pay for it. He'll probably not even notice and if he does he'd just think that he bought it."

"No, I mean what the fuck as in, what the fuck are you doing? Opening up a bar? I'm trying not to trash the place and you go and buy a truckload of alcohol. That really makes sense man."

He shook his head.

Emmett's grin stayed intact. "Dude, chill out. It's a party, how can we _not _have alcohol? That's like an unwritten rule or something. And I promise I'll help you fix the place if it gets trashed. Deal?"

Jasper sighed, a resigned look on his face, "Whatever."

"Good. Now let's go find somewhere to eat. I'm starved."

Emmett put the alcohol in the boot of his jeep and we went to go look for somewhere to eat. We got to a posh Italian restaurant called, _La Bella Italia. _We looked through the window to see couples gazing into each other's eyes over the table, the restaurant was lit with white fairy lights and candles and we could hear soft music flowing out from under the door.

We looked at each other and grimaced.

"I think we should find someplace else to eat." Emmett said.

We continued on past the restaurant. As we walked on, I noticed that old red truck that I saw in our school parking lot everyday; parked along the side of the road. We found a small pizza place and decided to eat there. Emmett dropped me and Jasper – and the alcohol – back at home before going back to his house to get ready. Luckily Esme and Carlisle had already gone.

They'd left us a note,

'_Hey kids, we've already left to go to the airport. Sorry we couldn't say goodbye in person but we were getting late. Anyway, we left you enough food to last for the weekend. Please do not finish it in a day (Jasper) and then end up eating junk for the rest of the time. Take care and be good. Love you all. _

_Esme and Carlisle_

Guilt engulfed me.

Esme and Carlisle had trusted us, they didn't even think to write stuff like 'no parties while we're gone' because they trusted that we wouldn't even think of doing that. And we were going to betray their trust and possibly mess up their beautiful home. Furthermore, they had taken me in without hesitation, treated me like I was one of their own and I was already going to lie to them after less than a week of living here. Sure it was only a party, and kids our age did things like this all the time.

But that fact didn't stop me from feeling like a complete asshole.

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**Author Note:**

**Reviews? Anybody? lol.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	7. Chapter 7: Dressing Up

**Chapter 7**

**Dressing Up**

**BPOV**

Friday.

It was the day of the much anticipated 'party' at the Cullens'.

The whole school had been talking about it. At first, I had been confused; the Cullen's weren't having a party, Jasper had just invited the people at our lunch table to go hang out at their house on Friday night. Confusion had slowly turned into mortification as I started thinking that maybe they had decided to have a party on Friday and had not invited me. Relief hit when I realised that this 'party' people were talking about was in the fact the little get together Jasper had planned, which I _was_ definitely invited to. Jasper had said that he didn't want it to turn into a party. But he had made a big mistake mentioning the get together in front of Jessica Stanley. That girl's mouth made up for her miniature height. She was worse than Alice with keeping things to herself.

What was it with short people and their inability to keep quiet?

The relief didn't last long.

Because, if this was going to turn into a party then what the hell was I going to wear? To be honest, I didn't usually care about dressing up.

But Edward was going to be there....

"Alice, let's go to Port Angeles after school. I need to buy a few things."

Alice beamed.

She knew I hated shopping and she usually had to drag me with her to Port Angeles. That I was the one who was asking _her_ to go was surprising to say the least.

"Of course! I was going to suggest it myself. Let's go straight after school. We'll take your truck."

I had created a monster. Alice hated riding in my old truck, the fact that she was now wanting to ride in it could only mean that she planned to get _a lot _of stuff – so much stuff that it wouldn't fit in her Porsche's tiny boot.

I groaned.

After school ended, I drove behind Alice to her house so she could leave her car and pick up a few of her things. She told her mom that she was staying over at my house tonight but of course, we were both going to the party. I also told my dad that I was staying at _her _place tonight. He wouldn't notice anyway because he usually worked night shifts on Fridays.

We got to Port Angeles and headed straight to the one massive department store. Alice immediately started picking things out – things that were too big for her – and mumbling to herself, glancing at me, then nodding or shaking her head.

"Mary-Alice." I said, glaring at her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm helping you find some new clothes." She said matter-of-factly. "You're the one who wanted to come and you're the one who _definitely_ needs a new wardrobe. I mean, I go shopping like every week; you, on the other hand, haven't bought anything for yourself in what, 3 months? You are _way_ behind on this season's fashion."

"But Alice," I said through clenched teeth, "I can't afford all of that stuff. I only came with enough money for _one _new outfit for the party tonight."

"Pffttt!" Alice scoffed, "You know very well that I'm paying for this shit Isabella Swan."

"No, Alice I-"

"_Yes_ I am Bella. There's really no point in arguing with me." She carried on around the store, picking up and discarding different items.

"Fine then. I'll pay you back the money." I muttered. She ignored me.

I followed behind her glumly because she was right. There really was no point arguing with her. It was fruitless.

I tried on the clothes she picked out for me in the fitting room and was pleasantly surprised that I actually liked them. I tried to hide it as Alice was watching my expression closely. She still knew though, and smiled smugly,

"See, I knew you would like them."

We then went to buy shoes and accessories. After about an hour and a half we were done shopping and headed back to Forks, my truck full of bags.

The next three hours at my house were spent getting ready for the party.

Alice and I took turns showering. Whilst in the shower, I shaved my legs and washed my hair again, even though I had only washed it this morning.

Then it was on to hair and make-up. Alice did both my hair and make-up for me, facing me away from my vanity mirror so I wouldn't see until she finished.

I put on the outfit she had picked for me, a short blue, off the shoulder dress with a plunging neckline that showed a little cleavage and clung tightly to my body. I wore some silver heels, silver dangly earrings and a silver necklace.

I finally looked in the mirror and gasped.

I looked almost – dare I say – _beautiful_.

Alice had put silver eye-shadow above my eyes and outlined them in blue so they stood out. She had applied a thick coat of mascara that magically made my lashes look ten times longer than they really were. My lips were a beautiful shade of pale pink. She didn't bother with blush – we both knew I didn't need it.

My hair had been put up in a complicated looking up-do with a few tendrils of hair hanging down at the front to frame my face. She'd also added a blue flower hair accessory at the side.

She watched me through the mirror as she did her own make-up, grinning contentedly at my expression.

"Oh my God, thanks so much Al!" I exclaimed hugging her around her neck.

I spent the next fifteen minutes just standing in front of the mirror in awe of myself while Alice finished her make-up.

When she had finally finished getting ready and I looked at her, my outfit and make-up suddenly seemed to fade in comparison.

She wore a lacy purple top that clung to her every curve. It was slightly see through and she wore a sexy black push up bra underneath. Her black skirt was tiny, barely reaching half way down her thighs and her stiletto heels she wore lengthened her legs. Her eyes were outlined in black and she had purple eye-shadow on her eyelids and dark red lipstick stained her lips. Her short black hair was in its usual spikes but she had sprayed the tips of them the same shade of purple as her top.

She looked absolutely stunning.

"Wow Alice, you look-"

"Yeah, I know, amazing right?" She said grinning.

Jasper was coming to pick us up as Alice didn't want to ride to the party in my truck. Jasper didn't have a car though; his parents had refused to let him get another one after he had totalled his Audi A4 a couple of months back.

"How's Jasper picking us up?" I asked Alice.

"Oh, he's using Edward's car." She replied, spraying perfume on her neck.

Edward's car? Why did that send butterflies directly to the pit of my stomach? I had seen his car before, it was a silver Volvo, always looking immaculate and shiny, with expensive-looking silver rims.

I heard a car pull up outside and a horn sounded.

"That's Jazz." Alice said, "c'mon let's go."

We went down to the car.

Jasper whistled when he saw us,

"Wow, looking good ladies."

I smiled and Alice rolled her eyes at him,

"We always do." She said.

We drove off towards the Cullen house in Edward's car and I could faintly smell his delicious scent on the seats.

As we reached the party and saw all the cars parked outside, heard the bass from the music, my stomach twisted in knots.

We went in the front door to find that nearly the whole of Forks High had turned up.

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**Author Note:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Any input? Let me know!**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	8. Chapter 8: Party

**Author Note:**

**Just a warning here, if you don't like reading smut just skip over the last section of the chapter.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

**

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**

**Chapter 8**

**Party**

**EPOV**

I stood next to Rose and Emmett, a beer in my hand, feeling annoyed and uncomfortable.

The whole fucking school had turned up.

People were crowded in the living room and den drinking and dancing to the thumping rock music playing from Jazz's sound system. There were people in the kitchen, drinking and eating snacks, while the foyer and hall was littered with couples leaning against the walls and banisters, drinking, talking and making out.

Thankfully Jazz had told everyone that upstairs was off limits so I could at least go up there for a break from the crowd. I drank my beer miserably.

I wasn't enjoying this.

Jazz had gone to pick up Alice and Bella and I was left being third wheel with Emmett and Rose who desperately looked like they wanted to retreat to Rose's bedroom.

I scanned the crowd, looking to see if Jazz was back, and spotted Jessica and Tanya coming through the front door. They hadn't seen me yet and Tanya's eyes were darting around, obviously searching. I quickly stepped back behind Emmett, using his large frame to hide.

The last thing I wanted right now was to be sexually harassed by Tanya Denali again.

I had been approached more times than I could remember tonight by the still surprisingly, bold girls of Forks High. Some had come to say hello and tell me what a great party it was, putting their arms around my neck and hugging me tightly, while others had come to ask me to dance – sometimes asking for more than a dance. I had started off being polite enough to them, refusing their dance offers with a smile, but my tone had gradually gotten sharper and ruder as I grew irritated by the unwanted attention.

I don't think they even noticed.

I decided the only way to make this night bearable was if I drank myself into oblivion. I pushed my way through the crowd – I was pretty sure I felt someone squeeze my ass – and made my way to the kitchen. Rosalie and Emmett were too busy sucking the faces off of each other to even notice my disappearance.

I grabbed a six-pack of beer and went to sit on the stairs.

I just sat there; downing each can straight after the other, not even tasting the beer. By the time I had finished the fourth can and started on the fifth, I was definitely more than a little tipsy. My eyes felt so heavy I could barely lift my lids to see my surroundings.

I stumbled up the stairs, trying to make my way to my room. I just wanted to collapse on my bed and sleep.

Just as I reached my bedroom door I heard footsteps behind me and a voice called out,

"Edward?"

I turned around quickly, causing my head to spin a little and saw Tanya Denali standing at the top of the staircase.

She looked ten times more slutty than usual, wearing a practically nonexistent black, leather mini skirt; her boobs were squeezed together and almost pushed up to her neck in a bright red corset-looking kind of thing. Her lips were also a bright red, emphasised by her white teeth as she grinned seductively at me.

Sure, I knew that, being the slut that she was, she had dressed like this purposely to grab attention – especially _my_ attention – and, had I been sober, I probably wouldn't have given her any attention at all. But I could not deny the fact that this chick was undoubtedly sexy – and practically throwing herself at me. At that moment in time I could not think of any reason to turn her down, nor could I remember the reasons I had rejected her advances in the past week.

'Why did I keep turning her down?' I thought, 'Was I stupid? Was I gay?'

I stood there, just outside my bedroom door, and stared at her.

She laughed – a low, sexy laugh that caused blood to start coursing faster through my veins – and said,

"Oh Edward, look at you, you're _totally_ wasted!"

Still, I stood, gazing at her.

She chuckled again and moved towards me until she stood only a few inches away. She was almost my height in her heels.

"You are so adorable when you're drunk."

She reached out and stroked my cheek. Then she took my hand and started pulling me towards my room.

Once inside my bedroom she locked the door, pushed me against it and started kissing my neck hungrily, licking and biting it occasionally. I groaned and grabbed her ass, pulling her tight against me. She moved up to my face and started kissing my lips, sucking my bottom lip. I did the same, eventually pushing my tongue into her mouth and she sucked it eagerly. We moved over to my bed, still lip-locked, and I dropped down on top of her.

I stopped kissing her and pulled back to look at her face. Her eyes were half closed with lust, blinking slowly, with her lipstick smeared and her mouth slightly parted.

She licked her lips slowly.

"So fucking sexy." I mumbled before pulling down her top and grabbing her breasts.

"Mmmm Edward," she purred, "squeeze them harder."

My dick was already hard, but that demand had practically turned it to stone and I thrust my erection into her.

I squeezed her breasts harder, then moved my face down and started sucking her right nipple. She moaned loudly at that, encouraging me to suck harder.

Whilst sucking, I pulled off her panties and moved my fingers down to her clit, pressing it hard and rubbing it in a circular motion. She shifted her hips, moving them around with my hand and grabbed my head.

"Edward..." she whimpered.

I moved my fingers down to her wet, warm hole and plunged two inside her roughly and started pushing them in and out, reaching deep inside her. She cried out and pulled my hair.

"Just put it in," she moaned, "Just fuck me, I can't take it anymore. Fuck me Edward."

She didn't need to tell me twice.

I started fumbling around with the buckle on my belt until I got it undone and pulled down my jeans and boxers. I didn't bother removing them fully.

I was just about to shove myself in her when I remembered.

"Fuck. Condom." I mumbled.

I leaned over her to reach in my bedside drawer and took out a condom from my stash.

She took it from me and unwrapped it; grabbing my dick tightly as she slid it on. I sucked in air through my teeth at the sensation and she grinned at me.

"It's sooo big. Just like I fantasised it would be."

That almost sent me over the edge and I pushed my dick into her roughly.

We both moaned as I slid in and I pounded into her again and again, occasionally pressing her clit and rubbing it with my fingers.

She kept talking to me throughout, moaning my name, telling me to go harder, telling me how good it felt and soon I could feel myself about to cum. She had tensed up around me too so I could tell she was close.

I rubbed her clit hard and she climaxed, purring my name softly as she came.

I released a second after with a grunt and collapsed on top of her.

We lay there for a while in silence and she stroked my hair softly.

I eventually moved off her at some point, lay next to her on my bed and swiftly drifted off to sleep, the music still thumping below.

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**Author Note:**

**Edward was not a virgin btw. I mean cmon, what hot, 17 year old male would be. lol.**

**Reviews? Thanks for reading!**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	9. Chapter 9: Fight

**Chapter 9**

**Fight**

**BPOV**

The Cullen house was overflowing with people, and the house was huge, the fact that there were so many people, that it was a struggle to move around, was remarkable. I couldn't believe how many had turned up. I had initially thought that it was just the students from Forks High but now I was pretty sure there were people there who didn't even go to our school. The music was blaring, the bass vibrating through my chest, from all the bottles I could see lying around there was _a lot _of alcohol and I even spotted a few people rolling up and smoking what appeared to be joints.

I silently hoped that the party wouldn't get too out of control.

Alice, Jasper and I made our way through the crowd; Jasper was searching for Rosalie, Emmett and Edward. We spotted Rosalie and Emmett in a corner of the den, Emmett was pressed against Rosalie, against the wall, and they were making out furiously, obviously desperate to get to a bed.

Jasper reached up and tapped Emmett's shoulder and Emmett spun around, startled. He quickly adjusted his jeans when he saw me and Alice.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jasper yelled angrily in his ear, "You're supposed to be watching the door, checking everyone that comes in. Look at the place man; do some of these people look like fucking Forks High students to you?" he pointed to some guys in the corner who looked like they were probably in College, they were smoking joints and knocking back bottles of vodka like it was water.

Emmett's face was apologetic, "I'm really sorry dude. I totally forgot." He yelled back in Jasper's ear. "You want me to try and get some of these gatecrashers out?"

Jasper shook his head. "No. There's no point now, they probably won't want to leave and I don't want to start shit. Just watch the door and make sure no more get through." He looked around. "Where's Edward?"

Emmett shrugged. "I don't know man; he was just here a minute ago."

Jasper shook his head angrily, muttering something under his breath. He turned to me and Alice.

"You two want a drink?"

We both shook our head.

"Ok, I'll be back in a sec; I'm going to look for Edward." He disappeared into the crowd.

Emmett also disappeared into the crowd, moving over to the front door.

Alice, Rosalie and I stood awkwardly in the corner.

Rosalie was looking gorgeous – as always – in a short, pink, backless dress, her golden locks were curled and hung loosely around her shoulders. Her piercing blue eyes were smouldering, outlined with black eyeliner and gold eye-shadow.

I searched the crowd, looking for familiar faces – and also unconsciously searching for Edward.

I spotted Jessica Stanley chatting away, as usual, to a guy I didn't recognise. I wondered where Tanya was, her and Jessica were never usually far away from each other.

"Bella!"

I turned to see Mike Newton grinning at me, a beer in his hand.

He moved forward and gripped me in a bear-like hug. I cringed as I felt his shirt, damp with sweat, touch my body. He pulled back and looked at me, his eyes examining my body from head to toe and I fought the urge to cover myself with my hands.

"Wow, you look great." He said, eyes lingering momentarily on my modest cleavage. I folded my arms over my chest.

"Thank you." I said icily.

He was drunk. I could tell by the way he swayed slightly as he stood next to me and his eyelids were so heavy, they were practically half closed.

"Let's dance." He said, pulling my arm towards the middle of the room.

"Uh, no thanks Mike." I said struggling to get out from his grasp, "I don't feel like dancing right now."

He continued holding my wrist tightly, pulling my arm so hard it felt like it would disconnect from the socket.

"C'mon babe just one dance." He slurred.

"Ow! Mike, you're hurting me. Let go, I don't want to dance." I cried.

"Let go off her jackass!" Alice said, outraged, taking my other arm.

But Mike didn't let go.

"Get off her man." I heard a deep voice say, from behind Mike. He turned towards the voice – still holding me – and laughed.

"This is none of your business dude. Just stay out of it." He turned back to me and smiled. "C'mon Bells."

The guy owning the deep voice moved to stand closer to Mike.

He was tall, with very short, spiky black hair. His skin was tanned, a pretty reddish-brown colour, he had dark almond shaped eyes and full pink lips. He wore a black t-shirt that clung to a very muscular, yet lean frame. He was very good looking.

"You're hurting her." He said, facing Mike.

Mike finally loosened his hold on me and turned to glare at him, moving so his face was only inches from the guy.

"Who the _fuck _are you and what is your _fucking _problem?" He said; eyes narrowed.

The guy also narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "She clearly doesn't want to dance with you and you're clinging to her like some kind of _fucking _leech."

"And what the hell is it to you? What are you her fucking bodyguard?" Mike shouted furiously.

He pushed the guy back, causing him to stumble backwards into the crowd. I heard a few gasps and Rosalie saying, "Shit!" before she ran off, calling for Emmett. Everyone had moved back, leaving a space around Mike and the guy. Alice and I stood, watching in horror.

The guy straightened himself up and he and Mike stared each other down for a few seconds before Mike lunged at him again. He swiftly moved out of the way and punched Mike hard across his jaw. Everyone gasped. Mike fell back hard, landing on his arm. He recovered quickly though and jumped up, thumping the guy across his nose. The guy jumped at him and they both fell, wrestling on the floor.

Two guys I didn't recognise ran over and started pulling the guy off Mike.

"Jake, just stop man!" one said, struggling as 'Jake' pulled away from them and attempted to pounce on Mike again. Emmett had made his way over with Jasper and they both had managed to restrain Mike.

Suddenly we heard the sound of sirens outside and everyone immediately dropped their bottles of alcohol and started grabbing their coats.

Three policemen burst through the front door and I heard one of them saying, "Everybody out. Now. Party's over."

People scrambled out the door, including the guy called Jake and his two friends. Soon it was just me, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmet and Mike left standing in the trashed house.

"Bella!" a furious voice bellowed, and I winced as I turned to see my dad stomping over to me.

Shit. This couldn't get any worse.

My dad glared at me, fuming. "Get. In. The. Car. _Now!_" he roared, "And you too Alice!" we both scurried out to the police cruiser and I heard my dad saying to Jasper,

"Clean up this place boy, and you better believe that your father will definitely know about this incident."

He slammed the car door and drove us home, muttering profanities the whole time and I knew that I would not be attending another party for possibly the rest of my high school life.

* * *

**Author Note:**

**Hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it. **

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	10. Chapter 10: Aftermath

**Chapter 10**

**Aftermath**

**EPOV**

I woke up to what sounded like music thumping. I buried my head under the pillow, trying to drown out the noise.

This damn party still wasn't over?

I felt like death. My head was throbbing incessantly and my throat felt raw and dry. The thumping continued, unrelenting and gradually growing louder.

"You fucking promised me man!" I heard Jasper shouting from somewhere.

"Wake the fuck up Edward we need to clean this place up!" Jasper banged louder on my door. I opened my eyes and winced as the light caused the throbbing in my head to increase. I rolled over, off my bed and staggered to the door.

"Finally!" Jasper said when I opened the door, "I've been banging on your door for the past fifteen minutes. Get dressed and get your ass down here to help us clean this shit up."

I stared at him, confused.

"Dude, you look fucked. Did you get wasted last night?"

"I don't know." I mumbled, rubbing my temples.

Jazz chuckled. "Whatever man, just hurry up and come down, the whole of downstairs is trashed." He shook his head, "you won't believe the shit that kicked off last night. I'm going to be in shitloads of trouble when my dad gets back. Where did you disappear to last night anyway?"

I shrugged. "My room, I guess."

Jazz eyed me suspiciously.

"On your own?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

I suddenly remembered, the whole night flashing before my eyes like a dream.

"Fuck." I said.

Jazz grinned and peered over my shoulder, trying to see inside my room, "so who's the lucky lady then?"

"Not now Jazz." I groaned, "I'm going to shower and dress and I'll be down."

"Ok." He said, still smirking. He turned and ran down the stairs.

I went back into my room to assess the damage. Where was Tanya? Maybe she had left early this morning. Maybe I didn't sleep with her at all and it had just been a dream – I thought with a weak shred of hope. No such luck. Her red, lacy panties were on the floor beside my bed, her tiny skirt and top lay in a heap in front of my bathroom door and her heels were lying behind the door. I heard the sound of my shower and made a face. She was still here.

She came out of my bathroom a few minutes later, wearing one of my t shirts and sweatpants, her hair damp and in a ponytail.

She smiled at me brightly when she saw me sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Morning!" she said, "Sleep well?"

"Yeah." I replied. "You?"

"Yep. I'm going downstairs to help clean up." She said, "Want me to make you anything to eat while I'm there?"

"Err, no thanks, I'll be down soon too. Just going to shower."

"Ok." She said. She moved over to stand in front of me and ran her hand through my hair. "I had fun last night." She said, grinning. She leaned over slowly and gave me a light peck on the lips. Then she turned and went out the door and down the stairs.

I removed the shirt and jeans I was still wearing from last night, and jumped in the shower. I showered and washed my hair quickly. Then I also threw on a t shirt and sweatpants and went downstairs.

To say that the house was trashed was an understatement.

There were bottles, cans and paper cups lying around everywhere, the beige carpet was littered with crushed potato chips and stained with different shades of brown. The white walls also had stains. There were cigarette and joint stubs and cigarette burns on the kitchen counters and coffee table in the den, a few plants had toppled over, causing soil to fall on the carpet and mix with the alcohol stains, and people had stepped in the soil and tracked muddy footprints on the carpet. The cream couch also had footprints and the plasma TV's screen, attached to the wall, was splattered with marks.

The guilt was back, stronger than ever, as I looked around in shock. "Shit." I said.

Emmett was in the kitchen with Mike Newton, who looked worse than I felt. He had a swollen jaw and a purple shadow under one eye. They were putting all the cups, cans and bottles into a trash bag. Rose and Tanya were cleaning up the den and I found Jazz in the living room trying to scrub out a stain in the carpet.

"Jazz, what the fuck happened here last night?" I asked.

"Gatecrashers turned up, people brought more alcohol with them and some brought weed, Mike and some guy had a fight, place got trashed, cops came and ended the party, one of the cops was Bella's dad, he knows my dad and so is probably going to tell him. So all in all man, I'm thoroughly and royally screwed." Jazz said miserably.

"Shit." I said again, "Sorry man." I couldn't believe all that had happened while I had been upstairs...

I started helping him clean up the living room. It took us all morning and half of the afternoon to clean the house but it was _almost _back to the way it was. We could only fade some of the stains in the carpet and of course we couldn't get rid of the cigarette burns but we tried to cover them and just had to hope that Esme and Carlisle wouldn't notice. And if they did notice, well, that would just be another thing to add to the list of reasons we would never be left alone for the weekend again.

Tanya and Mike left after we had finished cleaning up; Mike was giving Tanya a ride home. She had changed into one of Rosalie's Jeans and tank tops and put her own clothes in a bag. She hugged me tightly against her before she left, whispering, "I'll call you." and kissing my cheek softly.

I sighed deeply when the front door closed, and turned to see Jazz, Rose and Emmett staring at me. Jazz and Emmett were grinning and Rose had her eyebrows raised questioningly.

"So....you and Tanya huh?" Emmett asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

I groaned and sat down, leaning my head back on the couch and closing my eyes.

"I was drunk." I said. "I can barely remember what happened."

"Are you dating her?" Jazz asked.

"No, it was just sex Jazz."

"It wasn't just sex to her." Rose said, glaring at me, "Tanya may act like she's super confident and doesn't give a damn but I know that she actually really likes you. And if it was just sex to you, you better tell her soon."

"Fuck." I closed my eyes again.

"So...How was it?" Emmett asked, smirking.

Rosalie punched his arm. Hard.

"I should report you for domestic abuse Rose." He muttered, rubbing his arm.

I just sat there, my head still pounding, thinking of the shit I had gotten myself into. I wasn't interested in Tanya – except for her body – and I didn't want to lead her on. But how could I tell her that it was just sex without looking like a complete asshole? Especially now that Rose had said that she was actually interested in me and not just my body.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and checked it, _1 New Message_. I didn't recognise the number.

I opened the message.

_Hey Hun, _

_Just letting you know that I got home safely. Last night was great. I know it was just sex but I really felt a connection with you, not just a physical one...something else. I don't want you to think that I only want you for your body. Lol. I suppose I took advantage of you seeing as you were drunk but I couldn't help it, you looked adorable! Lol. Anyway I was wondering if, maybe, you want to go out sometime? You know, so we can get to know each other properly. Let me know._

_Tanya xxx_

Shit. How did she get my cell number?

I was, as Jazz put it, thoroughly and royally screwed.

* * *

**Author Note:**

**What has Edward gotten himself into! LOL. Enjoyed it? Review?**

**Thanks for reading!**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	11. Chapter 11: Surprises

**Author's Note:**

**Just a quick note in relation to the last chapter**

**Before you get too angry at Edward remember that this Edward is not the perfect, inhuman, 108 yr old vampire trapped in a 17 year old body that we know and love. He's human and he's actually a 17 yr old boy and he does make mistakes. Plus, he was drunk. lol.**

**Chapter 11 now. Hope you like it!**

**SONG: Paramore - I caught Myself**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Surprises**

**BPOV**

I sighed. "Alice I got to go. Dad's yelling at me to get off the phone."

"What? But it's only been what, ten minutes?" She said.

"Fifteen actually, that's my time limit on the phone. All part of the punishment." I sighed again deeply.

"Wow, your dad sure doesn't hold back with his punishments."

"Exactly, you would think that he would be more lenient seeing as I've never done anything like that before, but he's a cop, he believes wholeheartedly in punishment."

"_Bella if you don't come off that phone right now!-" _my dad bellowed from downstairs.

"Whoa!" Alice cried, "I better let you go then. I'll see you at school tomorrow. Wait, you are allowed to go there right?"

She snickered.

"It's about the _only_ place I'm allowed to go. Night Al."

"Night Bells." She replied and hung up the phone.

I lay back on my bed thinking about this past weekend.

I had gotten grounded of course, indefinitely. I had to earn my way back into my dad's good books. To be fair, dad was quite lenient with me in general, I didn't have a curfew; I just had to tell him where I was and what time I'd be back. He allowed me to go out whenever and almost wherever I wanted as long as I didn't lie to him. It wasn't the fact that I had gone to an unsupervised party where there was alcohol and drugs that pissed him off, (though he was pretty pissed about that too, don't get me wrong) it was the fact that I'd lied to him and betrayed the trust he gave me.

So when I thought of it that way, I guess I deserved my punishment.

I thought back to the party. I had gotten all dressed up for nothing, totally wasted my outfit. I didn't really enjoy myself at all – and I didn't even see Edward. Plus, I had also caused a fight.

I thought of the cute guy named Jake.

I wondered what school he went to, he definitely didn't go to Forks High, I would know him if he did. Why was he so quick to jump to my rescue? I mean, I was grateful an all because Mike was being a total ass, but he didn't even know me and he got into a fight because of me. I wanted to thank him.

I wondered if I'd ever see him again.

Monday morning, I waited outside my front door for Alice. She was going to make us late. I looked over at my truck longingly. My dad had taken away my keys so I wasn't allowed to drive it.

Yet, another part of the punishment.

So, Alice was going to give me a lift to school every morning until he was ready to let me have my keys back.

I looked at my watch. We really were going to be late now, it had started drizzling and I didn't want to get my raincoat.

I didn't want to cover up my outfit.

For the first time in ages, thanks to Alice, I liked what I was wearing. I didn't frown at my selection of clothes this morning because I had a whole new bunch to pick from. I had worn some tight fitting blue skinny jeans with a tight, white V-neck sweater. Because I felt good this morning about what I was wearing, I had also added eye-liner to my eyes and a bit of silver eye-shadow with my usual mascara and lip-gloss. I had put on some silver studs in my ears and I put my hair in a high ponytail, which was unusual as I usually kept my hair down so I could hide behind it.

Alice turned up finally and I jumped in the Porsche.

"Alice, you know we're going to be late right?" I scolded, "What took you so long?"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry," she said, reversing speedily down my drive, "I couldn't find my hairspray, and you know my spikes won't hold up in the rain without hairspray."

I shook my head in disbelief and didn't even bother to reply.

She was driving fast, faster than normal, racing to try to get to school before the bell. We got there just as the bell was sounding and sprinted to French class.

Mr Rosa glared at us as we stumbled in, panting heavily, but he didn't say anything. We grinned at each other and collapsed in our seats.

We could hear some girls behind us whispering. I heard the name Tanya Denali and Edward Cullen and I tilted my head to side, listening intently.

"Yeah apparently they're dating. I heard that they were in Edward's room the whole night of the party on Friday." One whispered.

"No way! That Tanya is a lucky bitch. What I wouldn't give to spend the whole night in Edward's room." The other said and they both giggled.

Alice and I looked at each other, eyes wide.

"He wouldn't." Alice said incredulously, "With that skank? No, I don't believe it. It's probably just a rumour."

I didn't say anything. It was completely ridiculous as I didn't even speak to Edward, but I felt a surge of emotions run through me.

Disbelief, surprise, disappointment, disgust, jealousy, anger.

The anger was directed at Edward. How could he sleep with her? Tanya Denali of all people. Couldn't he see that she was a skank?

I was silently fuming for the rest of French and dreading the next class where I would have to sit next to him.

I got to our desk first, which was strange because he was always there before me. There was still a part of me that hoped it was just a rumour, that Edward hadn't touched that slut. But I looked up, and saw him strolling into the classroom with Tanya Denali wrapped around his waist. She leaned up and kissed his cheek and sat at her desk. Jessica Stanley was walking behind them, scowling, and when they sat down at their desk and Tanya looked at her she had a bright smile quickly replacing the scowl.

I sat motionless at the desk, my attention completely focused on the board. I didn't glance at Edward when he sat down, nor acknowledge his nod and smile. I stayed like that for the whole lesson, staring straight ahead of me, completely ignoring the person sitting beside me. I also ignored the person at the desk on my right mouthing stuff to him whenever the teacher's back was turned. I thought I caught him looking at me a few times from the side of my eye but I wasn't sure as I didn't focus on him.

As I walked through the halls, all I could hear was talk about Edward and Tanya. I inwardly groaned.

It was going to be a long day.

Lunch was the worst. Tanya sat next to Edward and she couldn't keep her hands off him. She was touching his face every minute, stroking his hair, kissing his cheek, whispering in his ear, I could even see her hand moving under the table and I guess she was stroking his leg.

It was sickening.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one who thought that because Rosalie, Alice and Jessica – as well as most of the female population at Forks High – were shooting her murderous glares that brought the phrase, 'if looks could kill' to mind. Emmett was teasing them, making crude jokes and suggestive comments and Tanya and Jasper were laughing. I didn't hear Edward laugh.

I didn't look in their direction at all.

Mike Newton came over to our lunch table; he didn't sit with us today, probably embarrassed by his behaviour at the party. He had a dark bruise under one eye and his jaw was swollen. He came over to me, looking remorseful and ashamed and started apologizing profusely.

I sighed, "Mike, its ok. Just forget it."

"No, it's not ok Bella, I was a total jerk."

"You got that right." Alice muttered.

"Yeah, you were a jerk." I said indifferently, "But whatever, it's done, you've apologized, just let it go."

"Can I make it up to you somehow?"

I was getting pissed off. I was not in the mood for any bullshit from Mike Newton today. "You know how you can make it up to me Mike?" I asked.

He brightened up, waiting for my answer.

"How about you just leave me alone? I don't want to go out with you; I'm not interested so just....stay away."

Jasper, Emmett, Tyler and Rosalie snickered.

Alice laughed, "You heard the girl Mike."

Mike looked defeated, "Ok. If that's what you want. I'm sorry."

He shuffled away, his head hung low.

I was glad when the school day was over. After my last class, I hurried over to the parking lot to wait for Alice by her car. There was a motorcycle parked just outside the front entrance of the school and a guy was leaning against it.

A tall guy, with pretty reddish-brown skin, short black hair and almond shaped eyes. He was wearing blue jeans, big boots, another tight fitting black t shirt with a logo and a black leather jacket. The black motorcycle he leaned against was fairly new-looking; it was a Honda, quite large but with a streamline design.

I froze momentarily. He spotted me, smiled and motioned for me to go to him, straightening up. I walked over to him nervously.

"Hey." He said, smiling wider, showing me a row of straight, white teeth.

"Hi." I replied. I could feel my face heating up.

"You're probably wondering who I am and what I'm doing here right?" he asked, light-heartedly.

"Err...actually; I kind of know who you are. You're the guy from the party right? The one who got into the fight."

He seemed surprised, "yeah, I didn't think you'd remember what I looked like. I came to see if you were ok, you know, check if you still had your arm intact." He grinned.

I chuckled. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you. I mean, for trying to help at the party and then coming to check to see if I was ok."

"No problem. I felt bad for just running out like that afterwards but you know; the cops were there and everything...." he trailed off, staring at me for a few seconds. "Anyway, I figured that you probably went to Forks High, so I decided to just show up and see if I could spot you. I'm Jacob by the way, Jacob Black."

He held out his hand for me to shake.

"Bella Swan." I said taking it, "so what school do you go to?"

"I'm in college." He said, "I go to the University of Washington."

"Oh, right." I said; no wonder I hadn't seen him around.

The parking lot was full now, and people were staring at me and Jacob. I started getting uncomfortable. I think Jacob did too because he picked up his helmet.

"Well, I got to get going now. Nice meeting you Bella." He held his hand out again, "I'll see you around." He squeezed my hand quickly and flashed me those pearly white teeth again, put on his helmet and sped out of the parking lot.

Alice ran over to me.

"Who was _that?_" she asked, watching me suspiciously.

"Jacob Black." I said.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Review?**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	12. Chapter 12: Suffocation

**SONGS: Linkin Park - Crawling, Muse - Hysteria **

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Suffocation**

**EPOV**

It had been _one _date.

Just one.

So how the hell did Tanya get it in her head that we were now officially dating? I had called her later that Saturday evening, after I had received her text, and asked her if she wanted to go out with me on Sunday and, of course, she had said yes.

I had asked her out because, to be honest, I felt bad for sleeping with her when I didn't want her for anything more. I'd never had one night stands because of that very reason. I had also never been _that_ drunk before, and promised myself that it would never happen again.

So I had called her, after my headache had subsided a bit, and asked her to lunch and an afternoon movie because it was a Sunday. It was also because night always made things a little more romantic even if they weren't intended to be, and I didn't want to lead her on more than I already had. I even picked out an action flick and thought about inviting Emmett and Rose along so it would seem more casual, but decided against it.

My plan obviously didn't work.

The 'date' had been ok. We had had lunch at a Thai restaurant in Port Angeles, making slightly strained conversation, but it wasn't too bad. Still, I was relieved when we made our way to the movie theatre because at least we didn't have to make conversation there. The movie was pretty good, and I was quite enjoying it, though Tanya seemed bored. Again, I felt guilty, so I had put my arm around her shoulder, just casually, you know, in a friendly way. That was obviously a mistake because she had cheered up immediately, and started leaning in closer to me. She then held my hand on the way back to my car after the movie, and when I dropped her off at her house, she had grabbed my face and pressed her lips to mine, saying she'd had a wonderful time, before leaving my car and going into her house.

I was thinking through every minute detail of the date, seeing if I had led her to believe that we were going to be officially dating in any way, and I couldn't find anything that I did which indicated that. The only encouraging thing I had done was put my arm around her shoulder, apart from that I had barely touched her at all. And she had kissed _me _afterwards; I didn't instigate it or kiss her back.

I was baffled.

Monday morning she had been waiting for me at my usual spot in the parking lot, with Jessica, and she hugged me tightly and pressed her lips to mine again when I stepped out of the car. Jazz exchanged a puzzled look with me and I shrugged, equally confused. I had told him how the date went and even he had said that it didn't seem like I was leading her on.

She walked with me to the first lesson, her arm around my waist and everyone we passed in the halls gawked at us, whispering intently. I internally cursed; it was like the first day all over again. She'd sat with me as well, instead of sitting with Rose and Jessica like she usually did.

I was already starting to feel suffocated.

She also walked with me to biology and I was relieved that she couldn't sit next to me in that lesson. I sat down and wanted to give my usual smile and nod to Bella but she didn't look at me. She had her hair in a high ponytail so I could clearly see her face for once.

She looked even more stunning today than usual, her doe eyes outlined in black so they stood out, she had silver make-up on her eyelids which accentuated her lashes, sparkly silver earrings in her ears and was wearing a tight fitting white sweater.

She also looked kind of...._mad? _Her lips were pushed out slightly in a pout and her forehead had a tiny crease. I kept looking over at her, but she didn't turn in my direction once – she just stared fixatedly at the board – ignoring my presence completely. I felt annoyed. What was up with her? Why was she being so rude? I mean, I'd never ignored _her_. After a while, I started ignoring her back – though I doubt she noticed.

Maybe she was in a bad mood. Her time of the month or some shit.

At lunch, she gave Mike Newton a good telling off; he was apologizing to her for something and she just basically told him where to stick it.

I grinned.

I realised I had never actually heard her voice before. She didn't speak to me in biology and she barely spoke at lunch, and when she did, it was to Alice and so low I couldn't really hear her. Her voice was pretty high pitched, in a cute way though, and it kind of sounded a little like she was singing when she spoke.

Hearing her speak had made me smile my first genuine smile today. I was feeling _very _suffocated and frustrated. The school was gossiping nonstop about me and Tanya being a 'couple', and I could confidently bet that Jessica Stanley had been blabbering again. Tanya couldn't keep her hands to her fucking self and was touching me every minute and to top it off, Jazz and Emmett were teasing me, making stupid jokes and obviously finding my situation hilarious.

I didn't find it funny at all.

After school ended I walked to the parking lot quickly – Tanya had drama rehearsal, thank goodness – eager to get home and away from Tanya.

I noticed Bella talking to some guy with a motorcycle; he probably thought he was a badass, wearing a leather jacket and heavy black boots that were kind of similar to my own. He looked to be older, maybe in College. His motorcycle was a Honda DN-01 Sports Cruiser, I couldn't tell what year it was but it looked fairly new.

I watched as he touched Bella's hand.

The way he was smiling and gazing at her was pathetic really, he was so obvious. It irritated me. I wondered who this guy was. Eventually, he drove off on his motorcycle and Bella got into Alice's car – the yellow Porsche – and I caught a glimpse of her face. She was bright red.

When Jazz and I got home, Esme and Carlisle still weren't back yet. Rose was also at the drama rehearsal so it was just me and Jazz. I was just about to ask him to play a round of _Pro Evolution Soccer _on the PS3 when I saw the answering machine light blinking. People hardly ever left messages; they just usually called back if no one was home, so this was strange. Maybe it was Esme and Carlisle letting us know that they were going to be late back or something. I pressed play and listened for the message.

"_Good Morning, this is Dr Goldfine from the Springwater Clinic; I would like to speak to a Dr Carlisle Cullen concerning his sister Elizabeth Cullen-Masen. Could you please give me a call back on my office number as soon as you get this message? Thank you."_

I froze as my brain slowly registered what I had just heard.

There was news concerning Elizabeth Cullen-Masen.

My mom.


	13. Chapter 13: Anger

**SONG: Muse - Time is Running Out**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**Anger**

**BPOV**

I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, completely lost in thought.

I was thinking about Edward and Tanya, my face slowly morphing into a frown as I did. It was none of my business who Edward went out with, I knew, but for some reason I was bothered by it.

More than bothered in fact.

However, my thoughts soon shifted swiftly to the handsome guy who had showed up in the parking lot after school.

_Jacob Black._

My frown dissipated, replaced by a smile. I had tried not to hope, tried not to believe Alice when she was going on about how he must like me. She had bombarded me with questions about him in the car – not that I knew much about him anyway – on the way home and had then squealed in excitement, telling me that he must like me, how gorgeous he was, he was a college guy and how they were so much more mature. I had simply rolled my eyes at her and said that he was probably just being polite.

But now I was thinking that maybe she was right, maybe Jacob Black _was_ interested in me. I didn't know many guys who would come to find a girl at her school just to see if they were alright. Plus, nothing had happened to me at the party anyway, just a drunk guy pulling my arm so, of course, I was fine. Alice had said it was just an excuse for him to come and see me and I had rolled my eyes at that too.

There was also the fact that he'd had a fight with Mike Newton over me in the first place. I mean, it was a party and the place was crowded, how did he even see Mike grabbing me? And why did he even care about it, care enough to punch Mike Newton's lights out? I didn't fail to notice that his face didn't even have a scratch yet Mike's was fairly messed up.

A knock on my door startled me, causing me to snap out of my thoughts.

"Yes dad?" I called out.

"You've got a phone-call." He replied.

Alice, I thought.

"Ok, I'm picking it up now." I picked up the phone. "I got it."

I heard my dad go back downstairs and the click when he put the phone down.

"Hello?"

"Hey honey!"

I stifled a groan. It was my mom.

"Hi._ Renee_."

She paused, and I could almost see her face pull down in disappointment. I didn't care. Why should I call her 'mom' when she hadn't really been a mom for the past four years?

She sighed. "Bella, I wish you wouldn't call me that."

"Why not?" I retorted, "It _is_ your name right?"

She sighed again and didn't say anything.

"So? What do you want Renee?"

"I just wanted to see how you were Bells. Is that a crime?"

"Of course not, but I was in the middle of doing something and you weren't saying anything a second ago." I was being childish I knew, but I didn't care.

"Phil and I want you to come and visit us, maybe for Spring Break."

I laughed dryly.

"_Phil _wants me to visit? That's a good one."

"Bella he doesn't hate you, you know. Plus, he's changed a lot since we first got married. He likes kids now, in fact we were even talking about, you know, having one of our own-"

"What?" I cut her off angrily. "You send me away, your first and only daughter; because some guy who you had known for practically five minutes basically tells you it's him or me. Then, when he snaps his fingers, suddenly wanting some kids, you turn into a baby-making machine immediately when I _know _that you don't want any more kids."

"Bella it's-"

"No!" I snapped. "I don't want to hear it Renee! In fact, I don't even want to hear your voice!"

I banged the phone down angrily and buried my face in the pillow.

I was sobbing for a few minutes when I heard a timid knock on my door.

"Bells?" my dad said.

I didn't reply.

"Are you ok?"

I still didn't answer; I just wanted to be alone. My dad must have sensed this and I heard him slowly retreating back down the stairs.

On Tuesday, Alice was still going on about Jacob.

"So he goes to the University of Washington?"

"Yes Alice." I said, annoyed, I'd already told her this about ten times.

"Well, why don't we pay _him_ a visit?" she said excitedly.

"Mary-Alice!" I turned to glare at her, "No way, are we going to his College."

"Oh c'mon Bella! He surprised you, so we should do the same."

"Alice, there's no way that's happening."

She pouted, "Fine. But when he comes to find you again, make sure you get his number."

"_When?" _I questioned.

"He'll come back." She said confidently.

"Isabella, Mary-Alice, would you like to share your discussion with the class?" Mr Rosa asked us sarcastically in his thick French accent.

"Sorry, Mr Rosa." Alice said fluttering her lashes at him, and smiling sweetly. She had had a crush on him a few months ago and although she claimed she was over him, she still gazed at him dreamily and sighed whenever he spoke directly to her. I rolled my eyes at her.

In biology, Tanya was absent from class and Edward was there when I got to our desk. I had planned to ignore him again like yesterday but he didn't even look at me when I sat down. He was staring at nothing in particular, seemingly deep in thought, a strange expression on his face. What was wrong with him and where was Tanya?

I immediately felt a spark of hope. Maybe he and Tanya had broken up already. Maybe he had realised what a mistake it was and ended it. And the way she was all over him yesterday, maybe she was embarrassed and didn't want to show her face in school today.

"So, you will be working in groups or pairs. You will work with the person or people sitting next to you." Mr Banner's voice interrupted.

Jessica Stanley raised her hand.

"But sir, Tanya is excused from class today because there's a dress rehearsal for the school play."

"Yes, I am aware of that Jessica." Mr Banner replied, "You will start the assignment on your own today and continue working on it with Tanya when she returns to class tomorrow."

Wait, what? I thought. What assignment was he talking about, and I would have to work with the person next to me? I would have to work with Edward? I also realised, with dismay that Tanya was in school and was just in drama rehearsal.

But Edward was still acting strange.

I would have to work with him. That meant that I would have to _talk _to him. And possibly have to work outside of school with him on this assignment. And although I was totally disgusted at him for sleeping with and dating Tanya, I couldn't help the butterflies suddenly fluttering about in my stomach.

He turned to look at me for the first time since I'd sat down and the emotions in his startling hazel eyes shocked me.

There was pain, worry, sadness and even guilt in them. What was wrong with him? Surely even if he had broken up with Tanya, he wouldn't have been _that_ torn up about it.

His eyebrows rose, "So... should I get the equipment or do you want to?"

My face flamed, as I realised that he had been saying something to me while I was contemplating what was going on with him. I must have been staring at him like a complete idiot.

"Um, ok. I mean, I'll get it." I stuttered. I wished I hadn't put my hair up in a ponytail again; I couldn't cover my face now at all.

I hurried over to the front of the class and slowly picked up the equipment laid out on the front desk. Whilst there I also scanned the board, quickly reading what we had to do for the assignment. It was relatively easy. There were various cells, skin, cheek and blood, trapped between two thin sheets of glass, we had to observe them and make notes on the various stages of cell division they were at. We would be observing them over a few days, noting down all the changes, and then we had to write an essay about it, explaining what we had found out. I chose skin cells and made my way back and put the stuff on our desk.

"I'll take a look at it first; then write down what stage I think it's at. You can start drawing out the chart." Edward instructed.

This annoyed the heck out of me. Why was he telling me what to do?

"No, _you _draw out the chart and I'll take a look." I dragged the microscope over to my side before he could protest.

He glared at me, eyes slightly narrowed but he didn't say anything.

We were both silent for a while as I looked at the cells and made notes and he drew out a chart with his ruler. After he had finished drawing he sat there, frowning, waiting for me.

"Are you finished yet?" he finally asked impatiently.

"Yeah." I replied.

He took the microscope, surprisingly lifting the heavy thing with one hand and I got a whiff of that gorgeous scent again. I desperately wanted to inhale deeply but fought the urge.

We continued like that for the duration of the class, only speaking when we had to. When the bell rung I felt relieved, the tension between us slowly dissolving. He gathered the equipment up and took it back to the front desk, leaving the cells. He came back to our desk as I was gathering up my notes.

"Do you want to keep the cells with you or should I?" He asked gruffly.

"No, you can keep it." I said curtly.

I brushed past him and went out of the class, my heart pounding frantically against my chest.

At lunch, Tanya was back.

She was in her costume from the drama production and unsurprisingly, she was all over Edward again. I glanced at Edward a few times despite of myself and saw that, once again his brow was puckered, as he stared into space, deep in thought. He didn't even seem to notice Tanya. Rosalie – who was also in costume – and Jasper were shooting him sympathetic glances. I was really curious now.

What was up with him?

Maybe Alice would have found out something from Jasper. I decided to ask her after school.

As Alice and I walked to the parking lot after school I was still thinking about what could be wrong with Edward when she suddenly froze and grabbed my arm.

"Oh my God, Bella he's back! I told you he would be!" She hissed.

I was confused for a second – and then I saw him.

Jacob was in the same place as yesterday, leaning against his bike. He was wearing black Jeans today and a navy blue sweater with some black Nike sneakers. The leather jacket he wore yesterday lay on his bike next to his helmet.

He was receiving _a lot _of stares and if he noticed them, he didn't show it.

He smiled widely at me when I walked over to him – Alice right on my heels.

"Hi Bella, Bella's friend."

"Hi Jacob." I said; smiling back as my face flushed. Alice nudged me. "This is Alice. Alice, Jacob."

Alice beamed. "Hi Jacob."

Jacob smiled back at her.

"Don't worry I'm not going to show up at your school every day." He laughed nervously, "I just came by because...well...I forgot to ask you for your number yesterday. Would you mind if I took it?"

He gazed at me intently.

I was pretty sure I looked like a tomato at that second.

"Um, sure."

He took out his cell phone and handed it to me. I put my number in it and handed it back.

"Can I call you tonight?" he asked

"Sure." I repeated.

"Ok." He smiled again – I realised he did that a lot – "I've got to go now though, I've got a ton of work to do. I'll call you tonight ok Bella. It was nice to see you again and it was nice to meet you Alice."

He put on his jacket and helmet and once again sped out of the parking lot.

I was staring at the direction he had disappeared in when I felt Alice bouncing up and down.

"You see Bella! I knew it! I fucking knew it! He is soooo totally into you. It's like obvious! I want to hear every detail about the phone call you hear me?"

I sighed. "Whatever Al."

I looked around the parking lot to find people now staring at me. I saw Jessica Stanley not too far away, mouth hanging open in shock; she had obviously heard the exchange between me and Jacob.

Perfect. Now the whole school would probably be talking by tomorrow.

As I looked around, I also spotted Edward. My eyes locked with his for a second and I quickly looked away, surprised, my face going scarlet once again. The expression on his face was what surprised me.

He was glowering at me; his eyebrows furrowed deeply, his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched tightly.

He looked absolutely...._furious._

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**Author's Note:**

**Review? Also, I realised that my chapters are pretty short compared to other fanfics I've read so I'm gonna try and make them longer.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	14. Chapter 14: Observations

**SONGS: Plain White Tees - Hate, Travis - Why Does it Always Rain On Me **

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**Chapter 14**

**Observations**

**EPOV**

She hated me.

Just like I knew she would.

All those years of her telling me not to tell anyone, to keep my mouth shut so they wouldn't take me away, and I went and opened my big mouth. And she was right; I _was_ taken away from her.

And now she hated me.

I could handle the moving away from her as long as I could visit her, but I'd tried not to consider the fact that she might not want to see me. Considering that had hurt too much.

"Of course she doesn't hate you Edward." Carlisle had assured me, "she's just upset, angry. She misses you and I'm sure that when she's calmed down she'll ask to see you. Just give her some space for now."

Oh sure, it was easy for him to say. She didn't hate _him_.

Carlisle and Esme had returned on Monday evening. Jasper didn't know about the answer machine message and had been panicking, worrying about whether his parents had found out about the party. I had tried to be optimistic about the message, I mean, the doctor didn't sound like it was urgent or bad; he just said he wanted to speak to Carlisle. But I couldn't help the feeling of dread that was creeping up on me, the way I couldn't help checking the window every five minutes to see if Carlisle was back. Jazz shortly sensed that something was up. He moved over to me cautiously by the window,

"Dude, what's wrong?"

I couldn't speak.

"Is it.....is it something to do with....with Aunt Liz?" he asked, glancing at me nervously to gauge my reaction.

I nodded once.

"Oh." He said. He took a deep breath.

"Is...Is she....I mean, she is better isn't she?" he stuttered.

"I don't know Jazz."

He tentatively put his arm on my shoulder.

"Ed, calm down man. I mean if you don't know what it is yet, how do you know it isn't good news?"

I didn't say anything.

Carlisle's Mercedes pulled up a while later and my heart started pounding furiously. He and Esme walked in the house cheerily, Esme singing out, "We're back!"

Their expressions simultaneously turned anxious as they spotted mine and Jazz's panicked looks.

"Oh my God what's happened?" Esme cried, "Has anyone been hurt? What's going on?"

Jazz held up his hand, "Chill mom, no one's been hurt. Well...I don't think anyone has..." he trailed off and glanced at me. "Edward, I don't really know what's going on man so you've got to tell them."

Their puzzled faces turned towards me.

I walked over to the answering machine and pressed play.

The message came up again and Carlisle's brow furrowed deeply, while Esme moved over and embraced me tightly.

"Oh Edward." She sighed, "I'm sure everything will be fine. Please don't panic darling."

"I'm going into my office to give Dr Goldfine a call." Carlisle said. At that I pulled back, away, from Esme.

"I'm coming with you." I said.

Carlisle looked at me apprehensively but didn't say anything. We walked up the stairs and down the hall to his office.

He punched in some numbers in the phone.

"Hello? Ah, Doctor Goldfine, it's Carlisle Cullen." _Pause._ "Yes, how are you?" _Pause._ "That's good. I received your message, sorry I couldn't call back earlier, Esme and I just got back from New York." _Pause. _"No, we took a quick weekend trip there." _Pause._ "Yes, it was wonderful, thanks."

I was getting sick of the small talk, where was the part about my mom?

Carlisle glanced at me. "So, you had something to tell me about Liz?" he asked.

There was silence for a few moments and then he said,

"Really? Oh, that's excellent. Yes, of course I will. Tomorrow will be fine, I'll have to call the hospital and let them know. Ok, thank you, I'll see you tomorrow. Yes, tell her. Thanks again. Ok. Say hello to Helen for me. Ok bye."

He finally put the phone down and I looked at him questioningly.

"It's good news Edward." He smiled a strained smile, and I wasn't convinced.

"Your mom is recovering well, she's responding to treatment and she's eating too. She's even asked to see me so I'm going over to Seattle tomorrow to visit her. I'll probably stay there a few nights."

Joy and relief washed over me and I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face.

"Really? Can I come?" I asked, "I mean; I know I've got school but it's only a few days right? And I promise I'll ask Jazz to collect all the stuff I miss-"

Carlisle's sigh cut me off.

"Edward, I'm sorry but she didn't ask to see you. She only wants to see me, she said."

I was frozen in shock as his words hit home. _She didn't ask to see you._

I shook my head in disbelief. "Are you sure? I mean, maybe Dr Goldfine got it wrong-"

"Edward." Carlisle looked at me apologetically. "She was quite clear in her request. She said she wants to see me and no one else."

My fist clenched at my side as I choked back the sobs that threatened to take over. I turned hastily out of the office door and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me. I sat on the edge of my bed, immobilised, as the tears overflowed down my face. I don't know how long I sat there for, but after a while, it had become dark in my room.

There was a knock on my door.

"Edward? Aren't you going to eat something?" Carlisle said through the door, "Esme's made you a sandwich."

I was silent. I heard him put something down in front of the door and then go back downstairs.

I bolted out the door into the hall, nearly tripping over the plate Carlisle had placed in front of my door. I don't know why I did it because I knew Carlisle wasn't lying to me.

I guess I just didn't want to believe it.

I crept into Carlisle's office. His phonebook was still open at Dr Goldfine's office number. I dialled the number silently and waited as it rang. I really wasn't expecting an answer because of how late it appeared to be so I was slightly taken aback when a female voice spoke,

"Good evening, the Springwater Clinic, Dr Goldfine's office. How may I help you?"

"Um, I err; I wanted to speak to someone?"

"Could I take the name of the person sir?"

"Elizabeth Cullen-Masen."

"And your name?"

"Edward Cullen."

"Ok-"

"I mean, Edward Cullen-Masen." My mom's maiden name was Cullen and my dad's surname had been Masen. When they had married she didn't want to give up the Cullen name completely so she had kept it and just added my dad's name to the end. She had done the same for me. However, growing up I had found it quite a mouthful to say 'Cullen-Masen' so I just used to say my name was Edward Cullen if anyone asked. I had gotten used to it over the years.

"Ok." The woman said, "Just hold on a moment."

I held the phone anxiously for a few agonising minutes.

"Um, Mr Cullen-Masen?"

"Yes?"

"I'm very sorry but Elizabeth doesn't want to speak to you at the moment."

"No, please wait-"

"I'm very sorry sir. Goodbye." The phone clicked in my ear.

I put it back down slowly, defeated.

Carlisle shuffled a little in the doorway to alert me of his presence but I already knew he had been standing there.

"She hates me." I said.

I wasn't in the mood for school on Tuesday. I especially wasn't in the mood for Tanya.

Luckily, Rose had informed me that she and Tanya would be in drama rehearsals all day and had asked me to collect some notes for them. I went through school robotically, I was listening to the teachers and doing the work but my head wasn't really there. The only person I was really focused on was my mom. When would she want to see me? Would she even want to see me at all? Would she ask about me? Carlisle was probably on his way to Seattle by now. It took all the strength I had in me to not ditch school, get in my car and drive up there as well.

In biology, surprisingly, I was distracted from my depressing thoughts.

Bella Swan's vanilla and strawberry fragrance wafted in my nose as she sat down and for some strange reason I almost smiled. Almost.

Mr Banner set us an assignment to do, in which we had to work with the person sat next to us. For me that meant Bella. I turned to her and asked her if I should go and collect the equipment from the front desk. Instead of replying to my question, she just stared at me, looking startled. I was confused by her reaction. She then turned a deep shade of red – as usual – and stuttered something I didn't really catch before walking up to the front desk.

I watched her and was momentarily mesmerized by her graceful walk. She moved so fluidly, so light on her feet that she almost looked like she was dancing.

She came back and sat down at the desk, her cheeks still slightly pink and I was probably going a little crazy because I very nearly wanted to reach out and touch her cheek. I restrained myself though, mentally scolding myself for acting like an ass and deciding that the stuff that had happened with my mom was the cause. I thought Bella would probably not want to take notes down on the cells so I told her I'd do it while she drew out the chart. Turns out she didn't want to draw the chart and she was pretty rude about it too.

I was glaring at her, ready to say something about her rudeness when I noticed her forehead creased slightly again, like yesterday, and her lips were in that little pout.

And I became aware that her lips were just....really...._alluring._

I looked away quickly and tried, very hard, to concentrate on the chart. She was silent, examining the cells and taking notes. We were both silent for the most part, only speaking when it was necessary, but I was very aware of her presence. I was aware of the fact that she was left handed; aware of the way her fragrance drifted over to me whenever she tossed her hair; aware that her hair was tied up in a ponytail again, aware that her right foot was tapping lightly on the floor.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I was relieved when the bell rung and I quickly took the equipment back to the front desk, needing to get away from her in order to think clearly. I went back to the desk to ask her if she wanted to keep the cells, and again, she answered me rudely before abruptly walking past me and out of the classroom. What the fuck was her problem?

At lunch, my thoughts were back on my mom. Tanya was back, though I barely noticed her presence at all. In fact, I barely noticed anyone at the table – except Bella. I could see from the corner of my eye that she was glancing at me every so often, a curious expression on her face.

After school, the motorcycle 'badass' was back. I don't know why but he irked the fuck out of me. The way he leaned against the bike, eagerly watching for Bella, the way he smiled at Bella, the way he gazed at Bella. Then I noticed him handing Bella his phone. He probably wanted her number.

And she was actually giving it to him.

She didn't actually like this asshole did she? He obviously just wanted to get in her pants, I couldn't believe she didn't see it. After he left, I saw her looking around the parking lot, her face once again flaming.

Her brown eyes focused on mine for a second and shock crossed her face. She looked away quickly, leaving me confused, as I stared at her retreating to Alice's car.

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**Author's Note:**

**A teeny weeny bit more on the mom situation there. Review?**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	15. Chapter 15: Choices

**SONG: The Black Ghosts - Its Your Touch**

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**Chapter 15**

**Choices**

**BPOV**

Jacob Black called me later that Tuesday night.

I hadn't expected him to, even though he had said he would. I had known it was him as soon as my dad knocked on my door, barely waited for me to tell him he could come in, and barged into my room with a wary look on his face.

"You have a phone call." He said eyeing me suspiciously.

My dad would have never reacted this way if it was Alice calling, or even if it was any another female. The only time my dad had reacted in this same way was when Mike Newton had somehow gotten hold of my number and had called to ask me to a dance last semester. So I had known immediately that it was a guy calling. And no other guy had said they would be calling me.

I couldn't help the faint flush on my cheeks.

"Um, ok. Thanks." I picked up the phone. "I got it."

I waited until I heard his footsteps downstairs and he very reluctantly put down the receiver. I put my phone to my ear, my hand shaking slightly.

"Hello?"

"Bella. It's Jacob."

"Hi Jacob. How are you?" It seemed a silly question seeing as I had just seen him a few hours ago.

"I'm good. You?" he replied.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Good." He paused. "I told you I'd call."

"Yeah you did." I said, smiling.

"So...what are you up to?" he asked.

"Nothing really, I was just listening to music."

"Oh, what kind of music are you into?"

"A bit of everything really." I said.

"What were you just listening to?" he questioned.

I hesitated. Did I really want him to know that I was just listening to the High School Musical soundtrack?

"Linkin Park." I said instead.

"Ok."

There was a slightly awkward silence, as I didn't know what to say and Jacob seemed like he wanted to say something, but was hesitating.

"That party on Friday was a little crazy huh?" he said finally, breaking the silence.

"Tell me about it." I replied.

"Sorry about the fight." He laughed nervously, "I don't want you to think I go around picking fights and punching people every day."

I laughed lightly, "I didn't think you did."

"It's just....guys like that really piss me off." He continued, "I was just about to go and talk to you, you know, when I saw that guy bothering you. Do you know him?"

He was about to come and talk to me? That was probably how he had seen the incident.

"Yeah, Mike Newton. He goes to my school."

"Is he a friend of yours?"

"No, not really. He's just some guy who doesn't want to take no for an answer."

Jacob snickered.

"I can't say I blame him, I mean, who would want to accept a 'no' from you? I know I wouldn't."

My face flushed and I was very glad that he couldn't see it.

"So....Bella. What would you say to-"

"Bella, it's been fifteen minutes. Say goodbye to your friend and get off the phone." My dad's gravelly voice suddenly cut Jacob off.

I was mortified.

"Dad! Did you really have to do that?" I said through clenched teeth. He didn't answer and just stayed on the line, waiting for me get off the phone. I nearly died of embarrassment right there. Jacob must have thought I was some kid.

"Dad." I said, restraining myself from shouting down the phone at him. "Can you please get off the line? I'm just going to say goodbye and then I'll hang up."

At that he put the phone back down.

Jacob chuckled heartily, seemingly unperturbed by it.

"Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed right now." I mumbled.

"Don't be." He said.

"My dad was one of the cops who turned up at the party." I told him.

"Damn."

"I know. So of course, I got into major trouble, grounded, car keys suspended, fifteen minute time limit on calls, I feel like a little kid." I sighed.

"Wow, tough break." He said sympathetically, "how long is the punishment for?"

"I don't know. Dad didn't specify a time limit."

"Too bad-"He started, but then my dad, once again, cut him off.

"_Isabella!"_

"Jacob, I've got to go." I sighed. I really didn't want to come off the phone.

"Ok, I'll speak to you another time. Tomorrow maybe?"

"Sure."

He paused for a second, before saying, "Bye Bella."

"Bye Jake."

I lay back on my bed, clutching my pillow, a grin spreading across my face. Jacob Black had called me. Jacob Black, a hot, motorcycle riding, college guy was interested in me. _Me, Isabella Swan. _I hugged the pillow tightly, a small smile still on my lips as I drifted off into a sound sleep.

Of course, Alice had pestered me into relaying every single minute detail of me and Jacob's conversation. She wanted to know every word he'd said, every response I'd given him, even every time he'd laughed.

She was really getting on my nerves but her excitement was contagious and I found myself smiling euphorically as I made my way to biology.

My smile swiftly faltered as I walked over to my desk to find Tanya Denali perched on it, her long tanned legs hanging off the edge as she talked animatedly to Edward, stroking his hair absently. He was sitting in his chair, looking less morose than yesterday but there was still a furrow in his brow as he stared off into space, seemingly not even paying attention to Tanya as she chattered away.

I scraped my chair noisily and they both turned to look at me.

"Oops, sorry Isabella. I didn't see you there." Tanya said, hopping of the desk.

"It's fine. And it's just Bella actually." I replied, a little sharper than intended.

"Oh right, sorry Bella."

She went back to her desk and sat next to Jessica, who was staring at me strangely. I suddenly remembered that she had probably heard my short conversation with Jacob yesterday and had also heard him asking for my number. She was most likely now speculating about who he was and who he was to me and I inwardly groaned. I suppose that I was even lucky that the whole school hadn't found out about it yet.

We were continuing our assignments today. Edward took out the cells and placed them on the table. He walked up to the front desk to gather up the equipment we needed – and I was left open-mouthed as I gazed at his tall frame.

He was wearing baggy blue jeans that fell just below his hips. They were not too low, but just low enough to have the rim of his white Calvin Klein boxers showing. He had been wearing a grey sweater and had removed it, because it lay on the table next to his notes. I wasn't sure why he had removed it because the weather was no where near warm enough for the white tank top he wore underneath. It clung to his body like a second skin and I could see every outline of every muscle in his toned back. He turned, facing me, to walk back to our desk and my breath hitched slightly as I clearly saw the contours of his perfectly defined abs and chest muscles. His arms were bare, allowing me to view the bulging biceps that had only been hinted at through the t-shirts and sweaters he usually wore. As he sat back in his seat, the wonderful fragrance he smelt of was blown around, and I was unable to stop myself from breathing in deeply, inhaling the scent as if my life depended on it.

"Are you ok?"

I turned to see him looking at me questioningly, one eyebrow raised.

"Um, I'm fine." I replied, unable to meet his striking hazel eyes, "Why, shouldn't I be?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know, you just...you just look like, really flushed, I thought maybe.....never mind."

I'm sure my face turned an impossibly deeper shade of red.

"Should we get started?" I said, trying to change the subject.

"Sure."

We started working in silence, again only speaking to each other when absolutely necessary. It was definitely a struggle for me to concentrate while I could see his muscular arm in my periphery. To make matters worse, I suddenly noticed that he was sitting rather close to me, his right arm very nearly brushing my left arm as we wrote.

When the bell rung, I hurriedly started packing up my things and was just about to walk out when he called out,

"Bella?"

And I'm surprised that I didn't drop dead right there because I'm sure my heart stopped pumping. He had never said my name before and the sound of his voice saying it was...._like music_.

I spun around to face him and he was looking at me intently, his striking eyes boring into my own.

"Can I take your number?"

What? Edward Cullen was asking for my number?

"I mean, you know, so I can call you to talk about the assignment." He added quickly.

Disappointment hit. He only wanted it for the assignment.

"Ok." I ripped out a scrap of paper from my notebook and quickly scribbled my number on it. "Here you go." I handed it to him.

"Thanks." He said, half-smiling, though I wasn't sure why.

I nodded and turned away from his gaze, rushing out of the class quickly and I could have sworn I saw Tanya Denali glaring at me as I hurried past her.

What the hell was _her_ problem?


	16. Chapter 16: Strange Happenings

**SONG: The All American Rejects - Time Stands Still**

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**Chapter 16**

**Strange Happenings**

**EPOV**

"Fuck!" I said, exasperated, as my cell phone started buzzing in my pocket for the _eleventh_ time.

"Dude, I don't get why you can't just break it off with her. Put yourself out of this misery." Jazz said, casually flicking through the channels on the TV.

"I want to, and I'm going to, of course, but what the fuck do I say to her man? '_Hey Tanya, I fucked you and then took you out on a date but I'm not interested in you at all. So just leave me the hell alone ok? Sorry about that.' _I'll seem like a total asshole." I sighed deeply.

Jazz chuckled.

"Sounds good to me. I mean, the chick obviously can't take a hint, look at the amount of times she's called you and you haven't answered, not once, yet she _still_ continues calling." He shook his head, "She's nuts, borderline obsessive I'm telling you. Other _normal_ chicks would have given up by now."

I groaned as my phone buzzed again, for the twelfth time, in my pocket. Jazz shook his head again.

We were in the living room; Jazz sprawled on the couch, while I was slumped in the recliner. Tanya had been calling my phone incessantly since we had gotten home from school – only thirty minutes ago.

I was going to kill Rosalie for giving her my number.

I was ignoring her calls because, firstly, I just didn't want to talk to her, and secondly, I knew what she was probably calling about. She had asked me at school, in a suggestive whisper, if she could come over after school. I don't remember exactly what my response had been, seeing as I was barely paying attention to her, too busy mulling over my problems with my mom, but I know for sure that I hadn't said yes. She was probably calling me now to ask again if she could come over.

And there was no way that was happening.

I could just about handle her constant contact at school, where there were too many people around for her to fully harass me, imagine how worse it would be if she was in my home. She didn't fail to repeat how great she thought _it_ was on Friday; unsubtly hinting that she wouldn't mind _it_ happening again soon.

And there was no way I was fucking her again.

That had been one drunken mistake, which had gotten me into this mess in the first place and I wouldn't make that mistake twice. Besides, her eagerness and aggressiveness were a total turn off and I often wondered why I had even thought she was hot in the first place. She was just so..._obvious._ Whatever happened to a girl being subtle and coy and making _the guy_ practically _beg_ for her body? Tanya was throwing herself at me and it was not attractive at all.

So I was sitting in the living room with Jazz, ignoring her calls. Rose was over at Emmett's and Esme was up in Carlisle's office doing some work. We were both in better moods and thought we'd just chill, maybe play a little _World of Warcraft. _Jazz was in a good mood because Charlie Swan obviously hadn't told Carlisle and Esme about the party and they hadn't noticed any of the stains we couldn't get out, or the cigarette burns.

I was in a better mood because, although it still hurt terribly that my mom hated me, Carlisle had called and informed me that she was doing great, she looked healthier and happier, despite her constant grumbling about the clinic and I was a little consoled by that information. I even laughed as Carlisle told me about how she had argued with a nurse over her slightly burnt lasagne. However, it also reminded me of how much I missed her and I'd had to fight back the stupid tears that threatened to spill over.

I fucking hated crying.

On Wednesday morning, Tanya had waited for me in the parking lot, immediately hounding me, wanting to know why I hadn't answered her calls, as soon as I had stepped out of my car.

This was getting fucking ridiculous.

Jazz gave me a quick glance that said, '_I told you she was nuts._' Before shaking his head and stalking off to class.

"I just wasn't in the fucking mood to talk yesterday ok." I said tersely to her, teeth clenched.

She was taken aback by my abruptness; I had never been outwardly rude to her before.

But she was starting to really piss me off now.

"Oh, right. ok." She mumbled.

In biology, she sat on my desk, yakking away about something no doubt uninteresting. I didn't hear a word of it as I sat there scowling, thinking to myself that I'd definitely had more than enough of Tanya Denali, and that I was going to break it up with her as soon as possible, even if she killed me. She was making me feel so agitated and suffocated, that the air in the classroom felt hot and stuffy and I'd had to remove my sweater, even though it was cold outside.

Thankfully Bella swan walked over to the desk, scraping her chair loudly to alert Tanya's attention. Tanya got off the desk, apologized to her and went to her own desk and I didn't miss Bella's curt response to her apology and the quick glare she flashed her.

I had to turn my face to hide my smile.

Sure Bella was shy and quiet, but I'd noticed that she also had quite a temper, and her expressions on her face made her emotions easy to read. That was probably why she always hid behind her hair. Her hair was clipped back today though, looking damp and smelling strongly of that same sweet vanilla and strawberry scent.

I got up and went to collect the equipment and when I came and sat back down she was inhaling slowly and her face was so red I thought she might be choking or something. I asked her if she was ok and was baffled as she turned impossibly more scarlet.

What was wrong with her?

She told me she was fine though and we started working on the project. I glanced at her several times; curious as to why she had been blushing so hard, but her face soon returned to its normal pale shade, with just a hint of red left on her cheekbones.

I also noticed that I was sitting really close to her, so close that my arm was almost brushing hers and I realised I had unconsciously leaned a little closer to her, wanting to smell the fragrance on her hair.

We didn't have a lot left of the assignment to do, the only thing we needed to do was to write an essay. And we had to write it together. That meant that we probably had to work on it out of class.

Why was I suddenly looking forward to writing this essay?

If we were going to meet up after school somewhere to do this work, I needed her number right? I mean, I would need to call her and arrange where to meet her and stuff. It made sense.

So why was I finding it hard to ask her for it?

I felt like such an idiot. She was just about to leave the class and I still hadn't asked her. I quickly called her back and finally asked her for it, my forehead and palms slightly damp with perspiration.

The heat of the classroom had probably caused that, I guess.

She looked surprised so I quickly added that it was just for the assignment. I didn't want her to think that I was like Mike Newton or that irritating motorcycle guy, you know, asking for her number to try and get into her pants. She gave me the number willingly enough, and for some strange reason, an involuntary smile hovered on my lips.

Tanya was staring at me oddly, eyes slightly narrowed, when I happened to glance in her direction after Bella had left.

"What's that?" she questioned, pointing to the scrap of paper with Bella's number on it, in my hand.

I frowned. _None of your fucking business that's what._

"Bella's number." I replied, walking out of the class swiftly. She walked with me, still watching me warily.

"Why have you got it?" she asked, trying to act nonchalant and failing.

I sighed. "Because we need to work on the assignment together."

"Oh yeah. Duh." She said.

She was silent after that as she walked with me down the hall and into her next lesson, her lips pursed slightly as she glanced back at me, waving quickly.

Lunch was a little weird.

Jessica and Tyler were talking animatedly, oblivious to the fact that the rest of us were barely talking at all. They were unaware that we were all busy communicating silently with our eyes instead. I noticed Bella giving me a few fleeting looks and I saw that Tanya was shooting her murderous glares for reasons unknown. What was up with her? Jazz was exchanging questioning looks with me, obviously wondering if I'd dumped Tanya yet, while Alice was looking at both Jazz and Bella in confusion; dying to know what was going on. Rose was looking at Tanya, eyebrow raised, and Emmett......well, he was looking at Rose, obviously thinking inappropriate thoughts as he eyed her chest and grinned broadly.

The atmosphere at the table was tense and....strange to say the least and I'm sure we were all relieved when the bell rung and we hurried to fourth period.

I was sitting on my bed, restlessly tapping my pen against my leg.

My notes were scattered on the bed in front of me, and I was _supposed _to be studying for an algebra test we were having on Thursday. I had gone to my room with the intention of studying, but for the past twenty minutes I had just been sitting on my bed, tapping my pen against my leg.

The reason I was doing this was so stupid that I was getting annoyed at myself.

I had emptied my backpack out on my bed, to start sorting out the notes I needed to study, and the little glass slide of the skin cells had fallen out too. It had reminded me of biology class, for some reason, reminded me that I sat next to Bella Swan, reminded me that we were working on an assignment together, reminded me that we were nearly finished the assignment.

Reminded me that I had her number.

The little scrap of paper felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket. I wanted to take it out, look at her adorably messy writing, and call her. But why did I want to call her? I asked myself. I didn't need to; it was too late now to ask her to meet up to work on the essay. We would have to meet up tomorrow instead.

But I still desperately wanted to call her.

I was getting annoyed at myself because, well, I'd never had a problem calling a girl before. If I wanted to call someone, I'd just do it, not sit on my bed for twenty minutes pondering about whether to do it or not. My palms were sweating again. Why was my room so _warm_ all of a sudden?

I took the paper out of my pocket and looked at it. I would call her, I decided. But then I thought; what was I going to _say_ to her? I mean, she would probably want to know why I was calling her at 8:37pm. I'd just say something about the assignment. I mean, that was the reason I had gotten her number in the first place, right?

For the assignment.

I took out my cell phone and dialled the number and took a deep breath as I shakily held it to my ear. There was definitely something wrong with me.

Even though I knew she lived with her dad, I was taken aback by the gruff voice that answered,

"Hello? Charlie Swan speaking."

"Um, good evening Mr Swan," I said nervously, "May I please speak to Bella?"

His voice became even gruffer.

"Who am I speaking to?" he asked suspiciously.

"Err, Edward Cullen sir, I'm in Bella's biology class and err, we're working on an assignment together."

"Cullen? Is Carlisle Cullen your father?" he questioned.

"Err, no, my uncle."

"Hmmm, is he home? I'd like to speak to him."

Oh shit, the party. Jasper was going to kill me.

"Err, no sir, he's away for a few days."

"Right, well...I'll probably give him a call in a few days..." he mused.

There was a brief silence.

"Um, Mr Swan?"

"_Chief_ Swan." He corrected sharply.

"Sorry, Chief Swan, can I, err, speak to Bella? I mean, it's kind of important, you know, to do with an essay we're writing-"

"So why did you call so late?" he cut me off.

Shit.

"Um, I just wanted to ask her something, really quickly."

He paused. Then in an almost threatening tone, said,

"You have fifteen minutes."

I waited on the line as I heard him speaking to Bella, then after a minute she cautiously said,

"Hello?"

And an involuntary smile crept up on me again.

"Hi, Bella."

She was silent for a moment before saying,

"Um, hi, who is this?"

"Err, it's Edward Cullen, you know, the one from school."

I mentally kicked myself. What a dumbass thing to say. Of course she knew which Edward Cullen I was. How many other Edward Cullen's could she know?

She was silent again.

"Um, hello?" I said, wondering if she had hung up.

"Hi...Edward, what's up?" she asked curiously.

It was my turn to be silent for a moment, because I realised I had never heard her say my name before, and her cute, musical voice saying it.....I don't know, it just...did something to me.

"Um, I just wanted to ask you something. About the assignment." I said quickly.

Pause.

"Ok. What do you want to know?"

"Well err, I was wondering how we were going to write the essay, I mean, should we write all of it together, or should I write like, one half and you write the other?"

I smirked to myself. That was some quick thinking there.

"Um, I don't know..." she pondered, "How about we write out our own sections and then we can like, figure out a way to incorporate them."

"Ok. Sounds good."

"So....." she said, "Was that all you wanted to know?"

"Err, yeah, that was pretty much it."

"Ok. Well, I'll see you tomorrow?" She said it like it was a question.

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

"Bye Edward."

_She said it again._

"Bye Bella."

I waited until I heard the phone click and then pressed the 'end call' button on my cell.

I lay back on my bed, realising that my heart was pounding fast in my chest.

What was going on? Why was I reacting that way over a phone call?

Over a girl?

Bella Swan, I thought to myself. What _was_ it about her?

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**Author's Note:**

**I am very pleased with the amount of traffic and subscriptions I'm getting on my story. It makes me so happy that people are actually reading it! Thank You!**

**Please give me more feedback. That little green button below isn't gonna bite you if you click it...lol. **

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	17. Chapter 17: Hope

**SONG: Muse - Supermassive Black Hole**

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**Chapter 17**

**Hope**

**BPOV**

Um...wow.

Did that just really happen?

Did _Edward Cullen _really just call me? I asked myself. I sat on my bed staring at my phone as if it had the answers to my questions. It had been about fifteen minutes since I had gotten off the phone, after speaking to Edward. I still couldn't fathom why he had called me. I mean, he asked something about the essay, but I don't know; it just seemed like that wasn't his real intentions for calling. I went through the conversation in my head over and over, trying to think of something, anything that would give me a clue as to why he _really_ called.

Jacob Black had called me again earlier on in the evening and we had had a great conversation. Once again, I had been in a euphoric mood when I got off the phone to him, despite my dad interrogating me afterwards.

"Where does this Jacob Black live?" he had questioned, "How old is he?"

And I had been unable to answer because, truthfully, I didn't know. All I really knew about Jacob was that he drove a motorcycle and went to the University of Washington. Of course, my dad hadn't been too pleased about this, going on about how careless it was to hand my number out to a complete stranger – which was ridiculous because that was a normal thing to do, I mean, how did he think that people got to know each other? Lecturing me about how Jacob could be an axe murderer for all I knew and that he didn't want me going out with him until he had met him first. I finally got him to leave me alone by promising him that if Jacob called again he could talk to him himself and ask him whatever he needed to know.

Poor Jake, he was probably going to get a grilling the next time he called.

So I was just in my room, listening to music and reading a book when my dad barged in again, telling me crankily that I had another call, and giving me a look that said, 'we are _definitely _going to have a talk about this,' before leaving my room and stomping down the stairs. I seriously needed a cell phone.

I had been puzzled, wondering who could have been calling me. Jake had already called me, why would he call again? Maybe he had forgotten to ask me something, I thought, before curiously answering the phone.

The voice that replied didn't sound like Jake, though I did think it was familiar. The idea that it would have been Edward calling never even crossed my mind, even though I had given him my number. So I was stunned into silence when he had said it was him. When I asked him why he called he said he wanted to ask me something about how we were going to write the essay, but for some reason, it seemed like that wasn't the real reason. I mean, he didn't have to call me to ask that, he could have just waited till class. And why was he calling at close to nine o clock? He'd also sounded strange, I don't know, maybe a little...._nervous? _I was frustrated. Why did Edward Cullen have this effect on me? I mean, here I was, feeling good about Jake, not even thinking about him, and he had to call me and have my pulse start racing frantically.

And cause a fragment of hope to start growing somewhere inside me.

Because there was a possibility that Edward had called me because, well, he wanted to. I mean, if I was honest, I actually thought that what he asked me was just an excuse. But why would he want to call me? There was no way he could like me, not to mention the fact that he was dating Tanya.

But he_ had_ asked for my number. And he _had_ just called me a few minutes ago. So....what if he did like me? I tried to force down these thoughts though because I couldn't allow that piece of hope to grow. I couldn't allow it because I was afraid of the immense disappointment I'd feel if I dared hope that Edward Cullen liked me and I was wrong.

"Oh. My. God!"

Alice's squeal caused a few people to turn and look at her – including Mr Rosa who raised his eyebrows.

"Alice! Shut up!" I hissed.

"Sorry," She whispered, "I just couldn't help it! Edward Freaking Cullen called you last night!"

I deeply regretted telling her.

"Alice will you talk quieter? I don't want people hearing our conversation and starting rumours." I said, annoyed.

"And Jacob Black called you too? This just gets better! Tell me the whole conversation with Edward, everything, every word uttered, every pause, every _breath. _I need to analyse the situation, see what's going on."

I repeated my conversation with Edward to her again and watched as a wide smile grew slowly on her face and she was literally bouncing with excitement by the time I had finished.

She grabbed my hand.

"Bella, I really think he likes you! I mean, from what you told me it seems like the thing about the essay was just an excuse to call."

Damn Alice for making that smidgen of hope grow more.

"I'm totally going to be observing his behaviour at lunch today. I want to see how he is towards you, and then I'll know for sure."

"But he's dating Tanya remember? I mean, how can he like me if he's with her?" I asked sourly.

"Pffttt! He doesn't really want that skank."

I shot her a questioning look.

"Think about it, she's always the one all over _him_, touching him, talking to him, I mean, have you ever even seen him touch her?"

I thought about it, and realised that it was true.

"Well...no-" I began,

"Exactly!" Alice interrupted, "And also, doesn't he always look uncomfortable around her, you know, like he doesn't _want _her touching him?"

"Yeah, ok, maybe he's not into public displays of affection or something, that doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want her. And don't forget that he did sleep with her."

Alice sighed.

"Isabella Marie Swan. Ye of little faith. Just _trust_ me on this. I have a feeling, and you know that my feelings are usually correct."

This was true; it was like she was psychic or something sometimes.

I sighed, fighting hard to force back the hope and excitement that was swelling up inside me, threatening to erupt.

"So....where do you want to meet, you know, to do the essay?"

We had been in silence, doing the work, as usual only speaking to each other when we had to. I was a nervous wreck around him, now that I had the idea in my head that he might like me. I couldn't sit still, if I wasn't tapping my pen, I was tapping my foot, or I was fiddling with strands of my hair. My hair had been up in a ponytail again, but as soon as I had sat next to him I could feel my face heating up, so I had taken off the ponytail holder and let my hair down so I could hide my face behind it. It was a relief to have my hair as a barrier between us.

He was sitting quite close to me again, and this time his arm did brush against mine several times and every time it happened my pulse would quicken and I would feel my face getting hotter. And although I didn't dare look at him, for fear that his alluring eyes would literally cause my heart to give up beating; I swear I could sense him looking at me every once in a while.

So when he had asked me that, I had almost jumped out of my seat, startled. I finally turned to face him, evading his eyes,

"Um, I don't mind, anywhere's good."

He was about to say something else when I remembered,

"Damn it. I totally forgot, I'm grounded, I'm not allowed anywhere but school."

He seemed like he was fighting a smile, though I didn't have a clue what was funny.

"Really? What'd you do?" he said, that smirk still playing on his lips, "Must have been pretty bad."

I sighed. "The party at your house. I didn't tell my dad I was going, he was one of the cops that came to stop the party and saw me there."

He openly smiled now, "Tough break."

Why was this funny to him? It kind of annoyed me.

"What's so funny?" I asked, eyebrow raised – still avoiding his eyes.

"Nothing." He shook his head. "So if you're grounded how are we going to do this thing? I mean, can't you ask your dad to give you a pass, just this once?"

"I'll ask him but I don't think he'll allow it."

"Ok. How about I call you after school, like around 5:30? And you can let me know what you're dad says and if he says no we can, I don't know, figure something out." He said.

He was gazing at me now, trying to meet my eyes, and the intensity of the gaze was...._dazzling. _I had to force myself to keep my eyes on somewhere else, _anywhere _else but those eyes.

"Ok." I replied; my heart was thudding rapidly in my chest now, at the thought of him calling me again, at the thought of meeting him out of school.

At lunch, Alice kept staring him fixatedly, watching his every movement, listening to everything he said. She was being ridiculous and I kicked her under the table several times but she ignored me. I didn't look up from the table once, simply kept my head down, hair hanging forward as I ate my lunch.

On the way home from school, she was so excited she could barely concentrate on the road.

"Alice, can you keep your eyes on the road!" I cried, as she almost ran through a stop sign.

"Oh my God Bella, he likes you, he totally likes you! At lunch, you weren't looking, but he kept glancing at you like every few minutes. _And, _guess what Jazz told me!"

I was fighting to remain calm, "What?"

"Well, I asked him about the whole Tanya situation, you know, like why Edward didn't seem like he was into her. And he told me that Edward doesn't really like her at all! He said that he took her out on one date and then she suddenly got the idea that they were dating and started acting like they were going steady or some shit. He said that she constantly bugs him and he hates it and wants to break up with her but doesn't know how to do it."

My eyes were wide as I stared at Alice.

"Really?" I asked incredulously.

She nodded vigorously, "Yep, that's what Jazz told me."

"So, he didn't really sleep with her then? That was just a rumour?" I asked, expectantly.

Alice grimaced. My face fell.

"Well....he did sleep with her. _But _Jazz said he was totally wasted when it happened, and that he totally regretted it."

I still couldn't stop the frown on my face, but at the same time, I was thrilled. Edward Cullen might actually like me, I thought to myself.

Edward _freaking _Cullen.

Alice dropped me off at home, telling me that she would call me later on to discuss it some more.

Dad was at work, so I had to call him there to ask if he could lift my punishment for one day.

He said he would, just this once, but he seemed very suspicious, asking me a dozen questions, as if he thought I was lying about the essay or something. What was up with that?

I was in the kitchen, unable to sit still, pacing, glancing at the clock, waiting for Edward's call. I hadn't even been able to eat the pasta I had dished, and it sat there on the kitchen table growing cold.

Edward called me at 5:37pm. I was a little peeved that he was late, but brushed it off.

"So what'd he say?" he asked as soon as I answered.

"Yeah, he said he would lift my punishment, just this once."

"Excellent." Was it me or did he sound excited? "So.....where do you want to do it? Library? Your house? My house?"

I struggled to keep the phone to my ear, my palms slippery with perspiration.

"Bella?" Edward asked, after I didn't reply.

"Um, I don't mind, you choose."

"O.....k..." he sounded surprised, "My place then? I mean, we can work in uncle Carlisle's office, he's got tons of books and stuff we could use."

"Sure. Sounds good."

"So...what time are you coming?"

Shit. I forgot I couldn't drive my truck. How was I going to get there?

"Um, I forgot, my dad took my car keys, I don't know how I 'm going to get to your place."

He paused.

"Should I.....pick you up?" he asked.

And I just about died. I would have to sit in his car with him. _Alone._

"Err, ok, if it's not too much trouble." I said quickly.

"Of course not, I'll be over in about....20 minutes." He said and hung up the phone.

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**Author's Note:**

**You see that green writing below? If you click on it magical things happen. Trust me. lol.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	18. Chapter 18: Revelation

**SONGS: Linkin Park - One Step Closer, Evanescence - Going Under**

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**Chapter 18**

**Revelation**

**EPOV**

I drove over to Bella's house slowly.

Well, it was slow for me anyway. I mean, doing 45mph on a 30mph road wasn't exactly _slow, _but considering the fact that I normally did about 60 on 30 road then, yeah, I was driving pretty slowly.

The reason I was driving slowly was because, if I was being perfectly honest, I was...._nervous. _

Really fucking nervous.

So nervous that I couldn't even grip the steering wheel properly because my palms were sweating so badly. So nervous that my stomach felt like it was doing somersaults, so nervous that my heart was hammering away in my chest, so fast that it threatened to explode.

Why the hell was I so nervous?

I didn't know. All I knew was that it had something to do with Isabella Swan.

I had been perfectly fine, perfectly normal – until biology. When she had sat and let down her long, chestnut locks, her sweet scent wafting around me, my body had started reacting in this crazy way. And ok, I guess I made it worse by sitting close to her again and brushing against her arm intentionally a few times, but I don't know, I couldn't help it. She smelt so good and her skin was so flushed, I mean, even her _arm _was pink. I just couldn't help it.

I wanted to just, _touch_ her.

It got worse when she was telling me about her punishment for sneaking out to our party. Her lips started pushing out in that cute little pout again as she spoke, and the involuntary smile had once again made an appearance. The strange feeling continued on at lunch. Whenever I glanced at her – or I should say, at her hair, seeing as it was covering her face again – my pulse seemed to start speeding up a little, which was crazy because I wasn't even sitting next to her. Tanya kept giving me strange looks occasionally and then casting angry looking glances at Bella. She was pissing me off. Why did she keep on looking at her like that? What was her fucking problem?

When I had gotten home from school, I couldn't help watching the clock, waiting for 5:30, the time I said I would call her. But then when it had gotten to 5:30 and I was about to pick up the phone to dial her number, I suddenly felt stupid. I didn't want her to think that I was, like, excited or something to call her. I mean, I was calling her to do _homework _for crying out loud. So I had waited another few minutes and then called her.

She said that her dad had let her off her punishment, just this once, so I said that she should come over to our house to do the work. And I swear my heart rate sped up a little as I told her I was coming to pick her up. I mean, this girl had a weird effect on me, and that was when we were in a full classroom or a crowded cafeteria. How the fuck was I going to be when I was _alone_ with her in my car, or in Carlisle's office?

So I was driving over to her house, on edge and mentally telling myself to get a grip. I got to her house and parked on the road in front of it and was surprised to see that old red truck parked in her driveway. So it had been _her_ truck all along. I smiled at the old rusty thing. It suited her. She must like it a lot to have it, I mean, she could easily get a cheap car that was newer and I'm sure that thing needed a lot of gas too.

I sat in my car for a while, pondering whether to get out and knock on the front door or to beep my horn and have her come to the car.

Why was I thinking about everything so much? Things that I never even had to think about before were like big deals when it came to her. I decided to get out and go to the front door, I mean, it would have been a little rude not to. I walked up to the door slowly and knocked. She answered it really fast, almost instantaneously; I mean my hand was still in the air when she opened it, about to knock again.

She smiled at me, going pink, and said,

"Hi."

I realised she had changed from what she was wearing at school. She was now wearing a soft royal blue v-neck sweater, and the deep pink of her face and slender neck against the sweater was just....._mesmerizing._

I couldn't stop looking at her.

She shuffled under my gaze, her skin going even pinker, and looked down at her feet.

I forced myself to tear my eyes away, mentally scolding myself for acting like a freaking weirdo, and said,

"Hey. You, err, ready?"

"Um, yeah." She said, still avoiding my eyes, "Let's go."

We walked over to my car and got in. And as soon we were both in, I swear the car got ten times warmer. I had to roll down my window.

We drove in silence. I tried very hard to keep my eyes on the road and was back to my regular speed, going at a smooth 60mph down the road. The cool breeze coming through my window and the speed calmed my nerves down a tiny bit. I decided to risk a quick glance at her. She was holding on to her seat belt tightly, eyes wide.

"Are you ok?" I asked her, puzzled.

"Do you always drive so fast?" she said, her eyes fixed on the road in front of her.

I smiled. "Yeah. Why, are you scared?"

She nodded quickly, still focused on the road. Then she glanced at me and her eyes widened even more.

"Oh my God, you're not even wearing your seat belt?" she almost yelled.

I wanted to laugh at her tone, but held it back.

"Shit, I forgot." I let go of the wheel with one hand and strapped the seatbelt on.

She breathed out, relieved, and frowned in my direction.

"That's really dangerous you know, and can you slow down please?"

I snickered and turned to her.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" she yelled.

"Chill, I'm not trying to kill you; it's just the way I drive. And I've never even scratched my car before so..." I shrugged.

"Ok, you're an excellent driver, whatever, but can you _please _slow down a little?"

I rolled my eyes and slowed down to 45 again.

We got to the house and I saw Alice's Porsche parked in the front.

"What's Alice doing here?" Bella mumbled, more to herself than me.

We got in the door and Alice and Jazz were on the couch, Alice sitting on Jazz's lap. She turned when she heard the door.

"Bella!" she dashed over to her, grinning excitedly.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" Bella asked. Were her teeth clenched a little?

Alice chuckled.

"Err, I don't know, let see, maybe my boyfriend lives here and I came to see him?" she said sarcastically.

Bella rolled her eyes a little.

"Hi Edward." Alice said to me, smirking.

Bella shot her a glare. "Alice we've got work to do. We'll talk later." She said, and turned to me.

"I'll bet." Alice murmured, snickering.

I was completely baffled.

Bella ignored her and said, "Edward?"

I led her up the stairs to Carlisle's office. Esme was in there when we reached it.

"Um, sorry Aunt E, can Bella and I use the office? We're doing an essay and want to use some of uncle Carlisle's books."

"Of course!" Esme said, gathering her stuff. She smiled at Bella, "Hello dear, I'm Edward's aunt, Esme." She shook Bella's hand.

"Hi." Bella replied, "Your house is really pretty."

Esme beamed. She loved compliments on the house because she'd decorated it, and didn't fail to tell everyone that fact.

"Thank you dear._ I_ decorated it you know."

I rolled my eyes.

"Make yourself at home ok Bella. If you're hungry there's food downstairs, help yourself to anything, or you can ask Edward to order a pizza or something. He'll pay." She winked at me.

I internally grimaced. How embarrassing.

She finally left the office and Bella and I got started on the essay. We sat next to each other at Carlisle's big desk. We pretty much worked the same way as we did in school, mostly in silence, talking a little about the work. There was space for two chairs at the desk but it was tight and we were squashed pretty close together, and this time it wasn't intentional when my arm brushed hers. My heart started pounding quickly again and I started getting really hot. I removed my long sleeve shirt, leaving my black t shirt that I was wearing underneath. Bella was flushing again. Maybe she was hot too.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked her.

She nodded silently.

"Ok. I'll be right back."

I went down to the kitchen and Jazz was in there, he grinned broadly when he saw me.

"What?" I asked him, puzzled.

He shook his head, an innocent expression on his face.

"Nothing man."

I took two sodas from the fridge and went back up to the office.

My cell started buzzing at around 8:00pm. _Tanya_, the screen said.

"Fuck." I muttered.

Bella looked at me curiously for a second; then continued writing.

Tanya kept calling me again, over and over, like before. The buzzing was distracting and I could see Bella frowning a little.

I turned off the phone.

About an hour later, we were almost done the essay and I thought we should take a break, you know, eat something before finishing off. I was just going to suggest it to Bella when I heard the doorbell. Strange, I thought. Who could that be at this time? I heard voices downstairs. I could hear Alice's high tone and someone else, someone I couldn't quite recognize.

Footsteps came bounding up the stairs and Tanya burst into the office.

She smiled a huge fake smile.

"Edward!"

I was stunned. What the hell did she think she was doing, coming over unannounced and barging in?

"Tanya, what-"

"Bella!" Tanya said, fake smile stretching wider, "I didn't know you were here. You and Edward are working on that assignment right?"

Bella seemed equally stunned. "Um Yeah."

I stood up and walked over to Tanya.

"Tanya, what the fuck are you doing here?" I said, teeth clenched.

She smiled up at me sweetly and reached up to touch my face. I moved my face away from her hand.

"I wanted to see you baby. I mean, I tried calling but, I don't know, I think something was wrong with your phone."

I heard Bella packing up her stuff.

"I should go." She said, "I mean, we've basically finished, the stuff that's left can easily be finished off in class tomorrow."

She shoved her stuff into her backpack.

"No, wait Bella; you don't have to go yet."

"I think I do." She said, "Alice can give me a ride home. Bye Edward."

She brushed past me, completely ignoring Tanya, and went out of the door and down the stairs.

I was fuming.

Tanya reached out for my face again, and I grabbed her wrist, holding it in the air.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I asked her

She tried to pull away from my grasp. I held on tight.

"Edward, let go of me."

"No Tanya, answer my fucking question! Can't you take a hint? I don't want you, I was never interested in you and I never will be. I fucked you because....well I was drunk and _you_ even know that you took advantage of that. And I took you out on that _one _date, _one _fucking date, because I felt bad, you know, I felt _sorry _for treating you like a slut. But you know what? I shouldn't have felt bad at all because you _are _a slut. Don't fucking call my number again and if you come over here, it better be to see Rose. Don't talk to me at school, don't touch me. I don't want anything to do with you!" I ranted.

I didn't care about hurting her feelings at that moment, I was too livid to care about anything. She was driving me nuts and I needed to end it right there. Who the fuck did she think she was coming here uninvited, harassing me? Making Bella leave.

She was sobbing by the time I had finished my rant, shaking her head.

"No, Edward, no you can't do this, you can't do this."

I was incredulous.

"Do what Tanya? I can't even call this a break up seeing as I wasn't really dating you in the first place. I don't know how you got it in your warped, twisted mind-"

"Please Edward, don't do this to me. Please. I'm in love with you."

_What the fuck?_

"You're the only guy, since Garrett, that hasn't treated me like shit. All the guys I meet, they just want me for one thing. They fuck me and then kick me out the next morning without as much as a goodbye. But you, you took me out, you were nice to me, made me feel _wanted-"_

I shook my head fiercely.

"No Tanya, I didn't do anything at all to make you feel that way, if guys are treating you like crap then you need to take a look at yourself and see why."

"Garrett liked me the way I was; he didn't like me for just my body. He cared about me. He _loved _me." she sobbed.

"Yeah, well Tanya, I'm not Garrett ok? I don't love you, in fact, I barely even know you."

"Garrett and I, we were going to be together forever, you know, when we got old enough we were going to get married. We had it all planned out." She broke out into more sobbing.

I closed my eyes. What the hell did I get myself into? This girl obviously had problems.

I sighed. I suddenly felt a little bad, I mean, if she had mental issues I didn't want to make her worse.

"Tanya." I said gently, "I'm sorry ok, I really am, but I don't love you. I can't be Garrett. Maybe you should, you know, find him and make up with him or something...."

She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face.

"He's dead!" she cried, "He's gone and I'll never get him back!" she shook violently as she sobbed.

I just stood there helpless.

I mean, I wanted to reach out to her, hug her, I don't know _do something, _but I didn't think that would be a good idea.

I spotted Jazz and Esme outside the door in the hall watching us, eyes wide and confused, mouths open in shock.

Tanya wiped her face roughly.

"I'm sorry Edward." She whispered.

She turned and walked out of the office, past Esme and Jazz, who watched her, bewildered, and went down the stairs.

We heard the front door slam and then an engine start up as she drove away.

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**Author's Note:**

**Any reviews for me?**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	19. Chapter 19: Change

**SONG: Lily Allen - The Fear**

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**Chapter 19**

**Change**

**BPOV**

I was mad.

No, I was _furious. _Furious with myself for daring to hope that Edward might actually like me, furious at Tanya for barging in and ruining that hope for me, furious at _Edward _for sleeping with her.

I couldn't lie to myself though, I wasn't just mad.

I was _jealous. _Jealous that she got to touch him, that she got to run her hands through his tousled bronze locks, that she got to kiss him, see his bedroom, that she got to....well you know.

The thing is I knew I was kind of overreacting. I mean, it's not like Tanya came in the room and Edward ran over to her and starting having sex with her in front of me. In fact, he seemed just as shocked as me that she was there. But I couldn't help it. He walked over to her, and I didn't hear what he mumbled to her but as soon as she said, "I just wanted to see you _baby,_" well, that just did it for me, the anger and jealousy just took over from there and I couldn't stay and watch her start touching him again, or even hear her calling him _baby _again. I had quickly rushed to pack up my stuff, not even glancing at either one of them as I exited the office.

Driving home with Alice was irritating.

"Bella, why are you mad? He doesn't want her, I 'm telling you."

"Alice," I sighed, "Just drop it ok, you're the one who got my hopes up in the first place. Edward is with Tanya, and I don't care about whatever he said to Jasper, maybe he was just being a guy, you know, trying to act tough in front of him, pretending he didn't like her."

Alice shook her head fiercely.

"No Bella, I'm telling you, he was trying to find a way to break up with her. I mean, you can even ask Jazz yourself. I told him that I thought Edward might like you-"

"You did what? Oh my God Alice, why can't you keep your mouth shut for once in your life?" I cried.

"_Listen_ Bella! Look Jazz thought about it for a second, you know, thought about the way Edward always looks at you at lunch, and he said that he didn't notice it before, but since I pointed it out, he thinks that I might be right."

I was silent. I wasn't going to let that hope spark up again, I wouldn't allow it.

"Bella?" she asked.

"Whatever Alice, if Edward Cullen likes me then he'll tell me himself. I'm not bothering to waste my time trying to figure him out anymore."

Alice groaned, frustrated.

"Ok, whatever. I'm sick of trying to play matchmaker anyway."

We drove the rest of the way in silence and she dropped me off at home.

Dad was in when I got home, watching TV.

"Hi dad." I said, dully.

He turned to look at me curiously, obviously surprised by my tone.

"What's wrong Bells?"

"Nothing." I said, trying to perk up a little, "Just tired."

"Did you finish the assignment?"

"Yeah."

"That's good."

He was silent as I slowly walked to the stairs.

"Bells?" He called out after a while.

I walked back to him.

"Yes dad?"

"Your punishment is over. You can have your keys back." He took out my keys from his pocket and handed them to me.

I beamed. "Thanks dad. What's brought this on?"

"Well, you're a good kid Bells, this is the first time since you moved here, that I'd had to punish you. I figured your punishment's lasted enough."

"Thanks dad." I smiled at him.

I went up to my room and lay on my bed. The events of the day were running through my head. The way Edward had gazed at me when I opened the door, the way he kept glancing at me while we worked in Carlisle's office, the way he kept smiling at me. I had started thinking that maybe he really did like me.

I was conflicted.

I wanted so badly for it to be true, that Edward liked me, that he was finding a way to get rid of Tanya, that Alice was right. But then I would hear Tanya's voice in my ear calling him 'baby', seeing her all over him at lunch, imagine him and her together in his bed....

I punched my pillow.

I drove my truck to school on Friday morning, happy to have it back and kind of relieved that I didn't have to deal with Alice straight away. However, in French, she didn't say a word about Edward. In fact, she barely spoke at all during the lesson. This was weird, I mean, French class was the one class Alice and I had together – and the one class we were both failing because we were never concentrating on the work, too busy gossiping. I kept looking at her questioningly, but she just shrugged her shoulders at me – trying too hard to look innocent. But I knew her too well for her to fool me. She knew something, and for some strange reason, she wasn't telling me.

I dreaded going to biology. I walked as slowly as I could without being late to class. He was there in his seat when I got there and he turned to me as I approached, smiling a crooked, breathtaking smile at me, causing my pulse to starting racing.

"Hey."

Why was he smiling at me? Talking to me so casually?

I didn't reply, not even glancing at him as I sat down.

He looked at me, confused.

"Are you ok?"

Why did he always ask me that?

"I'm fine." I said through clenched teeth.

"Ok." He swallowed, "So...why'd you leave yesterday? I mean, you didn't have to you know, just because Tan-"

"I wanted to." I cut him off. I didn't want to even hear her name coming from his lips.

"Ok. Well, I apologize for her just, you know, barging in like that, I mean, I didn't even know she was coming..." he trailed off, and I could feel his hazel eyes boring into me.

"What's wrong?"

I sighed, annoyed. "Nothing's wrong with me ok Edward, I'm just not in the mood for conversation so just, leave me alone."

His brow furrowed.

"Whatever." He said, peeved.

He turned to the front and didn't speak to me again for the duration of the class.

I didn't fail to notice that Tanya wasn't in class. She probably had drama rehearsals again, I thought to myself with a scowl.

At lunch, there was still no sign of Tanya. Rosalie was there and not in costume so I knew that there wasn't a drama rehearsal. Weird, I thought, maybe she was absent from school today. There was a weird atmosphere at the table; it was as if everyone knew something that I didn't. Edward, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper were all exchanging looks. Rosalie was glaring at Edward and Jasper kept glancing at me oddly. When I happened to meet his eyes a few times he would just smile quickly and look away. What was going on?

Jessica and Tyler were the only ones apparently not in on it, as they were just talking and eating normally. Emmett was at football practice. Alice looked at me, and I could tell that she was fighting hard to restrain herself from telling me something. I raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head, mouthing that she'd tell me later. Edward kept staring at me too, trying to meet my eyes. I felt myself growing hot under his gaze, but kept my eyes averted from his.

After school Alice ran to meet me at my truck.

"I'm coming to your house Bella." She said, and then ran back to her Porsche.

I was really confused, and dying to know what was going on. I drove home fast, well as fast as my truck could manage, with Alice driving behind me.

"Alice what's going on?" I said, as soon as we got in my house.

"Oh my God Bella! You will not believe this!"

"Alice." I said in a warning tone.

"Ok, ok. Last night, after we left the Cullen's..." she bounced on the couch, barely able to contain her excitement.

"Alice!" I said frustrated, "Will you just spit it out?"

"Tanya is leaving Forks!" she blurted out. "Well, for a few months anyway."

My mouth dropped open in shock. I was baffled. I waited for her to continue.

"Ok, when Tanya came over to their house yesterday, Edward didn't know she was coming because he had been ignoring her calls. Didn't you hear his cell ringing?"

I had heard it buzzing but I didn't know that it had been ringing.

"Yeah, he switched it off after a while." I said.

Alice was nodding. "Yeah, so Tanya basically just decided to show up because he wasn't answering her calls. Jazz was like, trying to get her to leave but she didn't want to, saying that Edward had called her over. Then she quickly went up the stairs so Jazz couldn't say anything else to her. He knew she was lying though, because he knew that Edward would never call to ask her over. So anyway, we just went back to the living room thinking nothing of it, and then you came down and said you wanted to leave so we left."

She paused. I watched her impatiently, waiting.

"So Jazz told me that after we left, he and his mom had heard Edward yelling at her from upstairs, telling her he didn't want her, how she was a slut and he only felt sorry for her that's why he so nice to her, basically telling her to fuck off. So Jazz and Esme had ran up and stood watching from the hall. _Then..._and here's the weird part_._"

She grinned, leaning in close to me.

I was frozen, trying to process all of this information, trying to make sense of it.

"Then apparently Tanya had started _crying_, telling Edward that she loved him; telling him that he couldn't do that to her..."

I made a face in disgust.

"How can she love him? She's only known him for about a week." I said rolling my eyes.

"Exactly! Edward said the same thing apparently. Anyway she kept crying, saying that guys treat her like a slut and that Edward was the only guy that had been nice to her since Garrett."

I raised my eyebrow, "Who's Garrett?" I questioned.

Alice looked at me, then slapped her forehead, "Oh yeah, you weren't living here when Garrett was around. He was this guy who lived next door to her. They basically grew up together here in Forks and they were like, best friends and started dating in junior high. I didn't know Tanya at the time because I didn't go to Forks Junior High, but apparently she and Garrett were like totally in love or something. Then he got killed in a car accident and his parents moved away, unable to stay in town because it reminded them of him."

"Wow....that's pretty sad-"

"Yeah, it is." Alice interrupted, "Anyway, Jazz said that Tanya was never like the way she is now when Garrett was alive. He said she was nice, sweet, kind. Then after he died she started acting slutty, turned into a bitch, you know, became the Tanya we know. So she was telling Edward how she and Garrett loved each other and stuff and Edward was like, he doesn't love her and he can't be Garrett. So eventually she left and went home. Rosalie told them this morning that Tanya had called her like around 3am crying and stuff and told her that she was going away for a bit, that she needed to get out of Forks for a while. So apparently her parents phoned the school this morning and informed them and she's gone now."

I let out a breath. "Wow, I didn't know all that stuff about Tanya-" I felt a tiny bit guilty for calling her a skank. A _very_ tiny bit.

"I know." Alice cut in again, "She must be like messed up. Jazz told me she looked like a nut job yesterday. But now we get to the _really _good part."

She smirked at me.

"You know I told Jazz that I thought Edward liked you? Well...."

She looked at me worriedly.

"Mary-Alice..."

"Well, Jazz asked him if he does!" she blurted out. She closed her eyes, and tensed her body, expecting me to hit her or something.

But I could only concentrate on her words. I stared at her in disbelief.

"Well, what did he say?" I asked impatiently.

"Oh, I thought you said you weren't going to bother trying to figure out Edward Cullen anymore?" She smirked smugly, eyebrows raised.

"For crying out loud Alice will you just tell me?"

"Well, Jazz said that he was confused, like he didn't know at first. He thought about it and after a while he was like, yeah he does like you."

I held back the squeal that threatened to erupt from my mouth. Alice was grinning smugly.

"See? What did I say about my feelings?" She said.

"So, he likes me?" I breathed.

"Yep. And now crazy Tanya's out of the way so....." she trailed off looking at me expectantly.

Dad had gone fishing, like he did every Saturday, so I was alone in the house.

Normally I liked being alone on Saturdays. It was peaceful. I would sleep in, wake up around noon and make myself a huge breakfast. Then I'd lounge around the house, reading, listening to music, sometimes watching TV and later in the day Alice would sometimes come over or I would go to her place.

But not this Saturday.

This Saturday the silence was too much, too overbearing. I had already been thinking about what Alice had told me yesterday, all night, I didn't want to spend the day doing the same.

It seemed unreal. The stuff with Tanya just made it even more bizarre. I didn't want to see Alice today either, I couldn't deal with her excitement right now.

_Edward Cullen liked me._

If Edward liked me, then what next? He didn't attempt to say anything about it to me in biology yesterday. But then again, I had told him that I didn't want to talk....

I sighed. I liked Edward too, I mean, that fact was obvious, but I couldn't help still feeling mad at him. Whether he had been drunk or not, he had still slept with Tanya, and I tried not to dwell on that fact, but to be honest, it bothered me.

What if we did start dating? Every time I would go into his room I would just picture him and Tanya there, on his bed. I could already picture that unpleasant sight now and I hadn't even _seen_ his room before.

The phone rang, causing to me to jump. I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

_Great. Renee._

I sighed, "Hi, Renee. What's up?"

"I miss you honey. Please come over for Spring Break. I haven't seen you in over six months now."

This was true, and if I was being perfectly honest, I missed her too despite my resentment towards her. I mean, she _was _still my mom.

"Ok." I said reluctantly, "Only if you pay for my ticket though."

I could hear her excitement in her voice.

"Of course dear!"

I heard Phil in the background calling her.

"Shit." She muttered. "I'm sorry hun but I've got to go now. I'll call you back another day. Say hi to your father for me." She was almost whispering. She then hung up before I even had a chance to say bye.

That was weird.

I was getting bored after a while. So I went into the kitchen and decided to bake a cake. I had gotten all the ingredients and equipment out when the phone rang again.

I hurried over to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" a deep voice rang in my ear. My heart started thumping instantaneously.

"Yes?" I said, my voice slightly shaking.

"It's Jake."

I let out a quiet breath, a miniscule part of me was disappointed – but the rest was glad to hear from him.

"Jake! How are you?"

"I'm good. You?" he said.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good. What are you doing right now?" he asked.

"Nothing really, I was bored so I was just about to go and bake a cake."

He chuckled. "Be sure to save me a piece if you do."

"Sure will."

There was a pause.

"So....you still grounded?"

"No actually, my dad has finally let me off, he feels like I've done my time."

"Great!" he sounded excited, "so...if you're bored.....and not grounded anymore....you want to come out somewhere with me?"

I really needed to go out, I was going insane just sitting at home, pondering. And Jacob seemed like a nice guy, and he was fun to talk to.

"Sure, where are we going?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure yet. Are you ok with riding on my motorcycle?"

I wasn't sure, I mean, I had never been on one before and those things were _fast. _I had nearly had a heart attack when Edward was speeding and that was in a car, a motorcycle had nothing around it, nothing protective.

Jacob sensed my hesitation.

He chuckled.

"Don't worry, I won't go too fast and you'll be wearing my spare helmet."

This reassured me a tiny bit.

"Hmmm, ok."

"What time should I pick you up?" he asked.

"How about five?"

"Perfect. What's your address?"

I gave him my address.

"I'll be round at five." He said.

"See you then Jake." I said, and hung up the phone.

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**Author's Note:**

**Lol, my chapter's seem to be getting longer and longer. You see that green writing below? It likes to be clicked. **

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	20. Chapter 20: Discovery

**SONG: Kings of Leon - Use Somebody, Muse - Map of the problematique**

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**Chapter 20**

**Discovery**

**EPOV**

I felt so stupid. How could I not have known? How could I not have had a clue that I liked her? I mean, it was so obvious.

Even _Jazz_ knew I liked her before I did.

After Tanya had left, Esme had been pretty mad at me,

"Edward, how could you? How could you be so reckless and irresponsible? Getting drunk and having a one night stand?" she said incredulously.

I cringed. God this was embarrassing. I didn't want my aunt knowing _anything_ about my sex life. I didn't even want her knowing that I _had _a sex life.

"You don't sleep with someone you aren't in love with and you most _definitely _do _not_ call a girl a _slut_. That is a horrible term and I _never _want to hear you saying anything like that to someone again, do you hear me?"

I sighed, "Yes, aunt E. I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's not me you should be apologizing to. You will wait for a while until that poor girl has calmed down and then you will call her and apologize to her. Is that clear?"

Fuck. I nodded slowly.

"And wait, when exactly was this time that you got drunk?" She was looking at me suspiciously, her eyes narrowed and questioning.

Jazz was glaring at me from behind her back, looking panicked and shaking his head quickly.

"It was...it was a while ago...when I visited you guys around Christmas. Jazz and I went to a party and I met her there." I lied.

Jazz grinned at me, nodding his head in approval.

Esme sighed, shaking her head, "I'm very disappointed in you Edward."

Great. She had to use that word. I mean, I could handle people being mad at me, but disappointed.....that always made me feel like crap.

Jazz and I had gone to sit in the living room afterwards. I collapsed on the couch, rubbing my temples. I had a headache.

"Thanks for not snitching about the party man. I owe you one." Jazz said.

"No problem."

We were silent for a while.

"Wow man, that stuff with Tanya was....." he shook his head, "I told you she was nuts."

"Who was that guy she was talking about? Did you know him?" I asked.

"Yeah, sort of. He was her boyfriend and they were like inseparable, I mean, we were all only like twelve I think, but you could tell that they were probably going to end up married someday. He got killed in an accident though, and she was a little messed up after that, her parents took her out of town for a few months and when she came back she _seemed_ like she was totally over him. She was going after other guys and stuff and she never spoke of him again. But by what she just told you tonight, she obviously _wasn't_ over him."

I was guilt-ridden.

"Don't feel guilty man." Jazz said.

_How did he always know?_

"I mean, it's not your fault, you didn't know. And anyway you could have been anybody. The girl was obviously already unstable."

I nodded glumly.

Jazz and I sat in silence, watching TV.

After a while, I noticed that he kept looking at me strangely.

"What?" I said to him.

"Nothing." He had that same fake innocent expression on his face as he had had earlier on in the kitchen.

I raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. We continued sitting in silence and my thoughts starting drifting to Bella Swan. I was thinking about her long shiny hair, her sweet scent, her deep brown eyes, her voice, the cute little pout that she did when she was mad, her lips, her graceful walk, the way that blue sweater looked on her.....

"You like her don't you?" Jazz's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

I was confused.

"What? Like who?" I questioned, frowning.

Jazz rolled his eyes.

"C'mon dude, you know who."

Confusion turned into shock, "Tanya? Dude, are you nuts? Didn't you just hear-?"

"No, not Tanya." Jazz interrupted.

He sighed. "I'm talking about Isabella Swan."

The sound of her name made my heart rate increase.

"I...I don't.....I mean, I-" I stuttered.

Jazz shook his head, grinning. "Dude, you are so into her. It's so fucking obvious. How the hell didn't I notice this?" He asked himself.

I sat there, every part of me frozen in shock – except my heart which was now thumping at double speed. I thought about it. Did I like Bella? I mean, all I knew was that she did _something _to me. She made me feel strange, feel a way that no other girl had made me feel before. I was constantly thinking about her, I looked forward to biology where I could sit next to her, and lunch, where I could look at her, I wanted to touch her, wanted to hear her talk, wanted to smell her.....

_Fuck._

I _did_ like Isabella Swan. Why didn't I realise this before? Why the fuck was I so blind?

Jazz was watching me, a small smirk on his lips. His raised his eyebrows,

"Well? Are you going to admit it?"

"Yeah." I said, the involuntary smile creeping up on my lips, "Yeah, I guess I do."

On Friday morning, I got an earful from Rosalie.

"I told you to just tell her that it was just a one night stand from the start didn't I?" She yelled, "But you didn't fucking listen to me. Instead you strung her along, pretending you liked her, making her think that you wanted her-"

"Look, Rose I didn't string her along. _She_ was the one who practically _dragged me _along. I didn't ever tell her I wanted to be with her, I didn't-"

"Yeah well you didn't tell her that you _didn't _want to be with her either did you?"

Ok, that was true. I was silent.

"Exactly! And now she's got to go back to stay with her aunt and start counselling again. All because of you! I couldn't sleep last night, you know, she called me, crying her fucking eyes out and I had to stay on the phone and console her until six this morning!"

"Rose that's enough." Esme came into the kitchen where we were standing. "Get to school now, all of you. And Edward?" She called, as I started walking out.

I stopped and turned to face her.

"Apologize."

"Like there's any fucking point. She's not coming to school today, she's probably even on her way out of Forks by now." Rose said angrily.

"Rosalie can you please stop using such foul language." Esme scolded. She sighed deeply. "Right, off to school now, all of you."

On the drive to school, although Rosalie's words had stung me a little, I couldn't dwell on them too long, because, well, I was on my way to _school_, and that meant biology – and Bella would be there. I had lain awake in my bed for ages last night, just thinking about her. I knew I liked her now, but what the fuck was I going to do about it? Should I ask her out? I mean, I didn't even know if she liked me. She barely spoke to me and when she did, it was mostly just about the work we were doing. Again, my fucking heart was going at double time and my palms were damp.

Shit.

Jazz didn't say anything to me; he just gave me a meaningful look when we got out of the car and walked away to his first class. It was a huge relief to not have Tanya waiting for me in the parking lot for once, and I actually walked to class with a smile. I decided, during algebra, that I _would _ask Bella out. I mean, how would I know if she liked me or not if I didn't ask?

So, in biology, when I saw her walking over to the desk, I flashed a huge smile at her, confident, prepared to ask her out. As she approached me, my smile, as well as my confidence faltered. She was scowling, her forehead creased, her lips out at full pout. She didn't even respond to my hello. I didn't get this girl. What was up with her now? I asked her if she was ok and she didn't even turn to look at me, muttering a curt, 'I'm fine,' and glowering at the front of the class. She certainly didn't _look_ like she was fine. So I thought that maybe she was mad that Tanya had disrupted our essay yesterday and tried to apologize for it but she cut me off, telling me to leave her alone.

I was pissed off.

What the fuck was her problem? Why was she always so fucking rude? I was always polite to her, yet she always seemed mad about something. Always in a fucking mood. Well I didn't give a shit, if she wanted to be left alone then I'd leave her alone. I turned to the front of the class and forced myself to not even glance in her direction.

At lunch though, I couldn't help looking at her again. She was still frowning slightly, but she looked a lot less mad than she had this morning. I kept trying to meet her eyes, so I could talk to her if she looked at me but she was deliberately ignoring me, looking around the table at everyone _but_ me. Jazz kept looking at both of us questioningly, obviously wondering what was happening between us, while Rosalie was still shooting me angry looks.

I ignored her.

When we got home from school, I went straight to my room, feeling miserable and fed up. I wished I hadn't realised that I liked her. It was driving me crazy now because I had to talk to her, had to ask her out, I had to _see_ her. I picked up my cell and started dialling her number. Just as the phone was about to ring, I quickly cut it off, wondering what the hell I was going to say to her.

I put the phone back down and paced around my room.

I wanted to talk to her and I wanted to see her. I picked up my keys. I would go over to her house, I decided, and talk to her there, face to face.

I got down the stairs and was on my way to the front door when I saw it opening slowly.

Carlisle walked in.

"Edward!" he said, smiling brightly at me.

"Uncle C, you're back." I said, surprised.

"Yes." He said, "I've missed far too many days off work, I need to catch up on a lot. Where are you off to this evening?"

"Err, nowhere really, I was just...going for a drive."

"Oh right. Before you go will you follow me up to my office for a moment? I want to talk to you quickly."

"Uh, sure."

We walked up the stairs and into his office. He sat down at his desk, while I stood in front of it waiting anxiously.

He fiddled about with the papers on his desk for a few minutes, mumbling to himself. I started tapping my foot on the floor. I was getting impatient.

Finally, he looked up from his papers and smiled.

"Don't look so worried Edward. I have some good news."

I stood still, watching him, waiting for him to continue.

"Your mom has left the clinic now." He said, and the relief that flooded me was so overwhelming that I had to sit at the edge of the desk.

"Really?" I said, "So she's back at home now?"

"Yes. Of course she will be regularly monitored by the hospital so they can see how she's coping, but she doesn't mind that, she's just pleased to be in her own home again."

I beamed.

"_And..._" Carlisle paused, smirking at me, "She wants to see you."

I was immobilised for a second, staring at Carlisle as he grinned at me. I couldn't take it in.

"What? She wants to see me now?"

Carlisle nodded. "See, I told you to give her time."

The happiness that surged through me was unbelievable. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or _dance. _All thoughts were immediately gone from my head; all I could think of was my mom. I had missed her so much, I was so worried that she hated me; that I would never see her again, and now, here Carlisle was telling me I could go and see her, telling me I could go _home._

All I could do was stand there, my smile stretched so wide that my cheeks were starting to ache.

Carlisle laughed.

"Glad to see you're pleased with the news."

"When can I go?" I asked quickly.

"Well, whenever you want to really, and you can stay for a few nights too. But the maximum time I'll allow you to miss school for is a week. So please don't stay longer than a week."

I had stopped listening at 'whenever you want really.'

"Can I leave tonight?"

"Well..." he looked at his watch, "Hmmm....I think it's a little late tonight. But you can leave tomorrow morning if you want."

"Ok."

I could barely hold in my excitement. I turned and ran out of Carlisle's office, wanting to go and start packing, when I suddenly remembered. I turned around and walked sheepishly back to the room.

"Sorry, I err got a little excited. I forgot to say, Thank you uncle C."

He was still smiling.

"Edward, you have nothing to thank me for, I didn't force her to want to see you."

"I know, but I mean, thanks for, you know, everything really. I've never really said it to you guys since I moved here."

His smile grew wider.

"You're Welcome."

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**Author's Note:**

**Thanks to everyone subscribing and adding my story to their favourites and reviewing and reading! It's sooo appreciated.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	21. Chapter 21: Mixed Feelings

**SONG: Coldplay - Viva La Vida, Blink 182 - I Miss You**

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**Chapter 21**

**Mixed Feelings**

**BPOV**

The wind was blowing my hair wildly around my face, the cold air stinging my cheeks, as I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped Jacob's waist tightly.

It was terrifying, it was dangerous; it was...._exhilarating._

"Jake! You said you would go slowly!" I shrieked as we sped down the road away from my house.

Jake was laughing, his body shaking under my iron grip.

"You call this fast?" he yelled, the wind carrying his voice away.

"Yes!" I cried.

I didn't open my eyes, but I think I felt the bike slow down a little bit. A very little bit.

"Is that better?" he called.

"Not really." I replied.

He laughed again.

"Bella it's a motorcycle, this is about as slow as I can go. Just keep your eyes shut, we're almost there."

As if I was going to open them.

After a while, I wasn't sure how long, he slowed down, then finally stopped and cut the engine. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around.

"The movie theatre?" I questioned.

"Yeah, where did you think I was taking you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking, "A Biker Bar or something?"

I flushed, because, well, I actually _did_ think that. I mean Jacob was a college guy, I didn't know where they took girls on dates.

He chuckled, "Bella, I'm not even old enough to get into a bar."

"How old are you?" I realised I still didn't know.

"Eighteen, I'll be nineteen in August."

"Oh, right."

He helped me remove the heavy helmet and we walked over to the theatre. When we got to the ticket booth he turned to me.

"What do you want to watch?"

I scanned the names of the movies being shown.

"Hmmm, how about this one?" I pointed to an R rated movie called, _My Vampire Boyfriend._ Jacob cocked his eyebrow at me but went to buy the tickets.

We settled in our seats after buying a bunch of snacks. Jacob said he bought so much stuff to keep himself busy if the movie sucked – and that he had a feeling that it would. I punched him lightly on the arm and he snickered. We sat in silence after the movie started, munching on popcorn and candy and sipping our sodas. It wasn't uncomfortable or tense and I felt at ease with Jacob. I was enjoying the movie, a film about a girl and a vampire who fall in love, and Jacob groaned at some of the cheesy lines but I could tell that he was actually enjoying it too.

I noticed Jacob staring at me a few times during the movie, and I was relieved that it was dark in the theatre so my blush wasn't noticeable. I looked back at him one time I noticed him staring and he winked at me, causing my face to heat up even more. At one point, he put his arm over my shoulder and I froze for a second and looked at him. He was just watching the screen nonchalantly; seeming unconscious that he even had his arm around me. After a while, I relaxed into him, leaning against his shoulder a little. I felt really awkward at the few love scenes in the movie that made it deserve its R rating. I blushed furiously and shuffled under his arm, looking away from the screen. I peeked at Jacob too, to see his reaction but he didn't even flinch, he just watched the love scenes with a blank expression, eating candy occasionally or sipping his soda. I felt so childish.

After the movie was over, we walked over to his bike.

"Want to go and get something to eat?" he asked me.

"No way, I don't feel like eating anything after all that junk."

He smiled. "Ok, so what do you want to do?"

"Hmmm....I don't know. I chose the movie so you choose what we do next." I said.

"Ok."

He picked up the helmets from the seat of the bike and unlocked the chain he had used to attach them. He handed me the pink helmet I had worn on the way to the movies and put on his blue one.

"Why is your spare helmet pink?" I questioned, my eyebrows raised teasingly.

He grinned. "My sister sometimes rides my bike."

He hopped on the bike and I hopped on behind him, holding on to his waist tightly again. He revved the engine a few times and then we sped off; my eyes once again squeezed shut. We drove for longer than we had to the theatre and I was getting curious as to where he was taking us. He finally stopped and we got off the bike.

I looked around.

"Wow Jake, where are we?"

"A place I used to come to with my friends. We used to dive from the cliffs."

I looked at him, alarmed.

He chuckled. "It's a sport. And don't worry, that's not why I brought you here."

He walked over to a few feet away from the edge of the cliff and sat down on the rocky ground. I followed and sat next to him. It was dark now and the stars were twinkling above us, the cliff overlooked the sea, which was calm and glittering with the reflection of the stars. I could see Port Angeles a little further away, brightly lit and buzzing with people.

"This is beautiful Jake." I said, in awe.

He smiled at me.

We sat there for what seemed like hours, just watching the view in front of us and talking. Jake told me all about himself. He used to live in La Push on the Quileute Reservation with his mom, dad and twin sisters. He lived on his university campus now, and after he finished college he said he was probably going to live in Seattle. He was studying mechanical engineering. I told him about myself, about when I moved to Forks, about my friends, about school. Talking about school reminded me of Edward and I forced the thoughts back, not wanting to ruin my time with Jake.

He dropped me back at my house at around 9:30. I had written a note to my dad telling him that I had gone out with a friend, so I wasn't worried about it being a little late. Jake got off his bike and helped me remove the helmet again. He also removed his own.

He stood, gazing at me.

"I had fun tonight Bella." He said.

"Me too. Thanks Jake." I said, my face heating up.

"No problem."

I shuffled a bit, uncomfortable under his intense gaze.

"Well....goodnight Jake."

"Night Bella." He replied – but made no move to go.

He just stood for a moment, still intently staring at me.

Then, slowly he reached out and stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers. He then put a finger under my chin and lifted my head a little.

His dark eyes burned into mine.

I was frozen, though my face and body were scorching.

He brought his hand to my face, cupping my cheek gently. I looked into his dark eyes, which were shimmering in the moonlight. He brought his face closer to mine, moving forward gradually until our faces were inches apart. His eyes glanced down slowly at my lips and then I couldn't help looking at his. They looked so soft, so full, so moist.....

He pressed his lips to mine softly.

My eyes closed slowly as he moved his lips over mine. It was so soft, so gentle. I could feel my pulse racing, my skin flushed. His other hand moved to cup my other cheek. I pressed against his lips, kissing him back, my breathing coming out heavier, faster. He moved his arms to hold my waist, pulling me closer to him and my arms automatically went up around his neck. I stroked the hairs at his neck and he started pushing a little harder on my lips, moving faster, and I felt his tongue brush over my bottom lip. I let out a tiny moan.

"Bella?"

I jumped away from Jake at the sound of my dad's voice.

"Dad!"

He was glaring at Jake as he strode over to us.

Oh God, how embarrassing.

"So, is this the _friend _that you went out with?" he questioned sarcastically.

"Um, yeah. This is Jacob Black dad. You know; the one who called?"

"Oh, so this is the elusive Mr Black."

"Err, good evening sir." Jacob held out his hand.

My dad just looked at it.

"Dad." I muttered.

I was _mortified._

My dad glanced at the bike stood next to us. His eyes widened.

"Is this yours?"

"Yes sir." Jake replied.

My dad looked at me, his jaw clenching, "I _really_ hope you weren't riding on this thing Isabella."

I swallowed. Uh oh.

"Do you have a license?" he said to Jake.

"Of course." Jake answered.

"Dad, can you _please_ let Jake go now, it's getting late." I pleaded.

"Well _Jake_, I know nothing about you and yet I've just seen you kissing my _daughter_ on my property."

I groaned.

"If you would like to keep both of your legs intact, son, I suggest you come over tomorrow so I can meet you properly." He smiled sarcastically.

Shit.

However, Jake was unperturbed by my dad's threat. "Sure. I'll be there. See you tomorrow sir." He turned to me and smiled, "Night Bella."

He then got on his bike and sped away.

My dad walked into the house, I followed. He went to sit in the living room and started watching TV – not saying another word to me. I hurried up the stairs and into my room.

Jake came over on Sunday.

Surprisingly, my dad liked him because, it turns out, that my dad knew his dad, Billy Black. They had been good friends and had just drifted apart after starting families. My dad took Billy's number from Jake and said that he would call him and catch up. I made lunch, and then after we ate, my dad and Jake went to watch a football game while I stayed in the kitchen reading a book. Then they went outside to take a look at Jacob's bike, and my dad whistled as he circled it, admiring it, talking motorcycle talk that I didn't understand a word of. However, although he was impressed with the bike, I was forbidden from riding on it with Jake. I glowered at him behind his back and Jake saw me, he snickered quietly.

My dad went back to the living room and Jake followed me into the kitchen. He sat on the counter and we talked, just making casual conversation.

I was secretly hoping that he would kiss me again.

I mean, he was a really good kisser, why shouldn't I kiss him? He liked me; he _showed me_ that he liked me. Edward hadn't even asked me out or anything. Plus, Edward had kissed _Tanya; _in fact, he had done a lot more than kiss her.

Jacob didn't kiss me, but that may have been because my dad was just next door, because he certainly _looked_ like he wanted to. His eyes kept darting to my lips momentarily as we spoke and I blushed furiously every time he did it.

I called Alice on Sunday night, telling her about my weekend with Jake. She squealed down the phone, as expected, firing questions about the kiss at me. I explained every detail to her as nonchalantly as I could, though my body was heating up just thinking about it. She then asked me about Edward, and I told her again that if Edward liked me he would ask me out.

Edward wasn't in school on Monday.

Biology seemed to drag on without him, my desk feeling huge and empty as I sat on my own. It was silly, but I felt like the day wasn't complete if I didn't see him. In lessons, all I did was wonder where he was. Was he sick?

At lunch, Alice informed me of where he was.

"Jazz told me that he went to visit his mom. She's better now so she's back at home."

For some reason, this news didn't console me. It was ridiculous of me, not to mention selfish, but I almost didn't _want _his mom to be better. I mean, he only came to live here because she wasn't able to look after him. If she was better then....

He might not come back.

What if he went back? What he left Forks?

I was miserable by the end of the day; and mad at myself for allowing Edward Cullen to make me feel like that, especially as he wasn't even here. I sighed. Why did this guy have this effect on me?

I trudged out to the parking lot at the end of the school day, just wanting to get home. I wasn't even in the mood for Alice when.....I stopped.

Jake stood in the parking lot, leaning against his bike, grinning at me. I couldn't even help grinning back as I walked over to him.

"Is your dad at work?" he asked as I approached.

"Yeah, why?" I asked, puzzled as to why that would be his first question.

He smirked. "Want to come out for a ride?"

I beamed.

I drove my truck to my house – Jake driving behind me – and parked it, then pulled on the helmet and hopped on the bike behind him.

He kissed me when we got back.

Edward didn't show up at school for the whole week, but I found that as the days went on, I didn't care as much as I had on Monday. Plus, every day Jake would meet me after school and we would go out somewhere. Sometimes we just went for a ride on his motorcycle, other times we went out to eat somewhere, or we would go over to the cliff again. I had fun with Jake, he liked me, he was sweet and he was kind – not to mention the fact that he was _hot._

And every day, when he dropped me home, he would kiss me.

And I would walk into my house thinking, Edward who?

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**Author's Note:**

**Review? Pretty please. **

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	22. Chapter 22: Back Home

**Author's Note:**

**Took me a bit longer than usual to update and that's because this is a long chapter. Plus, I also had to do a bit of research before I wrote it. Hope you like it! Please review seeing as I spent so much time and effort on it. :) Thanks!**

**Also, I'm going to start thinking of a song or songs to go with each chapter. Sometimes the lyrics in the song will be fitting to the chapter, other times it will be the mood of the song that will be fitting. Some of the songs may not fit, but are just the songs I was listening to while writing the chapter. So check out my playlist on my profile page.**

**SONGS: The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve - The Drugs don't Work, Coldplay - Yellow, Linkin Park - Numb, Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

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**Chapter 22**

**Back Home**

**EPOV**

I was driving slowly. Again. And this time I was actually following the speed laws, sometimes even driving _below_ the speed limit.

It was now 3:15PM. I had left Forks at 9:00AM and a trip that was supposed to take a maximum of four hours had now taken me six.

And I was still only a little over half way to Seattle.

In addition to my slow driving I was also stopping a lot, making excuses and coming up with reasons for having to stop nearly every half hour. I stopped for more gas – even though I had filled up my tank the night before I left. I stopped to buy food, even though my stomach was so unsettled that if I had eaten any of the food I bought I would have surely thrown up. I stopped to call Jazz, asking him to check if I forgot my dark blue hoody – even though it was lying on the seat next to me. I stopped to go to the bathroom – five times in one hour – even though I didn't need to go. Then I finally ran out of reasons and excuses to stop and just parked up on the side of the road and sat there for twenty minutes.

I had been so excited last night, so relieved that my mom was finally back at home, so ecstatic that she wanted to see me, that she might not hate me after all.

After talking to Carlisle I had gone straight to my room to pack my stuff. I pulled out my suitcase from my closet and started hastily throwing my things into it. I didn't even stop to think about what I was packing, just basically emptied out my underwear drawer; pulled off all my t shirts and sweaters off their hangers in the closet and tossed them on top, did the same with my jeans, added three hoodies and my shoes, then carefully laid my cologne in between all of it.

It was crazy, I knew, because I was only supposed to be going for a week at most, yet I had packed most of my clothes. I didn't have much of my other possessions with me at Carlisle and Esme's because I had left most of it back at home at my mom's when I left, with the hope that I would be able to return to my room soon. The few things I did bring with me, a few CD's, some posters and magazines, some old books I didn't read anymore, weren't of any importance to me so I didn't bother packing them. It was as if I was moving back home.

And if I was honest, I wanted to move back.

I didn't want to seem ungrateful to Carlisle and Esme but I was desperately hoping that my mom was well enough for me to move back. That was why I had said thanks to Carlisle; that was why I was packing up all my clothes. I had barely slept last night, a bittersweet mixture of sadness an excitement being the cause.

This morning Esme had gripped me tightly in an embrace, and I had to push back the wave of emotion and guilt that overwhelmed me. I had to subtly pull away from her after a while for fear that tears would betray me, because I didn't want them to know that I didn't plan on coming back. Jazz grinned at me and we did one of those stupid manly handshakes because we were too embarrassed to hug each other. Rose was still mad at me, so she didn't bother even coming out of her room. Carlisle had also shaken my hand, smiling cheerfully.

"Say hi to Liz for me." he had said, "And remember; you're only allowed to miss _one _week of school. I want to see you back here by next Saturday."

I had smiled weakly, nodding my head and unable to meet his eyes.

I had then went out to my car, dragging my suitcase with me and putting it in the boot, then speeding away down the road, glancing back at the house through the rear view mirror as my eyes blurred with the tears I was forcing back.

I fucking _hated _crying.

It was then, as I had driven away, that the panic had slowly started seeping through the excitement and sadness.

I was panicking because I suddenly thought; just because my mom had asked to see me, that didn't necessarily mean that she had forgiven me. I mean, what if she wanted to see me to tell me that she never wanted to see me again? Or worse, what if she didn't even want to see me in the first place and it had been Carlisle who had talked her into it? I hadn't spoken to her, but Carlisle had called her last night and told her I was coming, so she was expecting me.

By the time I had just reached Port Angeles, I'd gotten so panicked that I'd had to pull over and think for a while. That was also when I'd decided to get something to eat, in hope that eating something would calm me down. The smell of the coffee and bagel I'd gotten had made me feel so sick that I'd had to throw them out of the car without even opening them, then I'd rolled down the window, breathing in the cool, wet air heavily. I then continued on the journey, driving a lot slower and had started finding reasons to stop.

As I sat at the side of the road somewhere in Bremerton, my cell buzzed. I picked it up to see _Uncle C _flashing on the screen and groaned. I had told him I'd call as soon as I got there, and seeing as I was meant to have got there around one, he was probably wondering where I was. I really didn't want to answer the call, but then I didn't want him to be worried about me either.

"Hello?"

"Edward, where are you? Your mom just called, she said you haven't reached her yet."

I shut my eyes tightly.

Fuck. She was waiting for me. _She called_ to see where I was. Way to make me feel even more nervous.

"Um, I err, kind of made a few stops on the way."

"How many stops did you make exactly?" he questioned, "Because you're over two hours late. Your mom's getting worried."

Great.

"Well, tell her not to be, I'll be there soon."

"Where are you now?"

I looked around.

"Err, I don't know." I spotted a sign, "Bremerton, I think. Someplace called Port Orchard."

"Port Orchard?" he sounded surprised, "you're only there? What are you doing Edward?"

"Nothing Uncle C, really, I just stopped at a couple of places, you know, to eat and get gas and stuff, plus there was a little traffic..." I trailed off.

Carlisle sighed.

"I'll let your mother know. Please hurry up though; she's been waiting for you all morning."

"Ok."

"And call me when you get there." He hung up.

I sighed and started up the engine.

I drove without stopping after that, a little comforted by the fact that she had called asking for me, that she had been waiting for me. I got to Seattle a little over an hour later and a bit of the excitement had crept back in as I drove through the familiar streets. I decided to take a longer route to my house, to take in the city where I had grown up and just let the memories flood me. I drove past my old high school, smiling nostalgically at the huge building as I compared it to Fork's tiny high school.

Thinking of Forks High had probably been a bad idea.

Because of course, my thoughts then went to Bella Swan. I felt a slight pang in my chest at the thought of never seeing her again, at the thought of never getting to tell her that I liked her, never even getting to ask her out.

My mood once again shifted dramatically as I neared my home. The familiar street caused another pang in my chest as the memories engulfed me. They were a muddle of happiness and misery and fear. Happiness at all the wonderful times I'd had growing up with my mom. The fun I'd had riding my bike up and down the street with my old childhood friends.

Yet there were also a lot of sad times on this street. The times I'd had to walk down it on my own to get to school when my mom wouldn't even move from the couch. The times I'd had to stop her from running over to the neighbours to invite them over to ours after she had baked dozens and dozens of cakes, which were all I would have to eat for the next week if she went back to her despondent state on the couch afterwards.

The time I'd had to run down the street screaming for help when I'd found her in the living room on the couch, lifeless.

And the worst part about that time was that it had only been less than two months ago.

I finally reached the house and parked in the driveway. My mom's car must have been in the garage because it was closed. I took a deep breath as I sat in my car staring at the front of the house, my hands shaking slightly as I tapped my fingers on the wheel. It looked exactly the same as it always did, the dark green front door, the crooked white mailbox, the windows were even opened a little like they usually were, though the front lawn was growing a little wilder seeing as I hadn't been there to cut the grass.

The house was fairly large, with five bedrooms, two main bathrooms and an En-suite bathroom in three of the bedrooms including mine and my moms. I had never seen my mom work properly my whole life, I mean, she'd had a few jobs which she'd quit or be fired from after a while, so I wondered how she'd managed to get this house.

I was also never without new clothes and shoes – designer labels in fact – and whatever I wanted I always got. For my birthdays she had gotten me something expensive every year, we always had food in the fridge and cupboards – though my mom didn't cook all the time – and then there was the cleaner that came twice a week.

How did my mom afford all of that stuff?

I got out of the car and walked to the front door. I left my suitcase in the boot of my car, deciding I would get it later. I still had my keys and I wasn't sure whether to use them or not. I stood there a moment, deliberating, when the door flung open.

And my mom stood before me.

She was smiling, her lips slightly shaking and her green eyes watery with unshed tears as she stared at me. Her golden blond hair was a little longer than I remembered, tousled and flowing over her shoulders. She was also a lot skinnier than she used to be, her lilac sweater that used to fit her snugly was now baggy, as was her jeans.

I just stood there, in shock, in awe, in concern.

Finally, after what seemed like thirty seconds of us just looking at each other she held her arms out to me and instinctively, automatically, I moved into her arms, my own arms gripping her frail waist as I buried my face in her shoulder, my tears darkening her sweater to a purple. We stood there for another half a minute as she rocked me slowly, stroking my hair and mumbling,

"I'm sorry honey, I'm so sorry." as I sobbed silently on her shoulder.

We went to sit in the living room on the couch and after a while I was able to stop my pathetic blubbering.

I fucking hated crying.

We sat on the couch in silence for a while, the TV being the only sound in the house. It was oddly comfortable, as if it was one of those happier times when my mom and I would sit together watching TV. My mom held my hand in her hands, squeezing tightly occasionally and glancing at me.

I didn't look at her though; my eyes were fixed on the TV because I could see the glistening of tears on her cheeks, and if I had looked at her I would have surely started snivelling again.

After about half an hour, the phone rang and she jumped slightly then went to answer it.

"Hello?" _Pause. _"Oh, hi Carl." _Pause. _"Yes, he's here. He got here about thirty minutes ago." _Pause. _"Ok. And Carl? Thank you, and thank Esme for me too. Alright. Bye."

She walked back over to the couch and sat next to me. She wiped her eyes with her hands and turned to face me. I still watched the TV though I didn't even have a clue what I was watching.

"Edward?" she said. "Please look at me."

I turned to face her.

She took a deep breath.

"Oh God Edward, you don't know how sorry I am. I...I'm sorry for so many things...I don't even know where to start." She wiped her eyes again.

For some reason, I couldn't find my voice. I just sat there and watched her, which was probably best because then I could hear everything she had to say first before reacting.

At that moment, I just felt so overwhelmed with emotions that I didn't even know how to act; I was just kind of...numb.

"I'm sorry for not telling you more about the day your father died." I glanced at the photos on the mantelpiece of my dad, his bronze hair, the same as mine, his strong jaw line – the same as mine. My mom saw me looking.

"You look exactly like him you know. The spitting image." She smiled a sad smile and continued, "I've only told you that he died before you were born. Well, he actually died _the day _you were born."

My numbness was weakened slightly and my mouth dropped open in shock.

"He was a pilot – like I told you – and he got the news that I was in hospital having you, while on the way back from a trip. I don't remember the exact details of what happened but...the plane crashed and...He...he didn't make it. I wasn't told any of this until a few hours after I'd had you, because of course, they couldn't tell me that my husband was dead while I was giving birth. I was distraught, as you can imagine, basically screaming down the hospital. I got post partum depression a few months after and it got so bad that I couldn't actually even look after you properly, and your aunt Esme came to stay with me to help look after you for a few weeks even though she was pregnant with Jasper and Rose herself."

She paused, looking at me, trying to gauge my reaction.

I remained blank as I waited for her to continue.

"So anyway, I got help for my post partum depression, and got better. But," she paused, "But during the years, you were only a baby so you won't remember, I got depressed again. I loved you, of course, but I was still grieving your father and....I don't know. Your uncle Carlisle, being a doctor, told me to go and get help. So I did, for you, because there was no way I was going to be a bad mother to you. So I got checked out and it turns out that I'm Bipolar. I have Bipolar disorder or Manic Depression."

I knew that already so I just nodded slowly.

"They say that it's genetic, you know, some people are more predisposed to have it and an event can trigger it. Obviously, the death of your father as well as your birth must have been the trigger for mine. Anyway, I had to have treatment and counselling and I had to take pills to keep my condition, you know, under control. I took my medication and did everything the doctors told me to do and I was so much better. So I thought I didn't need my medication anymore and stopped taking it, and of course I got bad again. This was when you were around six."

I remembered.

I remembered the very first time she had started acting strange. The morning I had come down for breakfast and had found her sitting at the table, eyes vacant and blinking slowly, and I had tried to wake her up, thinking she might be sleeping. Tried to pull her, telling her she needed to help me get ready for school, telling her she needed to make me breakfast and drop me at school. And she hadn't budged. Just sat there, not speaking; barely blinking as she stared at the space in front of her.

I had had to dress myself, pulling on a ruffled sweater over my pyjama pants. I had had to find myself something to eat, climbing up the counters and eating dry cereal straight out of the box. I had had to walk the few blocks to my school on my own. The teachers had been alarmed at the state I was in and by the fact that I'd turned up to school late, and on my own. When they'd asked me where my mom was, I told them that she was acting funny. The Child Protection Officers had come to my house after school and by then my mom had pulled herself together enough for them to not be too suspicious. It was then that she had told me that I could never tell anyone when she was acting 'funny' because then I would be taken away from her. I, of course, didn't want to be taken away so I had complied, and never said a word to anyone again. I just learnt to take care of myself whenever my mom was in one of her 'funny' moods.

She shook her head. "It was so goddamn selfish of me to make you keep my behaviour a secret, it was so unfair. But I knew that if anyone found out about my instability then you would be taken into care in a heartbeat and I couldn't lose you too, not my beautiful baby boy."

My brows furrowed as I took in her words. Anger was slowly creeping in, replacing the numbness.

"So...if you wanted me so badly, if you _loved _me so much, then why were you so fucking selfish mom? Huh? Why did you try to kill yourself? Why did you try to leave me alone without a mom or dad in this world?" I questioned.

She was sobbing, as she shook her head.

"I wasn't being selfish, I...I wanted you to have a better life, your life would have been a lot better without me, I mean, I was, am a shit mother, I didn't want to let go but I think that is the best thing that I could have ever done for you."

My fist clenched at her words.

"That's bullshit mom and you know it! How can you possibly think that _killing _yourself would have been better for me?" I yelled furiously.

"Well, look at you now, I mean, you look so much happier with your aunt and -"

"Fucking selfish bitch! If you had taken your fucking medication then you would have been fine to look after me, but you were too fucking selfish to even think about doing that. Instead you wanted to choose the easy way out. Do you know how I felt that night mom? Seeing you lying there on that couch? I thought you were already fucking dead! Do you have any idea how that feels? Then, to not see you for weeks after, just worrying and scared to death that you would hate me for having to phone the authorities. And you even had the fucking _cheek _to be mad at me! Mad at me for not letting you die, what kind of twisted bitch are you?"

"Edward please." She reached out for me.

I flinched back.

"Don't touch me."

"Please Edward, I'm not trying to justify my actions I just want you to know _why_ I did it." She sobbed, "And yes I was mad at you because...you _should_ have just let me die! You would be so much better off without me Edward. You would still have family, I mean, your uncle and aunt are practically your second parents -"

I shook my head incredulously, not believing what I was hearing.

I thought back to that night.

January 3rd. I had walked into the living room to find her passed out on the couch, an empty bottle of vodka lying on the floor next to her. Thinking she was just asleep, I had gotten her a blanket and went to cover her. That's when I had seen the empty bottle of painkillers hanging loosely from her fingers. I tried slapping her, shaking her, praying, hoping she'd wake up. And she didn't. I didn't want to call an ambulance because I was afraid that I would be taken away from her, and also because I was afraid they would tell me that she was _dead. _So I had run out of the house screaming for help, banging on my neighbour's door and she had called the ambulance. Then I'd had to go into a Home for a few days while they contacted Carlisle and made arrangements for where I would stay.

Those days had been the most horrifying days of my life and my mom was sitting there telling me that she thought it would be best if she had died.

I was livid.

Without another word I stood up and walked to the door, ignoring her sobs and her calling my name. I slammed the front door hard, the walls vibrating behind me, and I got in my car and sped off down the road, not giving a shit where I was driving, I just needed to get out of there.

I came back to the house at around 2:15AM.

She was waiting up for me, sitting in the same place I'd left her. She didn't say anything to me as I stalked past her, dragging my suitcase with me up to my room.

My room was exactly as I'd left it. I grinned as I looked around. My guitar was still in the corner, a little dusty, but in the exact position I'd left it when I left. I looked at my collection of CD's and my sound system in the corner, my wall with my bookcase, filled with books. My desk, with the sheets of paper from the song I had half finished composing, still on it. My huge bed was looking so comfortable at that particular moment; I just wanted to climb underneath the covers and sleep.

But my stomach growled and I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything for the whole day. I went down to the kitchen, the fridge and cupboards full as always, and made myself a sandwich. The living room light was off, so that meant that my mom had probably gone to bed.

It was so strange, I mean, this last month felt like it was all unreal now that I was back home, it was as if nothing had changed. However, I had been wrong to think that I would be able to come back. My mom certainly wasn't well enough for me to come back. She probably wouldn't want me to stay anyway, and to be honest, now that I was here, I was dying to go back to Forks.

I managed to stay for a week though. My mom and I talked some more, she asked me about how things were going in Forks; I asked her what it was like in the hospital. She was taking mood stabilizers and she did seem a lot better than she was when I had been living there. Everyday a nurse would come to check up on her and make sure she was taking her meds. She cooked for me every day; and then we would sit and watch TV for a bit, like we used to.

The week was good, after that first day, I had never argued with her again, we just spent time together. We would go for drives or walks, just talking about everything and anything. I asked her how she seemed to have a lot of money when she didn't work and she told me that my grandfather, Carlisle Cullen Senior had been really rich. Our house was the house her and uncle C grew up in. Plus, my grandfather had left her and uncle C a ton of money in his will. She said she didn't need to work, but had sometimes gotten bored and so she would get a job to have something to do.

She also talked a lot more about my dad, which she had never done before, she told me everything about him and showed me pictures and videos. I did get a little pissed off that she had never told me or showed me any of that stuff before but I forced it back. I was proud to have him as my dad, he seemed like he had been a good guy from what she told me and I was sad, for the first time in my life, that I didn't know him.

During the week, I couldn't ever stop thinking about Bella. When I wasn't talking to my mom, and when I lay in my bed, or when I was driving, or even watching TV, I would think about her. It was driving me nuts. I even pathetically called her, every day at 5:30, but she never answered. I mean, I knew that her dad was at work but where was she? She would have been home from school at that time. I thought that maybe I had the wrong number but I had practically memorised her number and was almost certain it was correct.

On Friday when I had called her and she still didn't answer, I just gave up, figuring she probably just didn't want to talk to me.


	23. Chapter 23: Conflicted

**Author's Note: Just a quick warning. There's a little smut coming up.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

**SONG: Muse - City Of Delusion**

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**Chapter 23**

**Conflicted**

**BPOV**

There was a soft knock on the door.

Who could that be? I wondered, irritated, as I hesitantly got up from the kitchen table and walked to the front door.

I swung the door open with such force that it narrowly missed whacking me in my face. I stepped back quickly before it did and heard a small chuckle coming from the person stood in front of me.

I looked up and smiled.

"Jake what are you doing here? You're supposed to be studying, remember?"

He held up a thick textbook.

"I am going to be studying." He said, grinning at me.

I sighed, stepping back to let him in.

"What happened to the fact that you have a ton of studying to do because you neglected it the whole week, riding around with me every day?"

He shrugged.

"It's only a dumb practice test. No big deal. Besides, I told you, I _am _going to study, I just wanted a little company while I did."

He winked.

I rolled my eyes. "Jake you share a dorm room; if you wanted company you already had it. Not to mention the fact that you're surrounded by tons of other students on campus anyway."

He followed me into the kitchen and I moved my notes to one side to give him room to put his stuff. He sat opposite me and started taking out his own notes from his backpack.

"Ok, ok, so I couldn't keep away. What can I say, you're addictive." He was looking down at the table when he said that, still sorting through his notes but he had glanced up at me quickly through his lashes when he'd said 'you're addictive'.

I blushed.

"I am not." I mumbled, leaning forward so my hair fell over my face, "You're just using me as an excuse to procrastinate."

"But I'm not procrastinating, I'm studying right now."

"Yeah, but how long does it take you to drive from your College to Forks? Like 4 hours? All of that time could have been spent studying."

"It takes me about 3 hours actually, and I wouldn't have been studying if I stayed in my dorm anyway. There was a lot of noise coming from down the hall when I left; I wouldn't have been able to concentrate."

We were silent then, both of us concentrating on our work. It was around four, on Saturday. My dad had been called to work this Saturday and I had spent most of the day doing the homework that I had failed to do during the week, too busy having fun with Jake to care. So we had decided that today we would both just stay home and catch up on all our work.

But then Jake had turned up anyway.

After about an hour or so, my stomach began growling and I got up to make something to eat.

"You want something to eat Jake?" I asked him.

"Sure, what're you making?"

"I don't know, probably just some pasta."

He nodded and went back to his work.

I started preparing the ingredients for the sauce, chopping up onions and opening the tins of tomatoes when I felt eyes on me. I turned to Jacob and sure enough he was leaning back on the chair, tipping it backwards and tapping his pen to a rhythm on his knee, grinning at me.

"What?" I asked, puzzled and flushing slightly.

"Nothing, you just look real cute when you're cooking. You seem like you enjoy it a lot."

My flush deepened. "Yeah, I do."

He got up and moved over to stand next to me.

"Need any help?"

"Um, no I'm fine." I said, startled by his sudden close proximity.

He stood there; not speaking, just watching me chop up ingredients and put them in the pan, watching me stir and add seasoning, watching me taste the sauce and boil the pasta.

And my face remained scarlet the whole time.

I was relieved when I finished cooking. I dished up the food and we went and sat in the living room to eat, not wanting to disrupt our notes on the kitchen table.

"Wow, this is great." Jake said.

"Thanks."

We ate in silence, watching the TV. When we had finished eating, Jake took my plate.

"I'll go and wash up."

He walked into the kitchen before I could even protest. After a while he came back to the living room and flopped down on the couch next to me. He watched the TV, but I could see him stealing glances at me every now and then.

"We should get back to our homework." I said after a while, still watching the TV, feeling very self conscious next to him.

He turned to look at me and from the corner of my eye I could see his almond eyes scanning my face, my lips.

"I'm bored of studying." He said, still watching me.

My face heated up rapidly.

"I can think of something more interesting we can do." He was smirking now.

He reached over and took my hand, stroking it gently with his thumb. I still watched the TV.

He chuckled softly. "You're always blushing Bells. So goddamn shy..."

He scooted closer to me on the couch and stroked my cheek. I finally turned towards him, though my eyes avoided his.

He lifted my chin with his finger, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"You don't have to be shy with me Bells." He whispered, his dark eyes smoldering.

My heart race increased and I felt my skin practically burning under his gaze. He had kissed me every day during the week after he had dropped me off home, but it was always outside, in front of the door, or leaning against his bike.

He had never kissed me _inside _my house before.

My heart began practically leaping out of my chest as his lips moved slowly, tentatively towards mine and there was a tiny part of me that said, '_lean away Bella, don't kiss him, you don't really want him, you want Edward._' But a greater part of me was saying, '_Go for it Bells, he likes you, he's a great kisser, plus, Edward's probably not even in Forks – and don't forget – he slept with Tanya.' _These thoughts were forever battling in my mind when Jacob was about to kiss me, and the greater part telling me to kiss him always won.

His lips met mine softly, as usual, and they started moving slowly over mine. I sighed, pushing my lips harder on his. His hand came up to my cheek, stroking it softly as his lips gently sucked my bottom lip. I began breathing heavier and my arms came up around his neck, pushing his face harder to mine as my fingers rubbed the little hairs on his neck. The awkward position we were sitting in must have caused a strain on his neck because he pulled back from me gently. His hands went around my waist, pulling me up off the couch a little. I stood up, slightly startled, not knowing what his intentions were.

Without saying a word he held my hips and pulled me forward onto his lap, facing him. He moved my knees up on either side of him on the couch so I was straddling him.

My breathing came out even faster then, as I felt his semi hard erection under me. His arms went around my waist, pulling me closer to him as he resumed kissing me, his breathing also speeding up slightly. I put my arms back around his neck and couldn't help a small moan from escaping my lips as I felt his erection slowly hardening under me. My moan seemed to have a certain effect on him because he began pushing harder against my lips and his tongue came out and brushed against my bottom lip. It was gentle at first, then gradually pushing harder and he parted my lips with his own and slipped it inside my mouth.

I moaned louder as his tongue started stroking mine, his lips moving more rapidly against me, his hands around my waist gripping me tightly, his hips moving slightly under me as I felt his erection rubbing against me. I was only wearing sweatpants and the sensation of it against my already damp crotch was....._intoxicating_. I was panting now, my face damp with perspiration and my hair flung around my shoulders in disarray. It was actually a little difficult to breathe. Suddenly, he pulled away from my lips, bringing one arm up to sweep my hair back off my shoulders.

He leaned forward to my neck and started planting kisses along the side of it, from my collarbones up to my jaw and back again. I was moaning a great deal now, clutching his dark hair tightly. I could feel myself growing more and more wet as his soft lips moved against my skin. His hips were moving faster now, thrusting up between my legs and I found myself moving against him too, rubbing my wet, throbbing crotch against his. He was letting out shaky breaths now, grunting slightly as I moved my hips. He stopped kissing my neck for a moment and looked up at me. His eyes were half closed, blinking lazily as he gazed at me, his chest heaving against mine.

I couldn't stop my own eyes from falling half closed and I slowly licked my now dry lips as I gazed back. He moved forward quickly as I did that, crushing his lips to mine and pushing his tongue back into my mouth, groaning softly. One of his arms loosened around my waist and he brought it to my stomach, stroking it with the back of his fingers, moving upwards slowly.....

And I heard the crunch of gravel outside as a car pulled up the driveway.

I pulled away from him, abruptly, ceasing my movements and mumbling the word 'shit' as I tried to loosen myself from his hold. He groaned when I said that, and started moving towards my lips again.

I tugged his hair back and he sucked in air through his teeth mumbling,

"Fuck that felt good."

I hastily began getting up from his lap but he held on tight.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Jake did you not hear my dad's car!" I said, trying to move from his grasp.

His eyes widened.

"Shit, your dad's home? Why didn't you say?"

He let go of me and hurriedly started getting up, adjusting his jeans. I adjusted my sweat pants which were all twisted, and straightened up my hair a little, ignoring the uncomfortable dampness in my panties. I quickly went into the kitchen and Jacob followed. We had just sat down in the chairs as we heard my dad's keys in the front door.

My dad walked in, pausing at the kitchen doorway.

"Hey Jake!" he said cheerfully, "How you doing son?"

"I'm cool Charlie." Jake replied, smiling at him.

"So, what are you two up to? Doing a little homework?"

Jake glanced at me, grinning slightly.

"Yeah, we're doing homework." He said.

I grinned back at him, not speaking as I was catching my breath. My dad would have surely gotten suspicious if I had spoken, because I would have been breathing heavily.

"Ah, that's good." My dad said, "I'll leave you two to it."

He walked past to the living room and I sighed in relief. Jake was looking at me, still grinning.

"That was close huh? I don't think Charlie would have been so nice if he had found us on the couch."

I flushed, thinking about what we had just been doing and Jacob laughed.

The whole of Sunday all I could think about was that kiss and every time I did, I felt dampness start spreading in between my legs. Jake had called me earlier on and we had talked a little about nothing in particular, but I couldn't stop my thoughts from going back to his kiss yesterday.

I also felt conflicted because, of course, I enjoyed it. I _more than _enjoyed it in fact. But there was a nagging part of me that kept telling me it was wrong, that I didn't really want Jacob like that; that I was Just with him because I wanted to make Edward mad, because I was mad at Edward for sleeping with Tanya.

I tried very hard to push those thoughts back.

I mean, they were utterly ridiculous thoughts, I _did _like Jake and besides, I didn't even know whether Edward was coming back anyway. He hadn't been in school for a whole week, surely that meant that his mom was ok and he wasn't coming back.

But on Monday morning, I made my way to biology slowly, as I had been doing since Edward hadn't been in school, and I gasped quietly as I walked over to my desk, my heart immediately picking up speed as I spotted the tousled bronze hair, the perfectly defined jaw line, the strong pale arms, then, – as I sat down and he turned to me – the dazzling hazel eyes, that were Edward Cullen.

Edward. _Freaking. _Cullen.

He was back.


	24. Chapter 24: Green

**SONG: Plain White Tees - Hey there Delilah (but change Delilah to Isabella)**

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**Chapter 24**

**Green**

**EPOV**

I got back to Forks on Saturday around four.

I had left Seattle a lot later than I originally planned because my mom didn't want me to leave. She kept stalling me by making me breakfast, then asking me to set up her new DVD player with the TV, then asking me to watch a DVD on it with her to 'make sure it was working fine.' Eventually she had run out of ways of stalling me and just outright asked,

"Can't you leave tomorrow instead honey?"

I had internally groaned because I hated saying no to her, but I really did want to get back to Forks.

I sighed and said, "I can't mom. I'm going to have a ton of schoolwork to catch up on; I want to start some of it today."

She had looked so disappointed that I had actually ended up staying another hour.

I had wanted to leave at nine that morning but instead I ended up leaving around one. My mom had cried when I was leaving, hugging me tightly, and I couldn't help the few tears that trickled down my cheeks too. I wanted to go back to Forks but, of course, I was going to miss her again. I promised her – and myself – that I would visit every other weekend and she finally let me go, watching from the doorway as I drove away, until I could no longer see her in my rear view mirror. I had taken a few more of my stuff from my room, including my guitar, because I figured that there wasn't really a point in leaving them there anymore.

I drove back to Forks very quickly, not stopping for anything and surpassing my usual already high speed. It was pure luck that I wasn't stopped by cops, at the speed that I was going. It only took me about three hours to reach Forks, and when I passed that quaint little, '_The City Of Forks Welcomes You' _sign, I couldn't help smiling a little, realising how much I had missed the dull little town. It felt like home now. I mean, Seattle had felt like home when I first got there, but the longer I stayed, the more it didn't anymore.

Forks wasn't the only thing I'd missed. I'd missed Jazz and uncle C and aunt E and even Rose. I'd also missed Emmett, Alice, and for some weird reason, even Jessica Stanley's shrill voice.

But most of all, the main reason I was glad to be back in Forks, the main reason I was speeding down the highway like a lunatic, the main reason I wanted to leave my mom's today instead of tomorrow,

Was because I'd missed Isabella Swan.

So I got to Forks around four and I didn't go home right away. Instead I drove around town for a bit, pondering whether to follow through with a crazy idea I had gotten while driving down.

I was pondering whether I should go to Bella's house or not.

It was a crazy idea, I mean, I'd just gotten back in town, not even seen my family yet, but I wanted to see her. She didn't even know that I was back and I didn't know whether she was out or busy. Plus, her dad might be home seeing as it was a Saturday and what would I say if he asked me why I was at his home?

What would I say if _she _asked me why I was at her home?

I didn't have the assignment as an excuse anymore. I didn't have any excuse whatsoever for going there. So I had driven around town, burning up my gas, and deliberating whether to do it or not and I knew that I only had the balls to do it now, that if I had gone home first and thought about it some more I wouldn't have done it.

And I _really_ wanted to see her.

So I made my decision, made a U turn and started driving over to her house. It was funny, but I remembered how to get to her house perfectly, even though I'd only been there once.

I reached her house quickly, and parked on the road in front of it. I sat in my car, peering at the house. I knew she was home because her truck was parked in the driveway. I also guessed that her dad wasn't home because they didn't have a garage and there was no other car on the driveway, and I'm sure her dad had a police car. This gave me a little relief and I started getting up, opening my door and stepping out of my car. I walked up to the front door slowly and stopped dead in my tracks when I spotted it.

A black Honda DN-01 Sports Cruiser stood parked next to Bella's truck.

I hadn't seen it at first because Bella's truck hid it from the angle I was in when I was sitting in my car. I knew the model of this motorcycle because a friend of mine in Seattle had had the same one in red. I couldn't forget this one of course, because it belonged to that guy. The 'Motorcycle Guy' as I called him. The one who had pathetically showed up at our school. The one who had asked Bella for her number. The one who wore a leather jacket and probably thought he was a badass.

The one that annoyed the fuck out of me.

What the hell was he doing at her house?

My jaw clenched involuntarily and my eyes narrowed as I stared at the stupid bike. What was the point of having a bike anyway? You could barely fit two people on it. I turned and swiftly walked back to my car. I scowled as I sped away, glaring at the bike as I drove past it, wishing I could drive over the fucking thing and crush it – preferably with the annoying asshole attached to it.

Under all of my anger and murderous thoughts, I was also asking myself why the hell I was so mad. I mean, it was ludicrous because, firstly, I didn't even know what the guy was doing there, he could have just been there fixing a leaky tap for all I knew. Secondly, it was none of my goddamn business what he was doing there anyway. I mean, whether he was there to see Bella or not had nothing to do with me. She wasn't dating me. In fact, I hadn't even asked her out.

Still, no matter how irrational my anger was, I couldn't help it. I didn't want that guy at her house; in fact, I didn't want that guy – or any other guy for that matter – anyway near her.

I was dying to call her all of Sunday.

I had gotten home on Saturday around six, after driving around a little more to calm down. My petrol tank was flashing empty by the time I had gotten home but I didn't care, I couldn't even be bothered to stop at the gas station to refill. I checked my face in the mirror before I left my car and saw that I was still scowling. I didn't want to raise alarm from Esme and Carlisle and have them thinking that my scowl had something to do with my mom so I had forced the frown off my face and tried, unsuccessfully, to smile instead.

There was the usual fussing and questions about my visit from Esme and Carlisle; then I had unpacked my suitcase and put out the things I had brought with me in my room. I'd wanted to just stay in my room moping afterwards, but Esme had dragged me downstairs for dinner, Carlisle had wanted to talk to me in detail in his office about how I thought my mom was coping, and then Jazz had requested a rematch of _Pro Evolution Soccer _on the PS3.

So on Sunday, I had only come out of my room for food, telling everyone that I was starting to do all the work that I'd missed during the week. But all I was really doing was pacing my room, then laying back on my bed, then picking up my cell and holding it for ten minutes, mulling over whether to call her or not, then putting the phone back down on my bedside table and repeating the actions. No one bothered me all day, probably thinking I was hard at work.

Except Jazz of course.

He knocked on my door, calling out,

"Ed it's me, can I come in?"

I grimaced because I really wasn't in the mood to talk. Jazz probably knew this and that's why he was asking if he could come in, instead of knocking and then barging in without awaiting a response like he usually did.

I sighed. "Yeah, come in."

He opened the door and walked in warily, as if expecting to see something unexpected. After closing the door softly, he turned to me. I was lying on my bed, arms behind my head, frowning at the ceiling.

"Dude, what the fuck is up with you?" he asked me, "I mean, the visit to Aunt Liz was fine wasn't it? You weren't lying to mom and dad were you?"

I shook my head.

"Of course I wasn't lying."

"Then what's wrong? You've been acting like a moody bitch ever since you got back."

I sighed, not really wanting to tell Jazz the reason because I felt so stupid.

"I went to Bella's house yesterday. Before I came here after I got back from Seattle. I don't know; I just wanted to see her..."

Jazz waited for me to continue.

"Well, when I got there...remember that guy that was in the parking lot talking to Bella before, the one with the motorcycle?"

Jazz grimaced, then tried to hide his grimace and quickly nodded. _Strange_.

"Well, I saw his motorcycle parked outside her house." My brows furrowed deeper as I said this, getting pissed off all over again.

Jazz grimaced again and this time he didn't bother trying to hide it.

I eyed him suspiciously.

"What's up with you?" I asked.

Jazz hesitantly met my gaze. He sighed.

"Dude, I didn't really want to say anything, you know, just in case it was just a rumour, but apparently Bella and that guy are dating."

His words hit me like a slap in the face and I stared at him incredulously.

He nodded glumly, "Sorry man. The whole school was talking about it last week; it would have probably died down by tomorrow though. He came to meet her after school on Monday, and for the rest of the week she rode to school with Alice and the guy met her after school. She would get on the back of his bike and they would drive off."

I found my fists clenched as I listened to Jazz. She rode on his bike with him? Didn't she know how fucking dangerous that was? I bet she didn't even wear a helmet.

"Dude got her a pink helmet and everything." Jazz said.

_Oh. Damn it. _

"Do you know his name?" I asked through clenched teeth.

I don't know why I even wanted to know that.

"Alice told me it was Jackson I think? No, that's not right...Jack or Jake or something. Fuck knows."

"Stupid name. Whichever one it is." I muttered, scowling at my clenched fists.

Jazz stared at me for a moment questioningly, and then burst out into laughter.

"Dude, you're fucking _jealous_!" he said, surprised and amused.

"I am not." I mumbled. But it was a feeble attempt at lying because I clearly was. Jasper knew it. And I knew it.

"Bullshit." Jazz said, "If you could see your face right now..." he trailed off, and continued snickering as he left my room, shaking his head.

I was anxious to see her, yet I was also dreading sitting next to her on Monday. I sat in biology, listening intently for her footsteps.

I heard them after a while, soft and graceful, and she pulled out her chair and sat down. I looked at her and saw that she was flushing, as usual, and that same damn involuntary smile reappeared. She tried to avoid my eyes as I smiled at her, but I kept trying to hold her gaze and eventually she looked into my eyes, flushing deeper. I stared into her beautiful doe eyes for a while, and she stared back, staying a deep shade of red.

Eventually, I said, "Hey." Which was lame but I couldn't think clearly at that moment as I got lost in her brown gaze.

She looked away first, mumbling a "Hi." And looking down at her notes.

I noticed her hair was in a low ponytail today and she was wearing black jeans and a pink hoody.

The thought occurred to me that she may have been wearing the pink hoody to match the pink helmet that Jazz had told me she wore when she was on the bike with _him. _

I suddenly hated the colour pink.

And I was also pissed that he might turn up after school today. I was glowering now, my lips set in a hard line as I stared towards the front of the class, so aware of the presence of Isabella Swan; it was like she was the heat radiating from a raging fire next to me. I couldn't help myself from glancing at her. And I so wanted to talk to her, to hear her cute musical voice...

"So, what did I miss?" I asked her, my frown dissipated instantaneously as I looked at her pink cheeks.

She turned to me – avoiding my eyes – and reddened.

"Sorry?" she asked, looking startled.

I smiled.

"I said, what did I miss? I mean, I wasn't here the whole of last week..."

"Oh." She replied, "Um, well we've moved on from cell division now, as you probably know by now if you were just listening to Mr Banner."

I didn't know because I wasn't listening.

I nodded anyway and she continued.

"We're studying the organs now. Last week we did the lungs, this week I think he said we're doing the heart."

Very ironic, I thought, seeing as my heart was pounding away rapidly in my chest this minute.

"Thanks. Do you mind if I borrow your notes?" I asked.

She flushed again and I very nearly reached out and touched her face to feel the warmth no doubt radiating from it.

"Erm, I don't think my notes would be very clear, you know, for you to read, I mean, my writing isn't very neat."

She was probably right. Her writing wasn't very neat, but I couldn't help smiling at it.

"Hmmm, you're probably right." I said.

"I could...I could maybe type them up for you if you want?"

I turned to her quickly, startled because that was really sweet of her to offer.

I shook my head though.

"No, thank you but I wouldn't want you to go through all that trouble. I'll get the notes from Jessica or someone else, it's no big deal."

Did I imagine it or did her lips start pouting at the mention of Jessica? Or was she already doing that? And damn her lips were so...full...and the way she was pushing them out looked perfect for someone to just lean over and kiss them...

"Why don't you come over to mine." Her voice broke through my thoughts.

My mouth dropped open slightly as I stared at her.

"What?"

She was red again.

"I mean, I err, could like, help you study, you know, help you catch up....I mean, I've got to catch up on a few things myself..." she stuttered.

My heart leaped in my chest as I realised what she was saying.

"Sure." I said, "When do you want to do it?"

"Um, how about tomorrow?" she said, glancing at me quickly.

"Ok."

The Motorcycle Guy did come to pick her up after school.

And I was right about the sweater because it was the same shade of pink as the helmet. Jazz came over and patted my shoulder sympathetically as I watched them speed off around the corner.

But for some reason, I wasn't as mad and jealous as I had been.

Because _she_ had asked me to go over to her house. _She _had offered to help me catch up on my work. _She _had even offered to type up some notes for me. I mean, I didn't know if she liked me, but these things showed that she certainly didn't _hate _me.

And that Motorcycle Guy? Well, she'd apparently only been dating him a week, he couldn't mean that much to her already.


	25. Chapter 25: Conscience

**SONG: Muse - Starlight**

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**Chapter 25**

**Conscience**

**BPOV**

Edward Cullen was coming to my house.

He was coming over so we could study.

_Together._

And ok, I had worked with him out of school before, but this was different. This time he was coming to _my_ house and my dad would be at work.

This meant that we would be alone together.

I was going to be _alone in my house_ with Edward _freaking _Cullen.

My dad would probably have a fit if he found out about what I got up to while he was at work. He would probably stop taking late shifts so he could keep an eye on me, and then I would definitely have to kiss my social life goodbye. I mean, I was riding on a motorcycle everyday; ignoring my homework, inviting guys over, kissing a guy on the couch....

I tried not to think about kissing Jake. It was weird but I felt kind of...._guilty_ about it now that Edward was back. I had felt the pang of guilt yesterday, as soon as I had walked over to the desk and he had looked at me, smiling that stunning crooked smile again. I had tried hard to avoid his eyes but he sat staring at me, trying to make eye contact. The pang of guilt had then evolved into an ache and I even started to feel guilty for wearing the pink hoody that I'd only worn to match Jake's spare pink helmet, as I knew he was coming to pick me up after school.

Eventually, I couldn't help turning to look at him, and the moment my eyes locked with his own sparkling hazel ones, I was transfixed.

He stared back at me, his intense gaze boring into every fibre of my essence, and although I felt my face heating up, I still couldn't look away.

I felt like I could stay engulfed in his eyes forever.

However, after a while his deep smooth voice snapped me out of my stupor when he said, "Hey" and I managed to mumble a "Hi" in response and finally tore my eyes away. I had tried not to look at him for the rest of the lesson, afraid that his eyes would capture me again.

Then he'd asked me if he could borrow my notes, and I had really wanted him to, but there was no way he would be able to decipher my chicken scratch handwriting. So I had offered to type it up for him but he refused, saying that he would borrow Jessica's notes. That had pissed me off a little. Irrational and petty as it was, I didn't want him to borrow Jessica's notes.

_I_ wanted to be the one who helped him.

So I had asked him to come to mine without even thinking about what the hell I was saying. He seemed a little surprised when I asked him but he had said yes. Then during lunch he sat directly opposite me, and I could feel his eyes burning into me, but yet again, I evaded them.

It felt weird with Jake after school when he picked me up.

I didn't really want to even ride on his bike with him, and was thinking of making an excuse but I didn't bring my truck and Alice had already left. I had told Jake to just drop me straight home instead of riding around for a while like we usually did, and when he kissed me at the front door I didn't let the kiss last long. Then, later that evening I had called him and told him my dad had a day off work on Tuesday, so he wouldn't come over. I felt bad lying to him, but Edward was coming over and I was going to be nervous enough. I didn't want Jake making things more awkward.

I could feel all of my nerves and excitement fluttering about in my stomach. I hadn't eaten anything because of this. I mean, the last thing I wanted was to throw up on him. That would no doubt be the most mortifying thing ever. I had changed out of the clothes I wore to school, but there was no way I was going to let him see me in the old sweatpants and tattered t shirt I normally wore around the house. Instead, I had changed into my favourite loose fitting, blue jeans and a white tank top, leaving my socks on. I ran a brush through my hair a few times to try and tame it a little. I thought about tying it back but quickly changed my mind, I would probably need it to hide behind if I was going to be anywhere near Edward.

I had also applied a little more mascara and lip-gloss.

I walked around the house afterwards, restless and anxious and checking every room to make sure the house was tidy, which was silly because he wasn't even going to see every room. He said he would be over at five thirty and my eyes were darting, involuntarily, over to the clock every few minutes. I paced the living room, my heart pounding at a record pace and my stomach twisting, and I began wondering what the hell had possessed my to invite him over in the first place.

The clock seemed frozen as it inched slowly towards five thirty.

It was ten past five when I heard a small knock on the door. I froze momentarily, wondering who it could be. It couldn't be Edward so soon could it? I mean, it was still kind of early. I made my way over to the front door and hesitantly opened it.

And my heart must have flipped in my chest as I saw Edward standing there.

He had also changed from what he wore to school. He was now wearing black sweatpants and sneakers and a pale blue hoody; his bronze hair adorably more tousled than usual, as he smiled that crooked smile at me.

I couldn't help smiling back, my face flaming as usual.

"Hey." He said, still smiling, "I'm a little early, is that ok with you?"

"Um, yeah it's fine." I replied.

I stood there, absorbed into his gaze once again.

"So..." he said after a while, "are you going to let me in or should I wait out here until it's actually five thirty?"

He was smirking now, one eyebrow slightly raised – yet _still_ holding my gaze with his.

And _still_ I stood in the doorway just staring at him like an idiot. What the hell was wrong with me? He would think I was a total nut job if I kept this up.

After a while, he looked a little confused, his brow furrowing as he asked,

"Are you ok?"

And that _finally _snapped me out of my daze.

I blushed furiously, transferring my gaze to my feet and mumbled,

"Yeah, I'm sorry, come in."

I stepped back to let him in. As he walked through the front door and brushed passed me, I was almost left weak kneed as his fragrance wafted into my nose. I inhaled deeply, almost sighing as the fragrance intoxicated me.

"What is that?" I found myself asking.

He turned to me, looking puzzled. "What is what?" he asked.

"That....scent you always smell of. It smells really good, I mean, really nice."

His face turned a subtle shade of pink.

Did he just blush? Did Edward Cullen just blush?

"Thanks." He said, running his hand through his hair, "It's a cologne; my, err, dad got it from Dubai."

I nodded and led him into the kitchen.

"Your house is nice." He said as we sat down at the table.

"Thanks."

"Is your dad at work?" he asked – a little expectantly.

"Yeah, he's finishing at ten tonight." I replied, "Can I get you a drink or anything?"

"No, I'm ok for now."

I opened up the text book and started showing him the notes that we needed to copy down. He was sitting opposite me and I had to lean over slightly to show him the sections. But our kitchen table was small so I ended up being only a few inches from his face. I looked up from the text book to find his startling eyes on me – only this time, he wasn't looking into my eyes. His eyes were looking a little further down my face.

Was he looking at my lips?

He quickly averted his gaze when I looked up and I flushed, looking at the table so my hair could form a curtain over my face.

He _was_ looking at my lips.

"Your hair smells really good." He commented.

"Thanks." I said, still looking at the table.

He started taking notes from the textbook then, and I started doing my French homework. We didn't speak for about half an hour then suddenly he said softly,

"Bella?"

"I glanced up at him through my lashes.

"Yes?"

He was also looking up through his lashes, a lock of bronze hanging down his forehead. He was silent for a moment, looking at me, then he shook his head and said,

"Uh, never mind." And looked down at his work again.

Weird.

As the time passed, I wondered if Edward was getting hungry. I wasn't hungry at all, I mean, how could I be after I just caught him staring at my lips.

"Edward?" I said.

He looked up at me.

"Are you hungry?"

He pursed his full red lips, seeming like he was thinking about it.

"A little." He said afterwards.

"Well, I could cook something up if you'd like?"

"Sure. Thanks."

I got up to start getting out all the cooking equipment and he stood up with me. I looked at him, puzzled, and he grinned at me.

"Wanted to take a break from the work so I thought I'd help you out."

"Edward, it's ok, I don't really need help –"

"I want to." He cut in, "I mean, I can't just sit there and watch you cook. What do you want me to do? I can chop onions or something."

I couldn't help smiling.

"Ok. You chop the onions then."

He nodded; then started removing his hoody – and my jaw dropped open. Because as he pulled off the hoody, the black t shirt he was wearing underneath rode up a little, revealing his stomach.

Revealing his hard toned stomach, with that sexy line of hair starting from underneath his bellybutton and disappearing down into his pants.

I quickly started fiddling about with the pans, trying to distract myself from thoughts of that sexy trail of hair and where it led to....

"How do you like them?"

I turned to him, startled.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

He grinned, "The onions. How do you want me to chop them? Diced? Sliced? Thick? Thin?"

"Err, I don't really mind, just do them whichever way you can."

"Well, I can do them anyway really, I mean, I've been cooking since I was thirteen."

I turned to him, surprised.

"Really?"

"Yeah." An odd look came over his face, "I err, had to learn, coz, well, my mom couldn't always cook, you know, she, she didn't always feel up to it." He stammered, his eyebrows slightly facing downwards.

"Oh, right." I said.

I mean, it obviously had something to do with his mom and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. It made me really curious about what was wrong with her though. He was silent for a while as he expertly diced the onions, and I couldn't help glancing at his muscular arms as he did it.

The way the biceps bulged as he gripped the knife....

"Shit, my eyes are burning." He said.

I looked up at his face to see him squinting, his eyes watery, and I couldn't help laughing. He looked so sweet.

"Hey, it's not funny." He said, grinning, "Why did I offer to do them again?"

"Your fault." I said, "I told you I didn't need help but you insisted."

He was rubbing his eyes with his arms now, and I started to feel bad for him. I moved closer to him.

"Edward. Leave that. Go open the window and stick your head out. The fresh air will help stop the burning. It usually works for me."

I took the knife out of his hand and he walked over to the window, still squinting, opened it and leaned out.

He had chopped enough onions for the chicken stew already anyway, so I started frying them in the pan, adding the other ingredients as well.

I felt a presence behind me, and turned to find Edward standing there, really close to me, watching over my shoulder as I stirred.

I blushed and he must have somehow noticed my blush because he moved away to my side instead and said,

"Oh sorry, I'm probably distracting you right; I know how annoying it is to have someone watching over your shoulder while you cook."

And it was true, usually when my dad did it; it annoyed the heck out of me. But when it was Edward, I _wanted_ him to stay standing behind me.

I finished cooking and we ate in the living room. I was beginning to feel a strange sense of de JA vu. It all seemed so similar to when Jake had come over on Saturday. Edward also insisted to wash up the plates after we had eaten, though I followed him into the kitchen and told him I'd wipe the dishes if he was going to wash them. We worked together, washing and wiping the dishes. It felt so _right, _you know, so comfortable. Edward and I were standing really close together, our arms kept bumping as we worked and my pulse was thudding away the whole time.

After we finished doing the dishes, Edward turned to look at me. He looked like he was about to say something and then stopped and grinned at me.

"You've err, got a little soap on your nose."

He reached out and gently wiped my nose with his finger, staring at me again. I noticed that his eyes occasionally left mine for a split second, darting down to my lips.

My whole body felt heated now, from his gentle touch and his piercing gaze.

He took a deep breath.

"Bella?" He said softly.

"Yeah." I said, still staring back at him, occasionally darting my eyes to his lips too.

"Can I take you out sometime?"

As if I was going to say no.

"ok."

He opened his mouth to say something; then seemed to change his mind. Then hesitantly he said,

"What about....that guy? I mean, are you....dating him?"

My mind struggled to comprehend what he was talking about at that minute as his hazel eyes mesmerized me. I was blank for a moment and then I realised what guy he was talking about. Jacob.

_Shit._

"Well..." was I dating Jake? I mean, the whole school thought I was and I didn't bother correcting them.

"Jake and I, were really good friends."

He frowned. "That didn't answer my question."

I sighed.

"Edward, I don't know, it's kind of complicated."

"What's so complicated about it?" he said, his voice a lot less soft than before, "Are you dating him or not? Seems like a simple question to me."

"Well, we go out to places and stuff, but –"

"Then you're dating." He cut in.

"No, not really, I mean, we just...hang out."

He wasn't looking at me now; he was scowling at the wall behind me.

"Well...after you 'hang out' does he...kiss you?"

I was getting pissed off now, what the fuck did what I did with Jake have to do with him?

"That's none of your business Edward. Why the hell do you want to know anyway?"

His jaw clenched.

"Because I don't want to take you out if you're already dating some other guy."

Ok, I was mad now. Who the hell did he think he was?

"Well, you know what? Don't fucking bother taking me out then, coz I don't want to go out with a nosy asshole like you."

He looked taken aback, his mouth opened slightly.

"Ok. Whatever."

He moved over to the table and started picking up his notes and his hoody.

"Thanks for helping me with the notes. And for dinner." He said icily.

"You're welcome." I replied tersely.

He glared at me for a moment before swiftly walking out and slamming the door. A moment later I heard his car start up and he sped away.

What a fucking ass, I thought to myself. Why did he want to know so much about me and Jake? It was none of his goddamn business what Jake and I did. I wasn't dating Jake, and I wasn't dating him either and I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Then why did I feel so guilty?

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hey guys, thanks for reading. Can I get a little more feedback? I'm so pleased that there's a lot of people reading my story. But I would be even more pleased if I got a few responses telling me what you thought of it. Please?**

**Thanks**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	26. Chapter 26: Skipping Class

**SONG: Kings Of Leon - Closer**

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**Chapter 26**

**Skipping Class**

**EPOV**

This girl was making me crazy.

What a fucking idiot I was. Finally, _finally _I had been able to ask her out. Then what did I do? I went and fucked it up. Now she probably didn't want to ever go out with me.

I was mad too.

But why was I mad? I asked myself, though I knew the answer. It was because I was jealous. When I had asked her if she'd kissed that motorcycle asshole, she had blushed and replied with, "That's none of your business Edward." How more obvious could you get? She _had_ kissed him. I was jealous because that guy had kissed her and I was mad at her for kissing him. It was absurd really, I mean, I had no right to be mad or jealous. Bella Swan wasn't mine. She could date and kiss who the hell she wanted. She was right; it _was_ none of my fucking business.

I gripped the steering wheel tightly, my jaw still clenched as I drove away from her house. Part of me wanted to turn around and drive back to her house. Apologise to her and tell her how I _really _felt about her, but honestly, I was too afraid to do that. I mean, I still didn't _really_ know whether she liked me.

I had started thinking that she did though.

I mean, the way she was staring at me when she answered the door and throughout the whole evening, and ok, I was staring at her a lot too, but she was actually looking back at me for once. She had also said that she liked the smell of my cologne. And the thought that she had actually taken notice of my _smell _even made me blush a little, and I rarely _ever_ blushed.

She had also looked so beautiful, as usual, her long hair tumbling around her shoulders, her skin smooth and flushing as always. But she had also looked kind of..._sexy_? Or maybe my mind had gone to the gutter because I was alone with her in her house, I don't know.

The jeans that she was wearing, although they were loose fitting, hugged her little hips perfectly and made me want to reach out and just, I don't know; hold them or something. I almost did, in fact, when she was standing in front of the stove. I'd had to move away from behind her or I would have done it, and the fact that I had gotten a little excited in my pants didn't help either. I was standing really close behind her, not touching her, but if I had gotten any harder she would probably have felt it. I regretted wearing sweatpants, I mean, you couldn't hide it with them like you could with jeans.

That white top she wore wasn't too low cut, though just low enough to show a _hint _of cleavage, and her graceful neck looked so...kissable...

Not to mention her lips...I couldn't help looking at them, they were so shiny and pink and full and she was sitting so close to me at the table, you know, I was literally inches away from her lips; it was so easy to just lean forward and put my mouth on hers...

I needed to stop thinking about her like that. Having a hard on while driving was uncomfortable, plus, I wouldn't be able to concentrate properly on the road. I struggled to keep my mind off her as I raced down the road. I was trying to concentrate so hard on keeping my mind of Bella – and failing – that at first I didn't even notice the police cruiser signalling me to pull over.

Fuck.

I pulled over, wound down the window and sat in my car waiting for the cop to walk over to me. He came and leaned into my window.

"You were speeding." He stated.

"Uh really? I didn't realise sir, I'm sorry." I said, panicking.

He raised an eyebrow.

"You didn't realise? Well then, you shouldn't be on the roads at all should you? You were going at sixty five and this is a forty road."

Shit.

"Can I see your license please."

I took it out and gave it to him. He scanned it quickly.

"Hmmm, Cullen-Masen? Are you related to Carlisle Cullen?"

Oh shit, this couldn't get any worse. He knew Carlisle.

"Uh yes sir, he's my uncle."

"Right. Well, I'm going to have to give you a ticket. Speeding is a very dangerous thing to do. You have less control of the car, meaning you are a danger to yourself and to other road users. I don't want to ever catch you speeding again son, do you hear me?"

"Yes sir." I replied.

While he was writing the ticket, I glanced at his badge. _Chief of Police, Charlie Swan._

Fuck. It just got worse. I get pulled over because I'm speeding, after coming back from _his _house and trying to distract myself from my hard on caused by thinking dirty thoughts about _his _daughter.

I grimaced, and I think I even felt my face heating up a little.

He handed me the ticket.

"Ok, here you go son, I don't want to catch you speeding again." He repeated, "And tell your uncle that Charlie said hello."

"Ok."

He went back to his car and I waited a while until he drove away.

At school the next day, I was anxious about seeing Bella. I wanted to apologize to her for being a 'nosy asshole' as she had said – and maybe even ask her out again. She came and sat down on her chair, her strawberry and vanilla scent fanning out around me. Her hair was shiny and straight as it cascaded down her back, the red tones highlighted by the fluorescent lights in the class. She was wearing black Capri pants and a rather tight fitting purple sweater. Her lips, with that shiny pink gloss on them were pouting and her forehead a little creased.

She was mad.

"Bella?" I said.

She didn't even turn.

I sighed. "Look, I'm sorry." I paused, waiting for a reaction.

She still sat perfectly still, her frown deepening even more at my words.

Great.

"I didn't mean to be an ass ok, I guess..." I looked down at the table; unable to look at her while I said this.

"I guess I was just...mad, I mean, I know I've got no right to be..." I sighed; this was really hard to say. And fuck, my face was even heating up. Blushing was the thing I hated the most, next to crying and this was the second time Bella would see me do it.

"Well? Spit it out then."

I looked up to see her looking at me, she still looked mad though she looked less mad than she had a moment ago. I held her eyes, unable to look away now that she was looking at me.

"Ok, I was mad that...that you..._kissed _that guy. It's stupid I know, because well, it's up to you who you kiss, I mean, you were right; it_ is_ none of my business. But I don't know, I just...I don't like it."

She flushed, though I have no idea why. Then she broke our eye contact and leaned forward so her hair covered her face.

That annoyed me a little. I wanted to...no _needed _to see her face.

Without even thinking about what I was doing, I reached out and brushed her hair back from her face, hooking it behind her ear. She turned to look at me, her face turning an even deeper shade of red. She stared at me for a moment before saying,

"Edward, you can't be mad at me for kissing Jake."

My teeth clenched a little at hearing her confirming that she did kiss him, even though I already guessed that she did.

"_Especially _when you slept with Tanya."

I fought a grimace. She was right.

She looked back down at the table, her frown returning.

I couldn't think of anything to say to that, so I was silent. We were both silent for the rest of the lesson and the tension was so thick, that I couldn't even concentrate on the work.

When the bell rang, she hurriedly packed up her notes and walked out of the class. I couldn't just leave it like that so I followed her out of the door and down the hall, even though my next lesson was in the opposite direction of where she was going.

I grabbed her arm gently to stop her, and she turned around quickly, startled. She flushed when she saw me.

"Can I talk to you? Please?" I said to her.

She pursed her lips, and I had to restrain myself from staring at them.

She looked around the hall.

We were kind of blocking traffic, the hall was full of students rushing to get to their next lessons, getting books from their lockers. I didn't miss a few of the wide eyed glances we received from people walking past. I was still holding on to Bella's arm so they were probably dying to know what was going on. I had come to accept that nothing in Forks High ever stayed secret; there was always gossip of some sort. I mean, that's what happened when a school only had 328 students.

"Can we go somewhere? To talk?"

"But we've got class in a minute." She said, uncertainly.

"I know, but can we just ditch? It's just one class. I can even cover for you if you want? You know, I could tell your teacher you were sick or something and I had to take you to the nurse."

"Ok." She said.

I led her out to near the parking lot, to where there was a little grassy area that was kind of secluded, just in case a teacher happened to walk past. She leaned against the brick building when we got there. I stood next to her, also leaning against it.

We were silent for a moment, just listening to the wind rustling the trees. Then she turned her head to look at me.

"So?" she said, her eyebrows raised, "What did you want to talk about?"

I looked at her, my heartbeat accelerating. Our faces were now only inches apart as we leaned against the wall.

How was I going to say this?

"Bella...It bothers me that you're dating some guy ok. It's none of my business and I know that but I can't help it. I..." I paused and frowned, "I'm jealous."

For some reason she looked she was fighting a smile.

"I know you are." She said, "But I don't get why. I mean, what are you jealous of? The fact that he's in college? That he's got a motorcycle?"

I scoffed. As if I cared about any of those things.

"I'm jealous because...well...I like you Bella." I mumbled, looking down at the grass, "_I_ want to be the one dating you."

She was silent for a while. A really long while actually. I looked at her again, my heart now pounding furiously. Why was she silent?

She was blushing, and so hard that her neck was also flushed. She was also looking down at the ground so her hair was hanging forward, obscuring my view of her face again.

I sighed and moved off the wall, standing in front of her, facing her and again, I gently pushed her hair back from her face. She looked up at me as I did.

"You know, I love your hair, but I think I prefer when you have it tied back." I said, grinning.

She smiled back.

We stood gazing at each other for a moment. Then she said,

"I like you too Edward." Her face flaming again, "And if you feel jealous just because I kissed a guy, how do you think I feel knowing that you slept with Tanya?"

I winced.

"How did you think I felt, when I used to see her all over you at lunch?"

"I'm sorry." I said, though it was weird apologizing when technically I didn't do anything wrong. "I didn't want Tanya, I mean; she practically initiated the whole thing. And I did sleep with her..."

She frowned.

"But I was drunk, and ok, that's not a good excuse, but I just want you to know that I don't go sleeping around. The only reason I got so drunk in the first place was because I was pissed off at that party. I was even on my way to my room to go to sleep, when Tanya found me upstairs."

She stared at me for a moment.

"Then what about the date you took her on?" she said, her eyes narrowing slightly.

How did she know about that?

"I felt kind of...you know, like an asshole for sleeping with her. I mean, I couldn't even remember most of what had happened that night. So I called her and took her out on Sunday. We just went out to lunch and an afternoon movie, and then I don't know what happened, she started thinking we were like, officially dating or something."

"Did you kiss her?"

"No. Well, _she_ kissed _me_."

"Hmmm." She pursed her lips again.

And it was extremely difficult to not look at them when she was standing just inches in front of me.

We were silent again, just gazing at each other.

"So...what about you and..._Jake,_" I didn't even want to say his name, "Word around school is that you're dating him."

She looked away from my eyes. And what was that expression on her face? Guilt?

She sighed. "I don't think we're dating, but I think Jake thinks we are. And I feel bad because he's a sweet guy...and I've just been leading him on..." she sighed again.

Was it evil of me to smirk a little?

I slowly lifted my hand to her cheek and stroked it with my fingers. Her skin heated up instantaneously under my touch. I moved closer to her, so our bodies were almost touching. I couldn't help my eyes from darting to her lips. They looked so soft and luscious...

I inched closer to her so my body was touching hers now, my hand still cupping her cheek, my thumb caressing it slowly. I leaned my other hand on the wall by her head. I held her eyes as I moved closer, occasionally glancing at her lips.

I desperately wanted to kiss her. _Needed _to kiss her.

She was blushing again as I inched my body closer and closer until she was pressed against the wall and I was pressed against her. I heard her breathing speed up minutely and her lips parted slightly and I could feel my dick starting to grow in my pants as I pressed impossibly closer to her.

I leaned my face towards her slowly, tilting my head slightly as my eyes were locked in her deep chocolate gaze.

I gently touched my lips to hers; then pulled back, looking at her. Her eyes were now closed. I leaned forward again, this time pressing harder on her lips and she pressed against mine too. I moved over her lips, gently sucking them. She leaned her head back against the wall, her breath speeding up even more. I opened my mouth a little and gently sucked her plump bottom lip. Her lips were so luscious, the lip gloss she wore making them taste sweet. My eyes half closed involuntarily. She lifted her arms up and brought them round the back of my head, pulling my face closer. I sucked her lip harder and she started sucking on my top lip, her warm breath coming out in pants now, her sweet fragrance intoxicating me. Her fingers were playing in my hair, stroking it, tugging it slightly; causing goose bumps to rise on my flesh. Then, I couldn't help myself from bringing out my tongue and I started brushing her lip with it while I kissed her.

She moaned quietly.

And that sound just set me off. My dick twitched, growing harder against her and I pushed my body even closer to her, I leaned my other hand on the wall against her head so she was in-between them. I kissed her faster, still licking her lip and then I felt her tongue come out and she licked my top lip. I moved my tongue to hers and stroked it, and she did the same to me. I then, plunged my tongue into her mouth and she moaned again, louder this time. And, involuntarily I pushed myself against her body even more. My chest was pressed against hers and I could feel her boobs underneath me. She was panting now, and they were being squeezed against me with every breath. The bra she was wearing probably wasn't padded because I could feel her nipples through her tight sweater, they were hard against my chest and I couldn't help groaning at the feel of it. She moaned after hearing me groan and grabbed my hair harder, pushing my head harder on hers and plunging her tongue into my mouth. I fought the urge to thrust my hips. She could no doubt feel my erection being pressed against her. After a while, she pulled my head back away from her lips. I was confused for a moment; then she leaned her face to my neck and started kissing me, right below my jaw line.

Shit.

That spot was a weak spot for me. I groaned loudly and she continued kissing and sucking the skin under my jaw and it was getting increasingly difficult for me to not thrust my hips against her. Then, she was moaning into my neck as she kissed it, breathing heavily against me. She pressed her hips against my erection and I groaned again. She continued shifting her hips against me, and she was only wearing Capri pants so I could feel the heat radiating from her crotch. Then I couldn't help myself. I began thrusting my dick into her, grinding against her. Her leg moved out from under me and she lifted it up. I grabbed her thigh with one hand, holding up her leg while I continued thrusting, rubbing my dick in between her legs, the heat of it making me want to go faster. She was moaning uncontrollably and I was unable to stop my grunts and groans. I moved my face to her lips and started kissing her again, my tongue darting in and out of her mouth to the same rhythm as my hips thrusting into her. The friction against my erection felt so good that I was afraid that I would cum in my pants, and fuck, that would be embarrassing. I slowed down a little with my thrusting, kissing her more gently and she whimpered. I pulled back to look at her face and I nearly came in my pants as I looked at her. Her lips were red and plump, still parted as she breathed heavily, moaning softly, her face was flushed, her eyes half closed, rolling back in her head a little. She opened her eyes to look at me and they were filled with lust.

I stopped thrusting and slowly lowered her leg and leaned away from her slightly.

"What's wrong?" She whispered; her voice husky and unintentionally seductive.

I groaned slightly and closed my eyes. She was making it incredibly difficult for me to remain with clean boxers. My dick was throbbing and aching, straining against my jeans and I tried to adjust it without touching it too much, because it felt like I was going to explode any minute.

"Fuck, this is embarrassing." I muttered.

"What is?" She whispered.

_Did she have to sound so sexy?_

"I had to stop coz...if I continued then..." my face was flaming again, "I would have...you know."

Her eyes widened a little and she looked down at my pants. Her eyes widened even more.

She looked up at me and smirked. _Damn._

Slowly, she reached down and pressed a finger on the bulge in my pants. I sucked in air through my teeth, my eyes closing.

"That's not a good idea." I said; my teeth clenched as I forced myself to think of unsexy thoughts.

"Sorry." She said, though she didn't sound sorry at all.

I opened my eyes to look at her and she was smirking again, her head still down, though I don't know if she was still looking at my erection or not.

"What's funny?" I asked her.

She looked up at me through her lashes. _Was she doing this on purpose?_

"Nothing."

We stayed silent for some time. I was going through every single algebra equation I could think of in my mind, trying to calm myself down. It was impossible while I was still standing in front of her so I moved next to her, leaning against the wall again.

After my erection had abated a little, I turned to her.

"Are you ok?" I asked her.

She smiled.

"What?" I asked, puzzled.

"You're always asking me that you know. But yeah, I'm fine."

The bell rang.

"Wow, we missed the whole lesson." I said.

It was lunch now, and people would start coming out soon.

"Should we go to the cafeteria now?" she asked.

"Ok." I said.

She started walking.

"Bella?" I called, and she turned to look at me.

"Yes?"

"So...can we...go out sometime?"

She smiled at me and nodded. I smiled back, and we made our way over to the cafeteria.

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**Author's Note:**

**Please Review. Thanks.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	27. Chapter 27: Monster

**SONG: Radiohead - 15 Step**

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**Chapter 27**

**Monster**

**BPOV**

The feelings and emotions coursing through my body were overwhelming.

There was so much to take in, so much to think about. I was walking over to the cafeteria with Edward Cullen, after I had just made out with him.

I had just _made out_ against a wall with Edward Cullen.

It was hard to comprehend the events that had just occurred over the last hour. I probably wouldn't have believed they really happened if Edward wasn't walking next to me right this minute. Not to mention the evidence of the dampness between my legs.

I was euphoric.

Edward _did_ like me, and he had told me so himself. His jealousy over finding out that I kissed Jake had caused him to finally open up. To let me know how he felt about me, instead of me having to find out information from Alice, who found out information from Jasper, so I couldn't really be sure whether it was true or not. Instead of trying to figure out the emotions in his eyes, the meaning of the glances he shot me. He finally just told me. And I couldn't help opening up to him about how I felt about the whole thing with Tanya. And ok, I still had a problem with it, but he had explained to me what had really happened between them, and although Alice had basically told me the same thing he'd just said, I had only really believed it after he told me himself.

I was also guilty.

Because there was still Jake to think about. And yes, I _did _like Jake, but not in the same way I liked Edward. Jake was fun to hang out with, he was a great _friend. _Though I had been unfair to him by letting him kiss me, because friends don't kiss friends like that do they? I knew that he liked me, a lot, and he didn't try to hide the way he felt about me. I had tried to convince myself, when Edward was away for the week, that I _did_ like Jake the way I liked Edward, tried to convince myself that I wasn't using Jake to try and replace Edward, to try and get back at Edward. But the truth was; I actually _was_ doing that. Sure, I liked his kisses, but that was only because, well, they were _kisses, _I mean, who _didn't _like to be kissed? And now, I was at a loss as to what I was going to say to him. I obviously couldn't keep seeing him all the time and kissing him if I wanted to start dating Edward. But what would I say to him? He would be so hurt.

I was still aroused.

God, I thought Jake's kiss on the couch was hot, but _Edward's...._Edward's was on _another level_ of hotness. I blushed as I thought of it, heat slowly beginning to spread between my legs. He was glancing at me, a puzzled look on his face as we walked, probably wondering why I was blushing. I tried to not look at him. Tried not to think of the way his lips felt on mine, the way his tongue felt in my mouth, the way his soft hair felt in my hands, the way his toned body felt, pressed on mine, the way his erection rubbed against me, feeling so good I just wanted to...

"Are you ok?"

There was that question again. I couldn't help smiling at it. Edward was looking at me questioningly. My face must have been scarlet.

"Um, yeah, I'm fine." I said, trying not to look at him.

He looked at me for a moment longer; then turned his gaze as we continued walking.

I was still blushing though; I could feel my face still hot. This was because I still couldn't keep my mind off of that kiss. I thought about how bold I had been, kissing his jaw, lifting my leg up, as he rubbed against me, touching the huge bulge in his pants. But I was just so intoxicated and turned on by him that I couldn't help myself. His beautiful, manly jaw line was just so tempting to kiss, the way he felt thrusting against me was so good that I needed to feel the friction harder, closer on my crotch, and when I looked down and saw how aroused he was because of _me, _it turned me on more and I just had to...touch it.

I could feel the throbbing between my legs now, my panties growing even wetter as we neared the cafeteria. Of course, I was still bright red and it didn't help that a lot of people were gawking at Edward and I – some even open mouthed – as we walked through the halls and stood in the line in the cafeteria. We weren't holding hands or anything, but we were walking quite close and I had never walked the halls with him before. I internally groaned at the stories that would have, no doubt, have been concocting inside their heads. Forks High students _lived _on gossip.

Edward and I walked over to our lunch table and I sat next to Alice, as usual, while he sat next to Emmett. I blushed impossibly more profusely as everyone at our table stared at us as we sat down. I could see Edward's face also turn that subtle shade of pink again, and I would have smiled if my every move wasn't being scrutinized.

Alice turned to me, her mouth slightly open; eyes wide and questioning; her foot bouncing under the table excitedly. I grimaced. I was certainly not looking forward to the interrogation I would be receiving after school. Of course, I had told her that Edward had come round to my house yesterday and had told her every detail of what had happened, so she had already been eagerly waiting to hear what he would say to me today.

Jessica Stanley was also eyeing me, not even bothering to hide the disdain on her face as she glanced from me to Edward and back again. Jasper was looking at Edward, and for some reason he seemed like he was fighting a smirk. Tyler Crowley glanced at Edward and me quickly, and then went back to eating his lunch. Rosalie looked indifferent, as usual, even rolling her eyes when she spotted Jessica glaring at me, while Emmet didn't even notice us, he was hungrily devouring a burger and fries, not even bothering to look up when we sat down.

I glanced at Edward to find him still blushing. He was looking at his food, trying to seem oblivious to the looks he was receiving.

"Dude, where were you for third period?" Jasper said, a smirk still playing on his lips, "You know your teacher was looking for you. They even had to call you on the announcement thing."

Edward glared at him; still looking adorably pink, then realization dawned on his face.

"Oh shit, there was a track meeting for third period, Coach Durham told me this morning and I told him I'd be there." He groaned, "I totally forgot about it. He's going to kick my ass when I see him. I've already missed a week of track practice."

"So...where were you?" Jasper persisted.

Edward glared at him again before looking at his food and muttering,

"I err, I didn't feel too good...so I...I went outside for a bit, for some air."

Jasper grinned. "Oh, _really_." He said, looking pointedly in my direction.

I flushed.

What did he know? And _how_ could he know? Did he see us making out? Lunch was awkward and embarrassing. I kept my face down, my hair covering me from all the stares. Occasionally I glanced at Edward and he was also looking down at his food, ignoring the pointed looks and smirks Jasper was shooting him.

Jacob came to meet me after school.

I had driven my truck to school though so I couldn't get on his bike with him which was a relief. He was still going to follow me to my house though, riding behind my truck. As I sat in my truck, about to start the engine, I glanced up to find Edward's gaze on me. He looked kind of mad as he made his way over to his car and got inside.

Great.

When Jacob and I got to my house and I climbed out of my truck, he handed me the pink helmet.

"Where do you want to go today?" he asked, smiling at me.

And I felt horrible.

"Err, Jake? I don't really want to go out anywhere today." I said quietly.

His face fell.

"Oh. Ok." He looked down at his feet, frowning a little.

The guilt I felt at that moment was crushing. I didn't want to stop spending time with Jake. I would have gladly driven around with him on his bike again _if _he didn't have feelings for me. _If _I had told him from the first time he kissed me, that I didn't like him like that, that I only wanted to be friends.

But I hadn't.

"Well, I err, I'm going to start getting back to College –" He turned to his bike.

"Jake." I called out, "You can come inside if you want, I mean, you don't have to go just because we're not going anywhere."

His face lit up instantly and I couldn't help smiling, even though there was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't quite place my finger on.

We went inside and sat on the couch in the living room, watching TV. After a while, I noticed Jake glancing at me again. I knew what he wanted to do, his eyes darting to my lips, and I couldn't let him. I couldn't kiss him again. He scooted closer to me on the couch and I stood up quickly, trying to look nonchalant.

"I'm kind of hungry Jake. You want something to eat?"

He stared at me a moment. "Sure."

I hurried over to the kitchen, sighing in relief. A moment later Jake was in the kitchen too. He had followed me in there and was leaned against the counter, eyeing me suspiciously as I opened up the cupboards, searching for something to make.

"Shit. My dad hasn't been grocery shopping yet. There's barely any food in the house. Sorry Jake."

I turned to him. He was still looking at me suspiciously, eyes slightly narrowed.

"Don't worry about it. We can order something. I'll pay."

"Should we order some Chinese food?" I asked him.

"If you want." He replied – a little abruptly.

I called the restaurant and told them our orders. I asked them to deliver but they said that they couldn't, the distance of my house was too far away, so we had to go and pick up our food.

"I'll go and pick it up." Jake said, "It'll be quicker on my bike."

He left quickly and I heard his engine revving before he drove off. He was mad at me. I mean, he wasn't stupid, he could see that I was acting differently towards him. I felt horrible but it had to be done. It would have been worse if I kept leading him on right?

I watched TV a little, and about ten minutes later there was knock on the door. Wow, Jake was really fast; I thought to myself, it usually took me at least half an hour to pick up my food from that place.

I opened the door to find Edward standing there, his hazel eyes boring into mine as soon I met his gaze.

My heart quickened, a flush immediately covering my face.

He smiled crookedly at me. "Hey."

I just stood there gawping at him, my mouth slightly hanging open.

"Edward...what...what are you doing here?"

He frowned.

"Is it a bad time?" He asked.

I didn't know how to reply. It certainly _was _a bad time but how could I tell him that? Jake would be at least another ten minutes. Maybe I could get Edward to leave before he got back. I didn't want him to be here when Jake got back. I had a feeling that it would be a problem.

I shook my head and stepped back to let him in.

"Sorry I didn't call." He said, "I just thought I might...surprise you." He smiled.

I managed to smile back.

"So, what were you doing?" he asked.

"Nothing, just watching TV." I said, gesturing over to the TV.

"Ok."

He went and sat down on the couch. This was not good. How was I going to get him to leave? I didn't _want _him to leave, but how could he stay with Jake already here? That definitely wouldn't work. I sat next to him on the couch, pretending to watch the TV, while nervously glancing at the clock every few minutes.

Edward looked at me. "Are you ok?"

The front door opened before I could answer and I heard Jake's deep voice saying, "I've got the food Bells."

Edward leapt from the couch, obviously thinking it was my dad, and Jake walked into the living room. He froze when he saw Edward, a confused expression on his face as he glanced from Edward to me. I had also stood up and was looking at him, mortified, my face burning up. I could see Edward looking at me from the corner of my eye.

"Who's he?" Jake asked me, completely ignoring Edward.

Edward glared at him.

"Jake, this is Edward, Edward, this is Jake."

Jake frowned, looking at Edward for a moment before turning back to me.

"Ok, but who is he?" he questioned.

I glanced at Edward. His eyes were narrowed, his jaw clenched as he glowered at Jake.

I sighed. "Edward, you should probably go."

He turned to me, incredulous.

"What? Why should _I_ leave?"

I sighed again. "Look, I'll call you and explain everything ok, just leave now, please?"

He stared at me for a moment; then walked out, still glaring at Jake as he brushed past him. I waited until I heard him drive off before I spoke.

"Edward is...he's...a friend from school."

Jake raised his eyebrows. "A friend?" he questioned, "Well, he seemed a little more than a friend, if you know what I mean."

I grimaced.

"Jake –"

"Why was he here anyway Bella? I mean, I go to pick up our food and come back to find some _guy _here?"

"Look, he just turned up ok; I was trying to get him to leave."

"Oh really? Because it didn't look that way to me. I'm not fucking stupid Bella, ok? I'm eighteen years old and I won't be taken for a fucking idiot."

"Jake, I'm sorry, I –"

"And what the hell? You said you would call him and explain? Explain what?"

I couldn't speak.

Jake shook his head. "I feel so stupid. I thought you liked me Bells. I thought that...maybe we were dating exclusively. I thought... I thought..." he trailed off, pacing into the kitchen.

He put the Chinese food on the kitchen table and came back to the living where I was still standing, frozen in horror.

"You know, I thought something was up with you. I mean, you've been acting different since Monday, but I couldn't think why. And –" he paused, realization suddenly dawning on him, "Yesterday was your dad really off work?"

I looked down at my feet.

He shook his head and walked closer to me, until he was standing just a few inches in front of me.

"I liked you Bella, no I _like _you, and you know that. I don't know who that guy is to you and frankly, I don't care, I just want you to tell me one thing."

He paused. I was still looking at my feet.

"Look at me Bella." He said, softly.

And I slowly looked up into his dark eyes. I almost winced at the hurt in them.

"Do you, well, _did_ you actually like me?"

I felt like a monster, I could feel the tears prickling my eyes. I _so _hadn't wanted to hurt Jake. Yes, I did like him, but not the way he wanted, not the way he liked me and it wasn't fair of me to not let him know sooner.

"Jake, I'm so sorry." I said, the tears spilling over, "I –"

He nodded, cutting me off.

"It's fine." He closed his eyes for a second, then opened them again and looked at me. "Bye Bells."

With that he turned and walked out of the front door.

I heard his bike revving, and then the sound of it growing quieter, as he sped away from my house.

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**Author's Note:**

**I'm giving you guys quick updates. Please spare a review for my hard work. lol.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	28. Chapter 28: Questions & Doubt

**SONG: Dashboard Confessional - Stolen**

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**Chapter 28**

**Questions & Doubt**

**EPOV**

What was she playing at?

Was she just messing with me? What was that guy doing at her house again, just walking in casually, and holding food as if he owned the place?

Calling her '_Bells'_.

Maybe I had read a little too much into things, but I had thought our little talk outside had meant something. I thought that our kiss had meant something. She had told me that she liked me; that she wasn't dating that guy, yet he had turned up after school again. And ok, I had tried not to let that bother me. I had gone over to her house without calling, to see – if I was being honest – whether that guy would be there. And I'd been glad to see that he wasn't.

But then he'd walked in.

And from the looks of things, he had already been at her house; he looked like he just went to pick up some food. He had already been in the house with her, and they were about to cosy up in front of the TV, eating Chinese food, before I got there. And she had told _me _to leave, not him, so he had obviously been there before me.

I had interrupted them.

What the fuck was she doing? Did she really like me at all, or was she messing around with both of us? I didn't think she was the kind of girl to do that, but you could never be sure these days. And what did she say to me? She would call me and explain? Well, I'd been sitting in my room waiting for her call. I tried not to be mad, I tried to wait until I heard what she had to say before I got mad, but it was becoming increasingly difficult not to be. I was growing more furious by the second.

I watched the clock incessantly.

It had been two and a half hours since I had left her house and still, no phone call. The urge to call _her_ was so strong it was like there was a magnetic force tugging my hand to my cell sitting on my bedside drawer.

But I couldn't let myself give in and call her. I would wait for her to call me.

The time ticked on slowly and my jaw was clenched so tight it had started to ache; my fists were balled up at my sides as I sat on my bed, glaring at the clock. No one in the house bothered me. Jazz saw me storming through the front door and must have alerted everyone of my mood, so they stayed clear. I tried to force the images of that guy with Bella out of my head, but it was futile, with every passing second, they kept creeping up in my mind's eye. Bella and him sitting on the couch, eating together. Bella kissing him on the couch...the way she had kissed me in school earlier...

Him leading Bella upstairs to her bedroom...

I picked up my phone and gripped it tightly. I desperately wanted to call her. What the fuck was taking her so long to call? What was she doing? She couldn't still be with _him _could she?

Two hours and forty five minutes. Still no call.

Three hours. Still no fucking phone call.

Wait. What the fuck am I? I thought to myself. Am I an idiot? Why the hell was I sitting there like some..._loser, _waiting for her to call? I had never in my life, done that before. For _any _girl.

What was Bella Swan doing to me?

I got up from my bed and paced my room for a bit. It was past ten now, she probably wasn't going to call me tonight. I grabbed my hoody, pulled on my sneakers, grabbed my car keys and walked out of my room – leaving my cell sitting on my bed.

I ran down the stairs, and almost collided with Carlisle who was coming up them, holding his briefcase and a stack of papers in his hand.

"Whoa Edward! Slow down son."

I kept my head down and mumbled, "Sorry uncle C."

He looked at me.

"Are you alright Edward?"

_Fuck. Not now Carlisle._

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Hmmm, where are you going? You know, its past ten and this is a school night." He said.

I sighed. "I know, I'm just going for a drive, I'll be twenty minutes at most."

"Are you sure you're ok?" he asked, frowning.

"Yes. I'm fine." I said, through clenched teeth, "Can I please go now?"

He looked at me apprehensively and sighed.

"Don't be back too late."

I continued hurriedly down the stairs and into my car.

I put in a CD, turned it up loudly and rolled down the windows as I raced down the street. I drove aimlessly, not really having anywhere to go. I just wanted to clear my head, to calm down, and driving usually helped me to do that. It wasn't really working well today though. Bella Swan was still a permanent fixture in my thoughts. Before I had even thought about what I was doing, I was already driving down the road towards her house.

I parked silently in front of her house. Her dad's car was in the driveway. Why did I come here? I thought to myself. There was no way I was going to knock on the door and ask to speak to her at this time of night. Her dad would probably shoot a bullet up my ass. I sat in my car watching the house, and honestly, feeling like some kind of stalker, as the lights went off one by one until the house was in complete darkness.

I sighed and was about to start my engine, ready to drive off, when a light in the house flicked back on. I looked up and saw it was in the room above the kitchen, at the front of the house. The curtains were closed, but I could make out a faint shadow moving behind them. Bella? I thought. The shadow was small and slight; it definitely didn't look like it belonged to Charlie Swan.

I got out of my car and quietly walked up to the house. I peered up at the window, feeling completely like some kind of pervert stalker, but I couldn't help it. I was ninety eight percent sure it was her, so I picked up a tiny stone and threw it at the window. I waited a while, but nothing happened so I threw another one. I could see the person moving over to the window, so I threw another one.

The curtain opened a little, and I saw Bella looking out curiously.

My heart sputtered a little at the sight of her.

She looked around at first, before her eyes cast down and met mine. She looked startled, her jaw dropping a little. She closed the curtain again, and I was left puzzled. Did she not want to see me? I waited, staring anxiously at her window for a few minutes, when she suddenly pushed back the curtains and pulled open the window. She leaned out and threw something down.

"It's my keys, open the front door and come up. But be really quiet, I'm not sure if my dad's still awake or not." She whispered.

She leaned back in and shut the window.

I moved forward and picked up the keys, feeling stunned. She wanted me to sneak into her house. Into her _room. _I walked up to the front door, and fumbled about with the keys, trying to figure out which ones were for the door. I finally unlocked the door, opened it slowly, and then locked it again. The house was in complete darkness, I could barely see where I was going as I crept quietly over to the stairs. I slowly climbed the stairs, wincing a little as some of them creaked under my feet. I reached the second floor and panicked for a moment when I realised I didn't know which door was hers. But then I saw light leaking out from under one of the doors and it was obviously her room. I knocked on her door softly and it flew open. She grabbed my arm and pulled me into her room, shutting and locking her door quickly.

I stood in the middle of her room, looking at her, feeling awkward, while she leaned against her door looking back at me. Her hair was damp, a towel in her hand. She was wearing blue sweatpants and a plain white t shirt and her feet were bare.

She looked...gorgeous.

After a moment, a faint blush coloured a face.

"You didn't call." I said, frowning and looking down at the floor.

"I _did_ call." She said quietly, "But you didn't answer your phone."

I looked up at her and she was also frowning.

"When?" I questioned.

"About half an hour ago, before I got in the shower."

Half an hour ago, I was driving around in my car. Shit. I remembered I left my cell in my room.

"Oh." I said, "I err, left my cell in my room."

She nodded and looked down.

"You can sit down you know."

I looked around and realised I was still standing. But where would I sit? It didn't feel right for me to sit on her _bed. _There was a chair by a desk with a mirror, in the corner of the room. I sat there. She moved over to her bed and sat in the middle of it, facing me, her legs crossed. She started drying her hair with the towel. I tried really hard not to stare at her, so I looked around her room. It was neat and feminine, just like her. The walls were lilac, and she had a lilac lamp on her bedside drawer. Her sheets and curtains were matching; they were white with lilac flowers on them and she had a few soft toys on her bed, which I almost smiled at. There was a small portable CD player next to the lamp, along with an alarm clock. A small bookcase was in the corner opposite the desk I was sitting at, filled with books.

She was brushing her hair now, and the silence was becoming uncomfortable.

"So what were you going to say? You know, when you called." I asked her, still trying not to look at her.

"I was going to explain, you know, about what happened earlier on with Jake." Her breath hitched a little after she said 'Jake.'

I looked up at her quickly, but she was leaning forward, her hair concealing her face. I sighed quietly, exasperated.

"Well?" I said gruffly, "Explain then."

She sighed. "We were just...hanging out Edward, like we usually do. Well, like we usually _did._" She sniffed.

What the hell? Was she _crying_?

"Hanging out? Well, I know what your version of hanging out entails." I said, scowling at my fists.

She looked up at me quickly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

I looked up at her and saw the glistening of tears on her cheeks. She _was _crying. My own eyes narrowed back at her.

"Well, you told me before that you and Jake just 'hung out', and then you told me that you kissed him too. I mean, I don't usually kiss people I'm just hanging out with."

Her mouth pushed out into a pout and she glowered at me.

"Look, I told you that Jake liked me ok. I also told you that I didn't like him that way, that I liked _you. _The only reason Jake was in my house today was because I didn't want to hurt him. I don't know, I thought that maybe I could tell him that I just wanted to be friends with him. But then _you _had to come and interrupt and fuck up the whole thing. And then I ended up hurting him anyway and he probably doesn't want to see me ever again, so I've lost a really good guy that _could_ have been my friend."

Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks and I felt engulfed with rage and..._Jealousy._

"You're _crying? _Over him? Well why the fuck did you tell me you liked me then? Why the fuck am I here? If you want to be with him then why don't you just...fucking be with him?"

She wiped her face furiously and groaned, frustrated.

"For goodness sake Edward, didn't you just hear what I said? I fucking like _you! _I don't want Jake! I'm crying because I hurt him and I didn't want to lose him, _as a friend_!" she yelled.

There was a knock on the door and the doorknob turned. We both froze and looked at it.

"Bells? Are you alright honey?" Charlie Swan's panicked voice called out.

Bella looked at me and put a finger to her lips, signalling me to keep quiet. I rolled my eyes. Like I was that stupid. Plus, it was her who was yelling in the first place.

"Yes dad, I'm fine." She said loudly.

"Are you sure? I thought I heard you yelling."

"No dad, that wasn't me." She lied.

"O...k," Charlie said uncertainly. I heard him shuffle back to him room and close his door.

She sighed in relief, and turned back to me. We stared at each other a moment, her lips still pouting and her forehead creased. My eyes still narrowed and teeth clenched.

My eyes involuntarily darted to her lips and she flushed, and finally broke our gaze. She scowled at her lap instead, folding her arms over her chest.

"So...he probably won't be coming back then?" I said.

She rolled her eyes.

"Duh. What the hell was I just screaming at you a minute ago?"

I nodded slowly, the jealousy and anger gradually dissolving.

"I'm sorry." I said softly, trying to meet her eyes, "I was being an ass."

"You were." She replied, still looking at her lap.

I slowly got up from the chair and moved over to her bed. She looked up as I walked over to her, her face flushing instantly.

I stood in front of her, in front of her bed, and cupped her chin with my hand. I lifted it so she was looking up at me. I just gazed into her eyes for a while, still holding her chin, which was hot and flushed under my fingers.

"Can I pick you up for school tomorrow morning?" I asked her. I just couldn't keep away from her.

"Ok." She whispered.

I tore my eyes away from hers for a moment, and glanced at the time on her small alarm clock. I grimaced at the time, it was past midnight.

"Shit. I've got to go. Carlisle's going to kill me; I told him I'd only be about twenty minutes."

She smiled, then slowly rose up and got off the bed, standing in front of me. She held her arms out to me, for a hug. I leaned forward, putting my arms around her tiny waist and hugged her, pulling her close to me. She put her arms around my neck and gripped me tightly. We stood there for a while. I inhaled her sweet vanilla and strawberry scent and then suddenly I noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra. And she must have been cold or something because I could feel her nipples pebbled against my chest. I pulled away from her hastily before I could start getting excited. I stroked her cheek and then turned to go, suddenly wondering how I was going to get out.

She grinned and then pulled me towards her door.

"C'mon, I'll let you out the front door. We'll have to be really quick and silent." She whispered.

She pushed me in front of her and we tiptoed down the stairs. She silently unlocked the door and I slipped out. I paused and turned to her, and then leaned forward and kissed her lips quickly. She blushed and smiled at me before whispering,

"See you tomorrow Edward."

I grinned at her and jogged over to my car.

As I drove away, I couldn't help the huge grin that was plastered on my face.

Bella Swan, I thought to myself again, what was she _doing_ to me?

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Yay! Thanks so much to all the people putting my story on their favourites list! I'm so happy! Thanks to all the reviewers and to all the people reading my story! Very very much appreciated.**

**Please review some more!**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	29. Chapter 29: An Audience

**SONG: The Black Ghosts - The Repetition Kills You **

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**Chapter 29**

**An Audience**

**BPOV**

I started slightly as I heard a soft tap on the front door.

_Edward. _I thought instantly.

I hastily got up from the kitchen table, throwing my half eaten bowl of cereal into the sink. Then I straightened my blouse and smoothed my hair, grabbed my jacket and backpack and walked to the front door.

I had been sitting in the kitchen for nearly half an hour, waiting for him, after waking up early and getting dressed unusually quickly. He wasn't late; I was just anxious and excited about him picking me up for school, about seeing him again. I had made myself some cereal and started to eat it, but my mind had drifted back to last night and I completely forgot about it, the spoon still in my hand as the cereal grew soggy in the bowl.

Edward had been in my room last night.

I had felt terrible after Jake had left. I had basically just sat down in my room and sobbed for the rest of the evening because, well, I would miss Jake. I mean, we had basically seen each other every day over the past week, or if we didn't see each other we would talk on the phone. I wanted to call him, apologise or _something, _but I was too afraid to. The hurt expression on his face, in his _eyes _haunted me.

I knew I was meant to call Edward but I just...couldn't call him either. Firstly, I didn't really know what to say to him. Secondly, I couldn't exactly talk while I was still sobbing pathetically. And thirdly, I realised that I had actually never called him before and was nervous about doing it.

I had plucked up the courage to call him eventually and I did, only to find that he wasn't answering his phone. I let it ring out for a while; then even called again afterwards, but still, there was no reply. I had figured that he was probably asleep and I was so tired myself; that I just wanted to have a really hot shower and crawl into my bed.

It was after I had come out of the shower and was in my room, drying my hair and body with my towel, that I had heard the quiet tap against my window. At first I ignored it, I mean, it was so soft it could have just been a twig or something being blown at the window by the wind. I had continued drying my hair when I heard the tap again, and that time I had been almost sure that it was intentional, so I moved over to the window and there it was again. I peeked out of my curtains and could only see the darkness of the forest near my house, the moon hidden by the cloudy sky, my truck parked in the driveway – and wait – a silver car across the road. It couldn't be, I had thought, it couldn't possibly be Edward Cullen's car. But it looked exactly like it, the silver rims shining in the faint moonlight. Then I had noticed a slight movement in my periphery, and had glanced down to find Edward peering up at me.

I was stunned. What was he doing outside my house? And at that time? I had thought. Then I had decided that I didn't care why he was there. Because now that he was there, I wanted him to _stay. _So I had crept into the hall, silently, listening out for my dad's snores. His TV was on so I couldn't hear whether he was awake or not but I decided to chance it anyway. I threw the keys down to Edward and waited for him at my bedroom door nervously, praying that my dad was asleep and couldn't hear him coming up the stairs, because I could hear them creaking noisily under his heavy footsteps.

Then, when he had come into my room and it had registered that Edward Cullen was in my room, in my most personal space, my face had warmed up. There was also the fact that I was wearing my old sweatpants and t shirt, after hastily throwing them on after I had spotted him outside the window. I wasn't even wearing a _bra. _He was in my personal space, seeing a private part of me, and although I had blushed, it actually didn't feel uncomfortable for him to be there.

It had felt...._right._

I wouldn't have even minded him sitting on my bed, but he seemed hesitant to, and he ended up sitting at my desk instead. I noticed him gazing around my room curiously and was puzzled by his expression. For some reason he looked like he was fighting a smile, but I couldn't think why.

After our heated conversation, when Edward had walked over to me at the bed, I don't know why but I became very aware that we were alone together in a room. A room with a _bed. _I had flushed at the thought, and Edward's hand on my face didn't help matters either. His touch sent a warm shiver through my body, and I could feel the warmth stopping in between my legs. Then I couldn't help wanting to touch him, to _hold _him, and his hug had made the feelings even worse. The heat between my legs started increasing and I'm not sure but I think my nipples even tightened against his chest. He seemed to pull away at just the right moment, because I'm sure that if he had kept holding me like that, for even just a few more seconds, I wouldn't have been able to control my..._urges_.

I opened the front door and Edward was leaning against the frame, that dazzling crooked smile on his face. As usual, my heart rate increased a little as I took in the sight of him. He was wearing dark blue jeans; as usual they were low on his hips, exposing the rim of his boxers. He wore a deep green, long sleeved shirt which fitted him quite snugly, accentuating his lean, muscular form.

"Hey." He said, smiling wider, "Are you ready?"

I nodded, for some reason I was suddenly unable to speak.

We walked over to his car, and in a gentleman-like manner, he held open the passenger door for me before he went around to the driver side. As soon as I sat in the cool leather seats, the gorgeous scent of his cologne engulfed me, and I sighed softly, savouring it. I noticed a dark blue sweater lying on the back seat and my fingers itched to pick it up and inhale. The scent was like a drug to me.

Once again, my heart leapt up into my throat as the car tore down the street. Why did he drive so fast?

"God Edward, why do you have to drive so fast?" I asked him, unable to tear my eyes away from the road.

He grinned. "I don't know, habit I guess. And anyway, what's the point of driving slow when you can get to where you're going quicker, if you drive fast?"

"But we don't need to get to school quickly, we're early."

He was quiet for a moment, seemingly thinking about something, his lips pursed a little.

"Hmmm, you seriously don't like me driving fast?" he asked, eyebrows raised; glancing at me.

"Not really." I mumbled.

"I thought girls loved that shit." He said, more to himself than me.

"Not this girl." I muttered.

He snickered, and eventually I began to feel the car slowing down, the words on the road signs once again becoming intelligible.

I let out a breath and he chuckled.

School was an embarrassing, exasperating, blush inducing, blur.

Of course, as soon as Edward parked in his usual spot in the parking lot and we both got out of the car, the open mouthed stares began.

I was annoyed by it. _Really _annoyed in fact.

Because it was really quite insulting for people to look so shocked that _I, _Isabella Swan, would be coming out of _Edward Cullen's _car, I mean really, was I _that _hideous? I was also annoyed at my face, and the way that my blood seemed to always flow to it, because I was undoubtedly bright red as usual. But the things that annoyed me the most; the things that made my fist clench into my palm, were the snippets of the whispered conversations I heard as I walked past,

"I bet Edward was dating her _and _Tanya at the same time."

"Are they dating? What about her boyfriend? That guy with the motorcycle?"

"I always knew there was something skanky about her. She was too quiet, too shy..."

"She probably stole Edward away from Tanya."

"Ugh, what does Edward _see_ in her? I mean, c'mon, look at _me_, I'm hot!"

"I bet she dumped her boyfriend for Edward."

"No, I bet she's dating _both of them _at the same time!"

My irritation must have been clearly showing on my face, seeing as my face always gave away my emotions, because Edward leaned over to whisper, "Are you ok?" in my ear as we walked through the halls. He was walking me to my French class, even though I had insisted that he shouldn't because his algebra class was all the way on the other side of the building. He didn't hold my hand or anything, like before, but he walked very close to me, so close that his arm would occasionally brush against my arm. The gawking as we walked the halls was _beyond_ ridiculous, and I was getting more and more irked as we walked on. I didn't even bother to answer Edward's question because it was clear that I wasn't 'ok'.

Alice didn't help to get rid of my annoyance. In fact, she made it worse. When Edward and I reached my French class, it got a little awkward because he didn't really know what to do to say goodbye. I mean, I could tell that he wanted to kiss me, just a small peck on the lips like he had done last night, but he wasn't sure if it was too forward of him to do that. Especially seeing as we were under constant examination by the nosy, gossip starved students of Forks High. In the end, he just ended up stroking my cheek quickly before saying, "See you in biology," and hurrying over to his class. I heard a familiar, audible squeal coming from the classroom, and when I walked in and over to mine and Alice's desk – ignoring the stares – she was grinning at me from ear to ear, her foot tapping excitedly under the table.

I groaned inwardly, bracing myself for the excitement and squeals and questioning that I would certainly have to endure.

"Details. Now." Was my 'good morning' from her.

I sighed. "Not now Alice."

She scoffed. "Are you crazy? You think I'm going to wait until _we get home from_ _school_ to hear about what's going on with you and Edward? I mean, there's no way you'll tell me at lunch seeing as he'll be there, and we have no other classes together so you better starting spilling Isabella Swan, and don't be stingy with the details."

I groaned. "Alice, you drive me insane! I can't explain everything fully now anyway because Mr Rosa will start complaining."

"Bullshit. You know he doesn't give a damn. We're always talking in this lesson, the only reason he tells us off _once in a while _is because he has to, to make it _seem _like he cares. Now c'mon, I'm getting impatient here."

I sighed again, and reluctantly started explaining to her about me and Edward's talk yesterday, about the making out against the wall, – and she squealed at that part causing Mr Rosa to frown in our direction – about the part with Edward coming over when Jacob was there, - and she grimaced at that part – about Edward coming over to my house last night and the talk we had, – and she 'awwed' at that part causing me to roll my eyes – then I told her how he said he would pick me up for school this morning and that he did.

I was amazed by her enthusiasm, I mean, it was me that the events had happened to, and even I wasn't as excited as she was.

Ok, that was a lie, I was totally as excited as she was of course, but I hid it well.

"Oh my God Bella I was so right wasn't I! You were so pessimistic about the whole thing, 'no he doesn't want me, he wants that skank Tanya, woe is me, blah blah blah', but I kept telling you over and over that he liked you, and I was freaking right as usual!"

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't stop the small smirk that played around my lips.

"You two make like the cutest couple –"

She was getting a little ahead of herself, I mean; we hadn't even been on a date yet.

"Err Alice; we're not a 'couple'. We haven't even gone out on a date yet."

She rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, you soon _will _be a couple."

Walking to second period, scowling at the floor as I tried to ignore the looks and block out the whispers, Mike Newton suddenly appeared next to me, keeping up with my quick footsteps.

"Hey Bella, how's it going?" he asked, smiling very widely at me – the smile obviously forced.

I was confused. Why was Mike Newton talking to me? Had he forgotten that I had told him to not bother me? He hadn't spoken to me since that day at lunch, and he didn't sit with us anymore either. I had caught him glowering at me and Jake a few times when Jake had come to meet me after school, but he had never said anything to me.

Until now.

"Hey Mike." I said dully, barely glancing at him and quickening my pace even more.

"So...what lesson have you got now?"

"Biology." I said tersely, teeth clenched.

Mike Newton was added to the list of reasons of why I was annoyed today.

"Oh right. So...so you and Cullen huh?" he said, his fake smile wavering a little.

"Me and Cullen _what?_" I questioned, exasperated.

"Uh nothing." He said defensively, "I was just wondering if, you know, if you two are like, you know, a thing now."

"What's it to you if we are?" I snapped.

His jaw tightened a little.

"Nothing. Only I was kind of hoping...you know, that it wasn't true...coz I was kind of...hoping that we could be friends again, you know, maybe go out for a bite to eat –"

My head snapped up to glare at him incredulously. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he understand that I didn't want anything to do with him?

"Look Mike, it's irrelevant for you to hope anything when it concerns me, because whether it's true or not, - which is none of your business anyway – you wouldn't have a chance in hell with me regardless. I'm going to say this, and I'm going to say this for the _last _time."

I stopped walking and turned to him.

"Leave. Me. The. Hell. Alone."

I was so through with being polite. I actually don't even know why I was so mad; normally stuff like gossip and Mike Newton didn't bother me so much. Maybe I was PMSing.

Edward was smiling crookedly at me when I sat down next to him in biology. I couldn't help the answering smile I flashed him – until I looked around and noticed the whole class watching us. The smile was swiftly replaced by a scowl. Mr Banner came in shortly after, thank goodness, so our audience was forced to resort to glancing at us every few minutes instead of full out staring. Jessica Stanley, however, still openly glared at me, her nose scrunched up in disgust. What was up with that?

"What's wrong?" Edward whispered to me, leaning close.

"The staring. It's bugging me." I replied, my face heating up slightly at his close proximity.

He laughed softly.

"I guess I've grown immune to it now coz it doesn't bug me at all anymore. Just try to ignore it."

So I did.

The rest of the day became a blur. I ignored all the stares when I walked into the cafeteria for lunch, when I walked to my last three lessons after lunch, _in _my last three lessons, and then in the parking lot where I hastily got into Edward's car and we drove away. I sighed in relief when we were finally out of the school and Edward chuckled.

He parked in my driveway and we sat in his car for a bit, listening to a CD. Then he stroked my cheek softly, while gazing intently into my eyes and said he would see me tomorrow. I was just about to open the car door to get out when he suddenly grabbed my hand. I turned to face him slowly and he reached out to my face again, this time cupping my cheek. My heart started pounding frantically as he leaned towards me slowly and pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me slowly, passionately, his hand caressing my cheek softly while I stroked his hair. We just stayed there for a few minutes, kissing, and the windows started fogging up.

Eventually he leaned back, gazing at me again; a look in his hazel eyes that made my pulse race even more, and cause heat to slowly start creeping in between my thighs.

_Lust._

I felt intoxicated as I finally got out of his car, even stumbling a little as I walked into my house, sighing as I closed the door behind me, a contented grin etched on my face.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Please Review!**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	30. Chapter 30: Date

**SONG: The Black Ghosts - Let's Get Physical**

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**Chapter 30**

**Date**

**EPOV**

"See you tonight." I said, before leaning over and kissing her lips quickly.

It was Friday, after school, and I was parked outside Bella's house. She smiled at me before reluctantly opening the car door and getting out. I sat in my car, watching her as she walked up to her front door, the involuntary smile on my face. I didn't want to leave her so soon, but I was going to see her in a few hours anyway. We were going on a date later on tonight.

We'd been on a few dates already over the past three weeks. The staring at school had almost completely stopped as people were now used to seeing us together as a couple. I walked her to most of her classes, and she sat next to me during lunch sometimes, instead of sitting next to Alice. We had a little routine. Every Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I would pick her up and drop her home from school, while on Tuesdays and Thursdays she would pick me up and drop me home in her truck. I hated riding in her truck, it was so damn slow, but she had insisted on driving it on Tuesdays and Thursdays because she said that she would hardly be using it if I picked her up for school every day.

After school, I would either go to her house or she would come to mine. At mine, we'd just hang out, mostly in the living room with Jazz and Rose and sometimes Emmett or Alice would come over too. If we had biology homework we'd go in Carlisle's office and work on it in there. However, I noticed that we hardly ever stayed in my room when Bella came over. She always seemed hesitant to, or she would make an excuse not to and she'd only been in my room a few times. I was really curious as to why this was, but I didn't ask her. Maybe it made her uncomfortable to have everyone able to see and hear us if we were in my room together. One of Carlisle and Esme's rules was that we had to keep the bedroom door open, whenever we were in our room with a 'guest' – for obvious reasons. Of course, Bella and I weren't anywhere near that stage yet. All we'd done so far was make out.

I preferred going over to her house. Her dad was always at work and didn't finish until ten and we had _a lot _of privacy. We would hang out there too, just watching TV and talking, sometimes we would cook something together in the kitchen. She was never hesitant about going into _her_ room with me at her house, so I figured that it was likely that she wasn't comfortable with being in my room or something. We made out a lot more at her house than we did at mine, because we had more time alone, and every time I left her house, my dick would be so hard that I would have to jerk off as soon as I got back to my room.

The phone conversations we had didn't help my situation either. I mean, we didn't talk dirty to each other or anything, we just had regular conversations. But I don't know, I guess my mind was always in the gutter because I always found myself with a hard on whenever I spoke to her on the phone. Her voice was just so sweet and soft, and she had to speak low because she sometimes didn't know if her dad was awake or not, so it was unintentionally seductive. Not to mention the way she said my name...

I drove very quickly back to my house after dropping her home. She didn't like me driving fast so I tried not to, whenever I was with her. I was going to pick her up at eight and take her to dinner in _La Bella Italia _in Port Angeles. I had no idea where to take her after dinner though and decided I'd just be spontaneous and decide where to go during or after dinner.

I took a long, hot shower, then got out and started deliberating about what to wear. When we had gone out before, it had been to somewhere fairly casual, the movie theatre, bowling; a small pizza place in Port Angeles. But the restaurant we were going to was kind of posh. I'd looked through the windows a few times, and all the guys were usually dressed in shirts and ties when eating there. I had told Bella to dress up a little too but she didn't know where we were going.

I had a couple of dressy shirts that I had bought for special occasions, but I had never worn them because, I don't know, I just didn't feel right in them. I sighed as I took out a silky, black button down shirt, black pants and my black Gucci shoes that my mom had gotten me and that I'd also never worn. I quickly went into Carlisle and Esme's room and borrowed a silk, bright royal blue tie from Carlisle. I checked myself in the mirror and decided I didn't look too bad, sprayed on some more of my cologne, – I put on a little more than I used to these days, since I found out that Bella liked it – grabbed my black leather jacket, my keys and wallet, and walked down the stairs.

"Whoa, check out Mr Bond coming down the stairs!" Emmet said loudly.

I groaned internally. This was going to be embarrassing.

Jazz turned to look at me from where they were sitting in the living room.

He snickered. "Where are you going man? To see the fucking Queen of England?"

I could feel my face growing hot as he and Emmett laughed.

"What, is it too much?" I asked, nervously glancing down at my outfit again, "I'm taking Bella to that Italian restaurant, you know, the one in Port Angeles."

"Dude, you are totally into Bella Swan!" Emmett said incredulously, "I mean, she's got you taking her to expensive restaurants and dressing like a fucking...I don't know, and picking her up for school –"

"Yeah, and he's got the right idea of how to treat a lady." Rosalie said, walking into the living room, "Unlike_ some_ assholes." She shot a pointed glare at Emmett, who grimaced. "You look nice Ed, don't listen to him."

"Thanks Rose." I said, slightly surprised that she was being nice to me for once. She still had been a little resentful towards me because of the Tanya situation.

"Yeah Ed, you look good." Jazz said, "Em's right though, it's kind of obvious. You are totally falling for Bella Swan."

Jazz's words rang through my head as I drove over to Bella's house, '_You are totally falling for Bella Swan.' _Was he right? Was I falling for her? Falling _in love _with her? It was true that I'd never done any of the stuff I did for Bella for any other girl. Nor had I ever thought about another girl, or wanted to constantly be around another girl as much as I did with Bella. I tried to stop thinking about it because it was making me nervous, I mean, liking someone and being in love with them were on totally different levels. What if she didn't love me back? I suddenly thought. And then I mentally scolded myself because I was being ridiculous, I mean, I didn't even know whether I was falling in love with her myself.

I knocked on her front door, my stomach suddenly twisting in knots, and waited for her to answer it. She took a while to answer, which was a little unusual. When she finally opened the door and stood before me, I swear my heart sputtered as my jaw dropped in amazement.

She was wearing a short, royal blue dress; the sleeves were slightly off the shoulder, highlighting her delicate neck and collarbones. The dress was also pretty low cut, showing a perfect amount of cleavage, and she was wearing some heels, making her slender legs look longer. Her hair was curled, big loose curls hung around her shoulders and she had a cute little blue headband pushing them a little back, off her face. She had blue make up around her gorgeous brown eyes and sparkly silver earrings dangled from her ears. Her full lips were pale pink and shiny as always, as she smiled shyly at me, her face turning pink.

"Bella, wow, you look...you look...amazing." I stuttered.

She blushed harder.

"Thank you." She said.

Her eyes roamed my outfit and they widened momentarily, before she looked up and said,

"Wow, you look amazing too. And look," she lifted my tie, which was coincidentally the same colour as her dress, "We match."

I grinned at her and held my arm out for her to take and we walked over to my car.

We reached the restaurant and she turned to me, surprised.

"Edward, we're coming _here_?"

I smiled, "Well yeah, what do you think we got all dressed up for?"

"But the food at this place is so expensive!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Are you coming in, or are you just going to stand outside yapping about how expensive the place is, all evening?"

She smiled.

"Thank you." She said.

We got inside and the place was quite full, and we had to wait a little to get a table. I regretted not making reservations like Carlisle had told me to. Finally there was an available table for us and the hostess led us over to it, smiling at me a little more than was necessary.

"Your waiter will be over in a minute." She said, and I didn't miss the fact that she was only speaking to me when she said it.

I also didn't miss the glare Bella shot her, and I snickered quietly.

The waiter bugged me.

"Good evening," he said to Bella, in a questionable Italian accent, "What can I get for you beautiful lady?"

Bella giggled, blushing, and my jaw tightened a little.

"Um, can I get this one?" She said, pointing at something on the menu.

"Of course darling! May I have the pleasure of knowing the name of this stunning lady before me?" he asked her.

I drummed my fingers on the table, scowling.

Bella giggled again. "My name is Bella, coincidentally."

The waiter's eyes widened dramatically. I rolled my eyes.

"Really? Bella! A very fitting name! Your parents are clever people."

He took Bella's hand and kissed it.

I decided that this guy was going a little too far now. He was really pissing me off. I cleared my throat noisily and he turned to me reluctantly.

"I didn't know your job entailed hitting on other people's girlfriends right in front of them." I said icily, my eyes narrowed.

"My apologies sir." He said quickly, "I did not mean to offend you. You are very lucky to have such a beautiful girlfriend."

_Ass kisser. _

"I know that. Now, can you hurry up with our orders?"

He hurried away quickly.

"Asshole." I muttered, "If he thinks he's getting a big tip from me now, he can kiss my ass."

I looked up and Bella was staring at me, a strange expression on her face.

"What?" I asked her.

"You just...you just called me your girlfriend." She said.

I raised my eyebrow.

"Am I? I mean, am I your girlfriend?" She questioned, tilting her head a little as she looked at me.

Shit. It was a little presumptuous of me to assume that she was.

"Err, well, only if you want to be." I said quickly, looking at the table.

She was silent, so I looked up at her, to find her grinning widely at me.

"Of _course_ I want to be." She said, faintly flushing.

We finished our meal and I smirked as I gave the waiter the bare minimum amount I had to tip. Afterwards Bella and I walked along the waterfront, taking in the sights.

"Port Angeles is really pretty at night." She commented.

She started shivering after a while and I wrapped my jacket around her shoulders. She put her arms in the sleeves, which were way too big for her, and inhaled my jacket.

"Mmmm, this smells gorgeous. It's your cologne mixed with leather."

We stood at the waterfront, I stood behind her, my arms wrapped around her waist, and we watched the boats; like my mom and I used to do when I was younger. After a while I whispered to her,

"So where do you want to go now?"

"I don't know; I'm kind of tired after all that food." She said.

"Ok, I'll take you home."

I parked in her driveway, and leaned forward to give her a goodnight kiss when she said,

"Aren't you coming in?"

I hesitated. It was past ten which meant that her dad would be home soon and I hadn't met him yet, and to be honest, I wasn't sure if I was_ ready_ to meet him yet. Bella saw me hesitating and smiled.

"My dad does the night shift on Fridays. He won't be home until seven tomorrow morning." She said.

I breathed a sigh of relief at that and she chuckled.

We got in her house and she started heading straight upstairs. I stood at the foot of the stairs confused, wondering if she wanted me to follow her or not. She glanced over her shoulder at me.

"Are you coming or are you just going to stand there all night thinking about whether to come to my room or not." She said playfully, her eyebrow raised.

I rolled my eyes at her, grinning, and followed her up the stairs to her bedroom. I sat on the edge of her bed and she went into the bathroom to change out of her clothes. She came back into the room a while later, wearing her sweatpants and white t shirt that she usually wore around the house. She raised an eyebrow at me when she saw me sitting stiffly at the edge of her bed.

"You can get comfortable you know; my bed doesn't bite."

I removed my shoes and tie and unbuttoned the first two buttons on my shirt. She rolled her eyes at me and came to stand in front of me. She unbuttoned all of the buttons on the shirt and pulled it off me. I gaped at her, stunned. What was she doing?

"Take off your pants." She ordered, and my jaw dropped as I stared at her.

Did she really want to...?

She smirked at me teasingly. "Relax Edward, I only want you to remove your clothes because, well, it would be uncomfortable for you to lie in them wouldn't it?"

I nodded, still slightly stunned by her boldness. I removed my pants and was just left standing in the white t shirt I wore under my black shirt, my boxers and my socks. She climbed onto her bed and got underneath the covers. I stood in front of the bed watching her.

She sighed. "God Edward, will you just get into bed with me?" she turned a bright shade of red as she realised how her words sounded.

"I mean, come and lie down with me." She mumbled.

So I got under her covers with her.

We both lay on our sides, facing each other, and we just talked. We talked about everything from music to favourite brands of toothpaste to least favourite colours. I had my hand on her waist and was stroking it absently as we spoke, trailing my fingers up and down the curve. She sighed slowly and looked up at my face, gazing into my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing." She whispered, "It's just...your fingers, doing that to my waist...it...it feels really good." She sighed again.

My dick twitched.

_Shit. _Getting aroused while lying like this with her was not a good idea. I had managed so far to keep my mind clean; even though it was really difficult considering that we were lying together in a bed. And now she just set me off with that comment.

"How old were you when you had your first kiss?" she asked, looking up into my eyes again.

"Fifteen." I told her, "You?"

"Fifteen?" she said, surprised, "I would have never thought it. I was thirteen."

Now it was my turn to be surprised.

"Thirteen? With who?"

She chuckled. "Some guy in my school back in Phoenix. Jess, his name was. He kissed me on my last day at school. The day before I moved to forks. He told me that he'd liked me all that time but was too shy to tell me. Then he kissed me, just like that, and said goodbye and walked away. And I was left thinking, what the hell just happened here?"

I chuckled.

"So how come your first kiss was at fifteen?" she asked.

"Coz that's the age I had my first girlfriend. Stacey Lockwood, her name was. I didn't, you know, date many girls back in Seattle."

"How many girlfriends did you have?"

My face heated up a little. "Just Stacey. And I only dated her for a few months."

She was silent for a while.

"So...so...how old were you when you first...you know...had sex." She mumbled, and I could feel the heat radiating from her face.

"Sixteen. With Stacey. In fact, she was the only girl I'd ever, you know, slept with....until Tanya." I mentally kicked myself for bringing Tanya up. How stupid was that?

She was silent again.

"So... how old were you? You know, when you –" I asked.

"I haven't." She said, cutting me off.

I had no right to be, but I was pleased to hear that. I hated the thought of some other guy sleeping with her.

"But I have....had an orgasm before." I could see that even her arms were pink and she hid her face in my chest.

And I really did not need to hear her saying that. The images of her it brought up in my head instantly made me hard. I moved my hips back, slightly away from her as I didn't want her to accidently brush against my erection. That would be asking for trouble.

"I did it myself I...you know...I was...playing..."

_Fuck._

I had to restrain myself from groaning as I heard her say that. My dick was rock hard now; the image of Bella pleasuring herself was etched in my brain. I stopped stroking her waist and couldn't help gripping it tightly instead. She looked up at me through her lashes.

"What about you? Do you ever...touch yourself?"

_Yes! I thought. Yes I do, and I want to fucking touch myself right now because of you._

"Sometimes." I said instead.

She took a deep, shaky breath. She wriggled closer to me, getting dangerously close to my erection, and lifted her leg and placed it on my hip. Was she teasing me on purpose? Because it certainly seemed like it. I glanced down at her, and –

_Shit!_

I could see her nipple, erect, poking through her thin t shirt.

I couldn't help it this time. I groaned softly, closing my eyes.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

I sighed. "You're making me so fucking horny right now."

She flushed, her eyes widening slightly. "Oh. I'm sorry."

I snickered. "What are you apologizing for? It's not your fault...unless you're doing it on purpose..." I said, my eyebrow raised.

She blushed again, ducking her head to hide her face again. But I had already seen her blush and I knew.

"I thought you were." I said smirking.

I lifted her chin up, and kissed her. I was too aroused to start off slowly. My mouth moved fast against hers, sucking her lips and I brought my tongue out and darted it into her mouth. Her hand went to the back of my neck, stroking my hair and my hand went to her hip, grabbing it and pulling her close against me. So close that her hot crotch was touching my dick. I shifted my hips against her as we kissed, rubbing my throbbing erection in between her legs. She moaned; a deep sensual moan, and my hips automatically started moving faster against her. My eyes rolled back a little in my head at the sensation. It felt so fucking good. She took my hand from her hip and placed it on her breast, and I groaned. It was firm and round, and the perfect size for my hand. Her nipple was hard too. I squeezed her breast and stroked her nipple with my thumb, while still rubbing myself against her and kissing her fervently. I could feel that slight tightening sensation, letting me know that I needed to stop soon or I was going to jizz in my boxers. It was really hard, _painfully _hard to stop. But I did. Bella groaned when I did.

"Why did you stop?" She asked breathlessly.

"The same reason I always have to stop." I replied, equally breathless.

She pouted, and I had to close my eyes.

"Why don't you just let yourself cum?" she asked.

"Because I don't want to have to walk around with soiled boxers. It's gross, not to mention uncomfortable and embarrassing.

She giggled.

"Next time bring spare ones." She said.

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**Author's Note:**

**Please Review**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	31. Chapter 31: Saturday

**SONG: Kings of Leon - Taper Jean Girl

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**Chapter 31**

**Saturday**

**BPOV**

"Bells?"

There was a persistent tapping on my door.

I groaned and tried to roll over, but found that I couldn't move. My eyes shot open and I blinked, feeling befuddled.

The tapping continued and I heard my dad becoming impatient.

"Isabella!"

I lifted the covers and saw why I couldn't move.

There was an arm around my waist, holding me firmly.

Edward.

I smiled. We were still on our sides, except that I was now facing away from him, my back to his front. He was pressed against me, our legs bent, his arm around my waist, holding me close to him. I could feel his chest rising and falling against my back, as he breathed slowly and evenly, his face buried in my hair. I could also feel something hard being pressed against my ass; and blushed slightly when I realised that it was his erection.

My dad was still knocking on my door. What the hell was his problem? I checked my clock and saw it was only seven thirty. Why was he waking me up? It was a Saturday. I gently removed Edward's arm from around me and climbed out of my bed. I staggered over to the door and opened it a little, poking my head out. My dad was still in his uniform, he had obviously just got home from work.

"Yes dad? What is it?" I asked; my voice muffled and thick.

"Whose car is that, parked in our driveway?" he asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

_Shit! Edward's car. _

"Um...it's my friend's car. I borrowed it."

"Why?" My dad questioned, "What's wrong with your truck?"

"Nothing...Err, Alice gave me a ride over to a friend's house yesterday so I didn't bring my truck...then she fell asleep there and I didn't want to wake her, so my friend said I could borrow their car to go home."

My dad still looked suspicious. That was a disadvantage of having a cop for a father.

"So who is this 'friend' you're talking about?"

_Damn it._

"Um..." I couldn't lie, my dad could just check out the registration number to see whose car it really was. Yet another disadvantage of having a cop as a father. "It's Rosalie and Jasper Cullen's cousin, Edward."

My dad stared at me for a moment, his eyes narrowed.

"Well...make sure you give it back to him as soon as possible. But right now, I want it out of the driveway. I need to park my car."

I gaped at him, puzzled.

"Come down and move it. Park it on the street."

I inwardly groaned. Great. Now I had to _drive_ Edward's car.

"Ok, I'll be down in a sec." I mumbled, and closed the door.

I looked at Edward.

He was still fast asleep on my bed, lying on his stomach and snoring softly. His hair was looking an adorable mess, sticking up all around his head. My eyes widened slightly when I saw that he wasn't wearing his white t shirt that he had had on last night, and I could see the well defined muscles in his pale back. I could also see a little black mark on his right shoulder blade. Curious as to what it could be, I moved closer to the bed and saw that it was in fact, a tattoo.

I peered at it, leaning close and tilting my head, trying to figure out what it was. It was a lion, its paw up and its tongue out, inside an oval shape. It was standing on something that had three shamrocks on it and there was a hand above its head. There was a banner underneath the oval with 'Cullen' written on it. What does it mean? I wondered. Then my dad started pounding on my door again.

"Isabella, I want to park the car and go to sleep. I need to wake up in a few hours to go fishing with Billy."

I sighed. I really didn't get why my dad didn't just park on the street. I mean, he was going out in a few hours anyway. I was hesitant to drive Edward's car while he was asleep. What if I accidently scratched it or something? He seemed to love that car.

"I'm coming dad!" I yelled.

Edward stirred on the bed, mumbling something unintelligible, and turning his head to the other side. I chuckled.

I saw his pants hanging on the back of the chair at my desk, his black shirt folded neatly on the seat, and the blue tie lying on top. When did he put them there? I wondered. It must have been while I was asleep. His white t shirt, however, was on the floor next to the bed. He must have removed it sometime during the night, while he was half asleep. He hadn't meant to stay over; I guess he must have just gotten tired and fallen asleep.

I was glad that he did though.

I searched the pockets of his pants for his car keys. His wallet was in there, but no keys. I checked the floor, thinking they might have fallen out or something but they weren't there either. Where did he put them? I opened my closet to take out a hoody and my sneakers, and spotted his leather jacket hanging up on a hanger. I didn't know Edward was so tidy. I guess it made sense, seeing as his car was always spotless. I searched the pockets of his jacket and finally found the keys.

I put on my hoody and sneakers and crept out of my door, careful not to wake Edward. My dad was waiting for me in the hall, yawning widely.

"Dad, I don't get why you can't just park on the street for a few hours. It's not going to kill you, you know." I muttered.

He didn't even bother to reply, and simply walked down the stairs and out the front door.

I looked at Edward's car nervously. It shone in the early morning light, looking as if it had just come out of a showroom. I climbed in the driver's side, inhaling deeply, as the faint scent of his cologne wafted in my nose. I looked at the transmission.

It was a stick shift.

I groaned.

I knew how to drive a stick, but my truck was an automatic, and so was my dad's police cruiser and Alice's Porsche, which were the only other vehicle's I had driven. I wasn't used to driving a stick. My dad was sitting in his car, waiting for me to move. I turned on the engine and was taken aback by the soft purr it made. It was so quiet I couldn't even tell that the engine was on. Whenever I turned the engine on in my truck, the whole street would know about it. I fiddled about with the controls a bit, trying to get used to them a little. Then I took a deep breath and slowly pressed down on the clutch and put the car into reverse. I backed out of the drive slowly, careful not to turn the wheel too soon or I would have crashed into my dad's car. As soon as I had moved the car out, my dad moved his car and parked in the driveway.

I changed the gear to first and accelerated. The car jerked forward. I braked quickly, stunned at how fast the acceleration was. I mean, I didn't even press hard on it. I took a breath again and accelerated slowly down the road, looking for a space to park. The car drove smoothly, gliding on the road as if it was floating. The engine was almost silent and the steering wheel was light. I found myself speeding up a little as I drove down the road searching for a spot. I couldn't see one at all. I made a U-turn at the end of our road and drove back down, still looking for a spot. I couldn't find one. That was why my dad told me to move the car, he probably couldn't find a space too. I found myself speeding up a little more. The car was so sleek, so light, it was hard not to.

No wonder Edward liked to drive so fast.

I drove up and down the road several times, now half-heartedly looking for a parking space. I was quite enjoying driving Edward's car. I saw a car pulling out of a space and driving away, as I raced down the road for the seventh time, and sighed. I didn't really want to stop driving. I parked the car in the space, being extremely careful not to scratch the rims, and got out.

I went back inside the house, no longer tired. I heard my dad's loud snores from his room, indicating that he was already asleep. In my room, I found that Edward was also still asleep. I replaced his keys and decided to go and shower. I was uncertain about whether to undress in my room or not. I mean, Edward was asleep, but what if he woke up, just as I had gotten naked? I blushed at the thought and decided to undress in the bathroom. After my shower, I went back into my room, my towel wrapped around me, to find something to wear. Edward had already seen me in my old sweatpants and t shirt a lot of times now, but I still didn't like wearing them around the house when he was here. I found some pale blue velour sweatpants in my closet that I didn't recognise. They looked pretty small to be my size, and I checked the label and saw that they were a size four. Definitely not mine, I was a size six. They were probably Alice's. I took them out anyway, and took out a white long sleeved shirt, and went back to the bathroom to put them on.

The pants were tight. _Very_ tight actually, and I felt very self conscious of the way my ass looked in them. The pants didn't allow much left for the imagination, and I didn't want Edward to think I was trying to tease him again. I went back into my room to find a different pair of pants. I was searching in my closet when I heard Edward stirring in the bed behind me. I turned around and his eyes were open. He sat up slowly and stretched, and ran his hand through his bed head. He rubbed his eyes and stared at me for a moment, looking baffled.

He looked adorable.

"What...what time is it?" he asked; his voice low and raspy.

I looked at the clock.

"Eight forty five." I told him.

His eyes widened, and he scrambled out of the bed.

"Shit, why didn't you wake me? Your dad's probably going to be home soon."

He stood next to the bed, searching around the room, probably looking for his t shirt - which was right next to his foot.

I eyed his naked torso, my eyes scanning his chest muscles, then his nipples, down to his pecks, and then to the trail of hair under his bellybutton that I had gotten a glimpse of before. My eyes followed the trail down, down to the black boxers he was wearing...

And my face flushed and my jaw dropped as I spotted the huge bulge. Of course I had felt it before, and I had seen it through his jeans. But through his boxers, it was...less restricted.

I gawped at how far it stretched out the boxers.

His eyes met mine as I was ogling him, and he glanced down at himself briefly. His face turned that sweet shade of pink again and he averted his gaze from mine.

"Sorry, I err, can't help it." He mumbled, running his hand through his bronze mess of hair.

I managed to tear my eyes away from his form and was able to think coherently again.

"Um, it's fine." I swallowed, "And my dad's already here by the way. He's asleep."

He blinked at me, seemingly confused again. He was very disorientated in the mornings, I observed. It was endearing really.

I grinned at him.

He began to smile back when he suddenly remembered something and his eyes widened again.

"Fuck. My car. I left it in the driveway."

He moved over to the window and looked out.

"Where is it?" he asked, panicked, his eyes darting up and down the street, "I swear I parked it in the driveway last night."

I sighed. "Edward will you just calm down? My dad saw your car this morning and I told him I borrowed it from you. He told me to move it from the driveway, so I did. It's parked a little further down the street."

He seemed to relax a little. Then turned to me quickly, his eyebrows raised.

"You drove my car?" he asked incredulously.

I rolled my eyes.

"I _can_ drive a stick you know." My eyes involuntarily darted back to his bulge as I said this – it was still erect – and we both blushed.

He shuffled where he was standing, once again running his hand through his hair.

"So...your dad doesn't know I'm here right?"

"Of course not." I replied.

"Is it alright if I go to the bathroom? I need to shower...and stuff." he said.

"Sure." I said, "But be quick because my dad's going fishing so he'll probably be waking up soon."

He nodded and went over to the door.

"Oh, and there's some towels in the linen closet next to the bathroom." I told him.

I waited for him until he came back to my room after he showered, then I left him to get dressed and went down to the kitchen to make something to eat.

My dad came down a few minutes later, dressed in his fishing outfit and holding his fishing gear. He came into the kitchen and placed an envelope on the kitchen table.

"This came for you yesterday. I think it's from your mom."

He went out of the front door and I heard him start up his car and drive away.

I leaned against the counter and opened the envelope. Inside there was a return ticket to Phoenix. I frowned. I had totally forgotten that I told my mom that I would go visit her for Spring Break. There was only a week of school left till Spring Break, and I already wasn't looking forward to it, because Edward had told me he was going to stay at his mom's for the whole week. Now I would have to endure another tense visit to Renee as well. I did miss her, don't get me wrong, but I don't know, I just didn't feel _welcome _when I went to visit, even though that house had been my home for ten years of my life. My mom tried her best to make me feel welcome, but Phil...He wasn't outwardly rude to me or anything, but I just always got the feeling that he didn't want me there, so I always felt uncomfortable.

Thinking of my mom, I suddenly realized that I hadn't spoken to her in a while. Odd, I thought, seeing as she used to phone me at least three times a week. I decided I would call her later on today.

Edward came down into the kitchen, wearing his black pants and white t shirt, his hair damp and smelling of my strawberry shampoo. He saw me holding the ticket, as I leaned against the counter.

"What's that?" he asked, leaning next to me, and I could also smell my vanilla shower gel on him.

"Tickets to Phoenix. My mom sent them."

"Oh." He said, "Why are you looking like that then? Don't you want to go?"

"I do." I said, "Sort of. I mean, I want to see my mom, but...I don't really like my stepdad."

He nodded slowly. "I know what you mean. My mom dated some guy once, when I was younger, about eleven I think. And it was weird, because well, I didn't even know my dad, but I hated that guy. I felt like he was trying to take my dad's place or something. Luckily my mom didn't date him for long." He smiled nostalgically.

I always wondered about his dad. I knew that he had a mom of course, but I had never heard anything about his dad, apart from him telling me that his dad got his cologne from Dubai.

"So...how come you didn't know your dad?" I asked him, cautiously.

"He died the day I was born." He said, in a very matter-of-fact manner.

My jaw dropped slightly. I didn't know how to respond to that. "Oh." I said, "I'm...sorry."

He shrugged.

"I never knew him, so it didn't really affect me. I mean, you can't miss what you don't know."

I glanced at him, and the look in his hazel eyes told me different.

We were silent for a while.

"Should we make something to eat?" I asked after a while, the silence becoming suffocating.

"Sure." He replied.

We made a breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon and French toast. Edward made the toast and it was delicious. After we had eaten, we sat in the living room, watching TV and talking some more. Then we made lunch together, a grilled chicken sandwich and strawberry ice cream for dessert.

I could see Edward staring at my mouth as I ate the ice cream.

He tried to be subtle, looking down and then glancing up at me from the corner of his eye, but I could still see him. I felt very self conscious and could feel my face growing hot. I couldn't eat my ice cream anymore after a while, and got up to start washing the dishes.

I could feel his eyes following me.

My blush was constant now, as I tried to concentrate on the dishes, instead of thinking about Edward, thinking about his body, the way he looked this morning...

"I'll dry them."

He was suddenly next to me with a cloth in his hands, picking up the dishes I'd just washed.

We were in silence as we washed and wiped, and I was very aware of how close he was standing next to me. Occasionally he would glance at me, and my face would grow even hotter, as usual. By the time we finished washing everything, I was actually feeling really hot. I went over to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. Edward was leaning against the counter, watching me.

Why was he staring at me?

My hands shook slightly as I poured the water into a glass on the kitchen table. I could feel Edward's gaze boring into my back. I drank the water quickly and moved over to the sink to rinse the glass off.

I nearly dropped the glass as I felt Edward behind me, his arms around my waist, his crotch pressed into my ass. He leaned forward to my ear and whispered, his voice incredibly seductive,

"Your ass is fucking perfect."

I flushed immediately, heat also spreading rapidly in between my thighs. I let out a shaky breath as I felt his hardness pressed against my lower back.

"These pants." He continued, trailing one hand up my thigh. "Should never be worn outside, because I would probably end up killing every guy that looked at you. And with these pants on, trust me, they _would _look at you."

My breathing was speeding up now, and I could feel wetness starting to seep into my panties.

He turned me around to face him, and grabbed my ass and pulled me against him. He gazed into my eyes intently, his hazel eyes burning with lust, and I just about melted into a puddle at his feet. He walked me over to the counter, his hands still on my ass, and leaned me against it. He pressed his hips against me, and I could feel his erection. It twitched against my thigh. He leaned in close to me, his eyes hooded, his breathing deepened, still gazing into my eyes. He tilted his head and slowly moved forward. He was moving too slow for me. I wanted to grab his head and push his face to mine, but I resisted. Slowly, he moved forward, prolonging the moment...

And the front door opened.

Over Edward's shoulder, I saw my dad walk in, followed by a man with tanned skin and long dark hair, who was also followed by someone else...

A tall guy, his skin also tanned, with short spiky black hair and almond shaped, dark eyes.

Jake.

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**Author's Note:**

**This chapter was a bit of a filler. But...there were some important little details in there as well.**

**Please Review.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	32. Chapter 32: Three Words

**SONG: The Mooney Suzuki - I say I love You

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**Chapter 32**

**Three Words**

**EPOV**

Bella's eyes widened.

I stopped moving forward and stared at her a moment, my brow furrowed in confusion. She wasn't even looking at me. Her gaze was fixed over my shoulder, a horrified expression on her face. I turned, still holding her, and looked over my shoulder.

And..._Holy Fuck!_

I definitely wasn't prepared for who I saw standing in the kitchen doorway, frozen and staring at us with a look of half incredulity and half..._rage _on his face.

Instinctively, I sprang away from Bella, even moving a few further inches from her. She was unmoving, her face and neck coloured a bright red. Her eyes glanced back and forth from her dad to someone else, someone standing in the hall. From the angle I was standing in after I had moved away from her, I couldn't see who the other person was.

We stood in silence for what seemed like hours, Charlie Swan's furious glare shifting from Bella to me, and back again. I noticed his hand flexing at his waistband occasionally and I gulped, wondering if he had his gun on him.

Maybe he really _would_ shoot a bullet up my ass.

It was just my luck. Because of all the times for me to meet him, of all the times that he could have walked in on us, he had to do it today. Today when we were about to make out in the _kitchen. _Normally Bella and I would make out on the couch or in her bedroom. This was the first time we were fooling around in the kitchen, and this was the day fate had decided that I would finally meet Charlie Swan as Bella's boyfriend.

We were still struggling to control our breathing, and I could see her subtly trying to adjust her sweatpants. I was aware that my erection was still very much in evidence and was silently praying that my black pants were hiding it, while also going over mathematical equations in my head, trying to get rid of it.

Eventually, the person from the hall cleared their throat and said,

"Charlie, Jake and I will go and wait in the living room."

Wait, did he say _Jake?_

But before I had a chance to think about it, Charlie spoke; his voice tight and restrained, as he seethed with fury.

"Alright Bill, I'll be there in a minute."

He went over to the kitchen door and slammed it shut, before turning around slowly to face us. I glanced at Bella and she was biting her lip nervously, her face still flushed. I swallowed, bracing myself for whatever Charlie Swan had in mind.

His gaze flickered over to me. He held my eyes for a moment, before turning to Bella.

"Isabella. Marie. Swan. You had better start explaining yourself _right now_, before I lose my temper." He said; his voice low and menacing and his jaw clenched.

He had already lost his temper a while ago.

I glanced at Bella.

Her mouth opened and closed a few times, as she started to say something and then changed her mind.

Charlie's fist clenched.

"Isabella!" he said in a warning tone.

"Um...what...what do you want me to explain dad?" Bella asked; her voice barely above a whisper.

"I want you to explain who this..._boy_ standing before me is." He gestured over to me wildly. "I want you to explain _why _there was a boy in my house when I wasn't here. I want you to explain what the _hell_ you were doing when I walked in the front door!" He yelled the last part, slamming his fist down on the counter.

Bella and I flinched.

"Um...well dad...this is...this is Edward, you know, the guy that I borrowed the car from. He just...just came over to pick up his car and –"

Charlie's fist hit the counter again.

"Isabella, do _not _lie to me!"

"I'm not lying dad!" Bella said, defensively, "Edward came to collect his car; he's only been here for maybe ten minutes."

Charlie looked at her for a moment, a disgusted expression on his face.

"My daughter." He said shaking his head, his nose wrinkled in disgust, "Standing there and lying to my face like I'm a goddamn idiot! If he has just been here a few minutes can you explain why he is only in a t shirt? Can you explain where his shoes are? Can you explain why the hell his hair is damp!"

_Oh fuck. _

Bella's face flushed, and she looked down at the floor.

"Oh?" Charlie said sarcastically, "Run out of lies have you?"

I could see why Charlie was Chief of Police. He was a good cop.

This might have been the dumbest thing I could have done, but I had to say something. I couldn't let Bella get in trouble when it was basically my fault. I mean, I was the one who fell asleep at her house yesterday. I'm the one who got aroused in the kitchen and then couldn't keep my hands off her, because I was watching her sweet ass in those tight sweatpants.

"Um...Chief Swan?"

His head whipped round to look at me, his face an angry shade of red, his eyebrows furrowed deeply.

"Can I explain?" I asked meekly.

He didn't reply, but kept glaring at me, that same disgusted expression on his face. I took his silence as a yes.

"Err, Chief Swan, I'm Edward Cullen-Masen. I'm the nephew of Carlisle and Esme Cullen. I'm really sorry sir, I mean; I honestly didn't mean to disrespect you at all. Me and Bella have kind of been...dating for a while now..." I cringed inwardly as he glanced at Bella, his eyes widening.

"And I err...took her out to dinner last night." I continued, "And afterwards I...kind of...came inside for a while, you know, just to make sure she got in safe and everything, and I accidently fell asleep on the couch. Bella didn't want me to drive tired so...she left me to sleep."

"You weren't on the couch this morning when I got in from work." Charlie said, his eyes narrowed, but I could see he was calming down slightly.

"He was in the guest room." Bella suddenly cut in. "I'm really sorry for lying to you dad, but I wanted to introduce him to you properly. I didn't want it like this, you know, when you're all mad."

Charlie was silent for a while. He visibly calmed, his fist unclenching and his face returning to its normal shade. I silently breathed a sigh of relief. Then he seemed to remember something, his brow creasing a little in confusion.

"What about Jacob? I thought you were dating _him_?"

My jaw clenched a little.

Bella grimaced. "Err, no dad, Jake and I...didn't work out. We were just friends."

Charlie looked at me, his eyes locked with mine, and said,

"I like Jake better."

My fists clenched.

"Well _Edward," _he continued, "I think it's time for you to start going home. I'm sure your aunt and uncle will be wondering where you are."

And with that he opened the kitchen door and walked out.

I heard Bella audibly sigh. I turned to her and she was leaned against the counter, her eyes closed. I moved closer to her, also leaning against the counter. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

"I'm so sorry Edward. My dad tends to overreact a little, especially if it's anything to do with guys."

"Hey, you've got nothing to apologise for, and anyway, at least I've got meeting him out of the way now." I grinned at her, and she smiled back at me. I put my arm around her shoulder and she leaned into me, sighing softly.

"Oh, sorry, I err, didn't realise you were still in here." A gruff voice mumbled.

Bella and I looked up.

It was _Jake._

My jaw clenched again automatically as I glared at him, my eyes narrowed.

He went over to the fridge, took out a six pack of beer and was about to walk back out when Bella moved out from under me and stopped him by touching his arm.

A surge of jealousy hit me as I saw her touch his arm. It was ludicrous, I mean, it was only a light touch, and on his _arm _for crying out loud. But I couldn't help it.

He turned around to face her, his brow furrowed.

"How are you Jake?" Bella asked him softly.

My blood boiled in my veins.

"I'm fine." He said tersely, scowling at the floor.

"That's good." Bella said.

They were both silent a moment. Then he looked at her, his expression softening.

"So...how are you?" he asked her gently.

She smiled at him. "I'm fine Jake."

I gripped the counter I was still leaning against, to stop myself from lunging at that guy and smashing his fucking face in. The way he was looking at her was making me sick.

He glanced up at me, as if sensing my sentiments; his face hardening again as he met my eyes. We glared at each other a moment, not speaking, yet our eyes spoke volumes.

He broke our gaze first and turned back to Bella.

"I'm going back to the living room now, my dad and Charlie are probably wanting their beers." He said.

"It's nice that you came over." Bella said to him.

Why was she encouraging this guy?

"Yeah, I only came coz your dad needed me to help him fix something on his car. I didn't even think you'd be here."

"Oh." She said.

Why the fuck did she sound disappointed?

"Well, I'll err, I'll see you around Bells." He said, and walked out of the kitchen.

_Bells?_

She came back and stood next to me, sighing again and leaning against me. I stiffened, folding my arms across my chest as I scowled at the space in front of me.

She looked up at me. "What's wrong?" She asked.

_What's wrong? After you've just been having a little tender moment with Jakey there right in front of me, you're asking me what's wrong?! _My mind screamed.

"Nothing." I muttered, "You heard your dad though, I better start leaving, I wouldn't want to make him mad again."

I walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her room. She followed.

I picked up my shirt, hastily put it on and started buttoning it. She watched me silently. I put on my shoes; then went over to her closet to get my jacket.

I heard her sighing from behind me. "God Edward, will you just tell me what's wrong?" She said.

I took my jacket off the hanger and turned to face her.

"What _is _it with you and that guy?" I asked her.

She looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why did you have to say something to him just now? Why couldn't you just let him do whatever he came to do in the kitchen and leave?"

"Not this again, Edward." She groaned. "You know, I really don't get what the hell you're jealous of. It's completely irrational! I haven't spoken to him in like, weeks and you get mad just because I asked him how he was?"

I looked at the floor. It did sound silly when she put it like that.

"Yeah well, I don't like the way he looks at you." I muttered pathetically.

I acted like a total madman whenever it was something to do with her. I had _never _been jealous of another guy before, yet here I was, getting mad because she touched a guy on the arm. Jazz's words echoed through my mind again, '_You are totally falling for Bella Swan.'_

She had fallen asleep before me last night and I had lain awake next to her, gazing at her angelic face and stroking her soft hair and thinking about those words. Thinking that maybe Jazz was right.

_Falling for Bella Swan._

_Falling in love with Bella Swan._

_In love with Bella Swan. _

She laughed, and came over to me, putting her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. My arms encircled her waist and I breathed in her feminine scent. She leaned back and gazed into my eyes after a moment, and as I gazed back I felt a strong urge to say it to her. To say those three little words that held so much meaning. My heart started thudding rapidly in my chest, as if it was in agreement with what I wanted to do. I opened my mouth to say it; then the doubt and fear started creeping in. What if she didn't say it back? What if she didn't love me? What if, despite what she said, she loved _that guy? _I closed my mouth and leaned forward to kiss her on her lips instead.

The last week at school before Spring Break was a little crazy. This was probably due to the fact that we had a few rare days of sunshine in Forks, plus the fact that people were really looking forward to Spring Break. I wondered why, I mean, what could you possibly do for fun in this town during Spring Break anyway? I was going to stay with my mom for the week. I did want to go, of course, but then the thought of not seeing Bella for a week had almost changed my mind. I had even decided to maybe just stay for three days so I could come back and spend a little time with Bella before we had to go back to school. But then she had gotten the tickets to go and see her mom.

Charlie Swan had started taking earlier shifts. I went to Bella's house on Monday after school and we were both taken aback when he sauntered in – looking almost smug – at around six. I had stayed for about an hour, until the tense atmosphere had gotten too much. Her dad was constantly finding excuses to come into the kitchen where we were sitting, obviously checking up on us. The rest of the week she had come over to our house. She _still _didn't seem to want to come in my room and on Thursday I decided to ask her why.

"Because..." She frowned and looked down at her lap. "Because every time I look at your bed, I can imagine you and Tanya together, you know...sleeping together.

I grimaced at the thought.

"Well, is there anything that will get that image out of your head? Because c'mon, you'll have to come into my room _sometime_."

We were on the couch in the living room. I was lying on it and Bella was sitting up, leaning against me.

"Hmm..." She pursed her lips, "I don't know. I'll think of something."

I rolled my eyes and smirked. "And I thought_ I_ was the jealous one."

She punched my arm lightly.

She had to leave for Phoenix on Friday evening.

I offered to drive her to the airport, earning a glare from Charlie, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to see her for a week, I at least needed to have the drive to the airport with her. We hugged each other tightly as she was about to board her flight. I watched her walking away, occasionally glancing back at me, as she disappeared into the gate, and this time I didn't fight the urge to say it.

"I love you." I whispered.

But she was already gone.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you for reading my story and adding it to story alerts and favourites and reviewing! **

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	33. Chapter 33: Opression

**Author's Note:**

**Ok, so I couldn't wait a week to start writing this, lol. I know I've got exam retakes but hey, I needed a break from studying.**

**I also couldn't wait till I finish this story to start posting 'She Was Silent' so check it out after you have read this chapter. The first chapter of it will be up shortly after I post this. Hope you like it. Lemme know what you think.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

**SONG: Coldplay - Fix You**

* * *

**Chapter 33**

**Oppression**

**BPOV**

"Hey Bella! Welcome!"

Phil gripped my shoulders and pulled me to him in a very uncomfortable hug. I stood stiff as he patted my back, my arms down by my side; my eyebrow raised is surprise and disgust. Renee shot me a glare from behind his back, motioning me to respond to him.

I didn't.

He finally released me after a moment, when he saw that I wasn't returning his embrace, and we stood there awkwardly, none of us really knowing what to say.

"Well Bella," He said eventually, "I'll take your luggage and put it in the boot."

He picked up my suitcase and started walking over to the car.

"Bella could you please at least try? You can see that Phil's making an effort here." Renee said.

I scoffed.

"Yeah, he's finally decided to be nice to me after four years; I really should be leaping for joy right now." I said sarcastically.

Renee sighed.

"He was never mean to you Bella."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Oh wasn't he? So that wasn't him that would sit in the living room and scowl for my entire visit? That wasn't him that would refuse to help me with my luggage? That wasn't him that –"

"Shhh, he's coming!" She hissed.

"Ready girls?" Phil asked us.

"Yeah hun, let's go." Renee replied.

The drive from the airport was monotonous as well as tense. Phil kept trying to make idle conversation with me and I would reply with one worded answers. Renee acted as mediator, trying to ease the tension between us.

She didn't succeed.

Finally, we reached the modest two story house that was once my home. I missed it sometimes, of course, but it had stopped feeling like home to me a long time ago. It was just an echo of home, a distant memory. I still had my room, though it definitely didn't look like my room anymore. They had redecorated the whole thing and Phil called it, 'The Guest Room'. Nothing in the room was mine or had a hint that I had once occupied it. It was as if I had never lived there. Renee had told me that I was being silly when I had expressed that sentiment to her, telling me that they had redecorated it for me because I was growing up and needed a more mature room.

Yeah right.

On Sunday, after I had finally gotten all of my things unpacked, I lay on the new bed and scowled at the ceiling. I was already hating the visit and I had only been there, what, two days? I sighed as I thought of Edward. I missed him. Missed his scent, his smile; his eyes, his voice. Everything. Then I had a thought and brightened up immediately.

I would call him.

The phone rang out for a while; then Edward curiously answered,

"Hello?"

And the sound of his voice immediately caused my heart to flutter wildly.

"Edward, it's me."

"Bella?" He chirped up.

I giggled.

"Yeah. How are you?"

"I'm missing you like crazy." He said, and my heart did a little somersault at his words.

"I'm missing you too." I said, and sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just...I just wish I could be with you instead of here."

He sighed. "Yeah, me too."

We were silent for a moment.

"So how's your mom?" I asked him.

"Yeah she's...she's doing fine." He said.

"Bella, can you come downstairs? Dinner's ready." Renee interrupted through the bedroom door.

I sighed again. "Edward, I've got to go."

"Is this your mom's number?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Ok, can I call you later? Like when your mom and stepdad have gone to sleep?"

"Um ok," I said perking up, "What time?"

"Eleven?"

"Sure."

"And Bella?" Edward said, sounding a little odd.

"Yes?"

"I..." He seemed to take a deep breath, "I...I miss you."

I frowned, puzzled. Didn't he already tell me that? And why did he sound so nervous?

"Yeah, I miss you too."

"Ok, I'll talk to you later." He hung up.

I made my way down to dinner, expecting to see the bowls of Chinese takeaway on the table, when I was stunned to see Renee dishing out what appeared to be lasagne. From a dish that she just took out of the _oven. _It didn't appear to be store bought either.

Since when did Renee cook?

I sat down at the table and looked at her questioningly. She avoided my gaze.

The lasagne was good too. I hummed appreciatively as I devoured it hungrily, suddenly discovering that I was starving.

"Looks like she likes your cooking Renee." Phil said, laughing, "It's good, she needs a little more meat on her bones."

She laughed along with him.

I was rather offended by his comment and glared at him when he looked back down at his plate.

Renee kicked me under the table.

"Since when did you start cooking anyway Renee?" I asked her, "And cooking _good _food as well?" I raised an eyebrow.

Phil spoke for her.

"Well, we figured that since we wanted to try for a baby, your mom would need to start learning how to be a little more homely. I mean, she's going to quit her job soon anyway and become a proper housewife." He smiled at her.

She smiled back.

My mouth hung open in shock as I gaped at her.

"But...you love your job!" I exclaimed, "Teaching is like...your passion, you've said that a million times -"

"Yes, I know Bella." She interrupted, "But that was before I decided I wanted another child."

"She would have to leave soon anyway if she got pregnant." Phil continued, "It doesn't make much difference if she leaves now."

I glanced at Renee. She was looking down at her food, deliberately avoiding my eyes. I knew that she didn't really want to quit teaching. I didn't know why she was doing it. I was pretty sure that she didn't want a baby either. However, I didn't say anything more and we finished dinner in silence.

After dinner, when Phil had gone to the living room and Renee was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher – another thing I was surprised to see her doing – I went over to her.

"Renee, you can't really be serious about quitting teaching can you? You love that job, and the kids love you, they'll miss you so much –"

"Bella I've already made my decision."

"Ok, but tell me this Renee. Look me in the eye and tell me that you _really_ want another kid, that it was your idea."

She ignored me and carried on loading the dishes.

That gave me my answer.

"I thought so. It was his idea wasn't it? But why Renee? Why now? I mean, he _hated _kids before. Why has he changed his mind all of a sudden and is desperate for one?"

She closed her eyes for a second.

"Bella will you just drop this? Why is it so hard to believe? People change ok."

She said that last part in a determined tone, like she was trying to convince _herself _that people changed. I frowned questioningly but said nothing more, left her in the kitchen and went up to my room.

It was nine thirty, meaning that Edward would be calling in an hour and a half. I was pacing around the room, trying to think of something to pass the time when I located my old ballet shoes stuffed in a box in the corner of the closet. Renee and Phil probably hadn't seen it when they were redecorating the room. I had put them there when I was leaving for Forks because I was mad that I would have to quit my ballet lessons. Renee had told me that I could still continue in Forks but I had refused, saying that I had lost interest in it anyway. She still packed them in my suitcase and I had removed them again and hid them in the closet.

I took them out of the box. They still looked the same, albeit a little dusty. I dusted them off and tried them on. They were a little tight but they still fit. I practiced a few things I remembered from my old classes but found that I wasn't flexible enough to do them anymore. I got bored after a while and went back to lying on my bed, watching the time tick away slowly, waiting for Edward's call. The phone rang a few times and I answered the calls quickly, thinking that it might have been Edward deciding to call me earlier, but they were always for Phil. I wondered why Renee wasn't getting any phone calls. She had a ton of friends who were always calling her, the last time I had visited. Why weren't they calling now?

At about ten fifteen, I heard them coming up the stairs to go to bed. Renee knocked on my door.

"Bells? You awake?"

I didn't really feel like speaking to her so I didn't reply. The main light in the room was off, only the lamp next to the phone was on, so she would probably think I was asleep. She waited a moment; then I heard her padding across the floor to her bedroom. At about ten forty five, I heard her and Phil talking. They were whispering, but it had to have been pretty loud seeing as I could hear it. I couldn't make out any words, but I heard Phil's rumbling voice droning on and occasionally Renee's voice would reply. Phil seemed to be doing most of the talking though, and gradually I could hear his voice getting louder and...angrier?

Were they arguing?

I crept over to the door silently, and pressed my ear against it, straining to hear their conversation. I couldn't make out anything. The phone rang suddenly, startling me, and I hurried over to answer it, not wanting Renee and Phil to hear it.

"Edward." I said, a smile stretching my lips as I lay back on the bed.

"Hey." He replied.

"So, what are you doing?" I asked him.

"Nothing, just in my bed. You?"

His voice sounded calm, laid back, even deeper than usual.

I liked it.

"Same. You sound really...relaxed." I commented.

"Do I?" He asked, "Hmmm, I guess I am pretty relaxed right now."

"What did you do today?"

"Nothing, just stayed at home with my mom, practiced my guitar a little. How was your day?"

But I was momentarily distracted by his voice. It really did sound different. A little deeper, huskier, sexier...

"Bella?"

The way he sounded, saying my name, caused my pulse to start racing. I flushed.

What the hell was wrong with me?

"Um Yeah Edward, I'm here. My day was boring. We went out to a museum, had dinner, then I stayed in my room all night waiting for your call."

He chuckled, his husky laugh sending tingles through my body.

"You know, it's funny because I was going to call you before eleven. I sat with my phone in my hand for ten minutes deliberating over whether to do it or not. In the end, I just decided to wait till eleven seeing as that was when I said I would call."

I snickered. "You should have just called."

He laughed huskily again.

"I know."

We were silent for a moment and I listened to his breathing on the line. It was deeper, heavier. I wondered why, I mean, he told me that he'd only been lying on his bed.

"Baby?"

A warm shiver rippled through my body, my heart fluttered, my pulse quickened, heat coursed through me as I heard him call me that.

_Baby? _He had never called me that before. And coming from his lips, especially the way he was sounding right now...

I liked it.

"Hmmm?" I answered shakily, unable to form words for a moment.

"I already told you I missed you right?" he asked jokingly.

I chuckled. "Yeah, I think you did." My voice was shaky.

He must have noticed because he asked, "Are you ok?"

"Uh huh. Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"I don't know...you sounded a little...never mind."

We were silent a while and I listened to his deep breathing again. It was doing something to me. I could feel heat slowly radiating through my body.

"You know what I miss about you?" he asked, and his voice was driving me crazy. The heat reached my centre and I could feel the slight tingling of arousal approaching.

"What?" I asked, unable to stop myself from whispering.

"I miss your hair, the way it feels so soft and silky under my fingers when I stroke it. I miss your eyes, the way you look at me. I miss your blush, the way you cheeks are pink, like twenty four seven."

He laughed softly but I was unable to join in. I was frozen, entranced by his voice, by his words.

"I miss your smile; I miss your lips...your soft, full lips. The way they shine when you're wearing lip gloss. The way they taste...the way your tongue feels in my mouth..."

My breathing deepened and my eyes hooded against my will as my crotch flamed.

"Baby?" He said again, and I couldn't help squeezing my legs together to soothe my pulsing centre.

"Yes?" I whispered.

He sighed deeply.

"I miss your slender neck. They way it flushes when I kiss it, when I lick it, when I bite it..."

The tiniest of moans escaped my lips. I didn't even think he heard it, but he was silent for a while and I heard his breathing becoming heavier. Which in turn caused mine to deepen.

"I miss your breasts, I miss the way your nipples harden against my chest, the way they feel under my fingers when I stroke them. The way your breasts fit perfectly in my hands, like they were moulded for me."

_Oh shit._ It was sweet torture. I wanted to hear him say these things to me, but I wanted him here with me, _doing them _to me, more. I wanted to feel his hands on me now, holding my breasts the way he was describing.

My hand involuntarily cupped my breast, my nipple already hard under my finger. I rubbed it in a circular motion and my eyes closed at the sensation.

I moaned softly.

Edward was silent. His breathing was now heavy and fast. I now knew why he sounded like that, why he was breathing heavily.

He was aroused.

And now he was making me aroused too. The thought of his arousal caused another moan to escape me. I thought of his hardness pressed against me, thought of his bulge stroking against my wetness. My arm moved down my body slowly, and I stroked myself over my damp panties softly, moaning louder.

"Bella." Edward's voice was now a shaky whisper, turning me on even more. I pressed a finger down and wriggled, moaning deeply as it sent a shiver through me, causing my hairs to stand on end.

Edward groaned.

"What are you doing baby?" He whispered.

My legs spread and I rubbed a finger on my throbbing clit over my panties, occasionally pressing down, shifting my hips off the bed.

"I'm..." I was panting now, "I'm touching myself."

"Mmmm," He moaned, "And why are you touching yourself?"

I rubbed faster.

"Because...because you're turning me on." I whimpered.

He sighed shakily.

"And who are you imagining to be touching you while you touch yourself?" His breathing sped up.

"You." I moaned.

I slipped my hand into my panties and I rubbed myself faster, my fingers gliding over the wetness easily.

Edward groaned again loudly.

"Mmmm baby, who do you want touching you right now?"

"You." My hand was moving furiously now.

"Say my name baby."

"Edward." I gasped.

I slipped a finger into my slippery entrance and pumped it in and out while my thumb pressed my clit. The same sensation I had felt when I had done this once before was happening again. I could feel myself tensing; feel the mounting pressure building in the space under my stomach.

Edward wasn't speaking now. I could hear him groaning and grunting. I was pretty sure he was pleasuring himself too.

"Bella," He said after a while, panting, "You turn me on so much. So. Fucking. Much." His voice was strained.

I could barely utter a word myself, the pressure inside me building up by the second, the pleasure engulfing me.

"Are you going to cum for me?" I could tell he was going to release any second. "C'mon baby, cum for me."

My eyes squeezed shut at his words and the pressure was taking over me, the sensation rippling through my body.

"Isabella, say my name."

And hearing him say that, hearing him call me _Isabella _just did it for me.

With a loud moan I shuddered as my climax hit me, whimpering his name.

He groaned, then he mumbled, "Oh _fuck. _Bella." As his own climax took over him.

Then we were both breathing heavily down the line, in silence as we came down from our climaxes.

"Are you ok?" He asked after a while.

"I'm more than ok."

He chuckled, "Me too."

We talked for a while longer but we were both pretty tired after our...conversation and I drifted off to sleep shortly afterwards, the phone lying on the pillow next to me.

The next morning I woke up feeling refreshed and euphoric. I started dressing early, thinking that I would go out and enjoy the hot Phoenix weather for a bit. I took a while in the shower, mainly because I kept daydreaming about Edward and our phone conversation last night. His voice was so sexy, _'Isabella, say my name.' _Why did he calling me Isabella turn me on so much? I snapped out of my thoughts, realising the water had started cooling while I was busy fantasising.

I went out, just around town, even shopping a little, – Alice would have been proud – then I went to eat and hung out in the park for a while, enjoying the sun that I rarely got to see in Forks. I got back to the house at about six thirty.

"Renee!" I called out as I got in.

The house seemed empty. Where did they go? I went upstairs; about to go to my room and maybe call Edward, when I noticed Renee and Phil's bedroom door was wide open. Odd, I thought. I walked into the room cautiously. Nothing seemed amiss – but then I heard the sobbing.

Panicking, I walked towards their bathroom where the sobbing was coming from. The door was ajar so I pushed it open slowly, afraid of what I would find.

And I was right to be afraid because what I saw on the bathroom floor was frightening.

Renee was on the floor. There was a large purplish-blue bruise under her eye. Her lip was bloodied and swollen. Her hair was in a matted ponytail and I could see strands of it around her on the bathroom floor. She was wearing a tank top, and I could see more purplish-blue bruises littering her arms. Tears were streaming down her face as she sat, rocking slowly and clutching her stomach, her face twisted in agony.

It was then that I noticed the scariest part of it all.

Underneath her, where she sat on the bathroom floor, her legs folded to the side; there was a puddle of red.

Blood.

It was slowly spreading around her, trickling towards the doorway where I stood.

I ran over to her and crouched beside her, grabbing her shoulders frantically, my own tears blurring her bruised features.

"Oh my God mom, who did this to you? Who?" I yelled.

A strangled sob escaped her throat. Then she uttered one word, her voice hoarse and quiet, so quiet I wasn't even sure I had heard her correctly.

"Phil."


	34. Chapter 34: Memory Lane

**Author's Note:**

**This is quite a long chapter with a lot to take in. Hope you like it.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

**SONG: Kings of Leon - Charmer**

* * *

**Chapter 34**

**Memory Lane**

**EPOV**

Bella and I had phone sex.

And fuck it was hot.

To be honest, I kind of initiated it. Ever since she had left for Phoenix, it was as if my hormones were calling for her. I was horny all the fucking time; and jerking off was really starting to get boring. When I got to my mom's I tried to take my mind off her by keeping myself occupied, playing my guitar or watching TV with my mom. They both helped for a while – a really short while – and then my mind was back on her.

She called me on Sunday and hearing her voice...I don't know; it made me feel sort of _whole _again, pathetic as it sounds. I'd only been away from her for two days and I was already missing her like crazy. I even told her so. I'd wanted to call her, but I didn't know her mom's number and had stupidly forgotten to ask her for it before she left. I could have asked her dad for it but I didn't really think that was a good idea, I mean, I wasn't exactly Charlie Swan's favourite person. I thought hearing her voice would help my body calm down a little – but it ended up making it worse. I was kicking myself for saying I would call her back at eleven. Eleven was too far away. I'd wanted to call her earlier but restrained myself from doing so, I mean, she might have been busy or something.

I had lain on my bed, watching the clock and thinking about her, my dick rock hard in my sweatpants. When eleven had rolled around eventually and I had called her, the sound of her sweet voice was torturing. My dick ached, it was throbbing so much. I just couldn't help myself from talking dirty to her, to let her know how much I missed her, how much I wanted her with me, and to hopefully, get her horny too.

And it worked.

And damn, she had even started _touching _herself. No way did I expect her to do that. And it turned me on even more if that was possible, and I just couldn't help myself from jerking off to her. I hadn't ever wanted her to see or hear me jerking off because, well, it was embarrassing, but it was practically an involuntary reaction. My dick couldn't take it.

She was sexy, and the thing that made her sexier than most girls was the fact that she didn't even do anything to be sexy. She didn't try; it was just effortless and came naturally for her. I mean, I'm pretty sure she didn't even realise how sexy she was. Girls like Jessica and Tanya and Alice and dare I say, Rose, wore revealing outfits and tons of make up to be sexy. Bella didn't and yet, she was sexier than the whole lot of them put together.

I had drifted off to sleep thinking about her voice when she was touching herself, the sounds she made, the way she said my name...I would probably be thinking about it twenty four seven now.

I woke up the next morning with a concrete erection, it definitely wasn't the normal morning wood. I refused to jerk off again though, so I took a shower and let the cold water run over me a little to get rid of it, before I turned on the hot tap. I decided I would go out, I needed to occupy my mind to keep it out of the gutter, and besides, it was Spring Break, I wasn't going to stay cooped up in the house all week. I got dressed and looked through my phone book for the numbers of my old friends. I called Lucas Brown. I hadn't spoken to him since I left for Forks and I felt bad about it, I mean, he was my best friend. But in my defence, I'd had a lot on my mind, with all the stuff that had happened with my mom.

"No fucking way dude, I'm still fucking dreaming." Lucas answered after the second ring.

I chuckled.

"Nope, you're wide awake man."

"Ed! Good to hear from you man! It's been so fucking long."

"I know Luke, I'm sorry about that; it's just...I had a lot of shit going on."

"Yeah, I know man, no need to apologise. I mean, that's why I didn't call you either you know; I figured you might need time to settle and shit."

"Thanks man." I said.

"No problem. So how you been anyway? What the hell is it like living in a place called _Forks_?" He said 'Forks' like it was a bad word.

I snickered.

"It's actually not too bad. It can be boring of course, but I guess Forks is growing on me."

"You coming back to Seattle?" He asked.

I grimaced. "Well...I don't know, but if I am coming back, it won't be anytime soon."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed. "Don't mean to sound gay and shit, but I've missed you dude. This shithole is shittier without you."

I smiled. I missed Luke and his profanities too. I hadn't realised how much.

"I've missed you too man."

"So when you coming up here to visit us?"

I grinned. "I'm already here."

"You're fucking kidding me! Well what the fuck are we on the phone for? Come over to mine, we're all meeting up, you know, the whole gang, they'll be fucking flabbergasted to see you and your forever shiny Volvo. You still own that shit right?"

I laughed. "Of course, you know that's my baby." Well, it used to be, I thought, before Bella.

He chuckled. "No shit. Well, what time are you looking to meet me?"

"Let's say about two?"

"Sure. See you soon." He hung up.

I went downstairs and inhaled deeply as the smell of blueberry pancakes wafted into my nose. My mom was probably making them, and her pancakes were the best. I jogged over to the kitchen, my stomach growling incessantly.

I got to the kitchen doorway - and froze in shock.

"Mom?" I called warily, slowly walking towards her. "What are you doing?"

She looked up from the pancake batter she was stirring vigorously and smiled at me.

"Morning honey. I'm making pancakes of course, silly." She ruffled my hair and continued stirring.

"But...but mom, don't you think you've made enough? I mean, we'll never be able to finish all of this."

I glanced around the kitchen at the plates and plates of pancakes, each piled high. The scene all seemed too familiar, and it bought a feeling of dread to the pit of my stomach.

My mom didn't answer me and just kept stirring the pancake batter. I watched her, growing more anxious with every stir. She couldn't be having another manic episode could she? I mean, she'd been taking her meds.

Hadn't she?

"Mom?" I said, my voice barely above a whisper, "Have you been taking your meds?"

She stopped stirring and sighed.

"God Edward, have you no faith in me at all?" She asked, looking down at the bowl. "These pancakes are for the Springwater Clinic. They're having a special breakfast because it's someone's birthday. I offered to make them pancakes and a nurse will be coming by to pick them up ok? I am _not _having an episode and _yes, _I've been taking my meds."

Guilt overwhelmed me.

"I'm so sorry mom, I didn't mean –"

"It's fine Edward ok, just take a few and go eat, please." She snapped.

I winced, and took a few pancakes and went to sit on the couch to eat them.

I decided not to hang around seeing as I had pissed her off, and called Luke and told him I'd meet him earlier. I grabbed my leather jacket and keys and told her I was going out. She ignored me, and I walked out of the house and closed the door quietly, leaving her in the kitchen – making more pancakes.

I got to Luke's and we hung out for a bit at his house, his mom making a fuss of me, cooing over how much I'd 'matured' over the past few months. Behind her back, I mouthed, 'see' to Luke and he grimaced and rolled his eyes. I always used to kid around that his mom had a crush on me and he hated it. She was pretty hot for a mom, and young, seeing as she'd had him when she was only eighteen. After Luke had dragged me out of the house, away from his mom, we drove around a little in my car, the music blaring, just like we used to do before I moved. Then we went to meet the rest of our gang, Jared, Scott, Leigh, Kim and _Stacey_ at Pete's Pizza, where we used to hang out. I inwardly grimaced when I saw Stacey; it was going to be awkward. It was great seeing all my old friends again though, and a wave of nostalgia hit me as we hung out, eating pizza and joking around like nothing had changed.

"How's it going in Forks?" Stacey asked me.

"It's ok." I replied, "It's growing on me."

She smiled and nodded, "That's good."

"He's bullshitting us." Luke interrupted, his mouth full of pizza, "There's no way a place called Forks with how many students in the high school? Twenty?"

I chuckled. "I think there's more than twenty Luke."

"Whatever, there's no way a place like that could ever 'grow on a person', something – or someone there – is 'growing on you'." He smirked, raising his eyebrows.

I grimaced. Was I _that _obvious?

"So...what's her name?" Scott asked, also smirking.

_Thanks a fucking bunch Luke._ Stacey glanced at me, obviously waiting to hear my answer.

"Bella." I mumbled, looking down at the tablecloth.

"Ooh Bella eh? Is she Italian?" Jared said, "Italian chicks are hot."

He, Scott and Luke were all grinning like idiots.

My brow furrowed. I didn't know if she was Italian. I didn't think she was though.

"Um, I don't know, I don't _think_ she is..."

"What does she look like?" Luke asked.

"She's got long, wavy brown hair, beautiful brown eyes, I mean, like they're seriously amazing. She blushes a lot so she's got like permanent rosy cheeks," I smiled lightly, thinking of her sweet blush. "And her lips are...her lips..." I stopped. I really didn't need to start thinking of Bella's lips. I really didn't need to start thinking of _Bella._

I looked around the table to find them all gawping at me, Luke's eyebrow raised.

"Dude, is she _that _good in bed? Because she must have some special shit for you to be going all gooey eyed just _talking _about her." He said.

I felt my face flushing.

"It's not like that." I said, looking down at the table and running my hand through my hair.

Luke's eyes widened.

"Whoa Ed! Don't tell me you've finally fallen for a chick? I mean, there were so many chicks hot for you here and you didn't give a shit about any of them. I was beginning to think you weren't as straight as you claimed to be." He snickered and I rolled my eyes.

I didn't fail to notice Stacey flinch a little at Luke's comment about me not 'giving a shit' about girls when I lived in Seattle. I inwardly groaned. Damn, this was very awkward.

"Leave him alone Luke." Leigh said, "God, you're embarrassing him."

I smiled at her appreciatively.

The conversation soon shifted away from me and Bella, thankfully, but I noticed Stacey sneaking glances at me occasionally, running her hands through her curly red hair, her green eyes boring into me. I tried to ignore it but it was making me uncomfortable. What was up with her?

"Hey guys, a friend of mine just texted me, there's a party tonight over at the University of Washington. You guys want to go?" Kim said.

We all agreed to it. We left Pete's Pizza at around seven so we could go home and get ready for the party, then we were going to meet up outside Pete's again at nine. I got home and checked the kitchen. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that the pancakes were gone and the kitchen was clean and empty. I felt guilty for not trusting my mom, but who could blame me, considering our past. I went to look for her and found her curled up on the couch; fast asleep with the TV still on. To be honest, I kind of panicked for a second. I mean, that was the exact way I had found her the night she overdosed on painkillers. I listened to her breathing for a while, to make sure that she was actually breathing; then I tapped her gently and whispered, "Mom?"

Her eyelids fluttered open and she mumbled, "Edward?"

I smiled. "Yeah, it's me. Why don't you go up to your room to sleep, the couch is going to strain your neck."

She sat up slowly, rubbing her neck.

"You're right." She said.

"I'm going out tonight, to a party. So don't wait up for me ok?"

"Ok hun. Make sure you look after yourself. No drinking if you're driving."

I rolled my eyes but I couldn't help grinning a little. It felt so normal; she was acting like a regular mom, which used to be uncommon for her.

"Ok mom." I leant over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you later."

I hurried up the stairs to my room and stripped off to take another shower. Whilst in the shower, I couldn't stop my dirty mind from drifting to Bella again, her sexy voice whispering my name, her touching herself for me, her _coming_ for me, and I shamefully jerked off again – twice.

I got out of the shower and went to find something to wear. I picked out a pair of relatively new Levi jeans and a white sweater and put on some white Nike sneakers. I ran a hand through my damp hair a few times, as usual, not bothering to comb it, then picked up my wallet, keys and cell and made my way over to Pete's. Luke, Jared and Scott were there, but the girls weren't. This was what usually happened when we used to go out; we always had to wait for the girls who were nearly always late. I smiled again nostalgically.

Finally, they turned up and Jared left his car parked in Pete's parking lot and the three guys got into my car, while the three girls stayed in Kim's car. I led the way to the College, with Jared directing me. The girls followed behind.

Luke laughed. "Leigh just texted me to tell you to slow the fuck down Ed. They're having a hard time keeping up."

I snickered and slowed down a little.

We got to the College, and waited at the entrance for Kim's friend to come and meet us, to take us to the dorm where the party was. She came over to us, smelling strongly of booze, and hugged Kim. Then we followed her to the dorms.

The party was crazy. The small dorm room was packed full of people, and they were spilling out into the hall. The music was deafening, there was a haze of smoke hovering over the room and bottles and plastic cups were littering every available surface. About half the people there were already drunk or high or both, and the rest were well on their way there. Luke immediately got into it, disappearing into the crowd for a moment and reappearing with four bottles of beer, which he handed to Jared, Scott and I.

"Oh, how very gentlemanly of you Luke." Leigh said sarcastically, "There's not three ladies standing here or anything."

Luke snickered. "Ladies? Where?" He said, feigning innocence.

Kim punched him on the arm playfully. "Asshole."

He disappeared again and reappeared with three plastic cups.

"Here you go _ladies._"

"Thank you." Leigh replied.

I noticed that Stacey was being rather quiet.

After a while we split up, the three girls disappearing off together, Scott and Jared heading to the dance floor to dance with some girls. Luke stayed with me, knocking back bottle after bottle of beer and offering me some, which I always refused. I was definitely not going to get drunk again, not while I had to drive, and especially not after what had happened the last time I had gotten drunk. Luke was halfway towards getting wasted and I cringed, thinking about how I would probably have to wash vomit off my car tomorrow if he carried on like that. He soon got talking to some girl and walked away with her, looking back at me and winking, mouthing the word, 'score'. I grinned and shook my head. Luke hadn't changed a bit. I was left standing alone against the wall, feeling pretty damn bored and missing Bella. The first bottle of beer Luke had given me was still half full in my hand. Drunken college girls kept coming up to me, asking me to dance with them and I refused. The scent of the weed in the air, plus the blaring music was starting to give me a headache. I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes.

"You ok Edward?"

My eyes snapped open to find Stacey standing next to me, leaning close to my ear. I immediately took a step away from her proximity.

"Um yeah, I'm fine; I've just...kind of got a headache."

"Me too. You want to go out into the hall?"

I hesitated. I did want to go out in the hall to get away from the music, seeing as my head was pounding, but I didn't want to go out there with Stacey. Things were already awkward enough.

"Um, ok, just for a while though, I mean, Luke will probably be back in a bit, looking for me."

We walked out into the hall, and a little further down, away from the party and the noise.

Stacey sighed. "Much better."

We stood there, leaning against the wall in an uncomfortable silence for what seemed like hours, but was likely just minutes. I was just about to tell her that I was going back into the party when she said,

"I've missed you Edward."

_Fuck._

I internally grimaced. "Err, yeah, I've missed the gang too; it's been just like old times."

She glanced up at me from the corner of her eye.

"_Almost_ like old times."

_Now what the hell was that supposed to mean?_

I was silent.

"Well," She continued, "If it was exactly like old times you and I would probably be making out in a bedroom by now." She chuckled.

I groaned inwardly.

Suddenly she had turned to face me, pressing me against the wall and leaning against me, her hands on my chest.

"Stacey," I said angrily, pushing her off me, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I...I'm sorry." She stuttered, her eyes wide, her face flushed with embarrassment.

"I've got a girlfriend back home in Forks and you fucking know that. What the hell do you think I am?"

She ran her hands through her hair, looking at the floor.

"God Edward, I'm so sorry, I –"

But she was cut off because someone came out of the party and was stood staring at us from down the hall.

I glanced up, thinking it was probably Luke.

And was stunned to find that jackass _Jake _glaring at me, his gaze shifting from Stacey to me and back again. I glared back at him, my fists automatically clenching. He walked up to us slowly, his eyes narrowed.

"So it _is _you. Where's Bells?" He questioned, his jaw clenched.

"Firstly, her name is _Bella, _and secondly, it's none of your fucking business where she is."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Listen dude, I can call her what the hell I want." He glanced at Stacey again, who was now looking at us back and forth in confusion. "So, this is what you do when she's not around huh? Find a slut to fuck around with."

I moved off the wall, my teeth clenched tightly as I took a step towards him.

"Hey, who the hell do you think you're calling a slut?" Stacey said.

We ignored her.

My eyes locked with Jake's. "You don't even know what the fuck is going on, so mind your own _goddamn _business. Can't you just get over her? You're like a fucking lovesick puppy, it's pathetic really. She didn't want you. She's with _me, _ok?"

We were slowly walking towards each other, squaring up, our narrowed eyes locked in a glare. Stacey stepped back, away from us, her mouth now hanging open in shock.

"I know she is, and it's a shame because she can do so much better. You're not good enough for her." He sneered.

And that was it.

That was the moment I decided I was going to finally smash his fucking face in, just like I'd wanted to do since the first time I had seen him, leaning against his bike pathetically in front of our school. My fists were starting to ache because of how tightly they were clenched.

In one swift move, so fast that he didn't have time to dodge it, my knuckles connected with his jaw, my full bodyweight thrown into it so I stumbled forward after I had knocked him over. My fingers hurt like hell and would probably be bruised for days, but I didn't care, the rage I felt at that moment, at him telling me that I wasn't good enough for Bella, overpowered every other feeling, every other emotion in my body. I stood over him a moment, flexing my hand, and watched him squirming on the floor, holding his jaw and wincing in agony. He wiped his mouth and I cringed a little, as I saw blood on his hand as he took it away from his mouth.

I couldn't stand the sight of blood.

I looked away from his hand, trying to ignore the way my stomach was already starting to twist, when suddenly there was a quick kick to my stomach and the wind was knocked out of me. I doubled over in pain, clutching my stomach, and the asshole jumped me, knocking me over on the floor, face first. My lips smacked onto the wooden floor and I cried out in pain, now clutching my mouth. I felt a sharp kick at my side, and another, and another, then another. I lay on the floor, my body tensed, expecting another kick. When it didn't come, I glanced up and he was catching his breath, his chest heaving as he stood over me, pressing his jaw tenderly.

I took this as an opportunity.

I leapt up, ignoring the sharp pain at my side and lunged at him, knocking him over onto his back. I pounded at his face over and over, not giving a fuck what I was hitting, ignoring the searing pain in my hand, side and lip, until I felt arms tugging me, lifting me off him and practically dragging me away.

It was only when we had reached my car that I realized the arms were Jared and Scott. They stood, looking at me in shock as I leaned against my car, flexing my fingers, my chest heaving and my brow still furrowed deeply. We stood there in silence, while I attempted to calm myself down. After about maybe ten minutes, I spoke, my voice coming out more like a growl than anything.

"I'm fine now. You guys can go back in. I'm just going to wait in the car. When you're ready to leave let me know." I fumbled for my keys, unlocked the car, and climbed into the back seat.

They blinked at me a moment longer, then Scott said, "Ok man, we're going to look for Luke and the girls, then we'll leave."

I nodded and they made their way back to the dorms.

I lay across the back seat, leaning against the window, my head pounding, my lip stinging, my hand throbbing, my side aching. I looked down at my white sweater and groaned, finding it covered in splatters of blood – I wasn't sure whether it was my own or _his_. I carefully removed it, wincing as I stretched out my torso, the ache in my side increasing. I lay there a while, my eyes closed; then I got a little bored and reached over to the front to get my cell which I had left in the glove compartment.

I checked it and was taken aback to find ten missed calls. All Bella.

_Fuck._

Something must have been up. She would never call me that many times if it wasn't important. There was also a text from a number I didn't recognise,

_Edward, call me on this number as soon as you get this text. No matter what time it is. I need to talk to you. Bella x_

Shit, there was something wrong, something very wrong. I checked the time, 02:28AM. She did say it didn't matter what time I called. I quickly called the number and Bella answered after the first ring.

"Edward."

"Bella, what's going on? Are you ok? What's happened?" I couldn't stop the panic in my voice as my thoughts ran rampant with scenarios of what could be wrong.

She sniffed.

_Oh God, she was crying._

"It's...it's." Her voice was thick with emotion. She sniffed again before choking out,

"It's my mom."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Thanks for reading! _Please_ try to review. I always try to review stories that I enjoy because I feel like I have to _let the author know_ that I enjoyed it. It's only fair right? I mean, I spend ages writing it, and then I see that a lot of people are reading it, but not many reviewers. It makes me a little sad :(**

**I'd like to give a special thanks to dreamngo4it9 who's reviews make me happy! Thank you! **

**_Savannah-Vee _**


	35. Chapter 35: Loss

**Author's Note:**

**This is a very angsty chapter. Hope you likey.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

**SONG: Coldplay - The Scientist**

* * *

**Chapter 35**

**Loss**

**BPOV**

"What...what's happened to her?" Edward asked, sounding anxious, "I mean, is she...is she ok?"

I sniffed again, and wiped my nose with the back of my hand.

"Not really." I answered shakily, "She's in...She's in hospital."

I burst into another round of sobs that I'd been fighting hard to hold back. Edward was silent a moment, probably a little startled, then he started hushing me, whispering that it would be ok, pleading with me to stop crying. The sound of his voice did soothe me a little, and I sniffed one final sniff and took a deep breath.

"Are you ok now?" He asked softly.

"A little." I replied.

"You ready to talk about it?"

"Yeah."

I felt a little bad burdening him with these problems which really had nothing to do with him at all, but for some reason, it was him I wanted to talk to. I had called Alice earlier when he wasn't answering his phone and had spoken to her, but it still wasn't enough, I still needed to talk to him.

I had been sitting outside the hospital entrance on a bench, with my mom's cell in my hand, waiting for him to call me back. My mom was asleep so I didn't feel bad about leaving her for a while. After she had told me that it was that evil asshole _Phil _that had hurt her, I had ran to the phone and called an ambulance _and_ the police. While waiting for the emergency services to arrive I had asked my mom what had happened, why Phil had done that to her, whether he had hurt her before, but she didn't answer any of my questions. She just sat there sobbing silently and clutching her stomach. The ambulance arrived and took her to the hospital and I went with her, while the police said they would stay outside the house until Phil arrived, and take him down to the station and keep him there until my mom was ready to talk, and until they had found out exactly what had happened.

I'd had to wait outside the door while the doctors had checked out my mom to assess her injuries. It turned out she had been pregnant, nine weeks, and had miscarried, due to several blows to her stomach. It was then that I had started sobbing uncontrollably, mourning the little sibling I could have had, and murderously enraged at Phil for taking him or her away from my mom and I. I asked my mom again, to explain what had happened after they had tended to her and she was in the recovery room, but she still didn't answer me. She just stared blankly at the space in front of her. I had started to get mad, I mean, why the hell wasn't she shouting about what a sick bastard Phil was and hurrying the process of locking him up? I mean, this was physical assault, and in her own _home. _The nurse had asked me to leave my mom for a bit, to give her some space, so I had gone home for a while. Phil's car was in the driveway and I seethed with rage when I spotted it, but the police cruiser that had been waiting at the house for him had gone, so I guessed that they had taken him down to the station already.

I cleaned up the blood on my mom's bathroom floor, crying again at what had happened to her; then I'd called my dad, letting him know what had happened. He had wanted to catch the next flight to Phoenix but I stopped him, telling him that there wasn't really a need for him to come. He said he would still fly over on Thursday night to pick me up so I wouldn't have to fly back to Forks on my own, and he'd speak to my mom when he came. I phoned Edward then, but he didn't answer. I made something to eat and then ate a bite of it and threw it away; then I called him again.

He still didn't answer.

So I called Alice and cried again, while explaining what had happened and she consoled me as much as she could over the phone. After I had gotten off the phone to her I called Edward again, several times continuously, but he never answered. I had gotten a little mad, wondering where the hell he was, but then I had calmed down again quickly. I mean, he didn't know what had happened and it _was _Spring Break, he was probably out having fun like he should be, why should I stop him? I found my mom's cell on her bed and texted him, asking him to call me on her number when he got the text. I showered quickly and changed clothes and then went back to the hospital. My mom still wasn't talking, so I just sat with her until she fell asleep, then I went to sit outside to wait for Edward's call seeing as we weren't allowed to have cell phones on in the hospital.

"Phil beat up my mom." I whispered to Edward, forcing back the angry tears behind my words.

"What?" He asked, "Your stepdad?"

I cringed at the word 'stepdad', that monster was nothing to me.

"Yeah." I said.

"What the..." Edward said incredulously, "How could he? _Why_ did he..." He stopped and gasped. "He didn't fucking hurt you too did he? Because if he did, I swear I will fucking fly over there and murder the fucking asshole myself. I should really be doing that now after what he did to your mom." He growled, his voice low and menacing, literally causing the hairs to rise on my body.

"No, he didn't hurt me. I wasn't there."

He sighed a little then asked, "What about your mom? Is she ok? I mean, he didn't, you know, cause permanent damage or anything?"

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "I don't know." I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion again, "She was pregnant –"

"What!" Edward interrupted, and I could hear that his teeth were clenched, "He fucking beat up a pregnant woman? What kind of sick asshole is he? You know, I really think I should fly over –"

"No." I cut him off, "There's no need; the police have got him anyway."

He sighed. "I'm so sorry baby; I'm not being much of a comfort right now I guess. It's just...well, I'm not exactly in the best of moods right now, and hearing about a sick bastard like that isn't helping. What were you saying about your mom before I interrupted?" His voice was soft again, gentle.

"Well, she was pregnant, nine weeks, and..." The tears overflowed, "And...She lost the baby."

I sobbed into the phone again.

"Oh God," Edward said, "I am so sorry baby, please don't cry. Your mom will be ok, that sicko will get what he deserves."

I heard voices in the background on Edward's side. I heard him talking to someone, away from the speaker on the phone. Then he spoke back into it.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I whispered, sniffing.

"I'm going to have to call you back later ok, I need to drive. Will you be awake in about an hour?"

"I think so."

"Ok, I'll call you back on this number. If you're asleep then I call you tomorrow morning ok?"

"Ok." I replied.

"Alright, I lo...I'll talk you later." He said, and hung up.

I figured that I might as well get some sleep; I would talk to Edward in the morning. I switched off the cell and went back inside the hospital to my mom's room, sat on the chair next to her bed and soon drifted off into an uncomfortable and troubled sleep.

I awoke to an unfamiliar voice by my side.

"Mrs Dwyer we know this is difficult for you, but it would all be a lot easier to get in the process of pressing charges against Mr Dwyer, if we could get a statement from you explaining the details of what happened yesterday evening."

My head snapped up. It was the police. I glanced at my mom to find her shaking her head vehemently, still staring blankly at nothing in particular. My brows furrowed in confusion, why wasn't she just giving them a statement?

"I'm not ready." She stated; her voice void of emotion.

The two policemen looked at each other a moment.

"Well," One said, "When you do feel ready please give us a call. Just ask a nurse for the number."

They stared at her a moment, awaiting a response, but she didn't say anything after that, just kept staring in front of her, seemingly engrossed in particles of dust.

The policemen turned and exited her room, and I felt the anger bubbling up inside of me as I watched them walk away.

"What the hell is wrong with you mom?" I asked her heatedly, "Why won't you talk? Why won't you get that sicko locked up for what he did to you?"

She continued her examination of dust.

I sighed in exasperation and got up from the chair and stood directly in front of her, where she was looking. She couldn't help catching my eye for a moment and then she quickly closed hers.

"God mom." I cried, "Look at me, _talk _to me, please."

Her eyes remained closed, but her face twisted as she held back tears.

"Please mom," I said more gently, "If you won't talk to the cops yet, just tell _me _what happened, I need to know. I need to know why he did this to you."

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"It was...it was my fault." She whispered.

I shook my head vigorously. "No mom, how the hell could it be your fault? He punched you, _in your stomach, _and you were pregnant."

"He...he didn't know I was pregnant." She sighed and finally opened her eyes. "I didn't want another child Bella, you know that. And deep down, I'm sure he didn't want one either."

My brow furrowed in confusion.

"Look, he's hit me before ok, a lot, and the last time he hit me, I told him that I was pregnant just so he could stop. I wasn't pregnant then, but it did stop him from hitting me. He started getting used to the idea of us having a baby and I was getting worried, wondering how I was going to get out of it, when the months passed and he saw that I wasn't pregnant, so I faked a miscarriage."

She laughed bitterly, shaking her head.

"There's karma for you. Anyway, he was crushed, you know, really upset; and I felt really bad and told him that we could try for another one. He agreed, and so that's what we'd been doing for months, and for months, he didn't hit me."

She paused.

"I didn't want to get pregnant so I had been taking birth control, but obviously, he didn't know that. He did wonder why I wasn't getting pregnant but I told him that it was probably because of my age; that I wasn't as fertile anymore. Well, I forgot to take a few pills occasionally, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal, but obviously it was because I ended up getting pregnant. I didn't tell him because, well, I'd been thinking of having an abortion."

I sat on the edge of the bed, unable to stand any longer.

"Yesterday he went into the bathroom cabinet to get some painkillers because his old knee injury was playing up, and I'd stupidly forgotten to put my birth control pills in my purse and had left them in there."

She closed her eyes again, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

"He saw them in the cabinet, and of course, he was fuming. He dragged me by my hair into the bathroom, pointing to the pills and asking me what the hell they were doing there. At first I lied and said they were yours, but he didn't believe me, punching me on my arm every time I repeated that they were yours. Finally, I just blurted out that I didn't want a baby at all, and he went livid, punching me in my face, kicking me, pulling my hair."

She started sobbing again silently, her voice now barely even whispering. I moved closer up the bed to hear her.

"Then he said...he said, seeing as I didn't want a baby, he would make it so I didn't need to take birth control pills anymore. And then he started punching me in my stomach, over and over. I pleaded with him, begged him to stop; told him that I was pregnant with our child but he didn't believe me, told me that I couldn't possibly be if I was taking birth control. Finally, he stopped and left me on the bathroom floor. Then, he walked out of the house."

My fists were balled up at my sides and furious tears dripped down my face. I sat there a moment, glaring at nothing in particular, and then stood up.

"I'm going to get the nurse so they can give you the number for the cops –"

"No!" She shook her head quickly, "No Bella, I'm not ready to speak to them yet."

I glared at her incredulously. "Are you crazy mom? What the hell is there to be ready for? Just tell them exactly what you told me –"

She was shaking her head again.

I sighed. "Mom, _look _at what he did to you, have you even seen yourself?"

"It was my fault." She whispered.

"No!" I yelled, "How can you think that? _Of course _it wasn't your fault. He practically punched your baby out of you mom! He _murdered _his own child!"

"He didn't know I was pregnant."

I stared at her in shock, my jaw dropping open.

"Why are you defending him?"

"Look, Bella, it sounds and looks worse than it really is, I mean, I bruise easily anyway, you know that, and maybe...and maybe the miscarriage was for the best, I mean, I didn't really want another baby anyway."

I shook my head at her sadly. "Oh God mom, he's got you, hasn't he? Are you even going to press charges?"

She looked down at her lap.

"Bella, he loves me ok, I know he does, and I love him too. He can get help for his anger issues; we really don't need the police involved in this."

I sniffed. "So you're going back to him?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

"Where else can I go Bella? My home is with him, I've handed my resignation letter at work so I'll be out of a job soon."

"Come back to Forks with me. You can stay with me and dad until you find an apartment and you could teach at the elementary school –"

I stopped when I saw her shaking her head again, a sad smile on her lips.

"I have to stay here Bells. I have to stay and work on my marriage." She said quietly.

I shook my head incredulously and wiped my tears furiously.

"Fine mom, if you don't want to help yourself, then there's nothing I can do. You two deserve each other. He needs a punching bag and you're a willing candidate. Good luck with that."

I stalked out of the hospital and took a taxi back to the house.

I showered and washed my hair quickly, then made myself something to eat, actually eating it this time, and then went up to my room and started packing up my things. I didn't want to stay in the house with my delusional mother and her abusive husband any longer. I decided I would call my dad to come and get me after all. Thinking of that reminded me that Edward was meant to call me and I switched on the cell to find eight missed calls from him. I called him back and he picked up after the first ring.

"Bella?"

"Hey." I said feebly, all the crying and emotions had worn me out.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm a little better. I talked to my mom."

"Oh yeah? What did she say?"

"She's not pressing charges against him, and she's going to get back with him." I said, emotionless, my emotions feeling drained from my body.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. She loves him she says." I shrugged.

Edward sighed. "That's fucked up."

I couldn't help chuckling a little at his understatement. 'Fucked up' didn't even come close to describing the situation.

"What's funny?" He asked.

"Nothing. I guess I'm just hysterical. I'm going home though, back to Forks, I'm going to call my dad and ask him to come get me."

"You want me to come home too?"

It was so sweet of him to ask to do that for me, to leave his own mom for me. And I _did_ want him to come back, I missed him terribly and needed his comforting hands to hold me and tell me it would be ok, but I couldn't let him.

"No Edward, you stay and spend time with your mom."

My mom was discharged from the hospital the next day. I picked her up from the hospital in her car, and we drove back to the house in silence. My dad had called and told me that he was on his way over from the airport.

I hadn't seen any trace of Phil.

My dad was furious as he walked into the house.

"Where is he?" He asked, pacing the living room, "Where's that goddamn asshole? He's just lucky he never laid a finger on you Bells, coz I'm telling you, he wouldn't need your mother pressing charges for him to serve time. I'd make damn sure of it."

My mom came downstairs from her room into the living room and stood in the doorway, watching my dad as he paced. My dad froze when he spotted her, his jaw dropping open.

"Jesus Renee," He said, shaking his head incredulously, "What the hell did he do to you?"

My mom sighed.

"It's none of your business Charlie; just...stay out of it, please."

My dad fumed.

"None of my business?" He yelled, "None of my goddamn business? If my daughter has been coming to visit a mad man for the past four years, a mad man who fucking beat the living daylights of you, then I think you'll find that it is _very much _my goddamn business!"

My mom closed her eyes.

"Look Charlie, I'm tired ok, I don't want to get into this now."

My dad scoffed.

"Figures. You were always one to run Renee, whenever there was a little problem you couldn't handle, you would run. Yet the time when running would be beneficial to you, beneficial to your _life,_ you don't want to run. So typical. Bells, let's go, I've got a cab waiting outside."

I glanced at my mom, while my dad stalked past me, carrying my suitcase to the cab. She stood there defeated, tears streaming down her face. I darted over to her, clutching her waist gently but firmly in a hug. Her arms went around me, stroking my hair, and she buried her face on my shoulder, her tears soaking my sweater.

"Please mom," I whispered, though I knew it was fruitless, "Please, leave him and come with us. Please, for me."

I felt her head shaking.

"I'm so sorry honey, but I can't. I love you with all my heart, you know I do but –"

"But you love him more." I cut in, pulling away from her.

She remained silent and I nodded slowly.

"It's ok mom. I can't say I understand but I've accepted it. I accepted it the day you sent me to Forks." I sighed. "I'm not sure when I'll see you again though, because dad says I can't stay here if Phil's here. I'll miss you, and I love you mom. Always will. And if you ever decide to leave him, well, you know you can always come to Forks."

I turned and walked away from her, urging my legs to keep moving as I heard her strangled sobs from behind me.

"Bella."

I winced as I heard her voice, and shut the front door, muting her cries.

I climbed into the cab with my dad, burying my face in his shirt as the tears brimmed over once again, with the realisation that I had lost my mom.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**A review would be nice. :)**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	36. Chapter 36: The Signs

**SONG: Collective Soul - Tremble for my beloved**

* * *

**Chapter 36**

**The Signs**

**EPOV**

I woke up at around noon.

I sat up and stretched, then regretted it, wincing at the sharp ache in my side, not to mention my head pounding away relentlessly. I got out of bed slowly and went over to the mirror to assess the damage.

I grimaced at myself.

"Fuck."

I had checked out my injuries when I had gotten home earlier, at around four in the morning, and they had looked bad, but in the daylight they looked awful. My left side had a huge multicoloured bruise staining it. It started at the bottom of my ribcage and ran all the way down to my hip. I pressed on it lightly and winced.

"Fucking asshole." I muttered with clenched teeth.

I looked over my face, checking for any bruises there but there weren't any, though my bottom lip had a cut on it, and was slightly swollen.

"Shit."

I reached up and pressed on it too. It didn't hurt too badly. Then I spotted my hand in the mirror and groaned. I looked at it, at my swollen fingers, at the purplish bruises along my knuckles. I clenched and unclenched my fist slowly a few times and cringed at the pain. I could barely move my fingers. It looked like I'd sprained a couple of them.

I made my way to my bathroom and showered, lathering up my body gently and using my left hand instead of my right. After I had showered I remembered that I needed to call Bella. I called her but her phone was still switched off like it had been earlier, when I'd called her after I'd gotten home from the party. I lay on my bed a while, calling her a few more times after that, but her phone was still switched off. I still couldn't fathom what she had told me. Her stepdad beating up her mom was just...fucked up, especially when her mom was pregnant. I had felt so helpless on the phone to her, not being able to do anything to console her when she was crying.

My phone rang and I picked it up quickly thinking it might be her. It was Luke.

"Luke." I answered.

"Ed! What the fuck happened last night man? Jared and Scott said you completely flipped out and fucked up some college guy."

I sighed. "It's a long story man."

"I've got time. There's no way I'm stepping out of the house today. I feel like shit. Remind me to never drink again."

I chuckled. "You say that every time you have a hangover."

"Well this time I mean it. Seriously."

I shook my head, rolling my eyes.

"So? Who was that guy and why did you mess him up?" He asked.

"He's some asshole that kind of dated my girl before I did. He still wants her though, even though she's with me now. Anyway, he said some fucked up things to me so I thumped him, then we started fighting."

"What did he say?"

I grimaced. I really didn't want to tell Luke what he said.

"He just...said some bullshit about how Bella could do better. Plus, he thought I was cheating on her with Stacey."

"Wait, hold up. What? How the hell did Stacey get into the equation?" Luke asked.

I sighed and muttered, "She tried to come on to me."

Luke chuckled loudly, and then winced, probably at his headache.

"No fucking shit. I _knew _she was still hot for you. No wonder she's been so quiet when you've been around. So what happened, did you fuck her for old time's sake?"

My eyebrows furrowed a little at that.

"No I didn't Luke, what the fuck do you take me for?" I said tersely.

He laughed. "Whoa, sorry dude, I was only kidding. I know that Bella chick has got you whipped. I mean, you're even fighting epic battles over her, that's got to mean something."

I was silent.

He continued. "Anyway Jared and Scott said they found you out in the hall, on top of the guy, pummelling the living shit out of him. There was a crowd of people around you watching, and you didn't even seem to give a fuck. They said they literally had to drag you away from the guy."

"Yeah, I was pretty mad."

"Pretty mad? Dude you must have been fucking livid."

"He messed me up pretty bad too though, the fucking prick, I'm all bruised and shit." I said, touching my bruised hip again tenderly.

I realised that I was cursing a lot more than I usually did. It was no doubt, Luke's influence.

"Oh Yeah? Well you should see the other guy. I saw him when we were leaving and his face was virtually a bloody pulp."

I shuddered at the image. "Ugh, that sounds gross man." I said, making a face.

He snickered.

"Well, maybe my drunken self might have exaggerated the image a little, but he _did _look messed up."

"So, how'd it go with that girl you were talking to?" I asked him, changing the subject to try and erase the image of a bloodied pulp of a face in my mind.

"Dude! That girl was the shit! I swear she gave me the best head I've _ever_ had."

I chuckled, shaking my head, as he continued telling me about his time with the 'incredibly freaky college chick'.

After I got off the phone to him, I tried calling Bella again, and when I found her phone was still switched off, I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. I avoided my mom in the living room, not wanting to face her questions about my swollen lip and bruised fingers for a bit. Whilst I was eating, Bella finally called me back. She told me that she was going back to Forks with her dad. I missed her, and wanted to be there to comfort her, so I asked her if she wanted me to go back too. I mean, I could come back and visit my mom on the weekends anyway; it was no big deal if I left early, but she told me to stay.

I spent the rest of the day just lounging around the house, feeling bored. I tried to do a little working out and soon found that it was a terrible idea in the state I was in. My side hurt even more afterwards. I couldn't even practice my guitar seeing as my right fingers were injured, I couldn't write either, so there was no point doing any homework, so I just ended up lying on my bed as usual, thinking of Bella.

I went downstairs in the evening, to go and watch TV in the living room, bracing myself for the scolding I was going to get from my mom for fighting. I sat down next to her and she looked over and smiled at me.

"Edward honey." She ruffled my hair, "And how is my baby boy today? Seems like I haven't seen you all day."

She was looking right at me, yet she didn't seem to notice my lip.

I frowned at her questioningly. Something was up with her, she was even acting strange.

"Why are you looking at me like that honey?" She said, laughing. She reached out and patted my cheek. "Cheer up!"

Then I realised, as I smelt the alcohol on her breath.

"Are you drunk?" I asked her incredulously.

She laughed again.

"No darling, I just had a few glasses of wine. That's all."

My jaw tightened.

"You're not supposed to be drinking alcohol while you're taking medication." I said through clenched teeth.

"Pfftt! C'mon, who really pays attention to that rule? I mean, I've got to have a little fun now and again right?" She leaned forward to pinch my cheek.

I shrugged away from her, my nose wrinkled in disgust, and stood up from the couch.

"You're drunk." I said, and walked out of the living room and into the kitchen.

I checked the trash to find an empty bottle of red wine in there. There was another, half filled, on the counter. I shook my head and took it, searching the cupboards for any more alcohol and carrying it all up to my room.

This was not good. My mom drinking again was definitely not good.

When I went back downstairs a few hours later, I found her asleep on the couch, and I got a blanket and covered her with it. She stirred as I propped her head up with a pillow.

"Edward," She mumbled thickly, "You're a very good boy. Just like your father..."

The next few days were pretty much spent the same way, me staying home, being bored, and my mom getting drunk and passing out on the couch. Where she got the alcohol from was a mystery to me. I went out a few times after she had fallen asleep, either just driving around or going to Luke's to chill for a bit. I spoke to Bella every day and was missing her more and more.

I was relieved when Friday finally came, and I had to go back to Forks. Sure, I would miss my friends again, and my mom. And I was worried about her drinking, but to be honest, I felt like I needed a break from _her. _It had always felt like I was the parent with her. I always had to look after her and myself when she was acting up, and ok, she was manic depressive, but I was tired of it. Why couldn't she at least _try, _for me? My Spring Break had essentially been ruined because I was afraid to leave her in the state she was in, and go out.

Why should _I_ be the one to worry about _her_ all the time? _She_ was the parent. I had _wanted_ her to tell me off for fighting, wanted her to be worried about my bruised knuckles like any other mother would be. But she hadn't. She hadn't even noticed any of it. She was too busy being in a drunken stupor, or lying in her room the morning afterwards, nursing her hangover. I didn't even bother saying goodbye to her as I left, ignoring her apologies as I slammed the front door behind me.

I got back to Forks in record time on Friday afternoon, only rushing home to leave my suitcase and say a quick hello to aunt E and uncle C, before rushing back out of the door and flying over to Bella's house. My heart pounded with anticipation, as I took the few steps up the driveway to her front door and knocked.

Her dad opened the door.

_Why was he home?_

"Hey Chief Swan, is Bella home?"

He gave me his usual look of disdain before saying,

"She's up in her room."

I made to walk past him in the doorway but he stopped me with a hand on my chest.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

I blinked at him, confused.

"Um, well, didn't you just say that Bella was in her room?"

"I did. However, I don't recall saying that you could go up there. What do you think I am? Crazy?"

I fought the smile on my lips.

_If only you knew how many times I'd already been up there, Charlie._

"Oh. Right." I replied, "Well, can you call her down please?"

"Now that I can do. Take a seat boy." He motioned over to the living room.

"Thanks." I said, and went into the living room and sat on the couch.

I heard Charlie upstairs saying something to Bella, and then I distinctly heard her saying,

"Edward's here?"

I stood up from the couch as I heard her light footsteps hurrying down the stairs. She reached the living room door and stopped for a second, smiling at me before bounding over and basically leaping into my outstretched arms. I tried not to wince as she gripped my waist tightly, and my arms encircled her shoulders, stroking her hair, and I leaned into it, inhaling her sweet scent. It felt like I hadn't smelt her in ages.

We stood there a while, her face buried in my chest, my face buried in her hair, until there was a loud clearing of a throat by the door. We both glanced up quickly, to find Charlie looking at us, seemingly uncomfortable. He was now wearing his police uniform so I assumed he was leaving for work soon.

"Um, Bells? I'm leaving for work in a few minutes. You sure you're going to be ok?"

Bella nodded. "Yeah dad, I'll be fine. Besides, Edward's here to keep me company."

Charlie grimaced.

"Hmm, well, you know you're not _really _supposed to have boys around when I'm not here, but seeing as you haven't seen each other in a week, I'm going to make an exception. But..." He looked at me pointedly, "You are to stay downstairs; do you hear me? Upstairs is out of bounds for both of you."

Bella rolled her eyes. "God dad, what do you take us for? And what if we need to use the bathroom?" She asked, a smile playing on her lips.

"Don't get smart with me Bells, before I change my mind." Charlie said, "Anyway, I'm off, I'm doing the night shift so I'll be back in the morning." He pointed at me, "I want you out of here by nine at the latest."

He walked out, and we heard his car start up and drive away.

After he had left, Bella turned back to me.

"I missed you." She said; her skin reddening as she looked down at the floor.

_Man, I had so missed that blush._

I lifted her head up, and our eyes met.

"Me too." I said softly.

We stood gazing at each other a moment, and then she frowned, looking at my lip.

I groaned inwardly.

"What happened to your lip?" She asked, reaching out and touching it lightly.

"I err, I cut it."

She rolled her eyes. "Obviously, but how?"

I sighed, looking down at the floor. I knew she wasn't going to be happy to hear what I had to say.

"I err, I got into a fight." I mumbled.

I ran my hand through my hair, and she gasped as she spotted my bruised knuckles. She took my hand in hers and examined it. I grimaced.

"What the hell Edward?" She said angrily, still holding my hand, "Fighting? _Look_ at your hand! Who were you fighting with? And why?"

I groaned. "Does it matter?"

She looked at me suspiciously.

"No, it doesn't, but seeing as you're so unwilling to disclose any information on it, then I think you're hiding something from me. So therefore, I want to know everything."

"There's not much to tell, I had a fight, end of story."

She sighed. "With who? Where? Why?"

I sighed, defeated.

"With your 'best friend' _Jake. _At a party at his college. Because he's an asshole." I answered quickly.

Her jaw dropped in shock, then she quickly recovered, and her expression soon changed into anger. She glared at me with her signature pout, and I fought to hide my smile because she just looked so cute when she did that.

"Edward how could you?" She asked, "You beat up Jake?"

My brows creased at her words. "Why has it got to be me who beat him up? Who's to say he didn't beat _me _up?" I asked.

"Well, maybe because your knuckles are half broken from obviously smashing them in someone's face several times! Plus the fact that all you've got is a small cut on your lip!"

"Oh yeah?" I said angrily, lifting up my sweater, "Then explain how I got this."

She gasped at my bruised side, though it had already faded a lot. She stared at it, her mouth slightly open; then tentatively, she reached out a finger and pressed it softly. I winced a little and she pulled her hand back again quickly.

"Sorry." She mumbled, still staring at it.

I dropped my sweater and she looked up at me.

"Jake did that to you?" She asked softly.

I nodded.

She shook her head. "Wow. Can you just...tell me what happened? Please?"

I took a breath. "I was out with my old friends from Seattle, one of them heard about a party in the University of Washington. We decided to go. Anyway, when we were there..." I paused, and looked at her a moment. "One of the friends I was with in Seattle was...Stacey. You remember what I told you about Stacey right?"

Her brow furrowed a little in confusion; then realisation dawned on her.

"Yeah...the girl you had your...your first...everything with." She muttered, and I cringed as I detected the slight bitterness in her tone.

"Um...Yeah, her. Well, at the party she tried to come on to me."

Her eyes widened and she stared at me, shaking her head, as if saying, 'You didn't?'

I shook my head quickly.

"No, no way. There's no way that I'd ever...do that." She relaxed a little and I continued. "Well _Jake _saw us standing together, and jumped to conclusions." I looked down at the floor scowling, and mumbled, "And he said that...that you could do better than me, and that I wasn't good enough. So I hit him, and then we had a fight."

She stood looking at me for a moment, and then sighed and moved forward, her arms going around my neck in a gentle embrace. I put my own arms around her waist and pulled her close.

"Of _course _you're good enough." She whispered, "But please, don't get into a fight again, I can't stand to see people I love getting hurt."

I froze at her words.

_People I love? Did that mean she loved me?_

But I didn't have time to ponder it, because when she pulled back from my neck, her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

"Your mom?" I asked gently.

She nodded silently, the tears spilling over.

I moved over to the couch and we sat down on it, her sitting curled up on my lap, her face buried in my shoulder as she cried. I stroked her hair, and rubbed her back, and whispered soothing words to her until she was done crying.

After that we watched TV in silence, her still sitting on my lap; her head on my chest as I continued caressing her hair. It felt so good to have her in my arms again, and I kept thinking about what she had just said, '_I can't stand to see people I love getting hurt.' _

After a while she turned to me,

"You hungry?"

"A little." I replied.

"Let's go find something to eat." She said, she stood up from my lap and pulled at my bruised hand. I flinched and she froze, looking my hand in horror.

"Oh no. I hurt it didn't I? I'm so sorry." She held my hand in her own small ones again, and inspected it. Then she lifted it to her mouth and kissed each knuckle slowly. I just stood staring at her, and totally could not help getting turned on by it. I mean, the way she did it was just so...sensual. She glanced up at me, smirking, and tugged me along into the kitchen.

She heated up some leftover macaroni-cheese, and we ate it. Afterwards, as I went to go and sit back in the living room, she grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the stairs.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "You know we're not allowed upstairs Bella. Your dad would shoot a bullet up my ass if he found me in your room."

She rolled her eyes. "You've been in my room tons of times already Edward. And you weren't allowed in it those times either, but I don't remember that ever stopping you." She grinned at me.

I grinned back and followed her up the stairs.

We went into her bedroom and locked the door. She stood in front of me, gazing into my eyes, her face burning red.

I smiled and reached out to stroke her hot cheek. "Damn, I really missed this. Why are you blushing anyway?"

Her eyes left mine and she looked at the floor.

"I was...I was thinking about something." Her face went impossibly redder.

I lifted her chin with my finger, forcing her to look at me. She still kept her eyes averted from mine.

"Thinking about what?"

She swallowed. "Well, you know that night...when you and I...were on the phone together..." She glanced at me, her face burning under my fingers. I was puzzled for a moment and then I realised what she meant. _The Phone Sex._

Why did she feel the need to bring that up and torture me? I could already feel myself hardening in my pants at the thought of it.

"What about it?" My voice came out in a whisper.

"Well...I've just been wondering why...why you called me Isabella when you..." She sighed, "When you wanted me to cum for you."

And just like that, I was fully hard. Hearing the words, '_you wanted me to cum for you' _just sounded so damn hot coming from her mouth.

I smirked. "I don't know, I think your name's sexy. There's something...passionate about it." I moved my hands down to her waist and pulled her body tight against me. My hands continued down her back until I was holding her ass; then I bent down and whispered in her ear, "Why? Did you like it?"

She took a deep raggedy breath, and nodded slowly.

"Really?" I whispered, still smirking.

I moved one hand off her ass and held her face, my thumb stroking her cheekbone, and I looked into her eyes. She gazed back, her eyes slightly hooded, her breathing deepened, her lips parted, and I felt my dick twitch.

_God, she was sexy._

"_Isabella,_" I whispered huskily, "I want you to kiss me."

Her breathing sped up, and she leaned up towards me, her full lips pouting a little. She pressed her body to mine and a small whimper escaped her lips as she brushed against my erection.

I closed my eyes and leaned forward slowly, pressing my lips to hers.


	37. Chapter 37: Surprise & Suspicion

**SONG: Kings of Leon - Slow Night, So Long**

**Author's Note:**

**Lol, I don't think the song has absolutely anything to do with the chapter. I've just been listening to it on repeat while working on this chapter. Love it and I love KoL!**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

* * *

**Chapter 37**

**Surprise & Suspicion**

**BPOV**

I grinned as I read the text, immediately distracted from Alice and her constant yapping.

She noticed, of course, and turned to look at me, her eyebrow raised questioningly.

"What does it say?" She asked.

I looked at her incredulously. She was so damn nosy.

"None of your business Al."

She grinned. "_Oh, _it's one of _those _kinds of texts. God, isn't it a little early for that?"

I frowned at her, confused about what she was implying, when I suddenly realised and flushed.

"Actually, Mary-Alice, it's not. And I'm not going to tell you what it says so just give up."

"Oh yeah?" She said, a teasing smirk on her face, "If it isn't one of those, then why are you blushing so hard?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh c'mon, since when has blushing ever been hard for me? But I wasn't blushing because of a dirty text, I was blushing because I realised what you were implying."

Alice wiggled her eyebrows at me. "Yeah right."

I ignored her, and read the text from Edward again.

_Bored out of my brains in algebra. Teacher's droning on about some bullshit I don't even get. Only thing keeping me awake is the fact that I get to see you next lesson. Looking forward to biology. X_

I noticed Alice peering over my shoulder.

"Al!" I hissed, covering the screen with my hand.

She giggled. "Aww, you guys are so cute! You're at that 'can't get enough of each other' stage."

I blushed again, and snapped the cell phone shut.

"Alice, you are so freaking annoying." I muttered.

"I know." She replied, grinning widely, "And you still love me."

It was Monday. It had been a week since Spring Break, and was the second week back at school. Edward had bought me a cell phone the day after he got back to Forks from Seattle. I was actually really glad that he did, although I had refused it initially. I'd told him that in order for me to accept it from him, it would have to be an early birthday gift, even though my birthday was in September, and he reluctantly agreed. My dad hadn't been pleased with the gift, as it meant that he wouldn't be able to monitor my calls anymore, a fact that I was ecstatic about.

"You guys should just do it already." Alice continued nonchalantly, "I mean; it's obvious you're both dying to. What the hell are you waiting for anyway?"

My face flushed again as I glared at her.

She shrugged, feigning innocence, her eyes wide. "What? I'm just saying."

I didn't bother replying, and was relieved when the bell rang, signalling the end of the lesson.

I hurried over to biology, eager to see Edward. I walked into the classroom, grinning as I spotted his bronze mess of hair at our desk.

I was casually making my way over to our desk when I saw her, and I froze in shock.

In the desk adjacent to ours, where Jessica sat, was another person. A girl with wavy strawberry blonde hair, who was chatting away to Jessica and giggling, tossing her hair about her shoulder's as she did.

Tanya.

My jaw dropped slightly, as I gawked at her. What was she doing back? And so soon? She seemed normal enough, acting as if she had never even left, dressed in her usual slutty attire. I glanced at Edward to find his head facing the front of the class, unmoving. I couldn't see his face, only the back of his head, but from the tense way he was sitting, he obviously knew Tanya was there. I took a deep breath and walked over to the desk and sat down. Edward looked at me when I did, his expression blank, though his jaw was clenched. He smiled weakly at me.

"Hey." He whispered.

"Hi." I replied, unable to smile back.

"Oh, hi Isabella!" A voice exclaimed.

My head turned slowly towards Tanya, to find her beaming at me.

A forced smile, which I was sure appeared more like a grimace, formed on my face.

"Hey Tanya, you're back."

She nodded. "Yep, just had a nice little break. I'm glad to be back though."

"That's great." I said; enthusiasm completely void from my voice.

My eyes flickered over towards Jessica, who was leaning around Tanya, openly staring at me, a smug smirk on her lips. What the hell _was _her problem? She was really starting to bug me, constantly staring at me all the time.

My Banner came in then, and we all turned towards the front of the class as the lesson began.

I peeked at Edward from the corner of my eye. His jaw was still clenched and there was now a small furrow in his brow, as he stared intently towards the front of the class. His head didn't move at all. He didn't look at the window, or at me, and I could see his muscles tensed in his arm as it rested on the desk, his pen in his hand. I sighed minutely, and scribbled a quick note in my notebook.

_You could have given me a little warning, you know, that she was back. Did you not think to maybe put it in that text you sent me?_

I tore it out, folded it, and passed it over to his side quickly when Mr Banner wasn't looking.

His head remained stiff but his eyes darted down at the scrap of paper, then at me. After a moment, he picked up the paper and unfolded it slowly. He frowned as he read it, and then turned it over and started writing quickly on the back. He then passed it back to me.

_She wasn't in algebra. I didn't even know she was back. I just saw her when I got to this class a couple of minutes before you did._

I tore out another scrap and wrote,

_Oh. Has she said anything to you? At all?_

He read it and shook his head, then quickly scribbled down,

_No. Nothing at all. She hasn't even looked at me since I sat down._

I pursed my lips, pondering. It was strange that she ignored Edward, but was friendly to me – _too _friendly in fact. I was sure that Jessica must have told her about me and Edward, there was no way she would have been able to withhold that information from her for longer than a minute. Plus, Tanya didn't really speak to me before anyway, why was she so friendly all of a sudden?

"What's wrong?" Edward whispered.

I shook my head. "Nothing." I whispered back, "Just thinking."

"About what?" He questioned.

My gaze shifted towards Tanya, and I was stunned to find her own eyes intently watching me and Edward, an enraged expression plastered on her face. When she caught me looking at her, she hastily averted her gaze, the furious expression also vanishing as she pretended to be looking out of the window instead.

At lunch, thankfully, she, Jessica and Rosalie sat at a different table from ours. I looked over at their table several times, to see if Tanya was looking at us again, but she didn't even glance in our direction.

"I know right; what the hell is she doing here?" Alice whispered to me, after following my gaze over to Tanya's table. "Talk about showing up at the wrong time. You and Edward are getting pretty serious now."

I sighed. "Well...She hasn't said or done anything odd so far. In fact, she was really friendly to me in biology today."

Alice raised her eyebrow. "She was really friendly to you? Well, I'd say _that_ is _definitely_ something odd."

I glanced over to their table again. Something about her being back was strange, and it was leaving a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

I went over to Edward's house after school.

We were in the living room. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch and playing his guitar, while I was lying on the couch, absently stroking his soft bronze locks as I listened to the calming tones of his guitar.

After a while he stopped playing and leaned his head back against my chest, closing his eyes.

"Why'd you stop playing?" I asked softly, my fingers still caressing his hair, unable to tear my gaze away from his beautiful features.

He opened his eyes and looked up at me, his hazel eyes boring into mine. I felt my skin flush.

"You're distracting me." He replied, a lazy smirk playing on his lips.

"How?" I asked; my face still flushed under his gaze.

He closed his eyes again slowly and sighed.

"You don't know how good your hands feel in my hair." He murmured.

I felt my face heat up even more at his words and I remained silent, still stroking his hair softly.

We were alone in the living room. Rosalie was at Emmett's, Jasper was at Alice's, Dr Cullen was working at the hospital and Mrs Cullen was in the office upstairs. We sat there, in silence, Edward's eyes closed and his head still leaning against me as I continued playing in his hair. He began humming, his smooth, deep voice resonating in his throat and vibrating through my chest. I held back a small shiver at the sensation.

"What song is that?" I couldn't help whispering.

"You like it?" He whispered back.

"Yeah, sounds good from what I can hear."

He flashed me another lazy grin.

"It's a song I'm kind of composing. On my guitar."

"Oh." I was a little surprised, "I didn't know you could compose."

He smiled again, but didn't respond.

"Can you play it for me?" I asked.

He pursed his lips and I couldn't help staring at them. "Hmm...Ok, but only when I've finished it."

"Ok."

We were silent again for a while, my hands still in his hair. I was just about to say something, the tension starting to get too much, when he suddenly opened his eyes again and peered up at me. My heart thudded faster and I could feel my face and neck heating up once again at the look in his eyes. I knew that look all too well, and it immediately caused arousal to slowly start creeping into my body.

_Lust._

Alice's words came back to me, _'You guys should just do it already, I mean; it's obvious you're both dying to. What are you waiting for anyway?'_

My hands froze in his hair as I gazed back at him.

"Do you want to go up to my room?" He asked huskily.

I nodded weakly.

He slowly stood up, leaving his guitar on the floor. He stretched, his muscled back rippling under his white tank top. I still lay on the couch, ogling his tall form unashamedly, my eyes scanning every inch of him. He turned around to face me and held out his hand for me to hold, and my eyes involuntarily darted to the already evident bulge in his jeans. I took a deep breath, my arousal growing, and took his hand. He pulled me off the couch and I stood before him, my heart pounding in anticipation. His hands went to my waist and he pulled me against him tightly. My breathing became shallow as I felt him pressed against me, heat flooding to the dampness between my legs. His eyes were intense, burning into mine with passion and lust as he leaned forward and kissed me.

My eyes closed instantly and my hands went to his neck as he began kissing me slowly but firmly, our lips moving against each other perfectly. We had kissed so many times, it was like our mouths instinctively knew what to do without us even thinking about it. My breathing sped up more and I could feel his doing the same. His hands moved down to my ass and he gripped it tightly, pulling me against him harder in the process, and a small whimper escaped me. I pressed my lips harder against his when suddenly he pulled away.

I stared at him in surprise; my lips parted; my breathing still shallow and he grinned at me, and brought his hand up to cup my cheek. His startling eyes scanned my face for a moment and narrowed slightly as he looked at me. He leaned forward, against my ear and whispered,

"You're so fucking sexy Isabella."

My face flamed under his hand, my heart rate increasing again and I heard a soft moan coming from my mouth.

He chuckled softly and took my hand, leading me upstairs to his bedroom.

Once inside his room, he closed and locked the door, even though he wasn't allowed to do so. I looked at him, my eyebrows raised in question, and he shrugged, smirking at me.

"Who gives a fuck about the rules?" He said, moving towards me slowly.

His hands grabbed my ass again and he walked me over to his bed. He spun around and sat on the edge of it, pulling my hips towards him. I sat on his lap facing him, my legs on either side of his body, straddling him.

We started kissing again, our lips moving furiously against each other this time, tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Edward's hands were under my shirt, stroking my skin, moving up to squeeze my breasts, I couldn't help myself from grinding against his erection as we kissed, and his hips moved up occasionally to press against my throbbing, wet crotch. He was groaning and I was moaning and I was thinking to myself that this was it; this was the day we were finally going to go all the way. It was getting frustrating only being able to make out, not being able to feel him _properly._ I wanted to do it. I felt ready. I mean; Alice was right, what _were _we waiting for anyway? I pushed him back onto the bed on his back.

He stopped kissing me and stared at me for a long moment before sitting up again and easing me off his lap. I frowned at him in confusion, but he just continued to stare at me, his hazel eyes hooded and blinking lazily. He held my hips and moved me closer to the bed, motioning for me to climb on. I did as he asked hastily, climbing on the bed and lying back on his pillow. He got on the bed too, and sat in between my legs, rubbing my thighs as he continued to gaze steadily at me.

"Are you sure about this?" He whispered softly, his eyes never leaving mine.

I nodded slowly.

"Yes." I whispered back.

My heart was pounding frantically as he leaned forward on top of me, his hands on either side of my head, and continued kissing me. His kisses were urgent and fervent, as his hips thrust into my open legs. He moved his lips down to my jaw, kissing it, sucking it, nibbling it gently, and I moaned loudly. I was starting to get frustrated. I wanted – no _needed_ – to feel his body on mine, without clothes acting as a barrier. My hands went to the hem of his shirt and started tugging it upwards. He realised what I wanted and stop kissing me for a moment and sat up, quickly pulling the tank top over his head and tossing it on the floor. My breaths came out in pants as I took in his sculpted body above me.

It was so _perfect._

I reached out a hand and stroked his toned chest, my fingers slowly trailing downwards, down to the hard abs on his stomach, and then down to his navel. He watched me, his eyes barely open, his chest heaving, as I stroked the trail of hair under his navel with one finger, following it down, down to where it disappeared into his boxers...

A loud pounding on the door caused me to freeze in shock.

"Edward can you please open the door, you know very well that you aren't supposed to even have it closed, let alone locked when you have guests in there."

_Perfect. _It was Esme.

Edward groaned, irritated by the interruption.

I tore my hand away from him and made a move to get up, but he lay on top of me again, his hands planted on either side of my head, seeming like he had no intention of moving at all.

"Edward!" I hissed, "Your aunt's at the door!"

He shrugged. "So what? It's my room; I don't _have _to open the door."

"Yeah well, she's going to be standing out there, _hearing _us."

He smirked and leaned forward to resume kissing my neck.

"She'll get bored and leave eventually." He murmured in between kisses.

Esme pounded on the door again.

"Edward if you do not open this door right now, you will be grounded, and that means no visitors either."

He groaned again, but rolled off of me hesitantly.

"Hold on a sec aunt E." He called, slowly getting off the bed.

He picked up his tank top and put it on, adjusted his jeans and ran his hand through his hair a few times before glancing at me quickly – I was sitting at the edge of his bed, also fixing up myself – then going over to the door and opening it.

"Sorry aunt E." He said, "Bella and I err, kind of fell asleep."

Esme was silent for a moment before I heard her say,

"Yeah right. Really Edward, I wasn't born yesterday you know. Just make sure you keep your bedroom door open. If I find it closed again you will be grounded, do you hear me?"

Edward sighed and nodded and then I heard Esme's footsteps padding away.

He turned to face me, leaving the door ajar, and frowned.

"This is so stupid." He muttered, flopping down on the bed beside me. "There's no fucking privacy in this house."

"None in mine either," I sighed, "Not now that my dad keeps taking early shifts."

He took my hand in his and pulled me back up onto his bed. We lay there together in silence, my head on his chest as he stroked my hair. After a while, he seemed like he wanted to say something but kept changing his mind. I knew every time he was about to talk, because he would take a breath first, but then he would close his mouth again and not say anything. After he did that a few times, I sighed and whispered,

"What's wrong?"

He didn't say anything for a moment, seemingly hesitant about answering. Then he sighed.

"I don't know, I just...keep wondering about Tanya."

I immediately tensed at her name coming from his mouth; suddenly remembering that she had also probably lay on his bed with him too. I moved off his chest and sat up quickly.

"What about her?" I asked; my tone icy.

"Oh c'mon baby, don't get mad. I didn't mean it...like that." Edward said, also sitting up. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back down against him on the bed.

"I mean, I'm just wondering why she's back already." He continued, "Rose said that she was probably going to be away for _months _but it's only been a little over a month and she's already back. And the way she was acting the last time I saw her...well, I don't think a month could fix that. Especially not after what Jazz told me about her past."

I had thought the same thing too. And she _seemed _normal, but I don't know, I just had a feeling that something was off about her, especially after I caught that look she was giving me and Edward in biology.

I shuddered at the thought.

"Are you cold?" Edward asked, wrapping his arms around me tighter.

"No, I'm just thinking about Tanya as well. You're right; it _is_ a little weird that she's back already. And I caught her looking at us in biology today, and I don't know; she looked really..._mad _about something. It was kind of creepy."

"Don't worry about it." Edward said, his fingers trailing up and down my arms slowly, "I'm sure her parents wouldn't have let her come back if they didn't think she was better."

Although it was irrational, and Tanya coming back wasn't his fault, I was suddenly mad at him. Mad at him again for sleeping with her in the first place.

I removed his arms from around me and sat up again.

Edward sighed. "What's wrong now?" He questioned, sounding annoyed.

I shook my head fiercely, scowling down at my lap.

He sat up and tried to put his arms around me again, but I flinched away, moving to sit at the edge of the bed.

I felt his gaze boring into my back for a moment; then I heard him fall back on his bed, muttering angrily,

"Whatever. Sit there then, I don't give a shit. I don't even know what the hell I did."

I turned around and glared at him.

"You had sex with Tanya, _that's_ what you did."

Edward groaned, frustrated, burying his face in the pillow.

"For fuck sake Bella, are you ever going to let that go? So I slept with her when I was _drunk, _I mean, I can barely even remember anything about it. And _anyway_, I wasn't even _with you _when it happened! But I still apologised for it anyway and I thought we were past all of that shit –"

"Yeah, well she just came back. It's not my fault that it reminded me of it again." I muttered, folding my arms and scowling at the wall.

"Well, we knew she was going to come back eventually. And so what if she's back? How will that affect us? Do you think I'm going to climb into bed with her again or something?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I just can't help it ok." I said, resigned. "Same way you couldn't help smashing Jake's face in." I smirked at him. "I just..." I continued, "I just really wish that you hadn't slept with her."

He sighed. "Believe me, so do I." His voice was soft again.

He moved to sit next to me at the edge of the bed and put an arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him and he kissed my forehead.

"Just try to forget about Tanya. Ok?" He whispered, "I mean; she can't do anything to us can she?"

I shook my head slowly and leaned into him further, inhaling his scent.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Thanks to everyone alerting and favouriting my story! I've had a bunch of new readers, I don't know how, but thanks for reading! Just want one more thing from you, please review! I mean, how can you have me on favourites but have never reviewed even once? :)**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	38. Chapter 38: Helpless

**SONG: Kings of Leon - On Call**

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**Chapter 38 **

**Helpless**

**EPOV**

Fuck.

Tanya Denali was back.

And although there was no way I was going to let Bella know this, a feeling of dread started gurgling at the pit of my stomach. Why was she back so soon? Why did she have to come back now, just when Bella and I were getting somewhere in our relationship?

I knew I was fucked from the moment I walked into class and spotted her fake tanned form sitting next to Jessica.

I had lied to Bella when I had said that Tanya hadn't even looked at me.

I had come in and sat down, totally dumbfounded that she was back, and glanced over at their desk, just to make sure that I was seeing correctly. She had looked at me then, her green gaze locking with mine, a small elfin smirk slowly spreading across her face as she waggled her fingers at me. Jessica had giggled next to her. Then she had turned her face away from me and continued her conversation with Jessica, not glancing at me again for the duration of class.

What the hell had that smirk meant?

What the hell was that look she gave Bella that creeped her out?

And what the fuck was she doing back?

After I had managed to appease Bella a little, telling her to forget about Tanya, trying to convince myself as well as her that Tanya couldn't do anything to our relationship, I had dropped her home and returned to my room, laying on my bed and pondering. I still couldn't shake that nagging feeling that something was up, that something wasn't right.

The next day at school was pretty normal. Tanya was there again but she didn't glance at me all day, and I guess she didn't bother Bella either. Lunch was the same, with Rose, Jessica and Tanya sitting on a different table from us again, which was a huge relief.

Bella came over to my house after school again, and I was kind of hoping we could pick up from where we had left off yesterday, after Esme had interrupted us. Bella seemed like she was ready to take our relationship to the next level, and as long as she was certain that she wanted to; then I was cool with it. _More _than cool with it in fact. In fact, I'd been ready for ages if my aching balls were any indication.

Esme wasn't home, thankfully, she was out, probably looking at wallpaper samples and colour palettes, as she wanted to redecorate her and Carlisle's bedroom. Rosalie was in her bedroom, doing whatever she did in there, and Jazz had taken Alice out. So Bella and I basically had the place to ourselves again.

We went straight up to my room, not wanting to waste any time in the living room, and we just lay on my bed a while, listening to music. Bella was lying on my chest while I was lying on my back, running my fingers through her silky hair and humming along with the music. I was horny as fuck and dying to kiss her, but I wanted to go at her pace. If she had changed her mind about having sex then I didn't want to pressure her into doing it. I would wait for her to make the first move – even though my dick was rock solid, throbbing almost painfully against the zipper of my jeans.

She wriggled closer to me, sighing, and bringing her hand up to stroke my chin which had started to grow a little fuzz – a fact that I liked very much. Bella seemed to like it too, seeing as her hand was constantly stroking it. I felt like a puppy when she did it, with my dick being my tail, twitching in my pants. Her hands felt so good on me, I closed my eyes and sighed. I felt the bed shift as she turned over, lying on her stomach instead; her little hand still caressing my stubble.

I opened my eyes to look at her and she was staring back at me, looking so fucking sexy at that moment that my dick felt like it was going to eventually break through my pants. That was how hard it was straining against them. I held back a groan and reached down to adjust it a little. Her eyes followed my hand and widened slightly as they settled on my very obvious erection. I counted the seconds for the blush to appear and only got to five, when her cheeks began to colour, spreading over her whole face rapidly and then down to her neck.

I grinned.

She looked back up at me, her lips pursed as if she was thinking about something.

"What are you thinking?" I asked her.

She bit the side of her lip, and my eyes zoned in on the moist, pink, flesh, looking so soft, so full. Looking like they would fit perfectly around a certain part of my anatomy...

Fuck.

I was being a fucking perv, my mind completely buried in the gutter. I really wished that she hadn't gotten it in my head that she wanted us to have sex because it was all I could think about. I didn't want to but I couldn't help it. She was so goddamn sexy...

"Did you hear me Edward?"

I snapped out of my dirty thoughts and blinked at her. I hadn't heard a word she'd said.

She sighed and rolled her eyes when she realised I hadn't been listening.

"I _said, _I was thinking that...maybe I'm not ready yet...to...you know..._have sex." _

I wasn't surprised to be honest, a little disappointed but not surprised, I mean, if she really wanted to do it then I wouldn't have just been lying on my bed for half an hour with a raging hard on. I would have probably been inside her by now, inside her wet, warm, _tight, _oh shit she must be really tight. It would probably feel so good...

"Edward! What the hell is wrong with you?"

I snapped out of my fantasies once again and grinned at her sheepishly.

"Sorry baby. And it's ok if you're not ready, I mean, I'm not going to pressure you into anything. I can wait for as long as you want."

My hand went to her cheek and I ran the back of my fingers along her smooth skin, caressing it softly. Her eyes fluttered closed and she sighed, shifting closer to me and lifting her leg and placing it on my body – right on my hard on.

I clenched my teeth and sucked in air, my eyes closing at the sensation. I heard her gasp and she moved her leg off me again – brushing her thigh against my manhood as she did. I let out a low groan, my teeth still clenched.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

I opened my eyes to see her face flushed once again and couldn't help smiling at her.

She sighed. "I feel bad now."

"Why?" I questioned, my hand still lazily caressing her cheek.

She glanced back down at my crotch.

"Well...because you're...hard and it must be annoying not being able to...you know...release."

I chuckled even though it was kind of true.

"It's not your fault baby; you don't need to feel bad. Ok, well, it is a little, seeing as you're so sexy, but you can hardly take the blame for that." I smirked, knowing what was coming next. I said it on purpose because I knew it would happen.

And sure enough, her face was scarlet again. She looked down, her hair falling over her face and onto my arm, tickling it. I brushed her hair back from her face, scooping it behind her neck, and gazed into her eyes for a while. She gazed steadily back at me, her face never losing its blush.

"So...are you going to kiss me today or what?" I whispered.

She moved up the bed so her face was closer, and leaned down, her lips puckered as she planted them to mine. Our lips moved together, languidly at first, my lips slowly sucking on her plump bottom lip, my tongue running against it, tasting the cherry flavour of her lip-gloss.

Of course, we couldn't remain at that pace for long, not in my current state of arousal, so after a while I lifted her hips and pulled her on top of me. We continued our kissing, growing more urgent, our tongues stroking and clashing, our lips sucking each other fervently. My hands were on her ass, gripping it tightly as I shifted my hard on in between her legs. She started rubbing herself along my erection, her heat radiating crotch grinding against me roughly and my eyes rolled back in my head a little.

"Oh God Bella," I groaned, my voice coming out low and gravelly against her mouth. "You sure you don't want to?"

She moaned as I brought my lips down to the base of her neck, my tongue darting out and licking it, moving around in circles, my breathing heavy against her, causing her to tremble slightly, but she shook her head minutely.

We continued making out, our mouths moving faster still, our hips grinding against each other quicker, rougher, and I was just about to unzip my jeans to at least give my poor aching dick a bit of relief, when my bedroom door flung wide open.

I hadn't locked it because I wasn't expecting Esme or Carlisle back for ages. Bella and I froze, although we didn't move from our position, and our heads darted simultaneously to the open doorway.

To find Tanya standing there.

I heard a small gasp from Bella and I glanced at her to find her slack jawed, her face still flushed as she stared at Tanya.

I had gotten over the initial surprise of having Tanya Denali interrupt my make out session with my girl, and was now boiling with fury. What the _fuck _was she doing?

"Oh shit!" Tanya slapped her forehead lightly. "I'm so sorry guys, I thought it was the bathroom." She grimaced and reached for the doorknob, "didn't mean to disturb you. Sorry!"

At that she slammed the door and we could hear her footsteps along the hall.

I was fuming even more at her words, my face in a deep scowl as I gently pushed Bella off of me. She rolled off to the side and lay on her back, still panting slightly, her brows creased and her tell tale pout reappearing, telling me that she was mad as well. It was clear as day that Tanya interrupted us on purpose. She knew _perfectly well _where the bathroom in the house was, I mean, she was Rosalie's best friend for fuck sake, _and_ she also knew which door was my bedroom. I wasn't aware that she was even in the house in the first place. I should have locked my door.

I swiftly got off my bed, straightening my t shirt and jeans and running my hand through my hair before striding over to the door and ripping it open.

Bella sat up quickly. "Where're you going?" She asked, looking confused.

My jaw was clenched as I answered her. "I'm going to see what that fucking bitch's problem is."

"No, Edward just –" Bella started, but I didn't wait for her to finish.

I raced down the stairs, hurrying through the den to the back of the house where Rose's bedroom was. I banged on the door furiously until it swung open and an irritated Rose stood before me.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Edward?"

I looked past her to find Tanya lounging on her bed nonchalantly, a magazine held in her hand as she looked back at me in what was supposedly a look of surprise.

I struggled to push past Rose but her arms were blocking the doorway, and would not budge.

"Are you crazy?" She cried, "Get the fuck out of my room!"

I let out a breath to calm myself.

"Look, Rose I need to speak to Tanya."

Rose looked at me incredulously. "No fucking way, you messed her up once and you think I'm going to let you do it again? What the fuck is wrong with you Edward? Are you _that _much of an ass? She's moved on from you and plus, you have a girlfriend and you're trying to get your paws on her again? Can't you leave her the fuck alone?"

I closed my eyes and sighed in frustration. Damn Rose and her fucking know it all self.

"Rose you don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. Like I'd want anything to do with her."

"Then why do you want to speak to her Edward?"

"Why are you getting in the way Rose? This is none of your fucking business!"

"It's my fucking business if you want to come in my room!" She yelled.

I exhaled noisily and shook my head, knowing that I wasn't getting anywhere with this.

"Just tell your friend to stay the fuck away from me and Bella." I said, loud enough so Tanya could hear. "You got that?" I called, looking over Rose's shoulder at her.

She stared at me a moment, and then the smirk once again appeared on her lips, the smug, impish smirk, and the rage built up in my chest once again. She was up to something, just like I had guessed, just like I'd sensed as soon as I had known she was back.

"Just leave it Edward." Bella's soothing voice calmed me a little and I turned to find her standing behind me.

We made our way back up to my room and got back on my bed. She rested her head on my chest and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer.

"Are you ok?" I asked her.

"Yeah." She whispered, "Are you?"

"Now I am." I replied, kissing the top of her head.

I drove up to Seattle on Saturday morning, not really wanting to go and leave Bella, but I needed to see my mom. I arrived at around two in the afternoon to find that she still hadn't emerged from her bedroom. The house was clean and tidy, and the cupboards were well stocked as usual, but I was alarmed to see the amount of booze bottles littering the place. The kitchen counter was full of half filled and quarter filled bottles, the trash was filled with empty bottles, and the cupboards were packed full with unopened bottles.

This was not good. This was so fucking far from good that I was scared to go in her room, scared to see what state she would be in. Lucky for me, she came out a little while later, as I was emptying out the remaining bottles of alcohol in the sink and filling another trash bag with the empty bottles. She came and stood in the kitchen doorway and watched me silently, not saying a word.

I was fucking pissed, and even more so when I took in the sordid state she was in. Her hair was a dishevelled mess, limp and greasy as it stuck to her forehead. It looked like she hadn't washed it in days. She was pale, and had grown even thinner in my absence, so thin that her collarbones were jutting out unflatteringly. She was in her silk dressing gown, though it looked like it needed a wash too. Her eyes were dull, dark circles outlining them, and her lips were dry and equally pale. I brushed past her to take the trash out, and was floored at the stench of booze emanating from her.

After leaving the trash bags outside, I went back into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, folding my arms across my chest. She hadn't moved from her spot in the doorway.

"You're drinking again mom." I stated after an awkward pause. "Why?"

She sighed deeply and shrugged her frail shoulders, her head bowed. "I don't know Edward."

I fought to remain calm. There was no point in shouting at her; it would only lead to her drinking more. So I took a calming breath and looked at her.

"You look a fucking mess mom. Go and take a shower."

Obediently she turned and made her way up to the bathroom.

I was back to being the fucking parent. It wasn't fair. _Why _was she doing this? Didn't she want to get better? Couldn't she even be bothered to try?

The phone rang and I hurried over to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon, can I speak to Ms. Elizabeth Cullen-Masen?" A female voice asked.

"Erm, she's kind of occupied at the moment, can I take a message?"

"Are you her brother? Carlisle Cullen?" She questioned.

"No, her son actually. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Well...I'm Dr. Susan Collins, your mom's therapist from the Springwater Clinic. Your mother hasn't been to her sessions in over a month. We have called her repeatedly but have received no answer, we've left messages but she doesn't respond to them, and we've even had a nurse come over to see what was going on but your mother refused to open the door."

"What?" I was immobile with shock as her words rang through.

"Do you have any idea why she hasn't been turning up? We haven't seen her in well over a month now."

A month? But someone had come over to pick up the pancakes, they had seen her then and that was less than a month ago.

"But what about when someone came to pick up the pancakes for the special breakfast you guys were having? I mean, that was less than a month ago." My stomach was in knots as the feeling of dread returned tenfold.

"I'm sorry?" She sounded puzzled, "I'm afraid no one from the clinic has been able to reach your mother in over a month. Could you please try to convince to come to her session, there is one booked in at four today."

I swallowed thickly, the horror rising up from my stomach to my neck.

"Ok, I'll do that. Thanks Dr." I hung up quickly before she could say anything else.

My mom was having a major episode.

She hadn't been to her therapy sessions, she'd been drinking again, which meant that she was depressed, and she had probably stopped taking her meds. And that time during Spring Break when she was making all of those pancakes...I _knew _there was something off about her. Why the fuck did I believe her lie? Why didn't I make sure that she was taking her pills? Maybe I'd wanted to believe her so badly, that I'd failed to recognize the signs. I felt so stupid. I _knew _the fucking signs. I had read everything I could possibly find on Bipolar Disorder when I'd found out my mom had it. I knew what signs to look for, and yet I'd not taken notice of them.

She came down the stairs then, looking halfway decent, her hair in a damp ponytail down her back. She was wearing a sweater that looked to have been my dad's. It was huge on her, especially now that she was practically skin and bone.

I had no idea what to do, no idea how to fix this mess. I couldn't physically force her to take her meds, or to go to her therapy. How could I leave her alone now that I knew what she was doing? How the fuck would I be able to go back to Forks and leave her here, like this?

The tear had trickled down my cheek before I even realised.

"Why mom?" I asked, my voice cracking with emotion, "Don't you want to get better? Don't you even _care _anymore?"

She stared at me blankly and sighed. "Honey, I'm tired."

When she couldn't even muster up enough strength to show emotion, I knew she was bad. This was extremely bad. This was how bad she'd gotten before...

She went over to the couch and slumped down on it, not saying another word.

More tears trickled down my face involuntarily as I watched her, childhood memories flooding me until they became too much. I couldn't handle this anymore. I picked up the phone and dialled quickly, my vision blurred from the tears that were still coming.

The voice on the other end was a relief, even if only a brief one.

"Uncle C," I whispered shakily, "I...I need your help. It's...its mom."

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**Author's Note:**

**Hey guys, sorry I took quite long to update, I had my first bout of writers block for this chapter. I still don't think it's great but it's the best I could do with it at the moment. Hope you like it. Please review.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	39. Chapter 39: Gone Again

**SONG: Paramore - Ignorance**

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**Chapter 39**

**Gone Again**

**BPOV**

Edward was gone again.

He had gone to visit his mom on the weekend and hadn't returned. His uncle had gone up there to join him, so I knew that there was something up with his mom, but I didn't know what it was.

In fact, Edward had never actually told me much about his mom, only that she was Bipolar. I mean, he didn't even explain what Bipolar was and I'd had to look it up on the internet for myself to find out.

He had called me on Sunday night.

"Bella, I'm staying in Seattle for a while. It's...my mom."

I waited, expecting more information, but that was all he gave me.

"Oh," I replied, "Is she ok?" A stupid question I knew, but I didn't want to pry if he wasn't willing to tell me.

"Not really."

He sniffed.

Was he crying? I had never seen or heard Edward cry before, it _must_ have been bad.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively, wishing that I was there with him, wishing that I could hold him and just...do whatever I could to make him feel better. "Are you ok?"

He sniffed again and muttered, "Shit." Then he took a breath, seeming to compose himself and said, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"How long do you think you'll be there for?"

My own voice was shaky as I thought about not being able to see him every day for...I wasn't even sure how long.

"I don't know. A couple of week's maybe?"

"Oh. Ok."

I tried to conceal the disappointment in my voice. It was incredibly selfish of me to only think about the fact that he would be away from me, that I'd miss him terribly, and not the fact that his mom wasn't doing great. I mean, this was his _mom _for goodness sake, and he had been great on the phone to me when I was having my own crisis with my mom. What kind of girlfriend was I?

My disappointment wasn't unnoticed though.

"I'm really sorry baby, but I have to stay. You understand right?"

Guilt coursed through me at his statement. He shouldn't feel bad about staying with his own mother just because I would miss him.

"Of course I understand. And you've got nothing to apologise for Edward, just concentrate on your mom. I hope she gets better soon."

"Thanks. I'll try to call you every day, ok?" He promised.

"Ok, but you really don't have to."

"I want to. I've got to go now though. I..." He paused, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

"Bye babe." He hung up.

I had lain on my bed that night, and let the dejection wash over me. I would miss him, of course, but that wasn't the only reason I was miserable. I was unhappy because _he_ was unhappy, and I could tell he was by his voice. I was also unhappy because there was nothing I could do to help him. I felt so..._useless_. I thought about going up to Seattle myself, and maybe stay there for a couple of nights with him or something, you know, just to be there for him, but there was no way my dad would ever allow that.

Monday at school was worse than I expected.

Firstly, Edward usually picked me up on Mondays, and the fact that I had to drive myself to school was just the first painful reminder that he wasn't there. I trudged to French miserably.

"What's wrong?"

I hadn't even sat down, yet Alice already knew that something was up.

I sighed dolefully.

"Edward has to stay in Seattle for a while, it's his mom."

Alice looked at me sympathetically. "What's wrong with her?"

I shrugged my shoulders weakly. "I don't know. He didn't say – as usual."

Alice nodded slowly. "No wonder Jazz was so quiet this morning. Well, he's usually quiet but not _that _quiet. It must be bad. I wonder what's wrong with her. Jazz never tells me anything when it comes to Edward's mom." She put an arm around my shoulder.

"She's manic depressive." I told her, "I think she must be having a manic episode. I read about it on the internet."

Alice nodded again slowly, squeezing my shoulder.

"Don't worry Bells, she'll be ok, and he'll be back soon."

And usually Alice was always so confident in her predictions, - and usually right – that I would always listen to her, that I would always cheer up at her words. But this time, even she didn't seem certain. I managed a weak smile, which was more like a grimace, and nodded.

My day got infinitely worse as I glumly made my way over to biology. The lesson would probably be the worst, I knew, because of course Edward wouldn't be there. I frowned as I spotted the empty desk, already looking huge and lonely without him. Edward was always there before me, smiling crookedly as I approached, and seeing it empty was just another reminder.

How long would he be away for?

_Would he even come back?_

I pushed that thought to the back of my mind.

It had been lurking there from the moment Edward had told me that he had to stay in Seattle. I had forced it back though, refusing to even entertain the idea. It was too painful.

Tanya and Jessica were at their desk when I reached mine, yapping away about nothing of importance as usual. It was hard to believe all the stuff Alice had told me about Tanya. The stuff about her boyfriend that died, and then the stuff about her telling Edward that she loved him, about her having to leave town to have counselling for a couple of months. In fact, it was hard to believe that she had even left town in the first place. She seemed exactly the same as she had been before the incident.

I wasn't paying them any attention at all; too busy missing Edward, until Tanya suddenly said, very loudly,

"Right Bella?"

I reluctantly turned to face them.

"What?" I asked her, puzzled.

She smirked.

"Edward's dick. It's fucking _huge_ right? I mean, my pussy was sore for _days _after we fucked. Was yours?"

I stared at her in horror, my mouth dropping open slightly as my face burned with embarrassment. Mr Banner wasn't there yet and Tanya was talking extremely loudly – obviously on purpose. The whole class could probably hear her. The sudden hush that filled the room confirmed that they could.

"I...I..." I stammered, unable to think and speak coherently as my face and neck were scorching.

Tanya's grin grew.

"Oh," She said; her tone an obvious attempt at feigning innocence. "Haven't you seen it yet? Or even felt it?"

Jessica snickered, and I wasn't certain but I think I heard a few other people chuckle too.

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. The whole class was listening to our exchange, some people even turning around to glance at me.

Why was she doing this? I mean, of course I knew that Edward's manhood was big, I could feel it through his pants whenever he had an erection – and he had an erection a lot of the time I was with him. But there was no way I was going to say this to Tanya of all people, especially seeing as the whole damn class was eavesdropping. It was none of her or their fucking business anyway.

_Spiteful bitch._

I could feel the tears welling up under my lids. They were tears of embarrassment, tears of fury, and I silently prayed that they wouldn't spill over because Tanya wouldn't know that they were tears of anger. She would think that she had embarrassed me – which she had – but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. She and Jessica, as well as some other people in the class were looking at me expectantly, waiting to hear my reply.

There was about ten seconds of mortifying silence in which I was forcing back tears as well as trying to think of a good comeback. I finally opened my mouth and took a breath, about to speak - when Mr Banner walked in and began the class.

I was relieved because the attention was finally shifted away from me, but I was also pissed because I'd had a brilliant comeback lined up for the slut. I sighed in frustration instead and tried to focus on the lesson, ignoring the people turning around to smirk at me inanely.

At lunch I sat at our table in silence, stabbing at my fries furiously with my fork, still bubbling over with anger at Tanya Denali. To be honest, her words had pissed me off for more than just the fact that she embarrassed me in front of the class. I was also pissed off because, although I hated admitting it to myself, I was _jealous. _I mean, she had seen my boyfriend's dick – _sans pants – _before me. She had _had sex _with my boyfriend before me. And then she was practically telling the whole class – which would soon spread to the whole school – about the size of his anatomy, so every other girl in Forks High would also know about something that only _I _was meant to know about.

I threw my fork down irritably, not feeling hungry at all, and it clattered noisily to the floor, causing the people at our lunch table to stare at me in puzzlement.

Alice grabbed my arm.

"C'mon." She mumbled in my ear, tugging at my arm as she stood up.

I tugged my arm away from her and huffed.

"Where're we going Al?" I asked her crossly.

"Bathroom." She replied, giving me a meaningful look.

We were the only two girls left at our lunch table since Tanya, Jessica and Rosalie had moved back to their old table. Emmett sat with us, though he occasionally sat with Rosalie. Jasper and Tyler sat with us, and of course Edward did too. A few other guys from either the football, basketball or track team would also join us. So Alice and I usually kept quiet at the table, resorting to giving each other meaningful looks and whispering to each other while the guys goofed around.

They weren't even paying us attention, too occupied with talking sports, as Alice dragged me away to the bathroom.

In the bathroom I let it all out, spilling out my grievances figuratively and literally on Alice's shoulder. I told her about what happened in biology, told her about my jealously that Tanya had fucked Edward and I hadn't, moaned about how much I was missing Edward, even though it was only the first day he was gone, and admitted my fear that he wasn't coming back, my tears soaking her black cashmere sweater.

She rubbed my back soothingly as I cried, and then, when I was all cried out she helped me fix the havoc my mascara had wreaked on my face.

"Tanya is a fucking asshole Bella. She's trying to cause trouble between you and Edward because she's jealous because she still wants him. Just ignore her and her ass-kissing sidekick who goes by the name of Jessica Stanley." Alice said fiercely.

"What about Jessica Stanley?"

It was the whore herself walking into the bathroom, followed by none other than the ass kisser extraordinaire. They paused by the door when they spotted Alice and I stood in front of the mirrors.

Alice smirked impishly.

"Oh nothing, we were just commenting on the fact that Jessica Stanley's favourite bubblegum must be ass flavoured."

I couldn't help snickering at that.

Jessica's eyes narrowed. "Funny." She said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

Tanya's eyes were locked on me, and that smirk crept up on her lips again.

"So, Isabella," She began, "You never did tell us if you've seen Edward's huge cock yet."

My teeth clenched, my anger returning tenfold.

"That's none of your fucking business."

She chuckled. "I'll take that as no then. God, how long have you guys been dating for and he _still_ hasn't fucked you? Poor guy must have a bad case of blue balls. Either that or he's getting it from someone else..."

My fists clenched as she and Jessica hooted with laughter. Alice linked arms with me, muttering, "Don't react Bella, it's what she's looking for."

"What was that Mary-Alice?" Tanya asked, smiling sweetly at Alice.

Alice smiled sweetly in return. "I was just telling Bella that Jasper told me, that Edward told him that he couldn't seem to feel anything at all while he was fucking you." Alice frowned, feigning puzzlement. "I wonder why that was. Oh yeah!" She smacked her forehead lightly, "It's because you're such a whore that your pussy has been stretched so wide, fucking you is probably like throwing a hotdog down a hallway."

She finished off with a wink, tugging me along with her as she brushed past Tanya who looked to be frozen, her chest heaving; her face a bright red. We pushed out of the bathroom door and collapsed against a row of lockers, laughing hysterically.

"Oh God Alice, did you see her face?" I gasped in between chuckles.

Alice nodded furiously, unable to speak, she was laughing so hard.

The week continued on in the same fashion, me missing Edward, Tanya trying to piss me off but failing miserably. Edward kept his promise of calling me every day, even though I'd told him he didn't have to. He called me every night at ten, just before, he knew, I was about to go to sleep. His mood seemed to lighten more and more each day, and by Friday we were back to our normal kind of conversations, teasing each other and kidding around, and getting horny. We didn't have phone sex though.

I was just about to say goodnight to Edward, because I was starting to fall asleep, when he started sounding weird on the phone, like he wanted to say something but couldn't get it out. Sort of..._nervous_?

"Babe?" He began uncertainly.

"Yes Edward?"

"Why...why don't you come to Seattle tomorrow? I mean, I haven't seen you in a week and I miss you. Plus, my mom wants to meet you."

My heart leapt with joy before the reality of what he was actually saying dawned on me.

_His mom wanted to meet me._

Why was I so nervous all of a sudden?

"Bella?" Edward sounded anxious. He was probably nervous about it too. "You still there?"

"Um, yeah, I'm here. And I'd love to come." I answered, slightly shakily, "I'll be in Seattle tomorrow by one."

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**It's coming to the end of Manic now, only a few more chapters to go! The next update will come soon, as I've already started on the next chapter.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

* * *


	40. Chapter 40: Progress

**SONG: Muse - Fury**

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**Chapter 40**

**Progress**

**EPOV**

_Sunday_

"Liz, why on earth did you stop taking your meds?" Carlisle questioned, gripping my mom's shoulders in frustration.

My mom just sat there, remaining indifferent to his pleading; just as she had been with me.

Carlisle got mad. He stood up from where he was kneeling before her, and fiercely ran a hand through his blond hair.

"For God's sake Liz, answer me!" He cried.

I had never seen uncle C like that before. He was usually always so calm, so collected; so good at concealing his emotions. I mean, he was a doctor; he had to be good at it. But for once, he couldn't. You could practically see the frustration outlined on his face. I knew exactly how he felt.

He was also helpless.

My mom sighed despondently, the first semblance of emotion she had shown all weekend.

"Carl, I'm sick to death of taking meds." Her voice was little more than a murmur. I had to strain my ears to hear her from my place at the bottom of the stairs. "What kind of life is this huh? I have to take pills everyday for the rest of my life in order to stay sane. What's the point?"

I fumed.

Carlisle fumed.

"The _point _Elizabeth; is that you have a family who care about you, you have a son who needs you, needs you to be a mother. It's not only you this is affecting. How the hell do you think Edward feels, seeing you in this sorry state?"

She shook her head sadly.

"I've already messed up there Carl. I've been a lousy mother for the past seventeen years; nothing I do now is going to change that. Edward doesn't need me messing up his life anymore."

I stood from the stairs and turned, running into my room, and slammed the door behind me. I lay on my back on the bed, listening to Uncle C's muffled voice downstairs, still trying, ineffectively, to make my mom see sense. Angry tears gathered underneath my eyelids and though I tried to force them back, they eventually spilled out from under my closed lids, and trickled down my face, soaking the pillow under my head.

I couldn't believe that my mom still believed that I was better off without her. Even after the talk we'd had when I'd first visited her, even after I had told her that I did need her, that she was selfish for trying to leave me, she still believed that I would have been better off if she had died.

And her words only brought fury. Fury that festered and boiled deep inside of me until I could hold it in no longer; and it spilled out onto the surface.

I picked up my alarm clock on the bedside drawer and hurled it, with all my might, at the opposite wall. It smacked against the wall with a loud thud, but it was plastic so it didn't smash. It probably wouldn't work anymore though. I turned over onto my stomach on the bed, burying my face into the pillow, not even attempting to hold back the pathetic sobs that overcame me, causing my body to tremble with the force of them. I sensed his presence before I even glanced up. Uncle C stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame, and looking exactly as defeated as I felt.

His sigh was deep and weary. "I'm sorry Edward. I don't know what more I can do, what more I can say that will get through to her. She's unwilling to get better, and until she decides to take her medication again, it's out of my hands. I can't force her to take them. I've spoken to a therapist however, an old friend of mine, and she'll be coming round to the house tomorrow at around noon to speak to her."

I couldn't even speak, couldn't even look at him, so I just nodded into my sodden pillow, and a moment later I heard his footsteps retreating back downstairs.

Eventually I stopped crying, and I decided to call Bella to let her know that I wouldn't be back in Forks for a while. The sound of her soothing voice, the disappointment she felt very apparent, almost caused me to start snivelling pathetically again down the phone to her.

I fucking _hated _crying.

_Monday_

The therapist was due at twelve pm.

It was eleven thirty and my mom still hadn't even left her bed. Uncle C sighed forlornly, shaking his head as he continued pounding on her door fruitlessly.

Eventually though, it was twelve fifteen and the therapist, Dr. Danielle Lock, had already arrived. She took up the knocking, knocking a lot softer and a lot more patiently than uncle C, muttering encouraging things through the door to my mom. Finally, at twelve thirty, she managed to coax her out, and my mom surfaced, face blank, still in her dressing gown, her hair in a dishevelled state.

Uncle C told me to get dressed; he wanted us to go out, to give my mom and Dr. Lock some privacy. We went out in his Mercedes, just driving around Seattle aimlessly, not really having anywhere to go. He stopped at a McDonalds and got us both cheeseburgers and cokes, despite the fact that neither of us was hungry. We sat in the car in the parking lot of the McDonalds, forcing down little bites cheeseburger and staring blankly at nothing in particular.

Uncle C spoke first.

"When do you plan on returning to Forks?"

"Whenever she gets better." I replied, almost automatically.

We were both still staring ahead.

Uncle C sighed. "Edward you still have school, remember? I've already let you miss quite a bit of time this semester. At the moment, it doesn't seem like your mother will be getting better anytime soon. She is uncooperative, unwilling to help herself. If she stays this way for the week then I may have to have her admitted into Springwater Clinic again. We both have responsibilities, I'm a doctor, and I've missed far too much work. You're a student and you're missing important parts of your studies. If she doesn't respond to Dr. Lock and still refuses to take her meds, then I'll have no choice."

We were silent a long moment as I thought over what he said. He was right; we couldn't put our lives on hold for her. Uncle C was her brother, but he had a family, a job. I had school, I had Bella. I closed my eyes tightly; my jaw tensed, and brought a fist to the dashboard. Uncle C started a little. I had been hoping it wouldn't have had to come to that, that she wouldn't have to be admitted again.

"Uncle C, why is she doing this? Why now? I mean, all those years she managed to cope. Ok, sometimes she didn't cope very well but she still tried. Why doesn't she want to try anymore?"

He shrugged weakly. "I don't know son, believe me, I can't understand it either." He said, shaking his head. "But your father's death, it severely affected your mother. She was never the same Liz after that. When he died, it was as if a part of her died with him."

"But that was nearly eighteen years ago now! Does she think that she's the only one in the world to have suffered a loss? Does she not think that sometimes I miss a father I never even knew? But people get on with life; they try to be strong because they have fucking responsibilities!"

I was yelling, and a lady walking over to her station wagon looked over at us in alarm.

"Yes Edward, I know, but she _is _Bipolar. I know that that doesn't excuse her selfishness, but she has no control of her emotions because of it. Without her mood stabilizers, her mood is always on the far end of each spectrum. She could feel elated, energetic, to the point where she could even be a danger to herself and others around her. She could feel low, extremely low to the point that she feels like her life is not worth living anymore. There is no middle ground for her."

I knew this stuff already. I knew he was right, but I still couldn't help being mad. I scowled at my fists, the burger forgotten on my lap.

"Unless we experience it firsthand, you and I will never understand it. We'll never know how she is feeling right now." He continued. "I know you're angry with her, but she does love you Edward, never doubt that. Just...try to understand."

_Try to understand?_ What the fuck had I been doing since I was fucking six years old?

"I've been, understanding since I was fucking six years old uncle C! I had to grow up fast, had to learn to take care of myself because of it!" I yelled again. "I'm _tired _of being fucking understanding! Why couldn't I just have a normal mom? Why did I get stuck with a fucking head case like her? You know, maybe she's right; maybe it would have been better if she'd died that night."

Carlisle remained calm.

"You don't mean that. And please, less of the profanity. Her session will be over soon, let's get back."

He picked up our uneaten burgers and got out to toss them in a trashcan. He then put on his seatbelt, started up the engine and we drove back to the house in silence.

_Tuesday_

My mom was already in the living room when uncle C and I went downstairs the next morning. She was in jeans and a grey sweater, her hair was brushed back into a neat ponytail as she sipped a cup of coffee. She _looked _a lot better, and I shot uncle C a questioning look as I sat in the recliner.

My mom looked over at me as I sat down. I hadn't spoken to her since Saturday, when I had called uncle C for help. I avoided her gaze as she studied me, pointedly looking at the TV, which wasn't even switched on.

"Edward," She began, but uncle C cut her off.

"Your mother has agreed to continue the home therapy, and to take her meds again, as long she doesn't have to go back to the clinic."

And what the hell was I meant to do at that news? Jump for joy? Only the threat of going back to hospital could get her to cooperate, not her brother, nor her own son begging her to.

Sometimes I wondered if she actually even loved me.

I wanted to be understanding though, as uncle C had told me to be, so I said nothing, because I knew that if I had spoken I wouldn't have been able to reign in my anger.

I simply nodded.

_Wednesday_

Mom had another therapy session at twelve.

And again, when I went downstairs at around eleven thirty, I found her in the living room on the couch, watching TV. Her hair was neatly hanging down this time, and she was wearing a blue sweater instead of a grey one. And, as I sat down on the recliner again, she looked over to me and smiled.

The first smile I had seen from her in days.

"I've made you some breakfast." She said quietly. "It's in the kitchen in the microwave, so it wouldn't get cold."

Uncle C, who had been busy doing some paperwork in the recliner opposite me, glanced up at me and grinned minutely.

I couldn't help grinning back.

I went out after breakfast, just driving around Seattle again. I went past my old high school, smiling nostalgically as I heard the bell ringing in its usual shrill, deafening tone. I met up with Luke after school and hung out at his place for a while.

When I got home I found my mom in the kitchen, cooking, humming quietly as she did. She gave me another smile as I watched her, mouth agape in shock.

"Dinner will be ready in about half an hour."

_Thursday_

Mom was a lot better. Uncle C had assured me that she was taking her meds, and I could see it was true. She made breakfast for us, as well as dinner, and she even insisted on going grocery shopping. Uncle C went with her, of course, and they came back wielding bags and bags of food.

It was past ten, and I was on the couch in the living room, on the phone to Bella. Of course I hadn't forgotten her during my time at my moms. I missed her, a lot, and I called her every night at ten.

I was saying my goodbyes to Bella, kicking myself for _still _not having the balls to tell her I loved her, when I felt a presence behind me. When I had finally gotten off the phone, my mom came and sat next to me on the couch, all smiles once again, and I smiled back.

"So..." She started, ruffling my hair fondly. "What's her name?"

I groaned, grimacing at the embarrassment of talking to my _mom _about my girlfriend.

She laughed. "C'mon." She insisted, "I want to hear all about her."

"Do I have to?" I mumbled, looking down at my lap as I felt my face flushing.

She laughed again, and I cracked a smile at the sound.

"Yes you do. I'm waiting Edward Anthony." She gave me a stern look, struggling to hold back a smile.

"Fine." I sighed, defeated.

I told her all about Bella. Everything. From what she looked like, to what she smelled like, to her favourite things, to the things that pissed her off, to what she looked like when she was mad. I told her about her dad, about her mom, about her truck, about her friends. I told her every single thing there was to know about Bella Swan, everything I had learned about her during the months, and I was actually a little surprised at how much I knew.

After I had finally run out of things to say, she looked at me for a long time, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. She reached out to push my hair back from my forehead.

"You really care about her, don't you?"

I looked down at my lap again, nodding.

"I love her mom." I answered quietly.

My mom nodded; a small smile on her lips. "My baby boy, all grown up now." She murmured, more to herself. "So," She said, a little louder, "I want to meet this girl who has stolen my son's heart. Why don't you invite her over for the weekend?"

_Friday_

I was nervous about inviting Bella for a number of reasons. The number one reason being, _what if my mom started acting up again while she was here? _But then I decided that, even if she did, it didn't matter, because I trusted Bella. I wanted her to know everything about me like I knew everything about her. I hadn't told her much about my mom at all, and that wasn't really fair. I was hoping the weekend would make up for that. She said she would be in Seattle by one on Saturday. It was almost eleven when I got off the phone to her.

Only fourteen hours to go.

* * *


	41. Chapter 41: The First

**SONG: Yiruma - River Flows in You**

**Author's Note:**

**This is a long ass chapter. Enjoy!**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

* * *

**Chapter 41**

**The First**

**BPOV**

"Your hair looks longer." My dad remarked.

I looked over at him, my eyebrow raised. "Really dad? I just got it cut a couple of weeks ago, remember?"

"Oh yeah." He stared at the road ahead of him intently. "Well...I guess it grew out again." He muttered.

We were then in an awkward silence as I resumed my earlier position of leaning on the glass and staring dully out of the window. My dad kept his eyes trained on the road.

That was my dad's second attempt at conversation during the three and a half hour trip. His first attempt had been about Edward, and how he 'trusted me to be responsible this weekend.' That conversation had also been brief.

I hated being in the cruiser. Cars drove unbelievably slowly when they spotted it in their rear view, forcing us to drive equally slowly, and I was anxious to be in Seattle. Anxious to see Edward. I was also annoyed at my dad. Sure I was grateful that he even allowed me to go on such short notice, but he had insisted on driving me there. He didn't think my truck could withstand the journey, he had said, but honestly, I think he just wanted to check out where I'd be staying for the weekend, to make sure that Edward and I were definitely going to be sleeping in different rooms.

"Well, we're in Seattle now." He said, after what seemed like eternity.

My head snapped up and I took in my surroundings eagerly.

"Call Edward and ask him for the address."

I took out my cell and dialled Edward's number quickly, knowing it by heart.

"Bella." Edward sounded excited.

"Hey." I answered, smiling at the sound of his voice. "We're in Seattle now."

"We?" He questioned.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Yeah, my dad gave me a ride."

He snickered.

"It's not funny Edward." I muttered.

"What's wrong with your truck?" He asked.

"Nothing. My dad just doesn't think it would make it to Seattle, which is a bunch of bull if you ask me."

"You watch your mouth young lady." My dad chided. "And hurry up and ask for the address, I can't be driving around aimlessly."

Edward gave me the address and my dad put it into the Sat Nav. Less than twenty minutes later, we pulled into a street lined with large, whitewashed houses on either side, which sat back from the road, neat front lawns and driveways at the forefront.

My dad whistled. "Wow, Edward's mom's got a pretty fancy place huh?"

I nodded, unable to speak because the nerves had suddenly hit me. My dad drove slowly down the street, scanning the mailboxes for the number Edward had given us, when towards the end of the road, I spotted a car I would never miss. Edward's silver Volvo was parked in the driveway, and my heart thudded at the sight of it. This was it. I was going to meet his mom, his mom that he had lived with for most of his life, his mom that was Bipolar, something I'd had no experience with at all in my life, his mom that something had happened to, that made him move to Forks, his mom that he had told me nothing about.

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what was expected of _me_, and that was the scariest part. Another scary part was; what if she didn't like me? What if she didn't approve of me for her only son? My hands were clammy with perspiration as I grasped them together tightly in my lap.

"Dad." My voice came out hoarse. I cleared my throat. "It's the house on the end there." I pointed a shaky finger in the direction. "I can see Edward's car parked in front."

My dad pulled up to the driveway, and before he could even shut off the engine, the green front door flung open, and Edward came hurrying out and over to the passenger side of the cruiser, bronze hair in complete disarray as usual, his face lit up with that adorably uneven smile. My heart pounded in my chest at the sight of him, and I fumbled with my seatbelt quickly, while he opened my door.

I jumped out of the car and into his arms, and he staggered back a little at the force of it. Then he laughed, and his arms went around my waist tightly, as my own gripped his neck.

"God Bella, I missed you so much." He murmured into my hair, and I felt him inhaling deeply as he held me.

I nodded into his neck. "Me too." I whispered.

We stood there a moment in each other's arms, until the driver door of the cruiser closed just a little louder than necessary, and Edward pulled away from me reluctantly. He looked over at my dad and smiled sheepishly.

"Um, hey Chief Swan. Nice to see you. Thanks for letting Bella stay the weekend, I really appreciate it."

My dad nodded curtly, a tight smile on his lips. "You're welcome Edward. Now," he held up my overnight bag, "can you show me where Bella's room is so I can put this in there?"

I forced back a groan. My dad was never one for subtlety. There was really no need for him to put my overnight bag in the room. He just wanted to make sure – as I had already guessed – that I wouldn't be sharing a room with Edward.

"Sure." Edward replied, taking my hand as he led us up the driveway and into the front door. There was no sign of his mom, which was sort of relieving as well as worrying. "My mom's just in the den; she's with her therapist but they're almost done. She'll be out in a sec."

I nodded, swallowing inaudibly as the nerves crawled back into my stomach.

Edward glanced at me curiously, as if sensing my nerves.

"Hey," He whispered, "There's no need to be nervous babe." He squeezed my hand reassuringly, and I nodded again, feeling minutely calmer by his soothing words.

We went past the living room and up the staircase and I couldn't help glancing around the house in awe. It was beautiful, old fashioned decor but with a modern twist, and you could tell that it was a woman's house. It was very feminine, pastel colours, and lace curtains, and flowers at every window sill. We reached a door at the end of a hall, and Edward opened it and we walked inside, my dad trailing behind us with my bag. The room was also feminine, painted a pale pink, with a soft fluffy white carpet under our feet, a curtain decorated with pink roses hung at the large windows, and there was a large white dressing table with three light up mirrors, stood at the corner.

"This will be Bella's room." Edward stated.

My dad nodded in approval.

"It's en-suite as well." He continued, letting go of my hand to open a door that led to a small bathroom.

My dad nodded again and dropped my overnight bag on the bed.

We went back downstairs and into the living room, Edward holding my hand, and my footsteps faltered as I spotted a mass of golden waves on the couch. Edward squeezed my hand again and called out,

"Mom?"

She stood and turned to us quickly, her golden locks bouncing as she did, and she smiled as her eyes found me.

I held in a gasp.

Edward's mom was...beautiful. She was pale, with smooth creamy skin like her son's, and had large, startling emerald eyes. Her blond hair fell past her shoulders in waves. As she smiled at me, her eyes crinkled at the corners, the only sign of age on her face, and her lips were a pastel pink, much the same colour as the sweater she was wearing. She was pretty small, kind of skinny as well as short and she actually looked a little like Rosalie. Edward looked nothing like her; the only resemblance between them being her smile, which was also a little crooked as she beamed at me.

I smiled back timidly.

"You must be Bella." Her voice was silky, a female version of Edward's velvet tone. "It's so nice to meet you."

She walked over to me, and Edward let go of my hand as she pulled me into an embrace. She smelt sweet, and powdery, and flowery and feminine.

I finally found my voice. "It's nice to meet you too Ms. Cullen."

She pulled back and looked over me again, still smiling. "Edward she's beautiful." She gushed, and I felt my face heating up as I lowered my gaze to the floor. I heard Edward shuffling, and I knew he was probably running his hand through his hair.

"I know mom." He muttered.

I had completely forgotten my dad, who was probably standing there awkwardly, when Edward's mom suddenly left me.

"And you must be Bella's father. Nice to meet you Charlie." She shook his hand.

I looked over at my dad, to find him looking as equally stunned as I felt. His own face had a faint tinge of red and he smiled at Edward's mom bashfully.

"Nice to meet you too Ms. Cullen."

"Please, call me Liz." She turned to me again. "You too Bella."

We sat on the couch, Edward's mom pulling me to sit next to her, while Edward and my dad sat on the recliners. We sipped coffee while my dad and his mom made slightly strained conversation, and she occasionally turned to ask me a few questions.

Edward was mostly quiet, running his hand through his hair several times, and blushing when his mom told stories of him as a baby.

My dad left about half an hour later, and Liz pulled out a photo album, showing me pictures of Edward as a newborn, of Edward as a toddler, walking on chubby, unsteady legs, of Edward at five years old, smiling a gap toothed crooked smile at the camera, of Edward at thirteen, looking embarrassed and awkward in a dress shirt and tie. He was adorable. And all the while Edward remained on the recliner, his face a bright red, looking extremely embarrassed and awkward as his mom told me the stories behind the pictures.

She left a while later to go into the kitchen and start on lunch, and Edward moved over to the couch and sat next to me, sighing heavily.

"Fuck that was embarrassing." He mumbled.

I giggled. "No it wasn't, you were adorable as a kid." I said, ruffling his hair.

He pulled me into his lap sideways, and kissed my neck. "I missed you babe."

I put my arms around his neck and leaned into his chest, breathing in the scent of his cologne. "I missed you too."

We sat there silently for a while, just enjoying each other's company, when I spotted a few picture frames over on the mantelpiece under where the plasma TV was mounted. I got up from his lap and walked over to it. He followed, and stood behind me, his arms around my waist and his chin on my shoulder, as I studied the pictures.

They were all of a man. A man who was, literally, the spitting image of Edward. His eyes were also the striking hazel, his hair the unique bronze, his jaw sculpted and chiselled, just like Edward's. I stared at the pictures silently, in shock.

"My dad." Edward murmured.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I figured. You look exactly like him."

"I know."

"What happened to him?" I whispered.

"He died in a plane crash. Day I was born."

"That's awful."

He shrugged. "Shit happens."

"Do you...miss him sometimes? I know you didn't know him but –"

"Yeah, I do. Sometimes." He cut in.

He was tensed behind me, and I could see his brow creased in my periphery. I decided to leave it alone. It was obviously a touchy subject.

We went back over to the couch, and I sat on his lap again while we watched TV. Well, while _I _watched TV. Edward was barely watching, touching me, and stroking me, and kissing my neck every few minutes. I was watching the screen, but I sure as heck wasn't concentrating.

"My mom likes you." He muttered throatily, his lips pressing against my neck with silent, open mouthed kisses. My eyes were starting to get hooded at the sensation, and I forced myself to keep my breathing even.

"How do you know?" I breathed, gripping his hair as he continued trailing kisses down my neck.

His stubble brushed against my neck occasionally, causing a shiver to run through me. I loved it. It was so sexy, so..._manly. _I'd noticed that the fuzz under his chin had spread across his jaw line over the week, and the feel of it made me weak.

"It's obvious." He continued. "She told me so anyway."

I inhaled deeply through my nose. "When?"

"When you were looking at the photo albums. She mouthed it at me when you weren't paying attention."

"Oh." It came out as a sigh, as Edward's tongue came out and traced circles on my neck. "Edward," I whispered shakily, "your mom's just in the kitchen."

He held my face in his hands and looked into my eyes, his hazel ones heavy lidded as he pulled my face towards his.

"So?" He murmured against my lips, before slowly sucking them between his own. He pulled back a moment and looked at me again, looking so incredibly sexy that I nearly melted under his gaze.

His hands went to my waist and he spun me around to face him fully, throwing one of my legs over his lap so I was straddling him. I shuffled on his lap, adjusting myself over his obvious hard on, and he hissed quietly, closing his eyes briefly. He took my face in his hands again and resumed kissing me. Faster and with more fervour then, his tongue coming out and brushing my lips before entering my mouth. We continued, kissing faster and faster, panting against each other. I tried to hold back my moans, for fear that his mom would hear, but he didn't bother holding back his, his husky groans sending tingling vibrations down my throat. Then he began to shift his hips up to meet mine, slowly and periodically at first, but as the kiss progressed passionately, his thrusts became faster, and more regular. My eyes rolled back every time his manhood touched my hot, wet crotch, and I gripped his hair tightly.

The front door opened then, and Edward groaned as he pulled away from me, halting his hips.

I glanced up to see who it was, and was mortified to find a stunned looking Dr. Cullen looking back at me. I blushed profusely and immediately looked away, moving off of Edward's lap on shaky legs. Edward adjusted himself in his jeans when I did.

"Hey uncle C." He called, without looking back at Dr. Cullen.

Dr. Cullen cleared his throat quietly. "Hello Edward. Hi Bella."

I grimaced, my face still burning hot, and turned to look at him again, mumbling a quick, "Hello Dr. Cullen," and turning away, leaning forward to hide my face in my hair.

Edward snickered and brushed my hair away from my face, holding it back.

Dr. Cullen went into the kitchen then, to my relief.

Edward leaned over to kiss my cheek. "It's probably a good thing that he interrupted us." He mumbled in my ear, staring at me with bedroom eyes and a lazy grin. I blushed harder.

We sat on the couch a while and it was incredibly difficult to not jump back into his lap again and resume kissing his lips, which were fuller and redder due to my sucking them. I could see he was still erect, and he would momentarily shift in his seat a little, causing me squeeze my legs together in response.

"Lunch is ready guys."

His mom came into the living room then, and he hastily pulled his sweater over the noticeable bulge in his pants, his face reddening.

His mom took a look at both of us, my face probably tomato red, and his a rosy pink, his hair impossibly more tousled from my hands running through it, my own hair in tangles, hanging around my face, and she raised an eyebrow at us.

"I left your lunch on the table." She said, fighting a smirk.

"Thanks mom." Edward muttered, unable to meet her eyes.

She nodded, and then gave me a knowing look, before walking back out of the living room.

We stayed on the couch a few minutes longer, and Edward started reciting the alphabet to himself, for some strange reason.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, puzzled, but he just shook his head and continued.

We went into the kitchen and ate a delicious meal of mushroom ravioli and Caesar salad. Then, we went out in his car and he showed me around Seattle, pointing out places that meant something to him. He showed me the pizza place that he and his friends used to hang out in, his old high school, a park where he and his mom would go for walks when he was a kid, the cemetery were his dad was buried. Then, when we got back to the house, he gave me a tour, ending at his bedroom.

His room was large, bigger than his room in Forks, and extremely tidy. It was painted a pale blue, with a laminated, light brown, wooden floor. He didn't have curtains, only matching light brown, wooden blinds. His bed was huge, and looked very comfortable, with a wooden frame and headboard. He had a full length mirror standing in a corner by his closet; a wide desk with a computer sitting on it was in front of the window, and there was a large wooden bookcase at the far corner, completely filled with books, and I looked at him in surprise. I had never seen him read before.

"Do you read a lot?" I asked.

"Yeah. Well, I used to anyway, before I moved to Forks."

I nodded. There was a question that had been nagging me ever since I'd started dating Edward. A question that I'd wanted to ask him but was too afraid to. I decided that it was the time to finally ask him.

"Edward, what happened to your mom? You know, that made you have to move to Forks and stay with your aunt and uncle."

He grimaced, running a hand through his hair and sighed. He opened his mouth to speak and then changed his mind. I stayed silent as I watched him do this a few times before he blurted out, in one breath, "She overdosed on painkillers."

"Oh."

That didn't seem like reason for him to move though. Maybe it was because she had to be hospitalized? They had to find somewhere for him to stay seeing as he was still a minor, but if she was out of the hospital, why didn't he move back? It didn't make sense.

"She did it on purpose." He said quietly, probably realising from the look on my face that I didn't get it.

And _then _it sunk in, and my jaw dropped. "She...she tried to kill herself?" I whispered in disbelief, and he nodded, not meeting my eyes. "Oh Edward, I'm so sorry." I reached out for his neck and hugged him tightly, stroking his soft tendrils, while his arms encircled my waist.

He sighed. "I haven't really told you much about her and I'm sorry. It's just..." He sighed again. "I kind of, find it difficult to talk about you know?"

I nodded.

We moved over to his bed and lay on top of the covers, only removing our shoes. I lay my head on Edward's chest and he absently stroked my hair as he told me. He told me everything about his family. From how his father died on the day he was born, to his mother's post partum depression, to the first day he noticed her manic depression when he was six years old, and then to the most terrifying night of his life, when he had found his mom on the couch, the bottle of pills in her hand, and how he had thought that she was already dead. He cried when he told me. I didn't see his face but I could hear his shaky voice and his quiet sniffles, and his hands scrubbed at his face roughly a few times.

After we had talked, we went back downstairs, where his mom had made dinner, and as we ate I couldn't help glancing at her several times. It was strange that this beautiful woman, this seemingly happy woman full of smiles, was the same one that Edward had been talking about. The same woman that, only a week ago, had been drinking copious amounts of alcohol to help her through her depressive state. The same woman that had wanted to die, and hadn't cared about the possible effects of leaving her only son without a parent.

Was it fair that I was kind of mad at her? I mean, it wasn't really my business, but I wondered what kind of mother would do that. I understood that she was manic depressive, and I had no right to judge, especially considering that my own mother had chosen an abusive husband over me, but it was maybe because of that fact that I was mad. What the hell was wrong with our mothers? A mother's love was supposed to be unconditional; they were supposed to always put their children before themselves. I mean, wasn't that stuff instinctual? And here were two mothers, mine and Edward's who hadn't been good mothers at all. They had put their feelings before their own children, damning the consequences of their actions.

Oh yes, I was mad at her.

After dinner, we all sat in the living room and watched a movie. Dr. Cullen sat on the recliner and I sat in between Edward and his mother. I couldn't help feeling awkward towards her, now that I knew what she had done. I still liked her, but it sort of tainted the perception I'd had of her. Eventually the movie ended, and Dr. Cullen and Liz went to bed, leaving me and Edward on the couch alone.

"Are you tired?" He asked me a while later, his hands playing with strands of my hair, twirling it around his fingers.

"No." I responded. "Are you?"

"Not really. Come to my room for a bit then, hang out until you get tired."

I nodded. "Ok."

We made our way up to his bedroom.

Once inside, Edward removed his sweater, leaving only his white wife beater on, and as he reached up to pull the string that closed the blinds, I saw his tattoo on his shoulder blade peeking out of his shirt.

"What does your tattoo mean?" I asked him, lying on his bed as I watched him move around his room, tidying it up a little more, which was completely unnecessary, seeing as it was spotless already.

He looked at me in surprise. "How'd you know I had a tattoo?"

"I saw it, when you had your shirt off that time you stayed over at mine. And I just saw it again now."

He came and sat in front of me on the bed, pulling his shirt up his back to show it to me. I traced the tattoo again, traced the lion with its paw up, traced the three shamrocks along the bottom; traced the 'Cullen' written underneath it.

"It's the Cullen family crest." He explained, looking over his shoulder at me as I continued to stroke the tattoo.

He leaned away from me for a moment, and reached into his bedside drawer, pulling out a jewellery box. He opened it and handed it to me. Inside, there was a slim silver chain with a pendant attached to it. The pendant was the same design as his tattoo.

"My great grandpa was a doctor, like uncle C, only in his day there weren't many doctors around. Well, not many good doctors anyway. He was a great doctor, he saved a lot of lives, helped a lot of people. He became a sort of local hero. The crest is just something they used to have in the olden days, you know, and this is the Cullen family one. All members of the Cullen family have a necklace or a bracelet or a ring with this symbol on it, including uncle C, Jazz, Rose and aunt Esme. I don't wear necklaces, so I got mine made into a tattoo instead. Jazz did too; his tatt is on his arm."

I nodded.

He looked at me for a moment thoughtfully, his head tilted to the side.

"Come here." He said, and lifted me up so I was in a sitting position on the bed.

He took the box from my hand and removed the necklace, looking at it, and then looking at me before unclasping it. Slowly, he leaned forward to put the necklace around my neck. He pushed my hair forward over one shoulder, and I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he fastened it. When it was fastened he leaned back and looked at me, smiling crookedly.

"Perfect." He whispered.

I touched the necklace around my neck, my finger tracing over the lion as it had been doing to the one on his back, and I looked at him, feeling stunned. He had given me something that _every member of the Cullen family had. _I felt honoured. Did he want me to become part of the Cullen family one day?

"Thank you." I breathed.

He reached out to stroke my cheek gently, his multihued hazel eyes boring into mine with intensity I had never felt before. And, as I gazed back at him intently, I realised.

I realised that I was in love with Edward Cullen-Masen. That I would very much like to share his surname one day. That I would even love to have his children, and be a better mother to them than our own mothers had been to us.

And I realised that I was ready. I was ready to make love to him. I was ready to connect with him physically, like I had mentally and emotionally.

Slowly, I leaned forward towards him, uncrossing my legs and moving on my knees as my hands reached out for his face. I held his face and he held my waist as we kissed. It was a slow but passionate kiss, our lips moving together in perfect synchrony. He sucked at my lips, explored every crevice of my mouth with his tongue, occasionally rubbing my own tongue with it. Our saliva mingled, as did our moans, echoing into each other's mouths and down each other's throats. We were panting, our breathing ragged, our bodies covered in a light sheen of sweat as we continued kissing, slowly but forcefully, lips gradually pushing harder and harder against each other.

I broke off the kiss, partly to take a breath, and partly to start removing my clothes. My body was yearning the contact of his. His half closed eyes widened a little as I pulled my sweater over my head and tossed it on the floor, leaving only my bra.

We stared at each other a while, mouths parted, and still panting.

"I'm ready Edward." I breathed.

"Are you sure?" He whispered.

"I'm sure."

At that he removed the wife beater over his head and tossed it on the floor next to my sweater.

I took a moment to admire his naked torso, my eyes roaming over the firm muscles, the defined pectorals, the flawless, pale skin, the pearly pink of his nipples, the light scattering of hair underneath his navel, that trailed, in a neat line, down into the rim of his boxers.

He pushed me on my back on his bed and hovered over me, his arms on either side of my head as he leaned down and recommenced kissing me, now moving faster over my lips. We continued on, growing more fervent by the minute, the pulse between my legs in time with my pounding heart. I moaned, spreading my legs wide and wrapping it around his waist, pushing against his hardness in an attempt to soothe the throbbing. He thrust his hips into mine fiercely, grinding and circling, pushing against my pleasure spot for a brief agonising moment.

Then he pulled back and sat up, between my parted legs, his bare chest heaving as he gazed steadily at me. Gently, he removed my grip from around his waist. His fingers went to the button of my jeans and he undid them, pulling down the zipper afterwards. He lifted my hips off the bed and tugged my pants down, lifting my legs in the air as he pulled them off.

After he had removed them, it was his turn to roam my body, his eyes scanning me from my face, down to my neck, where they lingered at the necklace, then down to my breasts, and he groaned quietly. He continued on to my stomach, and then finally down to my soaked panties, where his lips parted and his breathing caught in his throat before gaining speed. He closed his eyes briefly and I saw his lips moving unintelligibly. He opened them again and fixed his gaze back on my face, then reached forward to pull the straps of my bra down my arms, pulling the cups down simultaneously. His lips moved again almost silently, but I caught his last three words, which were, "to me Bella."

He then buried his face in my chest, sucking at my tightened nipples softly, nibbling them with his teeth, flicking his tongue over them back and forth as his hips continued their thrusting in between my legs. I couldn't hold back my loud whimpers and moans, at the sensations, his mouth on my breasts causing a shiver through my body, his rigid erection pressing into my crotch, which was only covered by the thin material of my panties, making my legs weak as I struggled to keep them tight around him.

He pulled back again, this time impatient in his movements as he removed my bra and panties from my body. He undid his belt, fingers fumbling eagerly, and he pulled off his jeans and his boxers in one go.

He sat up above me after he had removed his clothes, and our eyes impulsively wandered over each other, drinking up each other's forms thirstily. My jaw dropped at the size of his manhood, and I purred in anticipation. It twitched, bouncing against his leg, and I reached out and grabbed the base, my fingers barely circling its width. He sucked in air sharply through his teeth at my touch, and gently pried my fingers from his body, shaking his head quickly.

He took both my hands in his, entwining our fingers as he brought my hands above my head and leaned forward again to place wet kisses from my lips down to my breasts and back up again.

He let go of one of my hands and brought his hand between our bodies, his fingers brushing against my extremely sensitive spot. I moaned loudly, and he placed his lips on my mouth to muffle the sound. His fingers moved, round and round, brushing against it, occasionally pressing it, and my hips followed his hand as it moved, not wanting to leave his magical touch.

"Feel good?" He whispered against my lips, and I groaned, nodding my head fiercely, unable to speak.

Suddenly, he plunged a finger into me and I gasped, my hands reaching for his neck, and I grasped the hair at his nape. He pushed the finger deep into me, curving it as he did, and then pulled it back out. He repeated the motion over and over, and my eyes were permanently rolled back at the intense pleasure I felt.

"Still good?" He asked, his voice coming out strained and gravelly.

"Yes." I whimpered.

Another finger was added, and I gasped again, my hips shifting under his hand as he pushed his fingers into me and removed them, repeating the movement over and over until I was gripping the pillow underneath my head and thrashing about.

"Aw baby." He groaned. "You're killing me. You don't know how sexy you are right now. You don't know what you're doing to me Isabella."

I moaned at his words, at him calling me Isabella, and I could feel the pressure building in my abdomen.

His fingers still continued their steady rhythm.

"It's going to hurt a little baby. And you probably won't cum since it will be your first time, so I want you to cum for me now. I want you to feel pleasure too. I want you to be wet enough for me, so I won't hurt you too much. Are you gonna do that for me babe? Are you gonna cum for me Isabella?"

"Oh my God, Edward." I choked out, as I felt the pressure climbing, higher and higher, his fingers pushing harder against my walls, hitting a spot inside me that only caused the pressure to rise.

"Cum for me Isabella." He whispered again.

And I did.

"Mmmm Edward..." I moaned as the pressure released from my body. A hot squirt of clear liquid shot out of me and landed on his stomach, and he looked down at it and grinned.

"So, you're a squirter huh? God Bella, you don't know how incredibly hot that was."

He kissed me softly, and then removed his fingers from my body.

"You sure you're ready?"

I nodded again.

He reached over to his drawer and pulled out a condom. Quickly he ripped open the foil packet and leaned back to slide it over his head and down his shaft. Then he settled back on top of me, and I could feel it at the edge of my centre, twitching again.

"Tell me if you want me to stop at any point. Ok?" He said, before leaning down to kiss me again.

He then put a hand between our bodies again, and positioned himself so his head was between my labia's.

"Ready?" He asked, and I took a deep breath before nodding.

Slowly, exceptionally slowly, he pushed his way inside me. I was slippery and moist, so I felt him slipping in quite easily. Until, that is, he reached a small resistance. He stopped there and looked at my face, gauging my reaction. I bit my lip, and nodded for him to continue.

He pushed, and I felt pain.

I cringed, and he froze, looking at me again.

"Are you ok?" He whispered raggedly, perspiration beading his forehead. I could tell he was using every ounce of his strength to restrain himself from thrusting. The strain was evident on his face.

"Yeah, just...just gimme a minute."

He held still, trembling above me for a few moments, until I nodded for him to continue.

He pulled back minutely, and then pushed again at the resistance that was my virginity. It hurt again, but was less painful than the first time. He continued sliding in slowly, and I could feel him, pulsing and twitching, until he was fully inside me, and I could feel his manhood pressing against my abdomen.

He held still again, closing his eyes tightly. "Damn." He whispered.

Then slowly, he pulled back out, his length sliding effortlessly. Then again he pushed, a little faster, until he was fully inside me once more. He repeated the motion, gaining speed with each thrust into me, and we moaned together, panting, and I writhed underneath him, my hips meeting his thrusts, my arms around his neck, gripping his hair tightly at the glorious sensation. Faster and faster he moved, the mattress squeaking underneath us, my breasts bouncing against his chest.

He moved his head into my neck and groaned, his teeth biting down gently. "Bella I can't...I can't...I'm sorry, you're just...so...so...tight." He panted.

He stilled his movements, pressing his face into my neck, as his hips jerked sharply against me a few more times, and then he slumped on top of me, his full body weight squashing my breasts.

We continued panting as we lay, still connected at the hips, and he kissed my neck languidly.

It felt perfect. It felt right.

Eventually Edward pulled out of me, taking the condom off and going into his bathroom to flush it down the toilet. He came back over to the bed, still naked, and lay behind me under the covers, his arm around my waist, fingers playfully circling my navel, as he kissed the back of my neck.

We remained in silence, until my breathing began to even out, and I felt my eyelids growing heavy as sleep slowly crept up on me.

"I love you." I heard him whisper against my neck, as I was slowly sucked into unconsciousness.

Who could have known that that first perfect night would also be the last?

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**Author's Note:**

**Finally huh? But anyone wondering about that last cryptic sentence? Worried? What did you think of their first? I tried not to use the words, 'clit' 'dick or cock' and 'entrance'. I think I succeeded. If I didn't point it out to me! So anyway _please _review this one. It was hard! Who knew writing a lemon could be so tiring and take so long?**

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	42. Chapter 42: The Morning After

**SONG: Grizzly Bear - Slow Life**

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**Chapter 42**

**The Morning After**

**BPOV**

I woke up needing to pee.

I squinted into the darkness, disoriented, trying to make out the vague shapes in the room as my eyes slowly adjusted to the dimness. The room was definitely not my room, it wasn't familiar to me, and in my sleep induced stupor I just couldn't remember whose room it was.

That is until I felt deft fingers brushing against the underside of my breasts, attached to a strong arm wrapped around my torso, along with a warm body pressed flush against my back and something hard, yet soft and also warm being pressed against my ass.

Edward.

I blushed as I realised that he had a hard on, ridiculous as it was, seeing as it was dark, he was probably asleep, we were both still naked, and we had had sex just a few hours ago.

_Edward and I had sex._

My face remained heated as I smiled to myself in the darkness, the memories of my first time flowing back to me clearly. It was perfect. I held his twitching fingers still in my hand, and lifted his hand up to my lips, kissing it softly. I loved him. I loved Edward Cullen. And my smile spread wider across my face as I remembered the words I'd heard from him just before I fell asleep. "_I love you," _he'd whispered.

He loved me too.

I lay there for a while blissfully, unable to shift the beam from my face as I played with his hand and listened to his steady breathing against my neck. He was still hard against my ass, and occasionally he would shift against me, mumbling unintelligible words. I couldn't help flushing every time he did, and I had to tighten my thighs against my slight arousal at the feel of it. I was also curious about what he could be dreaming about, though it wasn't really hard to guess.

Eventually though, my bladder was close to overflowing, and I had to get up to pee or I would end up embarrassing myself. I gently moved his arm from around my body and shuffled away from him inch by inch in order to not wake him. I climbed out of the bed and shivered, seeing as I was still naked, and missing Edward's body heat. I tiptoed over to his bathroom, wincing at the slight soreness I could feel in my abdomen and between my legs. Not bothering to turn on the light, I sat on the toilet and relieved myself, then wiped myself very carefully, wincing again, before washing my hands.

I was still cold, and being naked was getting a little embarrassing despite the fact that he was my boyfriend and he was asleep. I picked up his discarded pants from the floor; his boxers tucked inside seeing as he'd pulled them off at the same time. I pulled out the boxers and slipped them on; then I made my way over to his closet, took out a t shirt and put that on, before sliding back under the covers.

I lay on my side facing Edward, and watched him as he slept, tracing his pretty face with my fingers, stroking the silky strands of his hair gently, placing soft kisses on the back of his hand. I wasn't sure what time it was, seeing as there was no clock on the bedside drawer, but I guessed that it was roughly between two and three in the morning.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because when I woke up again the room was a little brighter. It probably wasn't too early anymore because I heard the sound of a bath running somewhere in the house. Edward was still dead to the world, his face pressed into my neck and his mess of hair right under my nose, tickling it. That was probably what had woken me. I brushed it away from my face wearily, still drowsy; and shuffled closer to him. His arm reached out and tightened around my waist, and I wasn't sure whether he was half awake or dreaming but he mumbled, "Love you Bella."

I smiled into his chest and whispered, "Love you too, Edward," before drifting off to sleep once again.

The next time I woke up, Edward's hazel eyes were open, staring at my face, and his hand was on my cheek, his thumb rubbing against it back and forth softly. I blinked at him lethargically, still not fully awake, and he grinned at me, one corner of his mouth lifting a little higher than the other.

"Hey." He murmured. "Sleep well?"

I smiled back at him lazily. "Yeah, you?"

"Like a log. I swear; that was the best sleep I've ever had. I think you had something to do with that." He brushed the pad of his thumb against my cheek again. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm great." I responded, grinning again. "What time is it?"

He sat up and reached over me to his bedside table. I felt his manhood – hard again – brush against my thigh, and of course, because my blood seemed to love flowing to my face, I blushed. He lay back down, and he was holding his cell phone. He checked the time on it.

"It's still sort of early, only seven thirty. You wanna go back to sleep? Sorry, I think I woke you up."

"No, I'm awake now."

He pressed a finger on my cheek and smirked. "What are you blushing about?"

"Nothing."

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon Bella, I wanna know."

I blushed harder and sighed. "It's stupid, it's because I felt your..._thing_...you know, it's hard."

I still couldn't even _say _the word, yet I'd had sex, and was lying in bed with my boyfriend while he was still naked. Boy was I pathetic, or what? It was juvenile of me to _still _be embarrassed, but technically, this was the first time Edward and I had seen each other completely naked. Sure we'd fooled around a little but we'd never taken our clothes off until last night, and I'd never felt his..._thing _unsheathed against me before.

He flushed slightly himself, and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, I can't help it. I keep thinking about it, you know, and how awesome it was and...Oh shit, talking about it really isn't helping the situation right now."

He reached out and stroked my jaw tenderly with the back of his fingers.

"I love you Bella." He said earnestly, his gaze suddenly growing intense. "I've loved you for ages; I just...didn't have the balls to tell you. I wanted to say it so many times but I always chickened out, and I'm sorry for that."

I smiled at him, my heart soaring. "It's ok. I love you too Edward. And last night, it couldn't have been a more perfect first time. Thank you."

He leaned forward then and gave me a soft, chaste kiss, both of us aware of the fact that we probably had morning breath.

I sat up and stretched.

"I'll be back in a sec; I'm just going to get my overnight bag from the guest room so I can take a shower." I told him.

I got out of the bed and stretched again, and I heard a low moan from Edward. I turned around to him, eyebrow raised questioningly, and he was smirking at me crookedly and biting his lower lip, his eyes hooded and brazenly roaming my body.

"Shit, you look so fucking hot in my clothes." He murmured huskily.

I glanced down at myself, remembering that I was wearing his boxers and t shirt, and once again I felt my face and neck warming up. I rolled my eyes at him and hurried out of the room.

I padded down the hall towards the guest room, noticing that the light in the bathroom opposite was on, meaning that Edward's mom or uncle was already awake and probably taking a bath. I was pretty sure that they wouldn't have been too pleased to know that I'd slept in Edward's bed, and Dr. Cullen knew my dad, and if my dad ever found out...

On that thought, I quickened my pace into the room, not wanting whoever it was in the bathroom to come out and catch me sneaking out of Edward's bedroom at seven thirty in the morning.

Once I'd gotten the bag, I crept back out into the hall warily, tiptoeing past the bathroom, but I noticed that the door was slightly ajar. I breathed a sigh of relief, whoever had been in there was probably finished. I ran a hand through my hair and grimaced as my fingers got snagged in huge tangles. Then I thought about the fact that I didn't know what I looked like. I hadn't looked in a mirror since yesterday, and judging by the feel of my hair, I must have looked a mess. And I knew that it was morning, and Edward had just been staring at my face anyway, and probably didn't care that I looked a mess so it didn't really matter, but I felt really self conscious all of a sudden. I didn't want to go back into his room without _at least _brushing my hair.

I fumbled in the bag for a hairbrush and took it out, leaving the bag against the wall in the hall. I knocked on the bathroom door, just in case Liz or Dr. Cullen was actually still in there, because it would be extremely mortifying if I just burst in on one of them.

Although the bathroom light was still on, there was no answer, so I pushed open the door.

And then everything seemed to move in slow motion.

It seemed to take an awful long time for me to hear the thud of my hairbrush, as it fell from my hand and hit the linoleum by my feet.

My eyeballs lingered momentarily over every miniscule detail they took in, darting around sluggishly in my eye-sockets.

They lingered over the pile of clothes, lying in a heap on the floor before me.

They lingered at the open cabinet above the basin to my right.

They lingered at the products, shampoos, conditioners, Shower gel, toothpaste, all standing on top of the counter next to the basin, unaffected, and seeming almost comical in their normalness.

They lingered over the small, sharp, shimmering silver, stained with scarlet, lying on the floor by the bath tub.

And then, finally then, they came to rest over the bathtub.

Over the water in the tub, filled almost to the brim.

The water that wasn't clear as it should have been.

The water that wasn't covered with white bubbles and suds.

The water that wasn't radiating steam, and was probably cold.

The water that was a deep, frightening shade of crimson.

And then the body.

Barely visible underneath the red, and entirely still.

Not a single part of it moved, no rising and falling chest, no fingers twitching, no bubbles flowing out from the nose, nothing.

Except for the golden locks that floated, almost serenely on the surface.

My eyes lingered over the horror before me for an un-measurable amount of time, everything still moving as if in slow motion, so it took my brain a lot longer to actually register what I was seeing.

And then when it finally registered, I couldn't place the blood curdling scream that had suddenly filled the room, I couldn't trace the source of the sound.

Edward was suddenly behind me.

"Bella? What's wrong? What is it?" Was all I heard of his panicked voice, before he too froze, and took in the nightmarish sight before us.

I turned to look at him, finally realising that the screaming was coming from my own mouth, and wanting to stop, yet I was unable to. I clamped a furiously trembling hand over my mouth to at least muffle the noise, and felt wetness on my cheeks, also realising that I'd been crying.

Edward paled. His eyes widened in horror. He shook his head fiercely, backing slowly out of the bathroom until he was stood just outside the doorway. His face was stoic as he continuously shook his head from side to side, as if doing so could erase what his eyes were showing him.

His hand flew to his mouth and I saw his stomach lurch.

Then he darted forward, back into the bathroom, and fell on his knees before the toilet. He heaved noisily, over and over into the toilet bowl, shaking uncontrollably as he did, his hands grasping the seat so tightly that his knuckles were white.

I just stood, my hand clamped over my mouth as my legs threatened to give out from under me. I felt light headed, nauseous even, but my screaming wouldn't allow the bile to spew forth for now.

When Edward had emptied the contents of his stomach in the toilet, he crawled, still quivering, over to the basin, using it to hoist himself up. He opened the tap and tried to splash water over his face, in his mouth, missing several times as his hands were shaking so badly. He chanced a tentative glance over to the tub again and heaved; only nothing came out of his now empty stomach. He dry heaved a few more times before he collapsed onto his knees before the tub, staring at it boldly.

He sank to the floor weakly, his legs folded underneath him, and all was silent for a long moment. I realised that I had finally stopped screaming. Edward simply sat there, his eyes darting between the bloody bath, which contained the dead body of his mother, and the razor, which lay just in front of him. His hands were gripping his hair fiercely, tugging at it, and he was still shaking his head, only it was a lot slower now, a lot more defeated.

"Why Bella?" He choked out, his voice cracking and hoarse. "Why did she do this?"

My knees gave out at the very sound of his voice, his anguish only spurring my own.

"Oh God Edward, I...I don't know. Oh God, I don't know."

I crawled over to him weakly and pried his hands away from his hair before he could hurt himself. He didn't resist, and his arms flopped down heavily. I kept them in my own, squeezing them tightly and trying not to look at the tub, trying not to break down again.

Edward sobbed, a deep gasping sob, almost seeming like he couldn't breathe. His body was still trembling feverishly, and though he was shirtless I was certain that it wasn't because he was cold. He continued sobbing this way, his eyes still fixated on the tub, seeming eerily entranced by the gruesome sight.

I grabbed his shoulders and tried to turn him away from it.

"Edward...Edward, look away, you have to stop looking at it. Please!" I shook his shoulders desperately, tears falling rapidly down my face. "Please Edward, just look away, please!"

He ignored me, still sobbing, his own face soaked with tears.

"Why Bella?" He murmured. "Why? Why did she do this? Why?"

I shook my head helplessly, wishing I could answer his question, wishing I could take away the pain he felt, and I knew that what he must be feeling was sheer torture, because I could barely handle the pain I felt myself, and I'd only just met her. This was his _mother, _his only parent, his life, his identity, his childhood, his..._everything, _and she was gone. And the worst part of it all was that she had caused him this pain herself.

I gave up trying to turn him away from it and simply held him, kneeling before him and wrapping my arms around his neck tightly, rocking him back and forth as I felt his tears soaking his t shirt I was wearing.

"Why Bella?" He kept repeating. "Why did she do this to me? Why? Why Bella?"

I wasn't sure whether it was seconds, minutes, or hours later when I heard a gasp from the doorway. Edward didn't react to the sound at all. He had stopped crying but he was still murmuring against me, still asking me questions I couldn't answer.

"Oh God!" Dr. Cullen cried out, running into the bathroom. He stood just behind me and Edward, his hands running frantically through his blond hair, hair very similar to the one floating in the bathtub, and the frantic gesture also very similar to his nephew's.

He made to move, and then stopped, continuing in this fashion several times, not knowing what to do, until finally he turned and darted out of the bathroom. He was back a second later, his hand fumbling clumsily on the keys of his cell phone, and it took him a long time to dial three simple numbers.

"Please!" he cried into the phone, "Ambulance please, it's my sister, she's...she's...oh God, I think she's...I think she's..._dead!_"

Edward flinched at the word 'dead' and began trembling again furiously, strangled noises erupting from his mouth. I gripped him tighter and rocked him faster, as I began feeling the warm wetness of his tears seeping through the t shirt once again.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**The next chapters will also be in BPOV, though I may put in a brief EPOV. Please review. **

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	43. Chapter 43: A Mean Cycle

**SONG: Thom Yorke - Hearing Damage**

* * *

**Chapter 43**

**A Mean Cycle**

**BPOV**

It was about six in the evening, the emergency services had long gone, the hysteria had died down minutely, and the rest of the Cullen's had made their way over to Seattle from Forks. We were all sat in the living room – minus Edward – in a deafening silence.

I was exhausted. Edward, Dr. Cullen and I had practically been crying for half the day and I was all cried out, my eyes literally unable to produce anymore tears. That was until Edward's aunt Esme, Rosalie and Jasper got to the house, their own eyes watery and red, somber expressions on their faces, and they had me crying all over again. My eyes were puffy and sore, as well as my nose, which I had constantly been wiping due to the runny nose that accompanied the tears.

The torrent of emotion was exhausting, which was probably why Edward was asleep in his mom's bed. Dr. Cullen had told him to go take a nap, and he had headed to her bedroom silently. We didn't say a word. He was probably missing her already, and needed things to make him feel close to her. What better way to do that than to be surrounded by her stuff in her room, than smelling her scent on her pillows? I would probably do the same.

I was somewhat relieved that he had gone to sleep. I felt so ineffectual. All I could do was hold him, unable to even hold back my tears myself. I wasn't mainly crying for her, because honestly, I hardly knew her. I was crying for Edward, for Dr. Cullen, at the thought of how horrible it must be. I mean, I don't even know what I'd do if this had happened to my own mother, despite the fact that I hardly even saw her. And then Edward just kept repeating the same thing over and over, obviously still in shock, asking why she did it, though knowing that no one had an answer for him. He was in so much emotional agony, his voice sounding so tortured, that it was impossible for it to not be catching. Dr. Cullen was unable to hold back his tears too, even though I saw that he struggled to, but she was his sister, his _twin_ sister in fact; he was probably hurting just as much as Edward.

The phone rang and we all jumped, Dr. Cullen grabbing it quickly as if the ringing was offensive.

"Hello." He rasped, his voice half gone from emotion. "Thank you Charlie. Yes, I'll just put her on."

He passed me the phone. I'd called my dad earlier on, so he knew what had happened, and he'd been calling periodically to see how we were doing. He'd wanted to drive down to Seattle too, but I stopped him because it would be pointless, seeing as I would be going back to Forks soon. I was going to be driving Edward's car back to Forks for him because there was no way he would be able to drive back in his state, and Dr. Cullen and Mrs. Cullen had their cars, so he wouldn't need it anyway.

The Cullen's were staying in Seattle until the funeral, which would be held on Friday. I wanted to stay there with them, but of course, I wasn't family, and the rest of the Cullen relatives would be coming during the week so they would need the space. My dad probably wouldn't let me anyway.

It was getting late now, and since it was going to be a three and a half hour drive back to Forks, I needed to leave. But I didn't want to, I wanted to stay and offer whatever help I could, no matter how ineffectual it was. My dad was phoning to tell me to come home.

I sighed. "Yes dad, I'm leaving soon. Yes, Edward's got a Sat Nav in his car. No, I won't get lost. No, I don't need you to meet me halfway. Yes, my stuff is all packed."

Finally, he got off the phone, and I sighed, getting up from the couch. Everyone looked at me, seemingly startled – no one had moved from their seats in hours.

"Um...my dad says I've got to go now." I mumbled.

Dr. Cullen nodded, standing up and walking over to me. He embraced me, his arm loosely around my neck. When he spoke his voice was shaky. "I'm so sorry you had to witness this Bella, so very sorry. Thank you so much for being here with us, for being there for Edward, you've been a great help. And thank you for taking his car back to Forks for him."

I nodded. "It's fine Dr. Cullen, really. It was the least I could do."

Mrs. Cullen stood up and hugged me too, whilst Jasper nodded at me gratefully, and Rosalie smiled sadly and mouthed, 'thanks'. I could feel the tears welling up again, and I honestly didn't want to go, at least not without saying goodbye to Edward first. But he was still asleep, and I wasn't going to wake him.

I smiled at them all timidly, before heading upstairs to Edward's room where I had left my overnight bag, somehow remembering to remove it from the hall after I had found Edward's mom in the bathroom. I passed the scene of the horror, shuddering as it all came flooding back to me. It had been cleaned, the bath drained of the bloody water, the razor taken away, the surfaces scrubbed until they were a dazzling white, a huge contrast to the chilling crimson.

It wasn't a suspicious death, so although the police had also turned up with the ambulance and questioned us, there wasn't a need to keep the bathroom the way it was for evidence. It was quite clear that it had been a suicide. I had been unable to clean it though, unable to go back in there because I had seen what a gruesome sight it had been, I had the memory of it embedded in my brain. Edward and Dr. Cullen couldn't clean it either, understandably, so it had been left the way it was until Mrs. Cullen, Jasper and Rosalie had gotten there.

They had only reached the house after Liz's body had been taken away, so they only witnessed the bloody bath, they could only imagine the terrifying scene, they hadn't actually seen it, so Mrs. Cullen was able to clean the bathroom, along with Rosalie and Jasper's help.

I passed the bathroom quickly, heading to Edward's room, when I saw a door opening at the end of the landing – the door to Edward's mom's room. Edward emerged from the room, and froze, staring at me. My footsteps also faltered as I spotted him. Just looking at him hurt my heart. His eyes were swollen, and red, his face too pale, his hair flattened on one side. But it was the _look on his face_ that killed me.

He looked lifeless.

The smouldering fire in his hazel eyes had dulled to a tiny flame. His face was vacant, unreadable as he stared at me silently.

I hurried over to him, feeling the tears building up behind my eyelids again at the sight of him. I stood before him, and brought my hand up to cup his cheek. He closed his eyes at my touch, and I could see the emotion trying to break through his stoic features but he didn't let them. He held up a piece of paper to me. "Found it on her bedside table." He murmured impassively.

I took the paper from him, which was badly creased, looking as if he had crumpled it up and then unfolded it again, and read the small black script, realisation dawning on me as I realised what it was.

It was her suicide note.

_Carl,_

_My twin brother, my best friend, the only person who could come close to understanding how I felt. I'm writing this to you to say, I'm sorry, and to maybe gain a little forgiveness. I know you're probably disappointed in me for giving up, for doing the exact same thing that mom did to us, but you see, I'm not angry with her anymore. I'm not angry because I understand exactly how she felt, exactly why she did it, and I'm just hoping that you will understand too, and maybe in time forgive me. I wasn't happy with my life Carl, you have to understand that. I felt so out of control, so useless. I couldn't even take care of my baby boy for goodness sake. The medication was only a temporary fix to that feeling, and I couldn't live my life that way anymore, relying on medication to keep me normal. If there was medication that would have healed me completely then believe me, I would have taken it in a heartbeat, but I know there is no such thing. _

_I had to do it. I didn't want to leave Edward, or you, or Esme, or anyone I loved, but I had to do it. Please, please try to understand, please try to forgive me. I'm sorry for hurting you, because I know that it will hurt, but I'm not sorry for doing it. Please, look after Edward for me, you and Esme have already been doing a great job and I'm sorry for making you have to take care of my child for me, but again, I'm hoping you will understand. Thank you so much for everything you did for me, for everything I know you will do when I'm gone. I'm thanking you on Edward's behalf too. Tell Esme, Rose and Jazz and the rest of the family that I'm sorry. I love you all. I'm sorry._

_Liz_

My mouth was agape.

"Is that all?" I asked incredulously. Didn't she even think to write something to Edward? Didn't she think she owed _him _some kind of explanation too? Did she even love him?

His jaw was tensed though his face remained blank. "She wrote me one, it's in the trash. I threw this one in there too, but then I figured it was unfair to not let uncle C see it, and I took it out again."

"Can I see it?" I asked him tentatively.

He shrugged. "If you want. It's in the trashcan in her room. Give uncle C's one to him for me, please."

He moved around me and started walking towards his bedroom. I watched him as he entered it and shut the door behind him. I then slowly walked into his mom's bedroom. It felt eerie and wrong being in there, but I needed to see her note to Edward. I found the trashcan easily by the door, the balled up piece of paper at the top of the trash. I took it out and went back out onto the landing to read it, wanting to be out of her bedroom. I unravelled the paper from the tight ball Edward had put it in, and my eyes trailed over the page.

_Edward,_

_My baby boy. Words cannot express how sorry I am. I failed you, I know, and there is nothing I can say that will ever make up for that. All I ask of you is that, with time, you can forgive me. I know you don't understand why I did it, although I have tried to explain it to you, and honestly, I don't want you to understand, because I don't want you to ever have to experience what I felt, what made me want to end my own life. I love you. Never, ever forget that. Please know that, and believe that. I didn't leave you because I didn't love you, I did it for other reasons, reasons that I hope you will be able to forgive me for, and I know that it is selfish, but I had to do it._

_I wanted to meet Bella before I did it, to make sure that you were happy with her, that you would, at least, have happiness when I left, and I can tell that you will. She's perfect for you Edward and I can tell that she loves you very much, and that you return the sentiment. In fact, you both remind me of your father and me at your age. I'm just a little disappointed that I couldn't get to know her a little more. You won't be alone Edward. You have her, and you have your uncle and aunt, and your cousins, and honestly, I believe you will be a lot happier without me. Once again, I'm sorry honey, sorry for being a terrible mother, sorry for causing you so much pain. Just please remember that I love you. I always have, and always will. _

_Mom_

I realised I was crying as I finished the letter, and that Edward was standing silently in the doorway of his bedroom, watching me. His face was still emotionless, but it was obvious he was on the verge of breaking down again. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, sobbing quietly into his chest. He didn't move for a moment, his arms remaining by his sides, but then slowly, I felt them encircling my waist and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. He was silent, not making any sound at all, but eventually the shoulder of my sweater was soaked.

We stayed like that for a long while, until eventually I had to pull away from him because it was getting late and I needed to go. I cupped his face in my hands, looking into his watery, heartbreaking hazel eyes. I brushed his tears away with my thumbs.

"I have to go." I whispered. "But I promise I'll call you everyday ok?" He nodded silently. "And I'll take good care of your car until you get back." I said, with a small smile. He didn't return it. I leaned up and kissed him chastely on his lips, before retrieving my bag from his room. He went to lie on his bed on his back, staring at the ceiling, and I kissed him again quickly on his cheek before I went downstairs.

I handed both notes to Dr. Cullen before I left, and walked out of the front door to more gasping sobs and they read it. I got into Edward's car, fiddling about with the mirrors and controls a little before I started up the quiet engine. It was a good thing I had driven it once before so I knew a little about how to manoeuvre it. I slowly backed out of Edward's mom's driveway, glancing up at the house one last time, before turning into the road and making my way back to Forks.

The weeks passed by fairly quickly.

I did try to call Edward everyday that first week, but he never answered his cell. It just rang out until it eventually went to voicemail. I didn't bother leaving a message. I sent him text messages though, just to let him know that I was thinking of him, even if he didn't want to talk to me, he would at least know that.

I found myself spending a lot of time in his car, just driving aimlessly around Forks really, my hand often stroking the Cullen crest necklace he had given me. I missed him, and the car and necklace were the only things I had of him for the time being. I kept the car at my house because there was no point taking it to the Cullen house, seeing as no one was there anyway. I felt miserable, though I really didn't know why, I mean, it wasn't _my_ mom that had died. But it was as if I was connected to Edward now, and I knew he was hurting, so I was equally hurting.

School was just a routine. I barely even noticed what was going on around there, even Alice couldn't cheer me up. I hadn't even bothered to tell her that I'd lost my virginity. Something that had seemed so important before that I would have probably called her the next morning to tell her, seemed so insignificant and unimportant now. Everyone at school knew what had happened. I wasn't sure how, but it _was_ Forks, so it wasn't surprising. A lot of people kept coming up to me and telling me they were sorry, and that I should send out their sympathies to Edward and Rosalie and Jasper.

I was by my locker one day, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around to find Tanya Denali standing there. I sighed, not in the mood for any of her crap.

"What, Tanya?" I snapped.

She blinked at me in surprise. "I...I err...I just wanted to see if you were ok, you know; I heard what happened...to Edward's mom."

"Oh." I was slightly stunned.

"Tell Edward that I'm thinking of him. I mean, I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. Garrett was my friend though; I couldn't ever imagine the pain of losing my mom." She shook her head sadly. "Tell him I'm so sorry for his loss."

I nodded. "I will. Thanks Tanya."

She nodded in return, smiling lightly and squeezing my shoulder gently, before turning around and walking away.

The Cullen's came back to Forks on Monday evening the next week.

I drove over there in Edward's car as soon as I had found out that they were back. Edward was in his bedroom but he wouldn't let me in. Dr. Cullen had warned me that he had been locked in his room for the past week, refusing to see or talk to anyone, barely eating. I thought that that wouldn't matter, that he would definitely want to see me, but I was wrong. He ignored me as I knocked on his door, calling his name and pleading with him to let me in.

Dr. Cullen smiled at me sympathetically when I gave up and went downstairs, feeling even more dejected. "He's grieving Bella." He said gently. "Give him a little time, a little space ok? Look after his car for him for the time being."

I nodded.

I left Edward alone for the week, though it was incredibly difficult to do. I did try to call him a few times, but to no avail, he still wasn't answering my calls. So I continued sending him texts, hoping that he was, at least, reading them. Rosalie and Jasper came back to school on Wednesday, but Edward didn't. I asked Jasper about Edward, how he was doing, and Jasper informed me that he still locked himself in his bedroom most of the time, only coming out to eat. He barely spoke to anyone, and was just impassive, not showing any emotion towards anything.

After he didn't turn up for school again the whole of the next week, I began to get worried.

**EPOV**

It was like I was going through stages.

At first, all I did was fucking cry, and I hated it, I fucking hated crying.

Then, after the crying had stopped I was livid. Absolutely fuming mad.

The fury ripped through me like a hurricane, seeming like it came from nowhere, and honestly, I wasn't entirely sure _why_ I was so angry. I felt the need to act out my anger, to do something to purge it out. My fingers twitched with the restraint until I didn't give a shit anymore.

I smashed up my bedroom in _my mother's _house.

Decimated the whole fucking room.

The computer was smashed to pieces, the sheets on my bed torn up; there were multiple holes in the walls caused by my fists and other objects I hurled at them. I took my baseball bat to every fucking thing I could get my hands on, knocking the books off of my book shelf and tearing them up to pieces. I tried to smash up the bed and the desk and the bookcase, but they were too fucking strong. They were about the only thing I left undamaged.

Then, I very nearly burnt down the whole fucking house. I only wanted to burn the desk, and bookshelf, and books, not thinking about the fact that the fire would spread to the whole house. The flame from the match had just caught the edge of the desk when, thankfully, I realised how stupid that idea was, and I put it out quickly.

After I was done, I felt strangely calm, content even, and I sat on the floor in the middle of the destruction, a small smile across my face.

Uncle C, aunt E, Jazz and Rose had all come to see what the commotion was about. They had stood in the doorway of my room, staring from me to the smashed room and back again, in alarm and complete disbelief.

But they didn't say anything.

The day of the funeral I was back to fucking tears.

And after we had buried _my mother_ next to my dad, I cleaned up the bedroom, trying to fix everything that could be saved, and throwing out everything else that couldn't – which was nearly everything. I'd cried a little more after that, and then that was it.

I didn't feel like crying anymore.

When we got back to Forks, I didn't feel like doing anything at all. I didn't _feel _anything.

I couldn't even be bothered to drag myself out of bed to shower and brush my teeth, but I knew I had to, so that was just about the only thing I got out of bed to do. I barely ate, hardly ever feeling hungry, and if I did get hungry – which was about once a day – I would manage to leave my room to go and eat something. I barely spoke to anyone, ignored my phone calls and texts, didn't even acknowledge the people banging on my door, pleading with me to open it.

And ok, I _did _feel _something;_ I just didn't want to admit it to myself, because if I felt this way, my suspicions about what was happening to me would be correct.

All I did all day was just _think. _

I lay on my back on my bed, and just thought about everything, every single little detail of my life, significant things, random unimportant things, of _my mother, _of school, of my childhood, of my friends, all of it. I lost track of the days, and would have lost track of the time if my alarm clock wasn't lying on my bedside table, because my curtains remained shut.

I checked my phone eventually, finding a load of missed calls and texts from Bella.

I thought of her too, all the time.

But I couldn't answer her calls or texts; I couldn't see her – partly because I didn't want her to see me like this.

But mainly because I didn't want to end up hurting her, didn't want to make her life hell, like _my mother _had done to me. I couldn't put her through that.

It would be better for Bella if she stopped seeing me, if she stopped loving me. I fucking loved her, I did, but the strength to even pick up my phone, and text her those three little words wasn't there, and that alone spoke volumes.

I was depressed, and I knew it.

In fact, I was more than just depressed.

'_They say that it's genetic, you know, some people are more predisposed to have it and an event can trigger it.'_

'_I __knew __the fucking signs. I had read everything I could possibly find on Bipolar Disorder when I'd found out my mom had it. I knew what signs to look for...'_

'_When she couldn't even muster up enough strength to show emotion, I knew she was bad.'_

'_It was eleven thirty and my mom still hadn't even left her bed. Uncle C sighed forlornly, shaking his head as he continued pounding on her door fruitlessly.'_

'_...but she __is __Bipolar. I know that that doesn't excuse her selfishness, but she has no control of her emotions because of it. Without her mood stabilizers, her mood is always on the far end of each spectrum. She could feel elated, energetic, to the point where she could even be a danger to herself and others around her. She could feel low, extremely low to the point that she feels like her life is not worth living anymore. There is no middle ground for her.'_

"_Unless we experience it firsthand, you and I will never understand it. We'll never know how she is feeling right now."_

And for the first time ever in my entire life, I understood it all too well. I understood how _my mother _had felt.

I wasn't stupid, I had researched it enough to be able to spot all the fucking signs a mile away, and I knew that I was showing all the fucking signs. Uncle C knew too, I was sure he did, but for some reason, he wasn't saying anything about it.

I was just like her.

I had it too.

I was Bipolar.

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**Author's Note:**

**Epilogue will be posted tomorrow. **

**_Savannah-Vee_**


	44. Chapter 44: Emotions

**SONG: Destiny's Child - Emotions**

**Author's Note:**

**Oops sorry guys, this isn't the Epilogue. This is the last chapter. It was meant to be the Epilogue but ended up too long for an Epilogue, so I will post the Epilogue maybe tomorrow, or on Saturday.**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

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**Chapter 44**

**Emotions**

**BPOV**

I was incredibly nervous as I sat on the leather couch in Dr. Cullen's office.

So nervous I was unable to sit still. My foot tapped incessantly on the wooden floorboard underneath my feet, my fingers were knitted together, hands clasped in my lap to stop them from their constant fidgeting, my bottom lip was sore as I had been biting it so much I'd damn near ripped the skin off of it.

My anxiety and nerves were there because I knew that whatever reason Dr. Cullen had asked me into his office for couldn't be good. In fact, I'd had a constant nagging feeling for a while now. I had thought that it was just because I hadn't seen Edward since Seattle, and that was almost a month ago now, but as I sat in the office, waiting for him to begin whatever he had to tell me, I knew that the feeling of dread was because of more than that. Like I said, I felt as if I was connected to Edward now, and although I hadn't seen him in almost a month, I knew that there was something not quite right. I mean, that was probably obvious considering the fact that his mom had just killed herself, but it was more than that. I couldn't explain it; I just knew that something was bad.

Every day at school I would ask Jasper about Edward, how he was doing, seeing as he still wasn't answering or returning my calls or texts, and still refusing to see me. Jasper would always tell me the same thing, that he was ok, but still grieving so he needed space. I was grateful to him for the news, I mean, I must have started bugging him, asking him about Edward every day, but he never showed any irritation, and he always answered me. But, I had a suspicion that he wasn't telling me the whole truth about how Edward was. I didn't think he was lying exactly, just that he was probably keeping something back from me, and that only added to the apprehension that was constant in the pit of my stomach.

I was hurt that Edward didn't want to see me, of course, and I missed him horribly. The car had stopped smelling of his cologne now, because I was always in it, and he hadn't been in it for a while, so it didn't comfort me the way it used to. But I understood, well, I tried to understand. I mean, who knows how I would have been if my mom had killed herself, and he had only had his mom as a parent for his whole life, he hadn't even known his dad. I understood that he probably needed a lot of time on his own, that it would take a while for him to heal, and I wasn't going to push it. He would see me when he was ready.

That didn't stop me from worrying though, so I spent a lot of time at the Cullen house, just hanging out there, hoping that I would catch a glimpse of him, because Jasper told me he only left his room for food. I just wanted to see him to make sure he was ok, to make sure he hadn't ripped his hair out or hurt himself or something, though Jasper had assured me that he hadn't. But I never did see him; it was as if he was avoiding me on purpose or something, though Jasper told me – unconvincingly – that he wasn't. Alice usually came with me to hang out at the Cullen's, and we would sit with Jasper in the living room mostly, just watching TV. I felt like a third wheel when they would snuggle up together on the couch, whispering things to each other, and Alice would giggle, and they would sometimes make out, and I would just miss Edward so much more.

So I had come over to the Cullen's, like I usually did after school - my dad was surprisingly alright with the amount of time I spent there now – and Dr. Cullen had been home. He wasn't usually at home until a lot later, so it surprised me to see him there. He smiled at me warmly as he always did, and greeted me, and then he asked if I could come into his office with him for a while because he wanted to talk to me. He was still smiling softly as he said it, his expression calm – maybe too calm – and I was immediately on edge. The feeling of dread started rolling in the pit of my stomach, increasing with each step towards his office, and it only worsened as I sat impatiently, waiting for him to talk.

He was taking his time, fiddling about with papers on his desk, tidying it up a little. My palms were damp, my fingers still clasped together, and I cleared my throat, trying to get my voice in order in case I had to talk, because my throat felt scratchy and hoarse with nerves.

He glanced up at me after I cleared my throat, probably thinking I was signalling him to begin, which I really wasn't doing at all. He smiled at me, his face still calm and gentle, and it only made me more nervous. I mean, he was a doctor, doctors usually got that look when they were about to tell you some bad news and didn't want you to get alarmed.

"Relax Bella." He said. "I've got something to tell you about Edward, but really it's not as bad as you're probably thinking it is. You just need to be aware of it because, well, it will be hard to ignore, and you'll probably have to deal with it at some point, seeing as you're his girlfriend."

His cryptic words were really not helping.

"Ok." I replied, swallowing. "What is it?"

His face lost the smile, and he clasped his hands together before him on his desk – just like I was doing. "Edward is manic depressive. He has Bipolar Disorder."

I froze, my eyes widening as I absorbed Dr. Cullen's words.

He was silent for a moment, watching my face intently, probably gauging my reaction.

"Bipolar Disorder?" I breathed incredulously, my voice coming out an almost whisper. "Edward has it?"

Dr. Cullen nodded morosely.

And I felt a deep stab of pain through my heart. It wasn't physical pain, but was almost as painful, if not more. Edward was Bipolar, just like his mom had been. All those years of him having to see her living with it, knowing that she had killed herself because of it, and now he had to live with it too. It wasn't fair, why couldn't he catch a break? I hated admitting it, but I agreed with his mother when she had said in her note, that she believed he could be happy. He could be happier now that she was gone, because, as harsh as this was; she was a burden to him. No seventeen year olds I knew had had it as hard as Edward, and yet, he was still normal, still somewhat happy. He was strong, slightly more mature than other seventeen year old guys – though he had his moments – and that was maybe a good thing, but the way he had learnt to be that way wasn't good. He had had to take care of himself and his mother for most of his life, never really getting a chance to be a teenager, I mean, even when he came to Forks he was constantly worrying about her. And now that she was gone, he finally had a chance to be a proper teenager again, to live his life without the constant worry and stress.

But now, he had it too. He still wouldn't be able to be fully stress-free.

My lips trembled as I felt the tears trickling down my face.

Dr. Cullen sighed quietly. "Please don't cry Bella, it's not as bad as you think. Edward's mom was diagnosed with the disorder pretty late in her life, she had had to live with it for some time before she got help, and then having a baby as well as having her husband die, well, that was just too much for her. Liz was always very sensitive anyway, and Edward did inherit that from her, but because of what he went through, he is considerably stronger. Plus, he has a strong support system here with us, I will never let him get to the point of wanting to end his life, and that is a promise."

My eyes widened at his words. I hadn't even thought of that possibility, that Edward could try to kill himself like his mom did, and I started letting out gasping sobs, almost hyperventilating, my hands trembling before me.

Dr. Cullen raced around his desk, his face lined with worry. He came over to the couch and crouched before me, grabbing my shoulders.

"Take it easy Bella." He soothed, his thumbs stroking my shoulders. "Relax, take deep breaths, I don't want you passing out."

I obliged, trying to slow down my breathing, but the tears still came, running down my face uncontrollably. Dr. Cullen took a few tissues from his desk and handed them to me and I wiped my face, blowing my nose noisily. He went to sit back at his desk, and waited patiently until I had pulled myself together.

When I finally had I nodded at him to continue, mumbling a quick, "Sorry," and feeling embarrassed.

He smiled. "You've got nothing to apologise for. Now, I just want to explain a few things to you about the disorder so you'll know what to expect ok?"

I nodded.

"Ok. Well, my mother was also Bipolar, as was my grandfather, so it's not really a shock to us that Edward has it. It's genetic, though we don't really know the cause of it. It's likely that Edward has had it for his whole life, though it's only truly manifested after the trauma of...Liz's death."

I was shocked to hear this. "So, your grandfather, was he the doctor that Edward was telling me about? He told me that he was a good doctor, a sort of local hero."

Dr. Cullen smiled. "Yes. I believe that is who he was talking about. And as you see, he was Bipolar, but a perfectly good doctor. It isn't a hindrance Bella, and I assure you that Edward will be fine. Bipolar is often misdiagnosed as schizophrenia, but it is very different to it. Edward's mother had Bipolar 2 Disorder, but I suspect that Edward's is Mixed Bipolar."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"With most other forms of the disorder, the moods alternate between elevated and depressed, like with his mother. But with Mixed Bipolar, he can experience both elevated and depressed at the same time, or one straight after the other. I'm not too sure, as he still refuses to leave his room for any longer than fifteen minutes, but I hear him playing music, sometimes even playing his guitar, and I assume that he isn't depressed at those points. But they don't last too long."

"Is he getting help for it?"

Dr. Cullen sighed. "Well, not at the moment. He hasn't even been diagnosed properly, I'm just giving him a diagnosis based on what I know about the disorder, what I've learnt over the years, but he's going to need a proper evaluation from a psychiatrist, and as he isn't communicating, refusing to do anything really, there's not much I can do. I'll just have to wait until he feels ready to come to me for help. He is aware that he has it, I'm pretty sure of that."

I had read up on the symptoms a little, but not a lot at all, so I had a vague idea of what to expect. "So what are the symptoms and things I need to look out for?"

"During his manic episodes expect him to be excessively happy, excited, he'll have an increased amount of energy, racing thoughts, often not finishing a sentence before starting another, he could be restless and irritable, likely to snap at you for little things. And..."

Dr. Cullen paused, running his hand through his hair. He reminded me of Edward so much when he did that. He seemed to be slightly..._embarrassed? _His face was tinged with a light pink. I watched him questioningly, and he sighed.

"I don't know how far you and Edward have gone sexually, but during his manic episodes he may have a higher sex drive than normal, so _please_ remember to take precautions. I will gladly supply you with birth control, if you ever wish to take it."

I felt my face flushing immediately as my eyes widened.

Dr. Cullen cleared his throat. "And during depressive episodes, he'll be low, anxious, he'll have no energy, he may also cry a lot for no apparent reason, he might lose his appetite, or gain a bigger appetite, he might sleep a lot, have difficulty making decisions, and as with the mania he will be irritable. And – remember this is just in extreme scenarios Bella; don't be alarmed – he _could _have thoughts of death and suicide."

I gasped.

"Remember what I said? I will try my best to not let it get that bad. Ok?"

I nodded.

"And that's about it I suppose." He said with a sigh. "When we can get him properly diagnosed and figure out which medication would be best suited for him, then I will have a talk with you about the medication, and reminding him to take it."

I nodded again and stood from the couch, walking over to the door.

"And Bella," Dr. Cullen called, just as I was about to open the door. I looked back at him. "You aren't obliged to stay with him you know. If you find his condition too difficult for you to cope with, then we won't hold it against you if you don't want to be with him anymore. In fact, you have been incredibly supportive so far, far more mature about this than a girl your age is expected to be."

I was puzzled at his words, frowning at him. He expected me to leave Edward just because he was Bipolar? That was impossible. I loved Edward, and no matter what happened, I would stick by him. What kind of person would I be? Leaving him at a time when he needed the most support?

"Ok." I answered calmly, though honestly I was quite pissed at what he was insinuating. "But I have no plans to leave Edward unless he wants me to, and even then I won't go willingly. I love him Dr. Cullen."

Dr. Cullen smiled at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and he looked very much like Edward's mom at that moment, eerily so in fact. It was as if it was _her_ smiling at my words from beyond the grave. He nodded at me silently, and I hurried out of the room.

It was almost a week later, when I finally saw Edward.

I was at the Cullen house, goofing around with Emmett and Alice and Jasper, when I felt another presence in the room with us. I felt eyes on me, and I glanced around the living room abruptly, until my eyes settled on him, standing in the doorway. My heart leapt with joy at the mere sight of him, an involuntary smile spreading over my features, and his own face lit up with that adorably lopsided grin of his.

Emmett, Jasper and Alice had also spotted him, and they had all frozen, the living room filled with a loaded silence and we all stared at Edward.

He looked exactly the same as he always did. He was still gorgeous, his pale face still smooth and flawless, his eyes still an amazing blend of green and brown, his bronze hair still lustrous and soft looking, and it had grown longer so it wasn't as sticking up as it used to be, it now flopped down more over his forehead, slightly concealing his brow and I wanted so much to just stroke it back, to feel those silky locks again. It had been so long.

But there were also a few slight differences to him. He was leaner, obvious evidence that he hadn't been eating much, and although it wasn't a huge amount of weight loss, I noticed it immediately. The white wife beater he wore wasn't as snug fitting as it used to be, and his jeans were hanging just a little bit lower than he liked to wear them. His eyes, although the same, were also different. They weren't as bright as they used to be, they had dulled, and I was afraid that the spark in them was lost forever. His crooked smile, although beautiful as always, didn't reach his eyes. He was unhappy, it was obvious, and I felt the tingling in my nose that indicated I was about to cry.

He sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked quietly, hanging his head so his hair concealed his face.

"Ok." I answered, getting up from the couch.

He turned and started walking out of the living room, and I followed behind him as we made our way up the stairs towards his bedroom. He opened his door and held it for me, wanting me to walk through first, and then followed me after I had walked in. He closed the door behind him and turned the lock, locking it.

He smirked – it still didn't reach his eyes. "I know we're not supposed to have the door closed and locked when there's a guest in the room, but what the heck."

I didn't say anything; I just stood in the middle of his bedroom staring at him.

He sighed deeply. "Jeez Bella, you can sit down you know."

I went to sit on the edge of his bed, and he followed, sitting next to me.

We were both silent for a minute. He leaned back on his arms; his head raised to the ceiling, and he sighed again. I just stared at him silently, completely dumbfounded that I was here with him again, that he was ok, that he was still _Edward. _Because honestly, I had expected him to be different, to act differently or something because of his bipolar, but he wasn't. He was still _my _Edward.

"Bella." He turned to me suddenly, his voice quiet, and rough. "I am so sorry."

His hand reached out for my face and he cupped my cheek tenderly. I closed my eyes for a moment, revelling in his touch. I had missed it so much. His thumb brushed against the hollow underneath my eye, and I was surprised to feel wetness there. I didn't even realise I was crying.

"Please don't cry baby. I'm sorry." He whispered; his voice shaky. "God Bella. I'm a mess." He let go of my cheek and stared back up at the ceiling again, and I saw the shimmer of a tear trickling down his cheek. "I don't know what to fucking do. One minute I feel fine, the next minute I'm crying like a fucking..." He shook his head. "Then sometimes I feel so fucking..._happy _for no reason." His eyes were wide and incredulous. "And then I feel bad because I shouldn't _be_ happy. My mom's dead and I'm just sitting there, grinning like the fucking Cheshire cat, and I don't fucking _know why_."

I couldn't bear to see him like this, to see him so distressed.

I got off the bed and kneeled before him between his legs, holding his face in my hands, and pulling it down so he could look at me. He looked so anxious, so scared, so lost as he stared into my eyes, and I wound my arms around his neck and held him tightly.

"You don't have anything to apologise for," I told him as I rocked him back and forth. "Ok? This is not your fault."

He shook his head fiercely. "But I haven't seen, or even spoken to you in _weeks _Bella. What kind of boyfriend am I? After you've done so much –"

"Shhh," I whispered. "You couldn't help it Edward, I understand. Please, don't beat yourself up about this."

"I don't deserve you Bella. Jake was right when he said you were too good for me."

"No!" I cried. "Don't say that, of course he wasn't right."

"But look at me! I'm Bipolar Bella, just like my mom was. And you saw how fucked up she was, you saw how much pain she caused me. I'm probably just going to end up doing that to you. I'm gonna fucking hurt you, I know I will. And you don't deserve that Bella. You shouldn't waste your time on me. You deserve to find someone _normal, _someone who won't hurt you. I'm no fucking good for you Bella."

I pulled back from him and cupped his face again, staring intently into his eyes. "Edward listen to me, you are _perfect _for me ok? I don't want anyone else; I _won't ever_ want anyone else. I'm going to stay with you and I won't leave you, I promise."

He nodded slowly, and I nodded with him, brushing his tears away with my thumbs.

"I love you Bella." He whispered.

"I love you too Edward." I answered.


	45. Epilogue: Endlessly

**SONG: Muse - Endlessly**

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**Epilogue**

**Endlessly**

**BPOV**

Edward sighed irritably, closing his eyes for a moment.

"I'm not _fucking_ doing it Bella." He muttered through clenched teeth.

I sighed too, running my hand through my hair – something I had gotten from Edward no doubt. "Why Edward?" I asked, throwing my hands up in frustration. "It doesn't make any sense! You keep complaining about how hard it is, how frustrating it is, but –"

"And what? You think a bunch of fucking pills are gonna magically make me feel better about it?" He yelled.

I clenched my jaw and took a breath, trying to calm myself down and not yell back. "No," I said calmly, "of course I don't think that. But I _do _think they'll help."

"And what would you fucking know Isabella?!" He yelled, getting up from the bed and pacing the small space before it, running his hand through his hair frantically. "You're not the one living with this shit! You're not the one who watched your mom live with this shit for most of your fucking life!"

"But don't you want help Edward?!" I was shouting now. "Don't you want to, at least, try and control it a little? I don't see the big fucking deal in going to the hospital with your uncle and getting help!"

He paused his pacing and glared at me a moment, his face twisted in a scowl. I stared back at him, also scowling, my arms folded over my heaving chest.

It had been over two months now, and Edward still hadn't been to see a psychiatrist to get treatment for his Bipolar. I'd tried to be patient with him and let him decide when he wanted help. I reasoned that he obviously wasn't looking forward to seeing a psychiatrist, so he was probably putting it off a little. I'd tried not to push him. But now, he seemed like he had no intention of going at all. I'd asked Dr. Cullen if Edward had gone to him for help, and he told me he hadn't. So I casually brought up the subject a few times, and was answered with a nonchalant shrug, and Edward simply muttering that he would go soon, swiftly changing the subject afterwards.

We were in his room after school, and I decided I would bring up the subject again today. This time however, he had gotten mad.

"Damnit Bella." He muttered, still glaring at me. He sighed and turned to start pacing again. "I don't wanna go."

I was puzzled. Why did he not want help? "Why?"

He raked a hand through his hair. "Because I don't wanna take fucking pills ok?"

I stared at him in confusion. "But Edward, they'll help you. Dr. Cullen said –"

"Yeah I know they'll fucking help." He snapped. "But then, when I stop taking them I'll just be back to the fucking episodes. They're pointless."

"No they're not. And why would you stop taking them anyway?"

"Yes they are. And besides, I agree with my mom on one thing." He stopped and looked at me. "I don't wanna take pills for the rest of my fucking life."

I sighed. Talk about history repeating itself.

It wasn't that he was bad. I mean, he'd had a few episodes, but they weren't too bad. I could handle them. In fact, I even seemed to help with them a little. He'd had a depressive episode one time at school, and had gone to sit in his car, refusing to go to his classes. Jasper had told me where he was at lunch, and I'd gone to find him. I got in the car with him and just held him silently, and he'd gotten better, making it to his last two classes. Another time, during a manic episode, I'd caught him smoking pot in his car after school – I'd _never _seen him smoke pot before – and then he'd wanted to drive home, despite being so high and fidgety he could barely sit still. I talked him into letting me drive him home, and then persuaded him to stay in his bedroom so his uncle and aunt wouldn't find out that he was high. He'd ended up falling asleep, his head on my lap.

But still, I didn't know how the medication worked, but surely it would help him have a little more control, and not be so up and down anymore. Wasn't it exhausting for him to be so emotionally charged all the time? Why wouldn't he want treatment?

"Please Edward." I whispered, pleading now, though I knew it was pointless. "For me?"

He groaned, closing his eyes to avoid my gaze.

"I'm sorry baby." He answered. "I really am. But no, I can't."

---

On Saturday, when Alice and I arrived at the Cullen house, Edward was outside in the driveway.

Alice and I exchanged questioning looks, before she hurried into the house to Jasper, and I went over to Edward.

He was polishing the Volvo furiously, his brow covered in a light gloss of sweat, strands of his hair sticking to his forehead. I approached him cautiously, and was stunned to see that the car was already amazingly shiny. I could see my reflection in it.

Edward was still polishing it though, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, seeming to find imaginary smudges and going over them again and again frantically.

"Edward?" I said hesitantly.

He turned to me quickly, grinning widely. "Hey babe." He gripped me around my waist and pulled me to him, kissing me quickly and deeply before releasing me and going back to polishing the car.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

He cocked an eyebrow, a slight grin on his face. "What does it look like I'm doing Bella?"

"Well...don't you think it's shiny enough?"

He looked at the car, tilting his head to the side, his eyes narrowing slightly as he appraised it, seeming like he was thinking about it. He smirked. "I guess it is." He said.

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

He placed his arms around my waist again and pulled me flush against him, leaning against the car. He smirked at me, and then leaned forward, kissing me, his tongue entering my mouth as soon as he pressed his mouth to mine. He groaned, smiling against my lips, and muttered, "Mmm, you taste good baby, what is that?"

Although I knew he wasn't himself, that he was likely having an episode, I couldn't help smiling. "Strawberry lip-gloss." I replied.

He moaned again and sucked at my bottom lip, sucking off all the lip-gloss. I could feel him hardening against my stomach.

"Edward..." I mumbled into his mouth.

"Hmm?" He replied, still sucking at my lips, his hands travelling down from my waist and round to my ass.

It was hard to concentrate on anything when he was kissing me, so I pulled back, looking into his hazel eyes which were half closed already. He grinned at me for a moment, licking his lips, before leaning down to my neck to start trailing wet kisses along it.

"Wanna go to my room?" He murmured. "Uncle C and aunt E aren't home."

I moaned, struggling to keep focus.

That seemed to spur him on and he moved back up to my lips, kissing me fervently. I used all the strength I could muster, and pulled back from him again.

He stared at my face, his eyebrow raised. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just...I just don't wanna do that right now."

He pursed his lips. "Ok, what do you wanna do?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Hmm..." His lips were still pursed. "Let's go for a ride." He released my ass and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the passenger side and opening the door.

I hesitated a moment, not sure if it was a good idea for him to drive, but driving - weirdly - seemed to calm him down. Maybe it would be a good thing. I got in the car and he shut the door and hurried over to the other side, getting in the driver seat quickly.

We drove out of the driveway a little too quickly than I was comfortable with, and I gripped my seatbelt tightly. Edward chuckled.

"Relax babe." He reached out and squeezed my thigh, inching his hand higher and higher up my leg, holding the steering wheel lightly with the other hand. He was still going too fast and it was making me anxious.

"Edward, slow down. You know I hate it when you drive fast."

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon Bella, I've never even _scratched _my car before."

I breathed in and out slowly. He still wasn't slowing as we made our way down the street. In fact, he seemed to be gaining speed. "Edward." I said again, my voice coming out shaky. "Slow down."

He chuckled, his hand still on my thigh, caressing it.

"I mean it Edward!"

The passing houses were becoming a blur now. I wanted to look at the speedometer to see exactly how fast we were going, I mean, we were on a thirty road and seemed to be doing a lot more than that. But I was too afraid to tear my gaze away from the road for even just a second.

Edward ignored me, not slowing down at all, still only holding the wheel with one hand.

"Where are we going?" I was panicked now. This was not good. He was doing at least fifty, and yet he was barely concentrating on the road, his attention more focused on my thigh, as his hand travelled to my crotch.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Port Angeles I guess."

I stared at the road ahead of us in shock, seeing that we had hit the freeway, and we were making our way out of Forks, towards Port Angeles.

I was breathing heavily, my eyes wide, my hands clutching the seat under my ass. Edward's fingers were fluttering over my crotch now, but I didn't even notice.

Edward glanced at me, frowning when he saw the fear outlined on my face. We had to be going at about eighty, though I didn't dare tear my eyes away from the road. "God Bella, will you just –"

But he didn't finish.

Because at that exact moment, he veered into the other lane slightly, as his hand was still loosely holding the wheel, and I spotted the huge truck, heading straight for us. I didn't register the sound, but I must have screamed, because Edward's head snapped to the road, and his eyes widened, before he gripped the wheel in both hands, turning it frantically.

I shut my eyes tightly in time to hear the screech of tyres, then I felt a sharp jolt which pulled me forward, and I hit my head on the dashboard hard, and then it all went silent.

---

Someone was shaking me, I could hear a voice talking over and over, I could feel hands gripping my arms tightly, and I could smell his cologne.

Edward.

I tried to turn my head towards the direction his voice was coming from, and winced, crying out at a sharp pain at the back of my neck. My head, I'd noticed, was throbbing.

"Bella? Oh God Bella, please wake up! Open your eyes, please, look at me!" Came Edward's frantic voice.

I slowly opened my eyes, blinking at the sudden light filling them. It seemed like my eyes had been closed for ages. My eyelids fluttered, trying to focus on the blurry shapes before me, when a familiar pale blur, topped with a mass of reddish brown blur, was suddenly in front of my face. I squinted, blinking a little more, and Edward came into focus.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw I'd opened my eyes, burying his face into my chest.

"Oh my God Bella." He cried into me. "I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. God, I'm such a fucking idiot!"

I looked around us, despite my aching neck, and saw that we had hit a tree. Edward must have swerved to avoid the truck. The front of the Volvo was scrunched up like an aluminium can, the windscreen shattered. Bits of glass were all over us, and I gasped when I saw drops of blood on the dashboard. Our doors were both open, and Edward was kneeling before me, even though the floor of the car must have been covered in glass. His head snapped up to look at me when he heard my gasp.

"What's wrong?" He asked anxiously, his eyes darting frantically from my face down to my body and back again. "Are you hurting? Am I hurting you?"

I shook my head minutely, wincing again at the pain.

A big, burly man with a grey beard, wearing a lumberjack shirt, hurried over to us looking panic stricken.

"Is she ok?" He asked; staring at me wide eyed. He must have been the truck driver.

Edward nodded. "I think so." He answered.

The man nodded. "I've called an ambulance, they're on their way. They told me to tell you not to move her, in fact, you shouldn't have really moved yourself, but you seem ok, I suppose."

He turned back to the road, pacing by the car, occasionally shaking his head.

Edward was staring at my forehead, his face pale. He looked like he was trying to fight back nausea. I raised a hand to my head tentatively – thankfully my arm seemed to be ok – and my fingers came away wet. I looked at them and groaned when I saw the blood.

Edward grimaced. "Don't touch it baby. The ambulance are gonna be here soon." He shook his head, staring at me ruefully. "I knew it." He whispered. "I knew I'd fucking hurt you. I'm a fucking nut job, just like her, and now I fucking hurt you."

I cleared my throat and swallowed. "You're not a nut job Edward, don't say that. And I'm not that badly hurt." I croaked.

"Bella have you seen yourself?!" He asked incredulously. "I'm so sorry. I was just...I was feeling good, so fucking good..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go and get help, I promise, I'm gonna take the fucking pills, because I can't hurt you. I don't wanna hurt you Bella, and I'm so sorry, God I'm so sorry."

I nodded, smiling lightly.

He buried his face in my chest again, still murmuring his apology over and over; and I reached out to stroke his dishevelled hair.

"I love you Edward." I whispered hoarsely.

Because I did. I loved him, endlessly, and no matter what happened, I always would.

He was Edward _freaking_ Cullen, and he was manic depressant, and he was mine.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Well, that's it folks! All done! I feel so proud to have finally finished it, as it's my first ever completed full length story! **

**Thank you all for reading, and alerting, favouriting, reviewing. I was motivated to write so much more when I received those little messages in my inbox. Thank you! Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Last time I'll ever ask for this - reviews please? If you've never reviewed (which I know applies to A LOT of you *cough cough*) please be so kind as to leave me one, just this once, seeing as the story's finished! Did you enjoy it? Which parts were your faves? Which parts could be improved? Any questions about anything? **

**I'd love to read feedback.**

**Thank you all again!**

**_Savannah-Vee_**

**_xxx_**


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